Sharing the Past Ch. 01byingarlm©
"Doesn't quite make sense to me. I'm gay. Women just don't do it for me. Well, my first attempt at a relationship, when I was eighteen, was with a girl, but we didn't last long."
"You weren't sure you were gay?"
"Pretty sure. But she was a good friend and I thought it might work since I was a perpetually horny teen, and she did look kind of boyish. I enjoyed kissing her although it never got me hard. I liked her tits and her ass too. It was only when we got to the stage of getting in each others' underwear I knew it wasn't going to work. The first time I ran my hand down there I realised she was missing what I really wanted to be playing with. I managed to get her off, but my heart wasn't in it. It was one night of mutual masturbation and that was the end of things."
Ross smiled, glad that Jon was opening up a little.
"After that you knew for certain."
"Yes, I guess so. But the first time I kissed a man, well that really made me realise. I was hard instantly, and when I could tell he was too, and how excited that got me, I had my confirmation."
Ross tried not to let his mind wander, but the idea of his hard cock pressing against Jon's was not helping him concentrate on reassuring him of his intentions. He needed Jon to know he could do monogamy and that he really wanted this.
"It took me a lot longer than that to be sure and accept myself. If I'd only ever wanted men I think that would have been easier, but I kind of swung back and forth. I didn't even know what bi was and I think I kissed the first person who explained it properly, because it suddenly all made sense. She was bi as well, we even tried to work a relationship, but I couldn't deal with the fact that her take on it was that if she slept with women on the side it wasn't cheating on me. I'd have felt I was cheating if I went with a guy, but she said she wouldn't have minded that. I'm not one for doing that. If I'm with someone I'm only with them, and I expect the same from their side."
"If it makes you feel any better, that idea isn't exclusive to her. I had a boyfriend very briefly who figured if he only topped me it wasn't cheating if he went off and got fucked by someone else. That didn't last either."
Ross grinned, amused by the story and that Jon was telling him so much.
"Does this prove we are both crap at picking them?!"
"Maybe it proves we haven't found someone with the same perspective on things so far."
"And perhaps now we have?" Ross asked, hopefully.
Jon felt his heart swell, but they were still talking abstract and he wasn't convinced that this wasn't all going to end badly. The way Ross looked at him now though, he wasn't hiding his heated glances, and they were going right through him. Still, he was afraid that it would all end badly.
"I don't know. Can these things really work?"
"People going from friends to lovers. You could lose a good friendship."
"Yes, you could. But you could gain a lover who is also your best friend. That's got to be a good thing. Maybe it doesn't always work, but I think this can."
The hope was shining in Ross's face and Jon tried not to let it get to him. He didn't understand why he was fighting this, but there was some part of him that still couldn't believe it was true. Why was he fighting against the thing, the man, that he wanted so badly?
"Why? You meet a 'psychic' and you think it will all be fine."
"I don't think she was psychic. But I do believe what she said."
"She didn't know us."
"No, she didn't. But those things she said, about the longing glances and the touches, it made sense to me because that is exactly what's been happening to me. Are you saying you haven't been feeling that too?"
Jon gave a small smile. He needed to know that, he needed all the admissions so he could take the next step, although he didn't know what that would be.
"No, I'm not saying that. It's just weird having this conversation, these thoughts, and I don't know where we go from here."
"Well, I suggest we treat this as our first date, and we go from there."
The word date made Jon swallow hard. He hadn't done dating for a long time, and he wasn't sure what that meant to Ross. It sounded good, but still a little scary.
"Date? What does that mean?"
"Well, a meal and a few drinks, a good time, and ending with a kiss."
"Just a kiss?"
"Well, yes. It's our first date, you don't want me thinking you're easy!"
That finally had Jon relaxed enough to laugh and start to tease back.
"And how do I know you aren't easy?!"
"I guess I can only prove that if I manage to keep my hands to myself at the end of the night. I should tell you now though, I'm not promising I can. I've been crazy about you for a long time."
"How long?" Jon asked, keen to know more about what had been going on between them.
