Sometimes It's Just Not Worth It... Ch. 02

'Michael...' she started to say, 'I just.' Suddenly Dani flinched backwards, jerking back across the bed.

I don't remember ever raising my hand to a woman in my life, I don't remember lifting my arm at her. But suddenly there it was, raised in the air, my hand open in a slap position... It never came down, I looked at it up in the air, ready to strike her. I could'nt believe what I was about to have done.

I pulled my hand down. My eyes slowly filling with tears. I looked at my boy, sleeping in his cot at the end of my bed, our bed.

'You fucked another man in my house. You fucked another man in my house and worse still you fucked a man in MY house with OUR son sleeping only thirty or so feet away.'

Dani looked at me, shaking her head. 'No no no honey I swear you have it wrong, he forced me! They forced me! I didn't enjoy it!'

I smiled, not a smile of joy, not a smile of relief, but one of contempt for this lying bitch.

'I quit a full time job for you. I came out here and left my friends behind for you Dani, when I found out you were pregnant. I gave up my whole life more or less. I gave it up to be with you.'

She moved slowly back towards me, carefully, I think she believed I may try to hit her again. 'Mike... they did force me...'

'Dani you're nothin but a fucking liar.' I seethed at her, looking her straight in the eyes. I flipped the cameras viewscreen open. It showed her, bucking her ass up and down on the mans cock, sliding up and down, clearly not being forced.

'Yeah you were forced, that screams to me right there rape hey? I mean, sure you let him put it in, you sucked his cock of your own volition, hell you even let him lick you! I mean, don't mind the fact I'm down here and within earshot WITH a gun in the house able to defend you from a rapist. But hey Dani, lets stick with the rape theory because it sounds so much fucking better than 'Oh I was so enjoying sucking this guys dick whilst my fiance sleeps the night away in the other room!'

Dani burst into tears. 'We hardly do anything any more though...' she said to me, spluttering. 'We hardly do anything and you hardly ever make love to me. When was the last time you tried properly?'

They say that every breakdown of a relationship can be attributed to two people, it's indeed true. No relationship is ever ended from a sole side. There's always some small percentage given to the other person, I guess, just by being in it in the first place. What extent had I added to this I wonder?

'Do you remember when we first met Dani? I took you to Southbank. Remember that? I didn't have a car and you did?'

Dani looked over at me and nodded her head, she opened her mouth to speak.

'Shut it. Let me finish.' I snapped. 'You went home around ten, I didn't go with you. Decided to be the gentleman and not fuck you on the first date. Remember?'

She nodded her head, at least she was listening and not trying to butt in again.

'I ran into Pastel that night Dani. Pastel, my former girlfriend. Remember her too?'

She nodded her head again, her eyes narrowed...

'Pastel made it pretty damn clear that seeing as we hadn't had sex that night, that if I wanted it, I'd be able to go back to her place with her and she'd bang my brains out all night. What'd I say to her? I said no. I told her no because I felt something between us and didn't want to ruin it. Now, I've seen Pastel as recent as three months ago, and you know what? The offer was made again. Do you think I took it? No. And why's that? Because I have a partner who I made a damn commitment to. Others might like the idea of cheating behind their partners back, but to me it's sick. The ultimate violation of a relationship.'

Dani sat there, mouth agape. 'You never told me she offered you sex!' she started to raise her voice.

'It was a non issue. And its still not the issue. I turned it down flat. And now I sit here thinking Dani, how many other guys have you fucked? I'm BETTING this guy wasn't the first, seeing as it didn't exactly take much coaxing for you to suck on his dick let alone fuck him. Hell, you didn't even ask him to pull out. You're not even on the PILL Dani... or maybe you are and you forgot to tell me... after all, wouldn't want me asking questions would you?'

'I'm on the pill...' Dani looked towards the window, then down at the bed. She wiped her forearm across her nose, 'I've been on it for three months. And he wasn't the first.'

Whilst she had been looking towards the window I had clicked record again. I knew I wanted this information, I knew I'd need it again.

My chest clenched tightly, it felt like my heart was being sliced into ribbons. I managed to keep a straight cold face, but inside I was being torn up like wheat through a thresher.

I had to remind myself to breathe at one point, my mind was swimming, Dani sat there silently rocking back and forth, not noticing the camera was on. God bless digital camcorders hey? No moving parts, no noise when they start recording.

'I've had a few others.' She whispered. 'In this house? In this room?' I asked slowly. She nodded slowly. 'How many Dani...' She looked at me and said in amongst a sigh 'Does it matter?'.

I guess I figured at this moment what was going to happen. I'd hear the number, I'd get angry and yell, she'd yell at me, we'd fight, we'd argue, eventually she may, in theory be able to talk me down or vice versa and then we may even make up.

Like fuck.

It was over. I stood up and grabbed a bag, 'You're leaving???' she asked strangely perplexed. As she stood up, she grabbed my arm. 'Dani let go or I'll throw you across the room.'

