Silver, Blue & Gold

x-x-x-x

"So, are you and Jake official yet?" Maddy asked. She and Molly were once again cleaning the debris from another jewelry night.

"I guess," said Molly, setting down a glass. "I haven't really asked. It seems kind of... needy."

"Just because you want to know something, doesn't mean it's needy," Maddy said. She ran a hand through her curly red hair as she surveyed the mess. It was amazing, she thought, the chaos four women could create with a little wine and some colored beads.

"I don't want to mess anything up," Molly confessed with a sigh. "It's all going so well. We're having fun. He's so understanding about my schedule and shifts. I feel like if I say something wrong it'll... it'll break."

"You're not asking him to marry you," Maddy pointed out. Then she paused. "Are you?"

Molly laughed and so did Maddy. "No, no, I don't think either of us is ready for that yet," Molly said.

"So just ask him," Maddy said. "It's no crime to want to know where you stand."

"The problem," Molly began, and then stopped. Maddy waited expectantly. "Never mind," said Molly, picking up another glass.

Maddy placed a hand on her arm. "Oh, no, you don't. You don't say something like that and think I'll let you off that easy. What's the problem?"

Molly put the glass down and paced the living room. "I love him, Maddy. I know it hasn't been long, but I do. I'm afraid if I say something, he'll get scared and run in the other direction. It hasn't been that long since his break-up."

"That was two months ago or better," Maddy said. "He wouldn't be with you if he wasn't over that, Molly. Jake isn't the type to take anyone on the rebound."

"I know," Molly sighed. "I know. I still... I just... I don't feel like he's ready to hear it. Maybe I'm not ready to say it, either."

"Well, then," said Maddy, "you'll find a time. Just don't look for the right time so hard that you miss it."

x-x-x-x

"Things going well with Molly, then?" Cam asked while he and Jake had lunch.

"Yeah," said Jake. "Yeah, they are." Just thinking about her made him smile.

"So are you going steady?" Cam teased. "Going to give her your ring? Your letter jacket?"

Jake threw a rolled up napkin at him. "No, sorry. I got past high school. Unlike you, apparently."

"But you are dating, right?" Cam asked, munching a french fry. "You're an item, aren't you? A couple?"

"I guess so," Jake poked at his cole slaw. "We've never really discussed it. I mean, I certainly don't want to date anyone else or anything."

"You aren't still letting the whole Chelsea thing hold you back, are you?" Cam asked, his voice laced with suspicion. "That was ages ago."

"I don't know if two months qualifies as 'ages,' but no," said Jake. "I don't think so."

"Figure it out," directed Cam. "Molly deserves better than 'I don't think so.' So do you."

x-x-x-x

Exhausted, Molly opened the outer door to Jake's apartment building. She called up on the intercom.

"Hi, Jake, it's me," she said.

"Hey, Molly," he said. She frowned at the black box. There was something odd in his voice.

"Can I come up?" she asked. "I brought a few things for you."

"Oh, sure, sure," he said. "Sorry." There was a buzz and click, and she opened the inner door and went to the elevator.

As it slowly climbed to his floor, Molly tried to organize her thoughts. She'd worked a double shift at the hospital and her brain was toast. It seemed like every possible thing had gone wrong and at the worst time. Murphy's law had been operating with a vengeance. On the plus side, being so busy had kept her from worry about talking to Jake tonight. She had decided to tell him she loved him and let the chips fall where they may. It was harder and harder not to tell him. It would be better, she felt, to tell him and see what he said, than to keep holding it in out of fear.

Of course, she thought dryly, she'd be more confident if she didn't feel like she'd been through the proverbial wringer. If she wasn't wearing scrubs and tennis shoes. She sighed. There hadn't been time to change, but at least she'd managed to run a brush through her hair. Well, Jake had seen her in worse shape than this.

She knocked on his door, shifting her purse a bit and moving the extra bag she carried to the other hand. Jake had been talking about brightening his place up, and she'd found a few colorful -- but in a masculine way -- throw pillows for him.

"Hi," he said when he opened the door. When he didn't open it to let her in, she got nervous.

"Sorry," she said. "Is this a bad time? I'm sorry if I should have called first, but work was so crazy and..."

"It's okay," he said, and she felt a little better when he smiled at her.

"I brought you these," Molly began, holding out the bag. She was about to continue when someone behind Jake spoke up.