"I guess I liked you and thought you were cute when we first met. But the rest of it, about a year. Do you remember that day I came to pick you up and you were running late? When you opened the door dressed just in a towel, wet from the shower, the sight had me forgetting about my girlfriend and desperate for a taste of you. From then on I realised I couldn't think of you as just a friend any more."
Ross saw the look on Jon's face and realised he hadn't explained that well enough. Jon thought this was just about lust, and telling him it was the sight of him half naked that had changed things reinforced that idea. He had to reassure him.
"It's not like that. Yes, I admit that was the first time I thought about you sexually, and that's pretty much all it was at that moment. A hot guy wearing next to nothing, I wasn't complaining. But it was what changed my thinking about you. I knew we got on well and I really enjoyed the time we spent together, I just didn't put two and two together about my feelings for you until after I realised I wanted you that way as well. I don't want you just for sex Jon, I want you for everything, because I love being with you and since that day it has never been enough."
He sat in silence for a moment, trying to work out what to say next, because he still wasn't getting this across the way he wanted, as Jon's slightly guarded expression showed. He looked into the beautiful dark eyes he wanted to see darken with lust and desire, and tried to let Jon see what he meant in his own eyes.
"Crap. I'm not saying this right. I want you, in every way. I want us to come down the pub for a pint and a laugh, do all the stuff we always have done, but as well as that I want to curl up with you on the sofa at the end of a long day. I want us to cook and clean together. I want us to fall asleep and wake up in each others arms. I want to take you home to meet my mother, and let her know what a wonderful man I'm in love with. I want..."
Ross had seen his words starting to have an effect, but Jon's eyes went wide when he kept babbling about what he wanted. He ran back over what he'd just said, and blushed when he realised what had caused the response.
"I didn't mean to tell you like that. I don't want to scare you off before we've even had one date, but I do love you."
The beaming smile he got was well worth the inadvertent admission, and didn't seem to be scaring Jon at all. If anything, it was working better than all the talking he had been doing up until now.
"I'm not scared. I was worried that you weren't serious about me, that you just wanted a fuckbuddy, and I couldn't do that with you because I care too much. I've wanted you since we first met, and I never made a separation between friendship, lust and love, it's always been all three. I just never believed you would want a man, let alone me."
"I understand that you thought I was straight, but you are gorgeous, kind, funny, pretty much perfect. Why wouldn't I want you?"
"I told you, I never saw a sign. Perhaps if you'd told me you were bi before now it might have helped."
"Sorry. But until I had the guts to end it with Sarah, I didn't think I could."
"And since then?"
Ross went a little red with shame and looked down at the table rather than Jon's expressive eyes, even though this line of questioning didn't seem to be accusatory, just curiosity.
"Like I told you, I didn't think you were interested in me, and I figured it would be easier for me not to tell you so I didn't have to explain why I hadn't mentioned it before. Sorry."
"It's okay, I don't mind. It's not like I haven't desperately tried to hide the fact I was attracted to you for the last two years. One question though."
"Is this really your idea of a date? Because if so, this is most definitely not our first date."
Jon said it firmly and sounded serious, but the grin on his face showed something else completely, a cheeky and sexy smile that made Ross want to take him to bed right then, making the comment seem far more like an offer than anything else. Ross smiled back, and decided to play along.
"I agree. Must be our hundredth date, at least. What does that mean?" he asked, with a twinkle in his eye that showed he had no objections to any ideas Jon came up with.
"It means neither of us is easy."
"Is that all?" Ross asked, trying not to sound disappointed.
"I guess it also means we don't have to be too strict with ourselves later. You were the one worried about what I might think of you if anything happened."
"I was joking, I wouldn't think badly of you, or me, whatever happens."
Jon smiled again, but as much as he was pleased with the idea that they might end up getting physical that evening, he was also nervous about it. His stomach clenched even as his dick twitched. He decided that as much as he wanted Ross, he was going to take at least a little time to get used to the idea before he had the reality.
"Can we go eat? I probably shouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach, but it's been a weird day."
