Skin to Skin Ch. 04

"What's the matter?" Lynn asked. "Do you still feel bad for having sex with my brother?"

I groaned, in response.

She scoffed. "It's not that bad, Lo."

"Yes, it is!" I shouted into my palms. I rubbed my face a few times and then I placed my hands on the table. "Lynn, I had sex with a Neo-Nazi Skin head. He's a Skin Head, Lynn!" I said softly. "I am a black woman! I grew up listening to the speeches of Malcolm X! I read books by bell hooks, Toni Morrison, Sojourner Truth and Marcus Garvey! My mother and my father were a part of a chapter of the Black Panther Party! My grandparents were a part of the Civil Rights Movement! So, there's no way in hell that I should've slept with a Skin Head!"

"Malachi is not—

"Your brother is hanging out with them, which means that he is a Skin Head, Lynn. I know that he is your brother and all, but he is a Skin Head. You should know this, especially after he called you a 'fucking coal burner'," I informed her.

I watched pain flicker like a flame in her hazel eyes. I was immediately filled with guilt due to my action. I knew that she didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry," I said to her softly.

Lynn gave me a gentle smile before she stared down at the table. "It's okay." She allowed a few minutes of quietness to float by before she spoke again. "So what happened?"

"With what exactly?"

"With you and Malachi, how did...it happen?" she inquired.

I decided to lie to Lynn. "It happened on the night, when we had our sleep-over at your mom's house. Malachi and I had decided to chill out, after your ass had fallen asleep on me. We had a few beers and we talked. You know that a 'drunken man's words are an honest man's thoughts' and some things were said. We kissed and one thing led to another..." I thought that Lynn deserved a little bit of the truth, so I told her about the following morning. "I woke up to his alarm clock going off. He was already in the shower by then. So I took advantage of the opportunity. I quickly got dressed in my pajamas and hauled ass out of the basement."

"Why did you leave?" she asked. She sounded as if she was truly upset with my actions from that morning.

I scoffed. "Umm, because I wanted to avoid that 'awkward morning after' experience."

There was a bit of silence between us. "Have you heard from him?" I shook my head. She released a huff. "My mom said. "She does not hear from him either. Now, she's worried about him..." Lynn scoffed in disgust. "One minute, she cursed his ass out and threw him out of her house and the next—

"She was angry at him at the time, Lynn. People tend to say some horrible things when angry," I explained to her.

"But she didn't have to tell him to leave, Lo. She knows that he doesn't have a place to go."

"He's probably staying with one of his Skin Head buddies," was my theory.

"Which is why she shouldn't have tossed his ass out," she pointed out. "If she didn't want him in that lifestyle, then she should not have pushed him further into it!"

I didn't have a rebuttal for that point. Instead, I just repeated what I said earlier. "No, I haven't spoken to him since that night when we... You know."

I sighed. "I just wish I knew where he was. Whenever Malachi disappears for a long period of time and doesn't contact us, we know he is doing something he shouldn't have no business doing."

"I hope that he is not in prison again," I muttered.

"I hope so too. But the strange thing about that is: when he's in jail, I know where he is at all times."

~oMRo~

After lunch at Applebee's, Lynn and I did more shopping. We ended up hitting a few stores that sold predominantly children's apparel; she wanted to shop for her unborn daughter, whom she named 'Cadence'.

"So what do you want to do next?" Lynn asked as we exited the mall.

"All I want to do right now is go home, kick off my sneakers and take a damn nap," I informed her.

"Oh," I heard Lynn whimper in disappointment. She wanted to spend more time with me, having been seven weeks since our last get-together, which was pathetic for our friendship. I didn't even visit my friend on the day she learned about her pregnancy.

'I haven't been a friend to her at all,' I concluded.

My heart made a few hard thumps against my chest, feeling guilty as hell. Glancing over at my best friend as she silently focused on the sidewalk during the walk to my car. Lynn continued to remain silent as we strolled down Queens Boulevard. Finally, we arrived to my parked 2002 silver Infiniti I35. Before we entered the vehicle, I turned to Lynn and then suggested, "Before we go back to your place, we need to go to the supermarket because I know that you don't have any groceries in your house. Also, do you have any good movies at your house or should we drop by my house?"

