Second Chance Ch. 02

"I don't know if 'hate' is the right word," Tim said softly. "I was really angry at you and hurt. Maybe I tried to hate you as a way to get past what happened." He saw her cringe and took her hand. "I never could bring myself to do it. There are so many of my best memories tied up with you. It's almost like hating a part of myself."

She looked at him gratefully. "Tim, I know I can't ever say it enough, but I'm truly sorry about what I did." She paused, trying to collect herself. "I could never forgive myself for what I did. Trust me, I'd never ask it of you."

Tim studied her, trying to cope with her obvious remorse without letting it color his judgment. "I don't know what to say; it's so much to absorb. About that last night with Jake," he paused, trying to be cautious in choosing his words. "Is that something you want to talk about?"

She thought quietly for several moments.

"I really don't, Tim. I thought I could, but now that I'm here I know it's not possible. Trust me when I say, we broke up and it was really ugly. It proved to me what he was really like and it was the push I needed to grow up." She paused and looked at him, trying to carefully choose her words.

"It made me realize that the things I had been dealing with were in my head, not something anyone, especially you," she said emphatically, "did to me."

Tim concluded she was sincere about her regret. It did make him feel like a weight had been lifted, although it left him feeling confused about where things stood. Still, he decided she had been through enough for one day.

"Let's worry about this another time," Tim said. He noticed her brighten at the suggestion that they could continue talking. Do you want to hang out here for a while and just relax? We don't have to talk any more about the past."

"No, I'm kind of beat. I should get out of here before I have too much of this cognac and can't drive back. I want you to know that I mean what I said. I came here so you could have answers to anything you felt you needed. If there's anything you want to know about, I'll do my best to be completely open about what happened."

"I'm going away for a few days," she said quietly. "Cindy only lives a couple hours away and I promised to stop by and visit. I'll be back Wednesday, if you want to talk again. I would really like it if we could, no matter what it's about. This has meant a lot to me, Tim. Thank you."

After a final hug, Donna left. As he watched her leave, Tim couldn't help feeling more confused than ever about what to do. The only thing he was sure of was that it was time to visit an old friend. ~~~~~

It was just getting dark as he pulled off the highway at the truck stop. He put some gas in the car, then parked and headed inside. When the waitress seated him, he asked for a glass of water and two menus, then waited as patiently as was possible. About ten minutes later, a very attractive young woman walked through the door. She was 5'7, thin, with a wonderful figure and a very casual manner that was impossible to miss.

"Tim," she said, walking quickly toward the table. She gave him a warm embrace, then pushed herself back and looked him over from head to toe. "You look great."

"Hi Cindy," he said with a wide smile. "You look even better than I remember." She blushed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. They sat next to each other in the booth, and spent several minutes catching up on small talk before moving on to the difficult topics.

"So she finally came to see you?"

He nodded solemnly. "Yes, it was really intense. At first I was pretty hostile, but then I decided that I needed to know what really happened. After she told me," he looked down, searching for the right words, "I didn't know what to think. That's why I needed to talk to you. Are you all right with this?"

"Tim, I would have talked to you any time you asked. I liked you very much and always thought that Donna was incredibly lucky."

He couldn't hide his pride at her praise. Cindy was always kind, but when he was in college he never realized how Donna's group of friends really saw him.

"We had a big falling out over what happened. Normally she was so good at seeing through people, but he had a way of making her doubt herself. It ended so badly that...well, what did she tell you?"

"I'd like to hear you tell what you know first. She said that she told me everything, including how it ended. I just need to find a way to verify some of what she said. I'd like to be able to take her word for everything, but after being angry with her for such a long time it's hard to just turn it off. I'll be honest with you though, I really feel like I need to get past this. She seems really sincere about her regret and it would be nice to know if that's something I can believe. I feel like I can't even trust myself to understand what's real when it comes to her."

Cindy looked at him sympathetically. "Well, she never told me not to tell you, so I guess it will be all right."