"Weird good, I hope?"
Jon smiled. "This is weird good. But before you turned up, I'm really not so sure."
* * * * * *
It was a slightly awkward dinner the two men ate, both heated and nervous glances were exchanged at points throughout the meal, neither quite sure how this was going to play out or when, and finally able to show their feelings they were still cautious of being the first to make a move.
By the time they finished it was dark outside. Both had drunk too much to drive so they left the car at the pub and decided to walk the few minutes to Jon's house. He felt both nerves and anticipation building, scared that something would happen and equally scared that it might not. Ross took his hand as the two of them walked, and somehow that contact did calm him a little.
It also meant he was totally unprepared when they reached the end of a dark and quiet alley and Ross pushed him into the shadows and backed him into a wall. With the wall behind him, and Ross's hard and warm body in front, Jon panicked for a moment, even though he trusted Ross. He could somehow see a predatory gleam in the other man's eyes, and he swallowed hard. Ross just moved closer, his face at the side of Jon's, and the feel of his breath on his cheek sending delightful shivers through Jon despite his nerves.
"You need to stop worrying sweetheart," Ross whispered into his ear. "Whatever we do is only what we both want, and I know you want me just as much as I want you. Right now though, we need to break the stalemate."
With that he moved again, his lips trailing soft kisses along Jon's jawline before finally pressing, soft yet demanding, on his lips. Jon heard himself let out a moan at the pleasure of feeling the contact and what it did to him, and he grabbed hold of Ross to bring him closer and deepen their first kiss. The final nerves he had been feeling melted away into burning desire, stoked by each movement of lips and tongues playing together and making him ache for more contact.
Jon let his hands wander up and down Ross, his back and sides and cupping his ass through his jeans, both feeling and hearing a rumble of pleasure from Ross. He didn't want to stop, but he was almost entirely hard and could feel Ross was in the same state, and unless they stopped he would end up having his first sex in over two years in an alley. He wanted this to be special, it had to be because it was Ross who he had wanted for so long, and he needed a bed for that, or at least that they make it to his sofa.
He pushed Ross away a little, feeling the movement being resisted and glad that Ross didn't want their kiss to end either. Things could only get better from here on if they could just move, and he slid to one side to get away, hearing a sound of complaint.
"I know, but we need to get back to mine. Our first time together is not going to be in an alley. Let's go home and strip each other naked."
"Sounds great. Not so sure I can walk right now though, these jeans have become rather tight!"
Jon laughed at that. "Mine too. We'd better go get out of them."
"Aren't you worried that I'll think you're easy," Ross teased.
"Not so long as you realise this is only because it's you. I've been waiting two years for this, I'm only worried now that I might disappoint you."
"You cannot possibly disappoint me, especially not if that kiss is anything to go by. I have wanted you for a long time too, and this is going to be better than either of us have ever imagined."
"I might not survive that!"
"I'll give you the kiss of life if you need it baby! Let's go."
Jon fumbled his keys when he got to his flat, but it was more anticipation than nerves, and having Ross pressed against him, behind him this time and with arms wrapped around his body, only helped build that further. It was difficult not to just turn and demand another amazing kiss with his love so close, but he knew it could be even more than that when they got inside, and as much as they were joking about being easy, he was fairly sure they would do all they could tonight.
Ross practically pushed him through the door when he finally opened it, and although Jon didn't have any desire to resist, he also didn't want Ross to have this all his own way. He was far too eager to touch and taste his new lover and he span around to take the upper hand, pressing Ross back into a wall and demanding the kiss he wanted.
Their kisses were full of desire and promise, and the culmination of far too much waiting for both of them, so that before too many moments hands were working at buttons and zips and clothing started to fall to the floor, thrown aside with no care for where it landed.
Jon got Ross down to his underwear first, admiring the body he had wanted to see for so long and impressed that he looked even better than he had ever thought. He struggled to get out of his own jeans, the tightness from earlier nothing on now, both men fully erect and starting to ache with need for one another. Jon pulled Ross to him, trying to manoeuvre the pair of them to his bedroom, but both moaning when the evidence of their mutual arousal met, hardness against hardness.
