Santa, All I Want For Xmas is a Job

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Tell me, if you can't help me with a job, then I want to know one thing. Seriously, I really need to know this because it's been driving me crazy for years. Please tell me, I can take it anymore.

"What did Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, and Kim Kardashian write in their letters to you for you to give them everything they asked for, when all I want is a job and you can't even give me that? Please tell me what they wrote, so that I can write that, too. Did they promise you sex? C'mon, be honest."

Why, Santa? Why them and not me? Are you kidding me? I'm so better looking and such a better person than all of them. Paris Hilton has little boobs and a big honking nose. Britney Spears is a slut. Miley Cyrus looks like a guy and you'd never go down her chimney, if you ever saw Kim Kardashian without her makeup. Eww.

"Ho, ho, oh, Hell no!"

What did I do to deserve unemployment? I haven't been bad. I've been good, really good and if you'd only give me a chance, I'd show you how good or bad I can be, big boy.

That Lindsay Lohan had it all, too, until she was naughty, instead of nice. She must have done something really bad to piss you off enough for you to throw her ass in the slammer. I'm sorry if I disrespected you, Santa. I really don't want to upset you in the way that Lindsay Lohan must have done, but all I want for Christmas is a job. Can you do that for me, Santa? Please? Can you give me a job, so that I can get my life back? Pretty please? I promise to be good, I mean, bad.

All I want for Christmas is a full-time job, one with benefits.

Sincerely yours,

Susan Harris

* * * * *

Dear Susan,

Sorry, but my hands are tied. The jobs have been disappearing overseas for years, first Japan and Taiwan, then Mexico and countries that even I never knew existed, such as Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, and now everything, including most of the toys that I give out to children, is made in China.

Ask me for something else, please, other than a job. Anything and I promise that I'll give you exactly what you want for Christmas. I just can't give you employment, that is, unless you want to live in China or Fargo, North Dakota. Compared to the North Pole, Fargo is not that cold.

So, anyway, uhm, just wondering, what you're thinking. If I don't come across with a job, but give you whatever it is you want, is a blowjob still on the table or is that out of the question?

Santa

* * * * *

Dear Santa,

I understand about you not being able to give me a job. I get it. I really do and I'm okay with that now that I know not to expect a job this Christmas. Yet, since you cannot give me a full-time job and since I've been a good girl all year long, how about giving me a winning lottery ticket for the big jackpot, instead? That would make a swell Christmas gift, Santa, and would make me not think about working at a job, ever again.

If you give me a winning lottery ticket for the big jackpot prize, I'll give you a blowjob that will curl your whiskers. Further, you can cum in my mouth and I'll swallow. Okay?

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Sincerely yours,

Susan Harris

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38 Comments
Steve150177Steve150177about 9 years ago
Economics is not a science.

Economists can't do reproducable experiments, so it is not a "natural" science.

Economics can only "prove" things deductively. All deductive proofs begin with things proven with reproducable experiments or with assumptions that are not proven, they are assumed. So, economists all begin with assumptions and prove things from them.

Euclid, in his classic proofs of Plane Geometry, began with what in English are called definitions, axioms, and postulates. These words are just different words for assumptions. But, Euclid did it right. He put all the assumptions at the start of his work for all to see. Everyone could decide for themselves if they thought any of his assumptions was false. This is important because if any premis/assumption in a proof is not true then the proof is worthless, the conclusion can't be proven with false assumptions.

Have any of you readers ever seen a complete list of the assumptions that any school of economics uses to make its proofs? I haven't, in fact I have never seen even a shot list. The assumptions I have seen were mostly all false, in my opinion.

Therefore, I deduse that economists are trying to pull wool over the worlds eyes. They claim to prove things, but hide their assumptions. This is a sign that they are lying.

The thing is that economics matters in the real world in the lives of every person in a modern nation. The theory used to decide what the government does helps some and hurts others. Because of that there is a strong tendency for economists to decide what their patrons want proven and then set out to prove that (hiding any false assumptions they must use to do it).

The current economic theory used by the US Gov. and the EU and the World Bank, etc. is wrong. Austerity does not balance budgets. It can't because before there is there is enough pain in the street to do it, there are riots in those streets. The government falls and another takes its place. In fact US Federal gov. defits are necessary to add "money" to the banking system (in peoples' and comps'. deposits) there by letting everyone add to their savings year after year. Running a Fed. gov. surplus is a horrible thing. The last time we did it we got the recession of the early Bush II years. In fact the gov. has run a surplus for a couple of years straight just 8 times in all of US history. Every single time there was a "Bank Panic", recession, or depression. Every single time. Eight out of 8. That should tell you something.

If you want to see a better economic theory google "MMT & Prof. Wray". That will get you to Modern Money Theory. I'll be frank with you. All main stream economists and politicians say it is just bunk. That doesn't make it wrong because most of those people can't see the truth of what I wrote above; that is, that 1 false assumption destroys the proof and economists use many false assumptions in their proofs. I hope some of you will at least look at what you can easily find with google and decide for yoursevles.

gperry2843gperry2843over 11 years ago
You certainly stirred the pot.