Lynn's face brightened up immediately with excitement. There was a pink tint to her somewhat plump cheeks, nose and chin. Her golden brown eyes shining with a vibrant energy not there previous to my suggestions of spending more time together. "Really?" she squealed with a toothy smile.

"Yes, really," I notified her. "But, we need to feed you so—

"Ha, ha, ha" a very snarky Lynn said to me before she entered my car. "For your information, I do have food in my house!"

Turns out, Lynn didn't have any food inside of her kitchen unless a person wanted to consider a jar of moldy Nutella as a source of food. She had the typical 'doctor-resident' type of diet which consisted of junk food and coffee. Thank goodness we had dropped by a supermarket before we had gone to her place.

"I want to show you something after you finish," stated Lynn as she watched me place canned goods in her pantry.

"Alright, what is it?"

"It's a surprise!" she squealed.

After I put away the last can of peas, Lynn snatched my left hand pulling me out of the pantry closet. She guided me out the kitchen, through the dining and living rooms towards the staircase. As we traveled up the stairs, I stopped to survey the collage of framed pictures mounted on the wall.

"This was Malachi's idea," she pointed out. "He said he read about the idea from a magazine."

An image of the six-foot-six, Adonis reading an issue of the "Family Circle" magazine entered my mind. My body released a sign of arousal as the result. A titillating chill had run down my spine and left my body hot in its wake. A strong pull formed in the pit of my belly and sank down to my crotch.

"Malachi did this?" I sighed.

"EEEEEWWWWW!!!" Lynn squealed, as she expressed her disgust.

Her shriek snapped me out of my lust-driven reverie. "Shut up Lynn," I grumbled. I managed to brush pass a laughing Lynn and continued to climb the stairs.

"The way that you said his name, you sounded like one of those characters from a cheesy romance novel!"

"Shut up Lynn," I repeated as I continued to climb to the second floor.

"Can you walk properly--?"

"Shut up Lynn."

"The way your voice made that breathy sigh—

"Ugh, can you please shut up?" I groaned.

My best friend, the human incubator, continued to laugh at my discomfort. "It's just so funny to me!"

I entered the second floor hallway and walked down the narrow hallway 'til I reached the door leading to the middle bedroom. Seeing an adorable door decoration consisting of pink-painted, wooden blocks spelling, "Cadence's Room", with wooden butterflies hanging from the bottom of the blocks.

"Oh, this is so cute!" I squealed as my left index finger traced the border of one block. I glanced at Lynn who stood next to me. "This is so cool, Lynn!"

Lynn giggled. "I was so happy, that this decoration came out right!" she told me and did a little bounce, which reminded me of an over-eagered Yorkie. She did a little dance as she made her way to the doorknob. "And here's Cadence's Room!" she announced cheerfully before pushing the door open. Then she moved to the side, allowing me to see the nursery.

I stood in the nursery's doorway and stared at the beauty that was displayed throughout the bedroom. The days' weather being sunny, the rays were shining through the double windows giving the nursery an ethereal view.

'Oh...my...'

The sunlight bounced off the walls and highlighted the pink color, as well as, the white crown molding. There were white, wooden shutters on each window. There were colorful, lace curtains hanging from the windows. The polished, hardwood floorboards were covered by an area rug with hummingbirds and butterflies printed on the crème colored rug. The furniture: the rocking chair, the crib, the armoire and changing table were made from a light cedar wood.

"You can't appreciate everything just by standing in the doorway, Lo! Go inside and look at your niece's bedroom!"

I suddenly felt nervous. I felt as if I was a clumsy oaf that was in a glass figurine shop. Suddenly, I was hot and sweaty and my skin was buzzing. My stomach felt as if it had fallen down into my asshole. Despite being a total mess, I and my uncoordinated steps entered the nursery. I walked to the center of the bedroom and stared straight ahead towards the windows.

"Look at the collage first," I heard Lynn say to me.

I glanced over my left shoulder and over at my best friend. The 'mom-to-be' was still standing in the doorway of the nursery. She leaned against the post of the threshold and her hands cupped her pregnant stomach.

"The collage," she simply stated with a subtle jerk of her pointed chin. She "pointed" over in the direction of the room's left side. I glanced at the wall and saw the object. It was mounted above the armoire. The collage was about three feet wide and the length was about three feet long. I walked up to the armoire to take a closer inspection of the chosen photos.