"Jacob, who is it?" The door swung open further and a woman appeared next to Jake.

"Come on in, Molly," Jake said. She did, although her feet felt like blocks of wood.

"Molly, this is Chelsea Lucas. Chelsea, this is Molly Sugden." Jake looked from one woman to the other, completely lost. He hadn't expected to even see Chelsea again, and then she'd suddenly appeared at his office around six and asked to talk. He decided to bring her to his place so they'd have privacy. He'd been so surprised that he'd forgotten that Molly was coming over.

"Nice to meet you," Chelsea said, holding out her hand. Molly took it automatically. She noticed the delicate, manicured fingers that contrasted against her own, dry from constant washing and wearing latex gloves. Molly felt like a servant meeting the lady of the house.

"And you," she said. Her heart was cracking and she wondered if the others could hear it. So this is Chelsea, she thought with a sinking feeling. Chelsea who'd been with Jake for two years, then left, and now was back.

"I'm sorry I didn't call, Molly," Jake said, torn at the look on her face. She was hurt and trying to hide it but as usual, her face was too expressive. "Chelsea showed up this afternoon kind of out of the blue."

"It's, um, it's all right," said Molly. "I have to go anyway. It was a long day." She turned to leave. For once, instead of battling back words, she didn't have any to let out.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" Jake said, catching her arm as she reached for the doorknob.

"Sure," said Molly softly.

She managed not to cry until she got home, then berated herself for doing so. She and Jake had never promised each other anything, she reminded herself. He had spent two years with Chelsea, after all. She couldn't expect that they would never talk or see each other.

Molly tried to be more optimistic, but knew she could never compete with a woman like that. Chelsea had been sleek and stylish. Her clothes had been tailored and fit like they'd been made just for her. Auburn hair had been caught up in a twist, and small emeralds had sparkled in her ears. Real emeralds, Molly was sure, not the rhinestones she sometimes bought for her jewelry. She was the type of woman a lawyer would want.

She wiped away a stray tear when she realized Chelsea was precisely what her mother thought Molly should be like. I'll never be like that, Molly thought. I'll never be the right kind of woman for a man like Jake.

x-x-x-x

"Who was she?" Chelsea asked after Molly had gone.

"A friend," Jake said shortly. It was all he could do not to run after her. God, how could this have happened? He had no idea what to do. Well, he sighed, Molly was gone and probably needed time to calm down. So for now, he would deal with Chelsea.

"A good friend?" Chelsea raised an eyebrow.

"What did you want to talk about?" Jake asked, going into the kitchen.

"I wanted to talk about us, Jacob," Chelsea said. He pulled out a beer, offered her another. Frowning, she shook her head. I forgot, Jake thought idly, Chelsea doesn't drink anything as pedestrian as beer.

"What about us, Chelsea?" he asked after taking a long pull. "There isn't an 'us' anymore, remember? You were pretty clear about that."

"Yes," she said. "Yes, I was."

"And?" He stared at her, waiting.

She averted her eyes from his. "I thought about it. I was wrong. I want to try again."

"Try again," he repeated. "Try what again?"

"Us, Jacob," she said, coming over to him. "I shouldn't have left like that. I was just... pulled in so many directions. My priorities were wrong, and I did the wrong thing."

Jake pondered her words as he walked into the living room. Something didn't feel right about what she was saying, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe there was nothing wrong; maybe he was just being overly suspicious. Maybe he was reading things into her words and voice that weren't there.

Chelsea came out and sat on the couch, waiting for him to say something.

"You said we had different priorities," Jake said, looking out the window. "Are they suddenly aligned?"

"I was kind of hoping so," she said. Then she took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant, Jake."

x-x-x-x

"That's what she said?" Cam demanded. "Just 'I'm pregnant,' nothing else?"

"What else is there to say?" Jake asked him. "It's pretty cut and dried." It had been a week since Chelsea had dropped the news. He had thought about it for days before finally telling Cameron. He'd been a little worried about Cam's reaction, but once Cam got past the initial sock, Jake was sure he'd be able to help.

"Don't take this the wrong way," said Cam, "but is it yours?"

Jake shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't asked her yet."

"What? Are you nuts?" Cam stared at him.

"There's something going on," Jake said, "and I'm not entirely sure what it is. But I can't just abandon her, Cam, even if it's not mine. Two years is a fair amount of history to have with a person. And I will find out," he assured his friend. "You and I have both seen too many cases like this. I'll definitely get a paternity test done."

