Shit Scared

"Point taken, anyhow we're hardly dressed for it, are we?"

"You'd better believe it, because it's my competition car it's stripped to the bare bones, no back seat, racing seats and full harness seat belts, most of the dash panel has been gutted, no stereo, just necessary instruments. It's also very noisy, apart from the exhaust that isn't too loud, there's mechanical noise."

"So you thought that you'd impress me by driving your Jag, well I am impressed that you thought of me, and, I must say that you scrub up really well. Shall we go?" Go we did, she directed me to a small restaurant set among retail shops on a main road, it was so small that if you blinked you'd miss it, the front was plain with only the name on the window and a sign on the awning to identify that it was a restaurant that specialised in Mediterranean cuisine, How did she know that this was my favourite?

The spicy aromas that wafted from the kitchen had me looking forward to this meal, if for no other reason than my companion. More of me now looked to the future with this woman in a positive light while that part of me that was afraid of what would happen in the not too distant future was slowly receding. I pushed that bit into the background and resolved to enjoy myself while I had the chance.

"Why so serious?" Selena looked closely at me. "Don't you like this type of food?"

"No, nothing like that, in fact I love the food. I'm just a little unsure of myself, it has been a while since I've found myself dining with an attractive woman, any woman for that matter, and I'm scared that I'll stuff up the moment."

"Don't be. Shall we order?" The waiter was hovering, pad and pen in hand. "I'm going to have the garlic prawns to start, you should try them, they're not just a bunch of prawns in some creamy garlic sauce that you get served up in other restaurants, these are the real deal, a bowl of hot olive oil with the prawns and chunks of garlic and whole red bullet chillies with a platter of crusty bread to sop up the oil. If you have that as well we'll both have the same garlic breath so we won't notice it when I kiss you." Was she trying to tell me that I wasn't about to stuff up?

"Sounds good to me, what about the main course, do we stick with the Spanish or do we slip across to Morocco and have a tagine?"

"Tagine it is, and a bottle of Shiraz." She closed her menu and handed it back to the waiter. I did the same to acknowledge me agreement with the food and wine. This was a woman that exuded self-confidence from every pore and this caused the doubts to set in again, I have never had a relationship with a woman like this, not even in my prime. I tried to concentrate on her and forget about my disastrous marriage and its devastating finale. "Please don't be afraid of me, I'm not going to eat you alive. Believe me, I'm just as scared as you are." (Huh, I'll never believe that). "After my husband died I went through a period of mourning until my well meaning friends tried to set me up with their unattached male friends, there turned out to be very good reasons why they were unattached, it was all about them and what they could get out of a relationship with little or no input. Then one of my friends suggested a dating agency which was an even greater disaster. So I decided that I was better off alone, but that was until I met you. You, Cameron, are every thing that they weren't and from what I've seen so far, you are everything that I thought I would never find, so sit back and enjoy the ride because at our time of life we have to make the most of every opportunity."

Our conversation took a more positive but light hearted turn and I found that she had this wonderful habit of reaching across the table, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. She would look me in the eyes and this look, this smiling, laughing, I'm with a great guy, look would come over her face and that made me feel more at ease than I ever thought possible. I was being dragged into her mood and soon found myself laughing and joking with her as if I'd known her all of my life, not just a few days.

All too soon the moment I've been dreading arrived. I walked her to her door not expecting anything but she surprised me my throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me, passionately, on the lips. "Won't you come in?" She didn't wait for my response but turned and unlocked her door and ushered me inside, there was no pretence of offering me coffee, it was another passionate kiss. "I've had a wonderful evening and I don't want it to end now. I know that you don't have a wife to rush home to, so there's no reason why you can't stay with me tonight. I want you to stay tonight."

"I would love to stay with you tonight, in fact every night except. . . "

"Except what?" Suddenly she had a worried look on her beautiful face.

"This is so embarrassing for me. I want very much to be with you but I'm scared that I will be a disappointment to you."

"How so?"