They talked for the next hour, with Cindy confirming everything that Donna had told him. She also filled in a few details about Donna's fragile emotional state at the time that made things even more complicated. He was surprised that Donna had avoided telling him things that would have likely swayed his opinion more in her favor. It was difficult to comprehend, but made him grateful that she hadn't tried to play on his sympathy. When the subject of Donna's breakup with Jake arrived, Tim stopped her.

"Listen, I have to tell you the truth. She didn't tell me what happened except that they had a fight. I don't want to put you in an awkward position, but I feel like it's something I should know about. I can't explain it, but even though I believe her, I still feel like she's holding out on me."

"She is," Cindy said bitterly. "And with good reason. I'll tell you, but I'd prefer you never told her that I did. I think she owes it to you, but I doubt she can tell you herself and it might be better if you don't ask."

Tim leaned forward, trying not to appear eager, but with his curiosity clearly peaked.

"Jake had been pushing her to do wilder things all the time. She had never been like that before, but he pressured her to dress sexy and be at all their parties. He forced her to drink and constantly showed her off to his friends like some kind of fucking prize."

"Finally one night, he got her drunk and took her to his room. While they were together, one of his friends snuck into the room. The bastard took off his clothes and tried to get into bed with them without saying a word to her. She panicked but Jake tried to hold her head so she couldn't move. Finally she kicked back and got a lucky shot on the guy behind her. Then she told Jake if he didn't let her go she'd bite his pecker off."

Cindy face was a mask of rage. "That finally scared that son of a bitch enough to let her go. She grabbed her clothes and ran out of the house without bothering to get dressed. Practically everyone saw her. Later on Jake told them all that she did a threesome and asked for volunteers for the next time."

"After she refused to see him again, he spread rumors that she'd been sleeping with a bunch of the players. Every time she tried to go out socially after that, someone would assume she was easy because he heard it on the grapevine. Guys even said horrible things to her in class. She couldn't take the humiliation and her grades crashed. Then she lost her scholarship and had to leave school. All because of him."

Tim was suddenly sorry he had asked, and especially about how eager he had been to find out the rest of the story. He was surprised to realize that his hands were curled into fists and turning white from the force. Suddenly what Jake had done to him seemed secondary to what Donna had been through. They sat in silence for several minutes.