I recognized most of the pictures. They were photos of Lenora, Malachi and I when we were children. There were pictures of our mothers when they were infants, kids and as teenagers. There were photos of Lenora and Malachi's extended family members. I turned my attention to the photos that held the Patrick children and me.

"I added pictures of us when we were kids because I wanted Cadence to know that we were kids once. You know, back when our small problems seemed huge," explained Lynn.

"Mmm," I groaned and then coughed.

I tried to get rid of the lump lodged in my throat. With a pair of eyeballs that burned with tears, I continued to gaze at the photos. There was one picture that caught my eye, in the center of the sea of photos. It was a ten year-old photograph. It was taken when Malachi was twelve years old while Lynn and I were seven. I remembered the night the picture was taken. Earlier that day, the Patrick Family had moved into their first house. It was a 'lemon' of a house that was a few blocks away from the housing projects.

In the photo, all three of us were asleep on Mama Patrick's crushed velvet, burgundy couch. Malachi sat in the middle while Lynn and I took up the space on each of his sides. Lynn's and my head rested on the tops of his thighs while we rested in fetal positions. As we slept, Malachi placed a protective hand on one of our tiny shoulders. Malachi, on the other hand, slept in a seating position. His head was resting on the back of the couch.

I relived the memories from that night. I remembered how innocent our opinions and thoughts were during the time. We were ecstatic with the fact that my mom had bought us McDonald's for dinner. I recalled how excited Lynn and Malachi felt about moving into a house that was "far, far, far away" from the housing projects. The two Patrick children considered the South Jamaica Housing Projects as the cause of their misery. We never considered that, because they moved from the projects and lived in a house three blocks away, their troubles with the tenants had ceased. I remembered the moment, when Malachi made a surprising promise to Lynn while in his bedroom. He informed his baby sister they didn't have to worry about their Ma moving her current boyfriend, Paul into their house. It was because their Ma "had a lot of money now". Then he promised no one would hurt them anymore, because he was going to protect them. He made this promise as we listened to Slick Rick's "Hey Young World" that played from his CD player-slash-tape player. I believed it was an appropriate song to play for that moment, when I thought about it retrospectively.

I continued to stare at the picture and Malachi's twelve year-old self. 'He was so happy that day,' I thought remembering an image of his cheerful face from that night. He was a child that night. That night, he didn't play the role of "man of the house" and his shoulders didn't hold the 'weight of the world'. The thought of a pre-teen child being saddled with adult-like responsibility and to experience such sadness had made me angry. Suddenly, I felt my heart thumped wildly in my chest cavity while my skin felt hot.

'It is so unfair,' I said to myself.

"Chloe?"

I turned to face Lynn and found she was standing next to me. I didn't even hear my friend move away from the doorway.

"Huh?" I grunted. I noticed that my voice didn't sound the same. My tone was trembling. A breeze had swept into the bedroom and kissed my cheeks. A chill clung to my cheeks. I touched my cheeks and moisture greeted my fingertips.

"Are you okay?" she asked with concern.

"Um," I groaned. I made a difficult swallow. The lump in my throat was the reason for the difficulty. "I'm alright. I'm just thinking about your brother," I explained.

I watched my best friend's facial features contort and shift as she changed emotions. I watched her concerned face turn to an expression of enlightenment and finally shift to a mask of content. "You ain't the only one," she said to me. Lynn wrapped her right arm around my waist and rested her head on my left shoulder. She stared at the photo collage. "Every time I come into this room, I think about him." She quieted down for a moment before she spoke again. "I like to talk shit about my brother from time to time, but I haven't stopped caring about him. Every night, before I go to bed, I pray to God—

"I do too," I confessed.

"My mom goes to Saint Theresa's every evening before she heads home and she lights a candle for my brother. I remember once, when Malachi was in jail, she told me that she prays to God so that he could give Malachi whatever it is that he is looking for." She sniffled. "I think we all want my brother to find..." Her voice trailed off. I glanced at her. Lynn appeared to be contemplating what to say next..." She shook her head as if she was about to quit her search for the appropriate word. "...find...find..." She scoffed. "Gosh, I don't even know the words to describe—

I knew of an appropriate word.

"Peace," I said simply.