"That feels so good," Ross groaned. "We need to get into bed soon or I might explode just from this."
"I know what you mean. We need to take the edge off."
Jon moved his hands, intending to remove Ross's underwear and reveal the only part of his lover he had yet to see, but he found his wrists caught in his grasp instead.
"Oh no you don't. You've been waiting for this far longer than I have, it's your turn first," Ross told him, before relaxing his hands.
Jon relaxed for an instant, but tensed when he felt he was being slowly stripped and Ross fell to his knees in front of him. The sofa was not far behind him and he took a step back so he could lean on it for support, not a moment too soon as Ross flicked his tongue out and grazed the tip of his hard cock, making his knees buckle.
For the first few moments Jon relished the feeling of his cock being sucked for the first time in longer than he wanted to remember, and he found himself impressed with Ross's technique and the fact he was clearly loving this. Bright blue eyes looked up at him and locked with his dark ones as Ross worked his lips and tongue over his shaft, sending waves of pleasure through him.
After those few moments of revelation, he became lost, rational thought departing. It was warmth and softness touching and pleasuring him as Ross made love to his dick and he had to close his eyes, focussing only on how good this felt. He wanted it to last, but he felt the tension building and he couldn't distract himself for long, crying out as he came hard, grabbing hold of Ross to stop himself from falling as his entire body shook.
"Mmm," Ross murmured. "You taste good."
Jon tried to form some words to respond, but his brain was still clouded from his high, and actions seemed just as good. He pulled Ross up to his feet and into another kiss, trying to thank him with it as he tasted his own seed. Even though that had been amazing, and he knew from the hard cock still pressing into him that his next move was to do the same for Ross, he went back to his original plan of making it to the bedroom.
A combination of pushing and turning, never letting their lips part for more than a few seconds, had a mostly naked Ross stood at the side of Jon's bed where he had wanted to have him so many times. A quick push backwards and removal of the last clothing that was in his way, and he had an obviously aroused and desperate Ross lying back against his sheets. Jon let out a moan at the sight of all that toned flesh, making a mental note that he would worship it properly later.
The focus of his attention right then was hard and leaking, colour darkening with Ross's need for release. Jon thought it was perfect too, not too long or thick that it would hurt him but big enough that it would feel perfect inside him. For now he was going to worship it orally, and he nudged his lover's legs apart a little, running his tongue over his balls first and starting a stream of moans and whimpers from Ross that were wonderful to hear.
He let his tongue trace a vein up the side of the hard cock, then flicked and twirled across the head, savouring the flavour and the effect he was having. By the way Ross was moaning and twitching he knew foreplay was the last thing he really needed or wanted right then, and it wouldn't take much to end this. He started to work harder, licking and sucking, working more and more of the hard shaft into his mouth.
There was no real warning, Jon thinking it would take a little more time to bring Ross to completion, but there was a twitch and his mouth started to fill with cum. He held the pulsing cock there, taking every drop he was offered and hearing Ross groan his name, long and loud, while he swallowed what he had produced.
Jon moved up to lay alongside his lover, waiting while Ross recovered and taking in the sight of him naked with delight, even if he was still a little afraid this was all crazy and going to end badly. At least he could say he had one night with the man he knew he loved, as insane as that had been when he thought Ross was straight.
Even if his mind was unsure, his body was pretty certain of what it wanted, and he was already hardening again thanks to the beautiful view and his thoughts about what else they might do now that he had the other man in his bed. He let his hands take advantage of the proximity of the warm body, travelling up and down the torso and feeling the shudders and pants of Ross as he calmed himself.
Bright blue eyes opened and looked at him, happiness clear, and lust now simmering rather than burning. They had certainly taken the edge off the tension they had both been feeling, and now it was time for a breather, and Jon desperately hoped it would just be that and there would be more, even if it was just curling up together and sleeping like Ross had said he wanted for them.