"I had no expectations as far as this evening goes, I didn't expect that you would want to make love to me, but if, when this relationship progresses to that stage I'm afraid that I won't be able to meet your needs. Don't get me wrong I'm not gay if that's what you're thinking."

"Then what is it?"

"Well, many years ago when my ex and I were first married we had a very enthusiastic sexual relationship, so enthusiastic it led to a trauma that would affect the rest of our married life and was probably the cause of her looking elsewhere for sexual fulfilment."

"What happened?"

"She was on top and going for it when, somehow or other, my erect penis was bent double and it ruptured the major blood vessels on one side. After enduring several weeks with this massive lump on the side until the body absorbed the blood, I found that, because the scarring effectively blocked over half of the blood vessels, not only couldn't I get a full erection and hold it for any length of time but my cock was misshapen, it hung a sharp left near the base and this, combined with the top half being flaccid, meant that I had difficulty even penetrating her let alone bringing her to orgasm."

"Okay, let me put your mind at rest; there is more to sex than shoving your cock into a pussy and banging away until one or other has an orgasm, in the case of my husband it was usually him, sex is only a part, an important one granted, of a physical relationship. To put it clearly, after enduring my husband's illness for over a year, during the last six months of which, I never had sex with him, I found that I was satisfied by a close personal and physical contact, hugging him and kissing him at every opportunity. I didn't mind that I couldn't have sex with him, I still loved him very much. What I intend that we do tonight is that we go to bed together because I need to feel a man beside me that I like a lot, and would like to love a lot. Just to have you hold me as we sleep is enough for me. Are you interested?"

She knew my answer before I gave it. I got the impression that if she had been in any way unsure she wouldn't have invited me in and asked the question. "Yes I'm interested." I took her in my arms and demonstrated my interest.

"Come." She took my hand and led me to her bedroom. "I need to take off my makeup, if you need to use the loo, it's in here." She led me into the en-suite and I wasn't embarrassed to take him out and pee, I thought that she was probably watching me in the mirror as she wiped the small amount of makeup from her face, but she wouldn't have seen much. I tucked him away before turning and walking back to the bedroom and stripping down to my jocks and climbing into bed.

She switched out the light as she came back into the room but I saw enough to realise that she was naked. I felt overdressed in my jocks so I took them off and dropped them onto the floor next to the bed. "Hi you." She kissed me as she slid into the bed, her body sliding down mine. "This feels good, doesn't it?"

"I have to admit that it's better than I had hoped." He was struggling but he failed, even when she caressed him, he did little more than give a jerk before retiring, defeated, for the night.

"It's all right, don't worry about now, let's just enjoy each other's company, okay?"

"Yes." I was enjoying the closeness of her, the softness of her skin against mine, the smell of her and her lips on mine. I was laying in this soft bed and I could feel a woman next to me caressing me, my cock, and in the mirror above the bed I could see that I was a stud, nine inches of rampant man flesh if he was an inch. The woman next to me had her mouth on him and I could see her masturbating herself to prepare herself for my monster, she was moaning in ecstasy. Then the dream ended, there was no mirror above the bed and he wasn't a monster. I jerked awake to find Selena with her mouth engulfing my half hard cock. He was bigger and harder than I could remember.

"At last, you're awake. I was having such a good time down here with your cock, I don't know what you were worrying about, he's bigger than my finger so I think that I'll manage to get off on him. Don't think about what's about to happen or he'll go down." She straddled me and, with some difficulty, fed him into her pussy and she literally masturbated me with her pussy muscles, she relaxed as she slid down my shaft and then tensed her muscles and squeezed him as she pulled back, and each time she did this he seemed to get just that little bit bigger. She was in no hurry and neither was I, I didn't need to pump as quickly as possible in the hope that I'd come before he went limp, she was holding him erect and he was feeling good.

Her happiness was infectious so I began to push up as she came down on him, increasing the pleasure for both of us and it wasn't long, no more than half an hour before he came into her. The strength with which her pussy grasped him as he emptied into her suggested to me that she had come at the same time, a fact that was confirmed by the look on her face and the satisfied sigh that escaped her lips. She was happy, I was happy, what more could I want?

