Shame

Everyone is caught in the fierce embrace of life. And Jessica didn't know whether she should try to escape, or embrace it back. She'd held her conflict inside for too long and when the first crack appeared, it leaked out in a conversation with her new lover.

Jessica sat beside Paul on the bed. They became intimate after an intense two months. He was the trim thirty-year-old she had chosen to be her first lover after her divorce. Jessica at thirty-eight didn't look any older than he did. This 'older woman' excited him, but she wasn't sure if the relationship would go anywhere. So she was almost surprised herself when she said loud what she had been feeling for a long time. Paul was the sounding board off which she could hear her own forbidden words.

"Paul," She asked, "do you have a fantasy you've never told anyone...like I do?"

Paul skipped over his own answer and said, "What is it you hot thing?"

"No, I can't just say it."

The conversation went back and forth with, "Jessica, I wasn't born yesterday and I'm not a prude, whatever your fantasy is, let's play with it."

"It's too embarrassing...and you're going to be too disgusted by it to even want to see me anymore."

"Don't be so dramatic, and you know you're too good a lay for me to let you go, so let's have it."

She slapped his arm and laughed, "Okay...it's Anthony...my son...I have fantasies about him."

Paul smiled with a leer, "Oh so you're a naughty mama are you? Now what kind of fantasies are we talking here, you doing him, him doing you...are there whips and chains involved?"

"I knew I shouldn't tell you anything."

"Oh come on Jess, I'm only playing with you, and it's not such a shocking thing for a mother to have fantasies about a nineteen year old son she's living with...and it's certainly not unusual for any guy to get turned on by a great pair of tits like these." He playfully pinched her nipple and that led to roughhouse play with all the laughing, tickling, and poking, that lovers often engage in. When they were exhausted and holding each other on the bed, Paul whispered, "Tell me what you want me to do momma."

Jessica got excited with the prospect of the 'game' and said, "I want you to touch me...Tony."

Paul fell into his role and said, "Where momma?"

She pointed to her breasts and then between her legs and said, "Here, and here."

He took her tit in his hand and massaged it. He then reached down between her legs and rubbed it. She began breathing hard and she moaned, in a voice he'd never heard. Paul said, "You're some piece of pussy momma."

Jessica became uncomfortable. Even though her son Anthony never called her 'Momma,' it was still becoming too real; she was getting off on it too much. She went cold and said seriously, "That's enough Paul; I don't want to play any more."

He shrugged and said, "Okay momma, your loss." As it turned out, it was Paul's loss. Jessica broke it off with him after that day.

The crack widened during one of Jessica's late night calls to her sister. "Roe? Did I wake you?"

"No hon, the phone did...just kidding babe, you know I don't get to bed until late. How are you; you sound funny."

"Roe, I'm going to go crazy if I don't talk to someone."

"Hey hon, you know I'm always here, even if we're in different parts of the country. Tell your big sister what's happening." Rosemary was thirteen months older, and much like the mother they had both lost before Jessica turned ten.

"Roe, it's someone I can't get out of my mind, and I know it's the wrong thing, and he's much younger than I am and..."

"Okay, so you met a guy; younger is good."

"No Roe, I mean a lot younger."

"We're not talking Mary Kay Letourneau here, are we Jessie?"

"No, of course not, he's...Anthony's age."

"Wow babe, you're all right, doing a guy half your age. By the way how is my handsome nephew?"

"He's fine; Roe, can you stay with me here? I'm trying to tell you something." She became agitated and her sister knew her enough not to get defensive.

"Okay hon, tell me, it's all okay, just tell me."

"Oh God Roe, it's Tony, I just can't stop thinking about him."

It went over Rosemary's head. "What do you mean? Is he okay?"

"Yes Roe, he's okay, I'm the one who's not okay. Roe, I'm in love with him, or in lust with him, or whatever else the hell I'm not supposed to be with him."

"Jessica...with Anthony? Did you...?"

"No Rosemary, of course not, nothing happened, I'm just trying to tell you...it's becoming too much for me to handle."

"Baby, I'm not sure what's going on with you, but maybe it's time Anthony moved out."

"I thought about that...but I don't want him to, I want him near me...I want him...and I want to tear these thoughts from my head..."