Finally, Cindy told him that she had to go because her fiancée was waiting for her. With a quick hug and a promise that he'd be attending her wedding, Tim walked Cindy to her car, then got back in his and started the long drive home. It felt good to be out on the road alone in the dark. There was a lot to think about.

~~~~~

"Do you want to come over here and talk?" Pete asked.

"No, this is something I've got to work out for myself. I just wanted to let you know where things stood. You've got every reason to feel the way you do about her, but you need to know that her explanation of things was pretty intense. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling, but things are...complicated."

Pete sounded annoyed. "What could she have said that would excuse her behavior?"

"That's just it. She didn't excuse her behavior. She told me everything that happened and why. Even though I know she did something awful to me, I can understand it better now that I know the rest. I also got an earful about what happened to her after I left, and it wasn't pretty."

I heard a deep sigh from his end. "Don't tell me you're feeling sorry for her. That is the fastest way to get kicked in the teeth again."

"No, I didn't mean it like that. She's been through a lot because of the choices she made and I feel for her. I'm not talking about forgetting what she did. Like I said, it's complicated."

"So are you going to tell me about it?" he asked.

"I'm sorry but it's very personal. I wouldn't feel right telling you. Trust me; she had her purgatory. It's more than anything I would have said or done to her."

"But you're not saying that anything romantic is going on, right?" he said, sounding worried.

"No, nothing like that," Tim said, feeling confident that despite the flood of old feelings returning from the past, he had it under control. "She came here to tell me everything, not to beg for absolution. I guess she felt so guilty about what she had done that she was having trouble dealing with things in her own life."

"Yeah, I guess I can see that happening," he admitted grudgingly. "I just want you to be careful; I know how she had you wound up tighter than a top. You don't want a repeat performance."

"Definitely not," Tim said, feeling more confident. "It's a little confusing to have her around because of our past, but she's a totally different person now. Trust me, I'm not feeling nostalgic."

Tim said goodbye and went for a swim. As he walked into the addition, he couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful Donna looked when he saw her private moment. He dove in, trying to shake the image from his mind.

Tim didn't hear from Donna while she was gone. The thought of him calling entered his mind, but was quickly dismissed. He was sure the thing he needed most was to get his mind off of her and back on work, where he could control things.

Wednesday he arrived home from work and noticed the message light on the answering machine was blinking. Despite his attempts to be nonchalant, there was an undeniable surge of adrenaline as he hurried to check it.

"Tim, it's Donna. I just wanted to let you know I was back. I'm running a few errands, but you can call me anytime."

He quickly grabbed for the receiver, then paused to take a deep breath. Stop it, you're acting like a stupid kid, he scolded himself. Refusing to give in to the impulse to call her right back, he went to the kitchen and made a snack. After taking some time to prove that he was in control, Tim picked up the receiver and dialed.

"Hi Tim," her voice greeted him pleasantly.

"Hey Donna, did you have a nice trip?" he asked, trying to sound neutral.

"Yes I did. Cindy looked great and I got to meet her fiancée. They seem like they're really happy," she said wistfully.

Tim stopped, realizing he had nothing prepared to say. After silence that seemed to drag on forever he said the only thing he could think of.

"Well, I'm going to Pete and Trisha's for dinner, would you like to come with?"

There was a brief hesitation on the other end. "Would it be all right if we did something tomorrow instead?"

"Sure, that would be great," Tim replied, feeling sheepish for stammering.

"Well, you have a nice night and tell them both I said hi."

Tim hung up the phone and stared at it, trying to decide if he was disappointed, or if she had just done him a favor. Mixing Donna and his swirling emotions with Pete and Trish at their house? He shook his head and started up the stairs, resolving to get it together.

~~~~

The next day went better. Tim was busy at work and managed to keep his mind off of Donna for the most part. He called her and they settled on dinner and a walk. There was a restaurant nearby that was next to a small stream. Couples liked to walk along the path and there were plenty of quiet places to sit and talk. He thought it would be a nice place to go that wouldn't have the trappings of a date, nor an inquisition.

Tim was pleasantly surprised when he picked her up. She was wearing a conservative evening dress that looked stunning without being sexy. It was obvious that she was as anxious to avoid the appearance of a romantic interest as he was. He wondered if some part of her had the same uneasy feelings about where things were going.

Dinner was excellent, but the conversation was the most interesting thing. Neither of them mentioned anything about college, or the havoc that followed. There was also a marked lack of the uncomfortable moments Tim had been experiencing with her. He was surprised to find that she had taken up painting as a hobby. She even offered to show him photos of her work, some of which had been displayed at a local gallery.

He was saddened to hear the details about her father's death. He was a wonderful man and had welcomed Tim to the family the same way his parents had taken in Donna. He let her talk about it until she seemed to be finished, then they quickly moved on to other topics. She was obviously still deeply hurt by the loss.

They walked along the stream for a while, saying nothing but enjoying each other's company. Finally, he felt the need to ask a question that had been on his mind.

"Donna, was there some reason you didn't want to go with me last night?"

She looked away, but answered without hesitation. "I just wasn't ready to see Pete and Trisha again. I'm sorry, but I know they must hate me. It was just too much to face them so soon after Saturday."

Tim swore to himself, annoyed that he didn't see something so obvious. She came here knowing that anyone she saw would remember her as "The bitch who hurt Tim."

"Donna, I'm sorry, I should have realized how uncomfortable you'd feel around them. You have to know, I've talked to both of them and they wouldn't have..."

"What," she interrupted. "They wouldn't have been mean to me? I know that they both have too much class for that. I'd still know what they were thinking." She walked toward the creek, throwing a blade of grass into the water and watching it float away effortlessly.