'Don't leave Mike please don't leave! If you're not going to stay for me, stay for Lance!'

My anger boiled into hatred. Here was this whore, trying to use my beautiful son as leverage to get me to stay. How dare she. Such a beautiful innocent little boy and this dirty slut was trying to blackmail me with my love for him.

'Think of Lance Michael, this won't be good for him!'

'Dani if you don't shut your damn mouth right now I'll shut it for you! Dont you EVER try to use my son against me!'

I finished filling the bag. I grabbed a second one and started shovelling Lances stuff into it. Shirts, nappies, singlets, even his little duck pyjamas.

'You're not taking Lance!!!' she screamed at me. 'I'm taking our son. I'm taking him away from a dirty fucking slut like you. You call yourself a mother... I call you a whore who got inconvenienced by having a child. If you cared about your child you wouldn't be off partying every fucking weekend.'

'You can't take my boy. Child welfare won't allow it! They always side with the mother!'

By now Lance was awake and crying. I picked him up in my arms, Dani stepped forward towards me to take him. 'Back off you bitch. I'm leaving and Lance is coming with me... you want to act like a slut... a whore... do it in your own private space and don't subject my son to your bullshit. I'm sure Child welfare would love to get a copy of the video clip along with the claims that you're running some sort of sex parlour here wouldn't they?'

She looked at the camera. I looked at it. In one quick motion she grabbed it. 'You fucking bastard... You're not going to do this!' She looked at it carefully... then at me. 'Well smartass, what if it were broken huh? Wheres your evidence then?' She threw it on the ground and stamped it into a thousand pieces. The casing cracking, lense went flying and hit my leg, little bits of plastic were everywhere. I sighed. 'Dani... it uses a high capacity memory card you idiot. I've already taken it out. Now, I'm going, Lance is coming with me. I'm never coming back. Neither is he. You want access, we'll figure that out later.'

Essentially that's how it ended. I walked out the door with my son in arm, putting him into the car, Dani ran behind me begging me to stay, asking me to leave our son with her. I told her no. I demanded full custody. Unfortunately, in Queensland, Child services does indeed favor the mother for custody of the child. Dani tried to gain full custody and almost succeeded, hell, a court date was set. I took her aside one day and popped open a portable dvd player. You can figure what was on it. The words 'I've got no problem at all walking in and showing them this...' were spoken.

When we entered the room with the attorneys and judge, she'd had a convenient change of heart.

I guess threatening to not only send copies to her family, her friends, put it on the internet and send a copy of it to her workplace, a childcare facility, would'nt exactly bode well. With one fell swoop I could destroy her life. I could gain my revenge. But like I asked before. What would that gain?

Revenge is cold. It may feel good at first, but I'll be damned if it doesn't leave you feeling hollow and withdrawen afterwards. No matter how bad someone has been to you, do you really want to sink to their level? I guess in this case yes, but it wasn't without its sour aftertaste.

The decision was reached eventually. I would keep Lance, she would have him two weekends out of every month with the ability to visit him one extra day out of every week as well. The funniest part of it, I guess, is she pays ME child support... something that's pretty much unheard of in todays society.

She's told me, that every time she gives me money, its a physical reminder of what she's done, I'm glad because maybe, just maybe she'll treat her next partner somewhat better. But I doubt it.

Of course, I also DNA tested Lance, it took six weeks and cost five hundred dollars... pricey. You don't have any idea how much it tears you up inside to wait that long, wondering if you really are that boys dad or not. Noone knows I did this. It was a private sendaway DNA analysis kit. When the results came back in, I sat looking at them for an hour. Maybe I was best off living in ignorance, believing he was definitely mine, but there'd always be a nagging feeling...

So I opened the letter. And almost choked on tears when I read it was a positive match. My boy was indeed, my boy. Just the thought of him not being, nearly destroyed me. Now knowing he was, had rebuilt me better than ever.

A lot of people would sit there scratching their heads saying 'Wimp husband' or whatever, a lot of you sit there thinking 'Why didn't he beat the crap out of the guy' or 'I wouldn't have done that,' or 'a real man wouldn't of!' But the problem is, that as is obvious, the relationship at that point was dead. This was the final nail in the coffin. If you havent been there like I have and many others have, think yourself lucky. People fall out of love and stay with each other for the childs sake a lot of the time, and I guess in this case, this was my best opportunity to get out, with my son and leave that slut behind.

One day I'll meet another woman. I know I will and I'll meet someone worthy of me. Thats not arrogant, that's just asking for someone who shares my morals and standards. I'm not an asshole, I believe in monogomy and I won't take back a partner who cheats under any circumstances. My son is doing wonderfully, he sees his mother regularly. Oh and yes, I do have that memory card. Now burnt to over fifteen dvd's all sealed and addressed to the appropriate places, in a safe place.