I am desperately trying to say something that makes sense but can't because the world no longer makes sense. You have certainly written an extremely poignant letter laced at the end with some well written humor, but blowjobs given out desperation can not make laugh, nor should they be a turn on for anyone, they can only break my heart. As to all the social issues I have no answers, hell I don't even no the questions. The piece deserved all the 5,s because of the excellent writing and passions evoked. I started to comment on political issues, but decided to relay something that a mentor told me, "Before you look for our government to take care of you, look at the American Indians". I only know that every social program the government has become involved in they fucked up.

Lit19899Lit19899over 13 years ago
I would like a blow job

I have lived the unemployment part. I have had to work below my talent for 10 years, but at least I have work. My spirit is broken and I hide online for long periods of time. Nevertheless, government is not to blame, nor is it part of the solution. I don't know what would fix the political and economic situation, but I sure admire a woman who is willing to take Santa's throbbing cock to her warm mouth. The prospect of a fantasy becoming real keeps many of us alive. You got my five.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
i really hope that you get a job.

I'll be wishing for you too. Good luck :/

andtheendandtheendover 13 years agoAuthor
Thank you

Thank you to everyone who read, vote, and/or commented on my story.

Your voting support and feedback is much appreciated.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Exciting story

I like your story. It's very exciting.

NYDimplesGuyNYDimplesGuyover 13 years ago
Well Done!

It's rare to read such a story on this site. Thanks for

articulating what many are thinking out there.

LunaEroticaMysticaLunaEroticaMysticaover 13 years ago
what she said...

I'm just going to quote you in one of your own comments "This is a story that needed to be written. Too many of the unemployed walk around with their hands in their pockets and their heads down. As a writer, I'm here to tell all those who do not have a job, it's not your fault." ~andtheend

Amen! You did a great job and I and many others thank you for this! The beginning had me a bit teary-eyed, but then the humor brought me back and made me laugh :)

I hope you post this elsewhere, even try to submit it to publications or media. (Not the the media would EVER accept such truth!)

~Luna

terrynterrynover 13 years ago
i would give you a job

Hi Susan Harris

Im Terryn a hot 66 guy from and in ohio. I would love to give you that job, with all the experience of living in this here usa . the ability to read the papers and all that youve cum up with Susan

so thanks and i would love that blowjob and cumm in your mouth with all your expertise that would be awesome Susan, youve done your homework of life here in the us so congrats on the fine job, your very well qualified and any girl that would give the blowjob you described has my vote

kisses and hugs and rewards

your friend

Santa Terry

i even gave you a 5 star rating Susan Harris

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Good Stuff

Enjoy all your writing.

George

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Touching Story

Ah, dear Susan, you touched my heart with the depth of your desperation.

Were you nearby, I'd be inclined to hold that beautiful face in my hands and kiss it.

But that would just be a diversion and while it might move spirits (surely mine), it wouldn't otherwise help you.

In my lifetime, I recall a large migration to California to escape family problems and unemployment in the East. Today, it's a place to leave.

Thinking that one can stay put, no longer holds except for some writers, artists, computer specialists and medical workers.

Thinking in terms of probability of success, I'd take some medical tech training or relocate to an area of lower unemployment but staying put and hoping in Santa wont do it....though, inspired writing might.

With a wolf at the door it would be hard.

Thanks for the story and may Santa come through for you.

Bob

P.S. We share a favorite author Alwayswantedto.

RHinSCRHinSCover 13 years ago
Susan

You can see what a large part of the problem is just by the comments. Hardline party supporters who not even listen to another point of view. They are finger pointers. Their fingers are pointed in the wrong direction. They should be standing side by side and pointing them at our so called leaders. It is our duty as Americans to question everything that comes out of their mouthes. That is what our forefathers wanted. Even they were suspicious of the government and it had just begun. I urge everyone who reads this to forget what you think you know and discover for yourselves what the truth is from the facts. You will probably find out that you have been lied to. Someone else said that it has taken ten years to get to this point. That is a prime example of someone who does not know what the fuck they are talking about. Fourty would be more accurate, some would say longer. It is not one party or the other, it is politicians. Who was it that thought it was a good idea to send many of our jobs out of the country? Politicians. I have said before that if some of them lost a couple of fingers along the way they might remember who they work for. That may be the only way to fix it. How long will we continue to let them lie to us and tell us everything is alright? Elections are a wonderful thing, but I am ready for another round of lies.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
TOUCHE!

I could not have said it better! By the way, what would you have given Mrs. Santa? (lol)

JentvcdJentvcdover 13 years ago
Great Point's of View

Hopes Santa grants your wish, for you and all others seeking employment this Christmas.We all need some sort of hope and just maybe Santa can deliver.I do hope so as its a hard world out their and when one is without a job its so demoralizing really effects ones inner being not being able to provide not only for themselves but their families as well,Ive gotten caught up in this as well and now only making a fraction of what I use to with no benefits as well,I hope the people who need to read this and the many comments Get the message,and start to change things for the better lord knows we need Help and Now not in two years like most keep saying.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Isn't it funny how the current administration

gets blamed for something the party of no started ten years ago. Who is squandering away billions on wars that never should have happened. Who has obstructed every move the administration is trying to make. Who has voted down an extension of unemployment. Who favors continuing giving the rich a tax break so they can get richer. Funny, how all those things are somehow swept under the rug. What did the public do, vote the same bastards back in that created all the problem to start with. The party of no doesn't care about the average American, they just care for the powerful and the wealthy. Think about it. Isn't it time for the changing of the guard? Vote out the lifers, get in some new blood.

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