"Listen Jessie, maybe that's why you're driving yourself crazy...so you think about it sometimes, it's not a big deal. Don't beat yourself up about thinking about it, it only makes it worse...that doesn't mean you're going to do it...think about taking care of yourself, you'll feel better, and it'll pass. Fighting it just makes it hang around longer. Remember Jason?"

Jason was the guy from high school who moved away just as Jessica started seeing him. Rosemary helped her through it, mainly by convincing her to take care of herself until she was tired of him. 'Taking care of yourself' was of course the sister's phrase for masturbation, and it had worked. Jessica did it day and night until the thought of Jason bored her.

"Maybe you're right Roe, maybe I was too ashamed to think about doing something like that."

When she hung up, Jessica was determined to exorcise her sexual urges for her son. She took her panties down and allowed the thoughts to come. She placed two fingers on the soft lips and began the rotating movement that just came close enough to her clit to stimulate it. "Tony," her mind said, as she increased the tempo. "Tony," as his lips replaces her fingers. "Tony," as his mouth starts sucking on the hood that shields her sensitive trigger. "Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony..." Jessica masturbated three times and finally fell asleep.

Jessica masturbated for weeks and during that time she spoke to her sister to keep her resolve and to keep her raging desires in check. But sometimes, the wet paint sign makes it just to tempting not to touch. Is the paint really wet?

As Jessica's birthday approached, Anthony asked her what she would like. "How about, taking me out for dinner and dancing," she said. "I haven't done that in years honey." Jessica had taught him to be almost as good a dancer as she was, and it had gotten him into bed with more than one girl.

"Sure mom." He winked at her. "But you have to wear the black dress I like." The thought of dressing for him excited her and she knew why he liked that particular dress. That Friday night she was in the bathroom preparing for their 'date' when she heard Tony walk by and called to him, "Honey could you come in here for a second and zip me up please?"

He walked in to an assault on his senses. His mother's back was exposed to her waist and he could see that she wasn't wearing a bra. The room was permeated with a combination of perfume from the bottle and the pussy she had been stimulating. When he touched her he involuntarily began to harden. He asked, "Do you need to put on a bra before I zip you up?"

"I should," she said. But I don't have one that works with this dress, and the elastic in the top should hold me okay."

She was holding the dress to her boobs and it excited him to see his mother with her big breasts in her hands. As he came close, he looked at her in the mirror and saw how different she looked with the make-up that she hardly ever put on. "Wow, you look great mom...totally hot."

"Even if I don't, thanks sweetie. Before you zip me, would you put a little of this lotion on my back honey, I can't reach it and it gets so dry." He put the lotion on her soft skin. At that moment he pushed the fact that she was his mother to the back of his mind. He was touching a sexy woman and he imagined what it would feel like to slide his hands around and have her big boobs in his hands, instead of hers.

Jessica was also in the grip of the chemicals coursing through her body. She unconsciously flexed at her waist and her ass made contact with her son's burgeoning hard-on as she said, "Don't you think I'm a little old to look hot?"

When she didn't move back, neither did he. Anthony hardly heard his answer as the confusion and stimulation began clouding his mind. "No, mom."

"That feels good Anthony...it feels good." She imperceptibly moved her hips and Anthony's disorientation deepened. Was she talking about his hands on her back or his hard-on on her rear? He looked in the mirror and saw her eyes closed as she started to softly moan and grind at the same time. His mother was rubbing his cock with her ass and there was no question about that. The sign was right; the paint was wet.

"Oh mom, that feels good," he told her. It felt even better when he did reach for her breasts and she allowed the top of her dress to fall, exposing them as they rested in his hands. Jessica's period was approaching so her breasts were swollen beyond their usual fullness, so they felt even bigger to Anthony than he had imagined. He cupped them, and massaged them, and looked in the mirror at the unexpected sight of his mother's big tits filling his hands.

He didn't think about what he did next. He lifted the bottom of Jessica's dress to her waist and didn't see the panties he was expecting. His mother's bare ass was grinding as she moaned. Anthony dropped his pants quickly as she leaned on the counter and flexed her hips up enough for him to see her pussy for the first time. His hands were practically shaking as he took his cock in his fist to bring it to her opening.