"Well, that's something anyway," Cam said.

"How's Molly?" Jake asked quietly. He had called the next day, as he'd promised, but Molly hadn't answered. During the week, Jake debated calling again, but never did. But he so badly wanted to talk to her, to see her.

"She's all right, I guess," said Cam. "She won't really talk about it, not even to Maddy."

"I wish I knew what to say to her," Jake said. "This whole thing is just so screwed up."

"Do you love her?" Cam asked. Jake stared at him.

"What?"

"Do you love Molly?" Cam repeated. "Because I'm pretty damn sure she loves you."

"I think I do," Jake said, "but how could I tell her that now? What good would it do? I don't even know if she'd believe me, and I wouldn't blame her if she didn't."

"That would be up to you," said Cam. "But if I had a girl who loved me and a girl I wasn't sure about, I know who I'd pick."

x-x-x-x

Jake grabbed the mail and continued on to the elevator. Nothing had gotten any better in the last few days, and Cam had found out a few things about Chelsea. There was nothing illegal, and a lot was hearsay, but it appeared that Chelsea was running low on money. Extremely low.

He heard Chelsea come in, talking on her cell phone. He remained quiet, trying to analyze what he really knew.

"Yes, I've told him," he heard Chelsea say. "It looks like he believes me." There was silence for a moment. "Well, I can't exactly prove it, can I?" Another pause. "We have a couple of months before anybody really asks questions. I can hold him off for that long."

Jake narrowed his eyes. He wondered who she was talking to, and what exactly it all meant. It didn't take a rocket scientist, however, to deduce that the whole pregnancy issue was some kind of ruse. A lie. He stood up and got a glass of water, mostly to make some noise.

"He's here. I have to go." He heard Chelsea end the conversation. "Hi, sweetie." Chelsea gave him a bright smile as she walked into the kitchen. "How was your day?"

"Busy." He shrugged. "Yours?"

"Same old," she said. "Hungry? I haven't eaten yet."

"Sure," he said. "Let's go out."

They sat at a table in a small Italian restaurant. It had been a favorite place when they'd dated before. It had been just unique enough for Chelsea to decide she liked it. It wasn't very pricey, but the atmosphere made it feel like something special, exclusive. Jake remembered coming for special occasions: an anniversary, celebrating Cam's wedding, toasting the opening of his and Cam's law office.

The server took their orders, stepped away, and quickly returned with two glasses of wine. As Chelsea started to sip, Jake asked, "Should you have that? Isn't it bad for the baby?"

She jerked, spilling a few drops. "Oh." Then she recovered, a little too quickly. "The doctor said a little wouldn't hurt, at least not right now." She brought the glass to her lips and drank some, almost defiantly.

"Who is your doctor?" Jake asked. "Or I could get the name of my sister-in-law's, she and my brother were really happy with hers when she was pregnant."

"I, um, I'll have to get the card," Chelsea said. She tapped her fingers nervously against the stem of her glass. "It's a new practice, I've only been there once before."

"Let me know when you make your appointment," said Jake. "I'll go with you."

"You don't have to do that," said Chelsea, clearly flustered. "I know how busy you are."

The conversation paused as the server brought their food. Chelsea took advantage to drink a little more wine. Jake watched her calmly, disappointed but not angry. She couldn't meet his eyes.

"You aren't pregnant, are you?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she hedged.

"I mean you aren't pregnant," he said. "I don't know what you're playing at, but I know you're lying about this whole thing."

"No, Jacob, I--"

"I can tell, Chelsea," he cut her off, and now he was angry. "At first, I believed every word you said. But I'm not stupid, and you're lying. Now, what's going on?"

She took a deep breath to reassert herself, allowed a few tears to show. "I don't know why you'd say such a thing, Jacob. I assure you, I am pregnant."

"How far along?" he demanded.

"I... I... don't know exactly," she said defensively. "Less than two months, I guess."

"Convenient," he said. She started to answer, then closed her mouth. "So, how many months were you going to hold me off for?" Now she paled. "I heard you when you were on the phone," he told her. She was quiet for several minutes, glancing from her hands to the table to the walls, but never at him.

"It's all gone, Jake," she said finally. All pretenses gone, she took a deep drink of wine.

"What do you mean, 'all gone?'" he asked. "What's gone?"