"I've waited a long time for you, a very long time." She was laying on top of me, looking deep into my eyes. "And now that I've found you I'm never going to let you go." There was a smile in her voice but I could see that she was serious.

"You've waited a long time, I've waited all my life to find someone like you. How did you do that, you know get him stiff and milk him dry like that?"

"When my husband was in the early stages of his illness he had the same problem that you did, so I learned how to cope with it but as his illness progressed the problem got worse until no amount of manipulation could get it up. He did suggest that I should put him in a nursing home and find myself someone who could satisfy me. He even volunteered a divorce if I had any qualms about a perceived adultery. I loved him even more for that and despaired what I would do when he eventually, inevitably, died. It has taken a while for me to even contemplate a life with another man and then you came along, my knight in shining armour, and swept me off my feet."

"Do you know that my entire sexual experience, after my trauma, consisted of missionary position, she would lie there with her legs apart with this resigned expression on her face that told me that she wasn't all that interested in it, or me. I suppose she must have been more animated with her lovers." I realised as I spoke that this was a real mood depressant.

"Hey, what's with the sad face?" She placed a finger at the corners of my mouth and pushed them up into a smile. "We're happy remember."

How could I stay sad when she was so full of life? I tickled her until she was squirming around and laughing. "Stop! If you don't stop right now I'll pee myself." I stopped and she subsided, panting, beside me. Her hand reached for me and stroked me into life once more. "This deserves a closer look." She said as she turned around and, straddling my body, engulfed him with her warm, moist, wonderfully talented mouth. What was I to do other than return the favour? My tongue found her clit peeking out from its hood and I inserted two fingers into her pussy. This caused her to increase her efforts and I found that I was rapidly approaching an orgasm. "I have to warn you," I said from between her legs, "living on my own for so long I sort of got used to farting when I felt like it, and if you continue to get me excited I'm afraid that I might rip one off." "Like this." I felt and smelt her gentle fart. "Right, that's it!" I let one go that rattled the windows and she followed with one just a little less powerful. "Enough! I have to stop because I feel the next one might have lumps in it." It was back to the 69 action and we were both soon holding each other tightly as we came together.

"Cameron Darling, I have never been able to be myself as much as I am with you. I wish that we had met before either of us met our respective partners. Now we have a lot of catching up, a lot of living to do in what could be a very short time. Next item on the agenda is a shower and then breakfast. Come on, drag yourself out of bed you lazy thing, and help me wash you off my body, I must stink something awful."

"You stink something wonderful." I said as I scrambled out of the rumpled bed and followed her to the bathroom. A three minute shower it was not.

Breakfast preparation was a joint effort, I was manning the toaster and the bacon and eggs while Selena was making the coffee and squeezing the oranges for fresh juice. Whenever we got close enough we hugged and kissed, needless to say the preparation was a boisterous, happy and somewhat messy affair, but eventually we sat down to enjoy our combined effort. We had just started on the coffee when the door bell rang. "Oh, I forgot, Ellie's coming by this morning, she's my daughter by the way. I guess that you're going to meet some of the family sooner than you expected." She got up from the table and headed for the front door.

"Whose car is that in the driveway?" I heard Ellie ask.

"Come, I have a pleasant surprise for you." She came through the door into the kitchen eagerly dragging a younger version of herself. "Ellie, this is Cameron, Cameron, Ellie."

"Hi, I'm pleased to meet you." I held out my hand and Ellie tentatively took it. She looked questioningly at her mother.

"Cameron is my new man friend, I can hardly call him my boyfriend now, can I? We met recently and found that we have so much in common that we seem not to want to apart from each other."

"But Mum." That was as far as she got.

"But me no buts. It's my life and I'll do with it what I will, and what I will right now is to enjoy the company of a man who's the equal of your father in every way. I didn't think that I'd find the ideal man once in my life and now I've found him again. I want you to like him as well, do you think that you could do that?"

"Well I guess so, but don't you think, you know?"

"All in good time. Would you like coffee?"