The young man's cock was a thick swollen pipe as he approached his mother from behind. It was unconsidered lust that shoved it into her tender pussy. She was wet enough to allow it to enter, but she was unprepared for his size and the depth to which he thrust on his first entry. It was a yell of pleasure and dismay that his mother let out, "ANTHONY...Anthony..."

He drove up into her, concerned only with, and overwhelmed by, his own pleasure. "Oh mom...oh mom..." was all he could manage to say as he sent his hardness in and out of his mother's wet hole.

The noise of their fucking reverberated off the bathroom walls. There was none of the lovemaking that Jessic had fantasized when she had masturbated. Unthinking, unbridled lust drove the young man's cock deep, and hard, into his mother's pussy. For Anthony, at that moment, he had what any young man his age wanted, pussy. The fact that it was his mothers didn't bother him; it only made it more exciting.

Jessica was in the throes of her forbidden fantasy and that would have been more than enough, until he hit that spot. Either no man had tried, or no man had succeeded before, but Anthony hit that spot. Perhaps it was because of the way she was bent over, or the size of his cock, or the angle of his entry. At any rate, Jessica was unprepared.

Again and again her son's big cock sent shocks of pleasure and juices through her. Each contact felt like a small orgasm as her insides convulsed in response to his insistent thrusting. His hands were all over her and when he grabbed her hair as his own moment approached, she let go with a yell. The orgasm rippled and waved from her pussy to every inch of her body. She didn't know that a person could come like that.

Anthony fired off one shot of cum after another into his mother's pussy. If the feelings weren't so intense, the loud sounds and frantic movements coming from his mother would have distracted him. She kept calling his name, and she kept coming.

Jessica finally caught her breath and felt more fear and confusion in that one moment that she could handle. She looked at herself in the mirror and her eyes filled with tears. Her swollen breasts were exposed and her son was absently holding one as he leaned on her back in relief.

The dark eyeliner she had put on for him was beginning to smear as her tears ran through it. He put his arms around her from behind and said, "Don't cry mom...it was natural that we wanted to...there's nothing to be ashamed of..." Her crying became audible. "Oh mom, now I feel like it was all my fault...I'm sorry..."

"All your fault?" The words were fighting her sniffles and sobs. "No, no...it was all my fault...and there's nothing natural about what I just did. I'm your mother and I let you...no, I made you do it...oh God, you're my son and you came inside me...I can feel it...I can feel it."

"I'm sorry mom, I thought it was okay because I know you take the pill...I wouldn't have..."

"NO...you don't understand, it's not about the pill...you're my son...and I made you come in me...and I came...and..." Her body was shaking as she covered herself and ran to her bedroom and closed the door.

The bedroom was not where she wanted to be. She wanted to be anywhere else in the world but near her son, whom she was ashamed to face. Tony stood by his mother's door and heard her muffled crying. He knocked gently and when she didn't answer, he slowly opened the door. He sat by her on the bed and stroked her back as she cried. He didn't know what to say, and so he let her cry until she had shed all the tears that needed shedding.

Finally she turned to him and said, "I am so ashamed...I'm so sorry baby..."

"Mom, I thought it felt good to you...didn't you want to...?"

"Yes Anthony, I wanted to, and yes it felt...oh God...just because I wanted to, doesn't mean I should have. Anthony, I seduced my own son..." She wiped the wetness on her face and saw the smeared remnants of her makeup on her hands. "She shook her head and said, "I must look a mess."

"You can't look anything but beautiful to me mom," he said.

"Oh honey, please don't say things like that to me...I..." she dissolved into tears again and she waived him away. He didn't know what else to do, so he left.

They didn't go out that night or any other night to celebrate Jessica's birthday. Jessica felt as if she would never have anything to celebrate again. She avoided her son and wouldn't talk to him about that night. She couldn't even tell Rosemary.

Things didn't get better for weeks until Jessica made her decision and put things in motion. She then told Anthony, "Honey I'm going to stay with Aunt Roe...and see if it works out."

"See if what works out, mom?"

"Well, if I like it out there...and then maybe I'll get my own place to stay. Anthony, Emco has an office there and I got a transfer."

"You mean for good?"

"Well..."

"So you mean you're leaving, and not coming home...it's because of what happened isn't it, and now you don't want to know me anymore...?"