"It doesn't matter. I need to see them before I go back." Noticing his confused expression, she added, "You're not the only one I owe an apology to."

Tim didn't understand, but decided that after his earlier gaffe, he didn't want to push things. There was still so much about her that was a mystery, but it had been such a nice evening that he wanted to enjoy the time without over-thinking things.

It was surprising for him to see how much she had changed, and how differently they interacted than in college. Tim realized, with a little sadness, that the young girl he had dated and loved in college was truly gone. He was taken aback at how much that thought bothered him, despite his belief that he had long since moved on.

Then again, he reasoned, it might help him to keep this new friendship from getting confused with his old feelings.

They went out the next night, then the night after that. Sunday afternoon they stayed at Tim's house all day enjoying the pool, then watching a movie. Donna made him dinner, impressing him with her skills.

At the end of the night, she impulsively kissed him on the cheek. As Tim watched her walk to her car, he stroked his face, warmed by the gesture. Although the infatuation of his youth was gone, there was no question that the beautiful woman getting into her car still had a strong effect on him. He wasn't sure exactly what to make of it, but remembering the sensation of her lips brushing against his cheek caused an unconscious smile. He realized that for the first time since she came back, he didn't feel the need to debate her actions, or his response.

~~~~~

"Pete will see you in a second," Rhonda informed Tim. She gave him an odd look, then smiled. "What's with you today?"

He shrugged, feeling confused. "Nothing, why?"

She stared for a moment; about to say something, then thought better of it and went back to work.

Things had been unusual for Tim all day. He kept getting cryptic comments from his coworkers and smiles that made him think he was missing some inside joke. It was the kind of thing that would normally annoy him, but for some reason that eluded him, it didn't seem important enough to worry about.

Pete opened his door and waved him in. "So did you finish the new analysis you were working on?" he asked as Tim handed him a folder, then sat down.

"Yeah, it's right here. I think we're going to be able to make the adjustments without having to do any major modifications. We need the group to go over the specs, but I'm pretty sure it's going to work."

"Well, I keep waiting for you to be wrong, but I stopped holding my breath a long time ago," he said with a grin. "Now on to a more serious matter. I've been getting complaints about you all day long."

"Huh?" Tim replied in shock. He quickly racked his brain for anything out of the ordinary that had happened, but came up empty. "What did I do?"

Pete gave him a stern glare. "You're bothering everyone with this new attitude you're displaying." After letting his young friend squirm for a moment, he broke into a wide smile. "People can only take so much of you walking on air. It's hurting morale."

"What are you talking about?" Tim asked.

"What the hell happened this weekend? I haven't seen you like this in ages," he said, reveling in the young man's discomfort.

"Nothing happened. I'm not doing anything different from any other day. No one's really said anything, have they? You're just messing with me."

Pete shook his head and leaned back in his chair. "I've had at least ten people ask me what's going on with you today. You don't even realize you're doing it, do you?" He stopped laughing and his look became more sincere. "Whatever it is, I'm glad."

Tim walked out of the office only to see Rhonda chuckling. He turned bright red as he realized she made eleven.

~~~~

Tuesday, Donna again came to the house, where they talked about Wednesday night dinner with Pete and Trish. She offered to go with Tim this time, but he told her that it would be better to have everyone go out together that weekend. After what happened before, he wanted to be sure to put her in a situation she'd be the most comfortable with.

As she agreed, Tim was surprised at the protective instincts he felt toward the woman he had such animosity toward until just two weeks before. He realized that it was getting easier to let go of the anger and distrust. He also realized that doing so made him feel like he was taking control of his personal life back, and it felt good.

Saturday night, Tim was planning to pick her up, then go to dinner together. However, Donna called around 5:00 to ask if he'd meet her there instead. He was about to ask why when she also asked him to arrive a little late.

"Why do you want me to be late?"

"I want to talk to Pete and Trisha by myself. It's something I need to do before we sit down together," she said with determination.