"Thank you, yes." She sat down and joined us and soon she was as much a part of our happiness as we were. "Hey, I have a great idea, why don't you and Cameron come over to my place for dinner tonight, I'm sure that Pete would love to meet him, and I'll invite Tim and Lisa, we can get the introductions all over and done with at the one time. What do you say?"

Selena looked at me for an answer. "Why not, I'd, we'd like that very much, thank you." Suddenly I was scared again, what if they don't like me? What if I don't measure up to their father? Selena reached over and gently grasped my hand telling me that I'd be okay.

After Ellie left we spent the rest of the day being us, doing us things like going for a walk on the beach and having lunch at a quaint little café on the waterfront and in between all of this we made love. We were almost late for dinner, neither of us liked to be late for things, unlike my ex who would still be putting makeup on her face at the time that we were supposed to be somewhere. I think she did it to make me mad, if so she succeeded. I hated her for it.

They were nice kids. After a few anxious moments while we circled around whether they'd like me or not, the consensus seemed to be that I passed, and we settled down to the sort of things that people did on these occasions. We blokes talked blokey stuff about cars and fishing and golf, while the girls were grilling their mother on the minutiae of our meeting and what was it about me that caught her attention.

I walked into the kitchen with a stack of plates to find Ellie loading the dishwasher. She looked at me with a strange expression on her face. "She hasn't told you, has she?"

"Told me what?" I was scared again, what was it that she hadn't told me? Was she an axe murderer, or was it something serious?

"She has to go to her doctor this week to get the results of the latest tests."

"Tests? For what?" I was shitting myself, I had found the woman of my dreams and now she was being taken away from me, how fucking cruel is that?

"She has a lump in her neck right alongside the windpipe. It could be nothing, we're hoping that it's nothing, but. . . "

"The worst case scenario is that she'll have to have an operation that may or may not be successful and she'll need radio-therapy that's knock hell out of her. I'm not going to let that happen, the combined forces of our will to be together will get us through this, and I'll be there for her every inch of the way."

All the tension seemed to go from her. "You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that. When I met you this morning I could see that there really was something going on between you and Mum but I had to be sure, I had to know if you were there for the long haul or whether you'd cut and run at the first sign of trouble. I know now and, let me tell you, I'm relieved." We walked back into the dining room and Selena looked at Ellie who smiled and gave her the briefest of nods. Selena's eyes welled up with tears and she stood up as I approached her and fell into my arms. "Darling I didn't have the courage to tell you myself. I wanted to believe that you'd support me, honest I did, but I just couldn't tell you. I'm sorry for any doubts I've had." Her kiss was long, it was sweet and gentle and told me in no uncertain terms that I had done everything right.

We sat in uncomfortable chairs across from the doctor. Selena was scared, I was scared, but the doctor was confident. "The tests confirm that what you have is a lypoma."

"Which is what exactly?" I asked.

"It is a tumour, but a benign tumour made up of fatty tissue. There were no cancer cells evident when we did the biopsy from the FNA. This supports the evidence from the ultrasound and the CT scan."

"FNA, what's that?"

"It's a fine needle aspiration, where we stick a needle into the offending lump and draw off enough cells to do a biopsy, it's not as invasive as cutting."

"So there's nothing to worry about?"

"Nothing. We'll keep a close eye on it and if it appears to be getting bigger we'll look at cutting it out, but for the moment we'll let sleeping lumps lie."

"Oh look, there is something attached to the garage, is that little thing your house?" We had arrived at my house and she was being frivolous now that the uncertainty of the past few weeks had passed. The little thing was a reasonably substantial dwelling that had been in my family for a squillion years and that I'd only just managed to save from the venality of my ex.

I ushered her inside and made her sit in the living room, on this huge leather Chesterfield, while I peeled off into the kitchen for the celebratory drinks, in this case a very expensive bottle of French bubbles. This I put in an ice bucket and placed it on a tray with two chilled glasses and some nibbly things that I had ready. Placing the tray on the coffee table I pulled the cork from the bottle, one doesn't pop the cork and spray this wine around the room, one savours every drop.