Her eyes lit up. "Yeah," she murmured as a smile appeared on her lips. "We want him to have some form of peace. There's a beast inside of him that's restless. That's what Kenny told me that night, after his dust-up with Malachi. He told me that my brother has a beast inside of him that's constantly awake. I just wish the motherfucker would just do a Rip Van Winkle and fall-the-fuck to sleep finally."

A memory from the night Malachi and I had sex flashed in my mind. It was a part of the moment after our first sexual encounter. I remembered the image of his naked, sweaty upper body and his handsome face as he lay on his side of the bed. I remembered the statement he said about the gang of thugs he was hanging out with.

"He believes that those Skin Heads are like his family mem—

Lynn released my waist and her head jerked off my shoulder. She glared at me. Her hazel eyes burned with anger while her eyebrows wrinkled with contempt. Her cheeks and her nose held a pink tint. "We're his family: Me, Ma, Mama Pat and you too! How could he---

I turned to face her. I placed my hands on her shoulders in order to calm my friend down. "Lenora, calm down," I said to her with a soft voice that was usually reserved for lullabies. "I said he said the gang was 'like a family' for him. The keyword here is 'like'. He is aware that we are his family. He knows this, Sis."

The fire and anger left her spirit. I felt her body lose its rigidity. Her eyebrows soothed out, but the luster in her eyes and pink coloring stayed in her cheeks. Her eyes glanced down at the floor. "I just wish that he..." She grimaced. Her angry didn't return. But her sense of frustration had appeared. "He is so fucking talented, Lo, but he is so stupid! He could have a career in making..."

Lynn pulled away from my clutches. She snatched my left hand and proceeded to pull me as she walked over to the other side of the bedroom. She led me to the location of the crib.

"Look at this crib!" she shouted with passion. She slapped the railing with her hand. "He made this for me! He made this crib for Cadence in less than two months! This was delivered over to my Ma's house last Monday! One of the delivery men told my mother that Malachi had used their boss' furniture factory to make this for me! Look at this crib!"

I walked closer to the crib's guard rail and I surveyed the bed. It was a standard, rectangular-shaped crib that consisted of a headboard, rails and a footboard. The wood was polished to perfection. I ran my fingers along the rail's bannister and noticed the different textures underneath my fingertips. My eyes peered down at the rail. 'Holy shit,' my brain gasped while the pleasant surprise settled in. I ran my fingertips along the intricate carvings again. 'He is very talented.'

Malachi had created a very beautiful crib for his niece, Cadence. With a 'relief carving technique', he carved different species of fauna and flora into the wood. He carved vines and leaves into the bannister of the guard rails. There were etchings of vines and leaves on the legs of the crib as well. On the 'feet' of the crib there were carvings of flowers and tortoises. In the spokes that made up the rails, there were lady bugs and ants.

"Your brother—

"Do you see what I mean?! Malachi did all of this! You should see the headboard to the crib!" Before I could make a remark, she gently pushed me in the direction of the headboard. "Just look at it, Lo!"

I gazed down at the headboard of the crib...

'HOLE-LEE SHIT!'

...and I had fallen into 'awe' with Malachi. I think that my heart stopped working momentarily. My lungs felt heavy. If I thought I was impressed with the crib's guard rails, then I must've been spellbound by the headboard. Just like the rails, the headboard had the relief carving technique too. He had etched and created a scene in the thick plank of wood. It was a scene of a little girl sitting at the base of a tree. She was smiling and staring up at the sky while she held an opened book on her lap. I recognized that smiling face. I used to see it every day, when we were kids. He used Cadence's mom as his inspiration. At her feet, there were tortoises, rabbits and insects. In the sky, there were butterflies. The name 'Cadence' was carved above the scene, in the Irish-Gaelic font and in an arch formation.

"God, my brother is an idiot!" Lynn screamed out in frustration.

"Yup," I muttered while being transfixed with the headboard's art.

"You know, the crib is not the only thing that he's made! He made everything that is in this room! He made the changing table, the rocking chair and the armoire!"

I tore my attention away from the headboard and surveyed the other pieces of furniture; every piece of furniture bearing the same carvings as the crib and headboards engravings.

"I..." whimpered Lynn.

I turned my focus to Lynn. She stood in the center of the bedroom, appearing frustrated and frazzled. Her waist-length, curly red hair was wild. Her face was glowing with a thin layer of sweat and a pale shade of burgundy. She shifted her weight between both of her feet as she swayed, and her eyes were glossy with tears.