Sally's Birthday

"Please come home."

"Give me a day or two to think on it."

"We are running out of time. I've got overdue notices from both the first and second mortgage companies. We are already two months behind on the first."

"I get the feeling Sally that you don't really want me so much as you want a bill payer back in the house."

"That's not true. I miss you and I need you with me. Life sucks with you gone."

"Then a day or two for me to finally get my head together isn't going to hurt, now is it? Call me on Tuesday."

I spent the weekend on the beach watching all the little honeys run around in their skimpy bikinis and Good God Almighty, Mr. Happy was back!

+++++

Sally called me on Tuesday, "Are you coming home?"

"Yes, I'll come home. I've got a busy week here at work so I won't be able to do it until the weekend. I'll be there Saturday."

"Thank God! I'll make it up to you baby, I swear to God I'll make it up to you."

The rest of the week went fast and Friday I packed a bag, turned my cell phone off and spent another weekend at the beach. I turned my cell back on when I got to work on Monday and it was no sooner on than I got a call from Sally.

"What happened? Where were you?"

"I went to the beach this weekend."

"You said you were coming home."

"Yeah, well, I thought about that and I decided I need one more thing to set my mind to rest."

"What now for God's sake?"

"It has been what, a little over three months since you told me to go on home alone so you could party with your three friends? I think I want to wait six more months and make sure you don't have a baby."

There was silence on the other end for several seconds and then she said:

"You bastard. Why are you doing this to me?"

"What? Wanting to make sure that you aren't pregnant? I'm doing that for me Sally, not for you. I've got to get back to work" and I disconnected.

I smiled and pushed a preset number and when the other party answered I told them I was ready.

+++++

That night when I got off work I found a very angry Sally waiting for me in the parking lot.

"What the fuck is this?" she yelled waving a handful of papers at me.

"What is what Sally?"

"These divorce papers. What the fuck are you doing?"

"Stupid question Sally, especially since you have the answer to your question right there in your hand. I'm divorcing you. The papers say irreconcilable differences but we both know the real reason is infidelity, don't we?"

"Damn it, I didn't do anything. Why can't you get that through your head?"

"Because I know you are lying through your teeth Sally. I didn't just leave and go home that night. I moved the car across the street, parked and waited to see what you would do. I watched you do those three assholes in that car. I was standing there watching and listening. I was there when Dan asked you when he could do you again and I heard you tell him to call you at work and you would arrange a long lunch hour."

Her face paled and I saw her finally accept that she was busted.

"So if you knew why didn't you say something so we could have worked things out?"

"What's to work out Sally?"

"Honey, it was a mistake. A big mistake, and a stupid one. But it didn't mean anything. None of those three clowns meant anything to me. I love you and you should know it. I didn't think you would really leave me there. I knew you would be outside waiting for me and a couple of minutes after you left I came out to get in the car with you. I looked all over the parking lot and I couldn't believe it when I didn't find you there. I went back inside and tried to talk the guys into giving me a ride home, but they said they wouldn't unless I had a couple more drinks and danced some more with them.

"Honey, I hadn't been laid in over fourteen months and I was hurting. Add to that too much to drink and I did a stupid thing. And yes, I told Dan he could call me at work, but I didn't mean it. I had to stay on his good side until he gave me a ride home. I didn't keep in touch with any of them honey, that's why it took me so long to get to them to get them to talk to you.

"I've regretted it every minute of every day since. Honest to God baby, I'm sorry and I'll do anything to make it up to you. I know now that trying to shock you was a stupid idea, but that is all I set out to do honey, please, you have to believe me."

"It doesn't matter anymore Sally. You fucked three guys after telling me to take off without you and I'll never forget that. Even if I could forgive, I could never forget and I would see it in my mind every time I saw you and there isn't anyway I can live with that."

"So if you had already decided that you were going to kick me to the curb why did you put me through the last three months?"

"I had to do something to get back at you. I needed to string you along long enough to see to it that you got hosed in the divorce."

"Hosed? What does that mean?"

"This is a no fault state Sally. That means that in a divorce all property gets split 50/50. All we have is the house and I've drug things out long enough that unless you can quickly find yourself a sugar daddy the house will go into foreclosure. Fifty percent of nothing is nothing Sally. But hey, you still have your three asshole buddies you can party with so it isn't a total loss. Take care Sally and have a nice life. Hope I never see you again."

I got in my car and drove off.