"The money." Chelsea sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. "My family's broke, Jake. Dad's company went under, then Mom and Dad put all their money in some ridiculous scheme and now everything's gone."

"I'm sorry," he said. "But what does that have to do with you lying to me?"

"I wanted security," she said simply. "I always liked you, Jacob. Very much. I looked around, saw I didn't have many options, and came back to you. I thought if we got back together, perhaps things would work out and we'd get married."

"Are you serious?" he asked incredulously. Then he let out a short laugh. "There's irony -- you marrying me for money."

Chelsea shrugged and drank more wine. Then she tilted her head and looked at him. "Would it really be so bad, Jake? I mean, come on, we had good times. It might not be the most romantic reason for getting married, but not everyone finds their soul mate."

Jake stared at the wine glass in his hand. Not everyone found a soul mate, that was true; but he might have been one of the lucky ones. He raised his eyes to Chelsea. "I will not marry you, Chelsea. I don't love you. We'd both be miserable. And I could never trust you." Such a life would be drab, he realized; colorless.

Now Chelsea looked angry. "I was never unfaithful to you, Jacob, never."

"I never said you were," he pointed out. "But you lied." He had a sudden inspiration. "You took my father's things, didn't you? My God, were you so hard up you had to steal from me?" His eyes blazed.

"I had to pay some debts," she snapped. "I was embarrassed. I didn't want to tell you. So yes, I took those things, and I'm sorry."

"You could have asked me for money, Chelsea. I would have given it to you. I'm not heartless." The anger was rapidly fading, replaced by something like pity.

"I know," she said. "I know. In fact, I guess..." she looked away. "I guess that's what I was counting on, in a way. You're not heartless. I couldn't think of any other way to get you to even consider this... so I told you I was pregnant."

"And in what, two or three months, you were going to have a miscarriage?" he asked. "Christ, Chelsea, how could you do that to me? How could you do this at all?"

"Because I'm scared!" She looked at him with a mixture of defiance and anger. "I don't know how to do anything. I didn't go to college for a career, I went for a husband. I didn't find one there, obviously." She shrugged. "I need someone to take care of me."

"So you'd trick me into marriage? When I don't love you, and you don't love me?" He shook his head. "That's so twisted, I can't begin to tell you."

"I'm scared, Jacob," Chelsea said again. She met his eyes and he saw the truth of it.

"I'm sorry for that," he said, "I really am. But I can't help you. I don't love you and I won't marry you, Chelsea."

"I guess I knew it wouldn't work, really," she said. She seemed vaguely disappointed but not in the least sorry. "But I didn't know what else to do."

"I can't help you there," Jake said, but gently. "That's something you have to figure out for yourself. Now, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

x-x-x-x

Molly ran a hand through her hair, wondering who could be at the door. Maybe it was Maddy, she thought, and then felt badly. Maddy had been trying to get her over for dinner, to try to cheer her up, and Molly kept putting her off. Well, she'd call her tomorrow, Molly decided, and accept. It was ridiculous. She could be friends with Maddy and Cam, and even with Jake. But she hoped the first time they got together, Jake wouldn't be there.

"Coming, coming," she called as she pulled out of her thoughts and went to the door. That was bad, she decided, getting lost on the way to your own front door. From the inside of a two-bedroom apartment.

"Jake." She was so surprised to see him she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Hi, Molly," he said. God, she looked beautiful, he thought. Blue barrettes with silver accents held her golden hair back from her face. The barrettes brought out her eyes. As soon as he saw her, things seemed brighter.

"Come... come in," she said, stepping back. Don't hope, don't hope, she thought to herself. If he broke her heart again she wasn't sure she could take it.

"Thanks," he said softly. He waited while she closed the door, and followed her as she walked aimlessly to the living room.

"I, um..." Molly tried to say something but there was nothing there. It was funny, she thought, how she used to ramble on in front him. Now she couldn't think of anything to say.

"I love you, Molly," Jake said, "and I'm sorry." She blinked.

"What?" she asked, afraid she hadn't heard him properly.

"I love you," he said again. He put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry things happened the way they did. It was confusing all around, but I shouldn't have let you leave like that."

"But what about... what about Chelsea?" Molly asked.

"It was all a lie," he said. "It's a long story that I'll tell you about later, if you want me to. But it's all done, it's all over."

"You know," she said, twisting her hands nervously, "that night, I came over... I wanted to tell you..."