"Anthony, that's not true...of course we'll see each other, I'll come home and you'll come there...I'm always going to love you Anthony."

"Then why are you going?" Anthony's thoughts were becoming liquid. Sure he wanted to have sex with her some more, but his unease was about more than that.

"Honey, it's just something I have to do right now...you'll be fine, you have a new job and I'll take care of the apartment rent, and...it'll be okay."

The night before Jessica was scheduled to leave, and they had said 'Good night' with a long hug, Anthony knocked on his mother's door. When he came in, Jessica was under the sheet, holding it up to her chin. He sat down beside her, and after an uncomfortable pause, he said, "Mom, I'm going to miss you."

"And I'm going to miss you too sweetheart, but we'll be seeing each other soon and ..." He put his head down on her belly and she was touched by the unusual show of affection. Jessica stroked her son's hair for a while and he turned his head and kissed her abdomen. He could smell her fragrance and he slowly kissed lower toward her pubic mound. Jessica breathed heavier and said, "Oh Anthony, you shouldn't."

A million thoughts raced through her mind as her son pressed the sheet onto her vaginal lips with his lips. The thrill was coursing through her body when he drew the sheet down and kissed over her clit. She felt helpless in the throes of her desire as he lifted the silky material and took her into his mouth. She told herself "I'm leaving tomorrow, it's never going to happen again," as she let her son suck on her pussy.

Anthony knew she wouldn't let him inside her, but his hard-on was almost painful as it pressed in his pants. He took them off while continuing to attend to the thickening lips and nub that was under the probing movements of his tongue. As he sucked her, Jessica felt as if the pressure that was building would lead her to gush into her son's mouth. She couldn't take it and she moved his hips so she could get to his cock.

The young man straddled his mother, and as he licked and sucked on her clit, she took some of his thick flesh into her mouth. He could hear how hard she was breathing as she struggled with the mass in her mouth. She was writhing with pleasure under his arousing attention. He could feel her quivering as he sensed the approach of her orgasm. She was sucking him hard as she began to arch up into his mouth. Whenever he felt her rise, he stopped before she crested. Whenever he stopped, she let out a sigh and returned to pleasuring the big shaft that was before her.

After a torturous number of approaches, Jessica went over. When Anthony realized she had begun her orgasm, he drew hard on her clit and lashed it with his tongue. His mother let out a howl that lasted as long as she continued coming. When she was done, she said with a cry in her voice, "Oh, oh, oh, oh." She then grabbed her son's cock and bobbed hard on as much of it as would fit into her mouth.

It didn't take long for the young man to be overwhelmed by his mother's sucking. It didn't take long before he was telling her, "I'm coming mom, I'm coming, OH I'm coming, I'm coming" It didn't take long for him to fill his mother's mouth to overflowing with creamy white fluid.

Anthony kissed his mother's thighs when they were both done and he felt her turning. He got off the bed and her back was to him. He said, "Mom..." and she raised her hand and he knew she didn't want to talk. The weight of guilt and shame fell on her as he left the room and the only thing that brought Jessica solace, was that she knew she had made the right decision. She had to go away to get away from the desire she wasn't strong enough to resist.

The next morning, she wouldn't let Anthony take her to the airport as they had planned. As the cab waited, he asked when she would come to visit. "Maybe three or four weeks," she answered as she touched his cheek and gave him a sad smile.

Three or four weeks turned into three or four months and after one agonizingly uncomfortable trip to her, Anthony became resigned to their separation. The sex they had shared became a memory that he could take out for pleasure, but it became somehow separated from the relationship that began to evolve between mother and son.

As time passed, she called more, he wrote more, and they were in touch every few days as months turned to years. Their visits were not physical, but warm and loving. He began missing her even before they parted. Seeing his mother so infrequently whetted his appetite for her. He was still attracted to her body, but he missed the person more. So when she called and said she had good news, he was excited. "I'm getting married," she told him.

It was like a punch in the stomach. Yes, he knew that Paul had been out to see her regularly and that she had been seeing him, and yes he knew they had moved in together, but married? Too much of him didn't want it to be so.

"Things happen for a reason," his mother had always told him. His saw no reason in any of it. He went to the wedding, acted pleased, and went home full of dreadful unease.