Starting Over Ch. 01

She felt the shake before she heard the voice, the tone was quiet and confused and worried, “Mum?”

She opened her eyes and saw the smooth white flesh of her daughter’s thigh, felt the gentle caress on her hair and she followed her daughter’s gentle tug and rose up, surprised at the stickiness on her cheek and she allowed her daughter to pull her back and they both fell onto the pillows propped against the headboard. They said nothing, the daughter holding the mother, stroking her hair, gently, as she had been stroked.

“Ever since I was a little girl,” the mother finally said, in a dull, mechanical voice, “I would take the juices from my pussy and taste it, lick it, not all of it, just some of it because I wanted the rest on my fingers to leave beside my nose as I went to sleep. Later, when I married your father, when we’d have sex, I always touch myself before he came, touch myself to get my own, pure juices and when he grunted and rolled off me, it was my time, my time to lick myself, to taste myself, to smell myself. It is my sleeping pill, Jessica. It’s sick, I know, but I’ve never cared, I’ve never cared until now. Who could I hurt? That’s what happened here, Jess, I was like a bee to honey. When I smelled you, I think I smelled myself and I went, I went as I’ve always wanted to go to my self. But something happened here tonight, Jess, and it shouldn’t have, I can’t explain it. And I’m utterly, utterly ashamed.”

Jessica jumped out of bed and pulled her mother with her. “Get dressed, hurry!”

“For what?”

“For anything, hurry,” and Jess opened her drawer and even though it was night time, quickly pulled on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt and her mother, watching, stripped off her tattered dress and followed suite and they were in the lobby in minutes.

“This way,” said the daughter and she headed for the main entrance. The mother followed, but she didn’t know why, she didn’t know why she was in the lobby but she was glad to follow, she was glad she didn’t have to think about …it, but she would have to, at another time, an awful time — and when she did, she knew she would be in front of a mirror where she could look at herself, study herself, search for clues, try to understand … but that was another time.

They stopped just outside the doors. Ann was conscious of the cool air and the soft breeze and the arm that rapped around her shoulder and turned her around. Jessica’s words were loud, as if to a crowd, “The Riverview Health Club and Spa, mum, doesn’t it look great. I’ve always want to come here with you. I’m so excited I can hardly stand it,” the words were an eager child’s, full of gaiety and hope, then she added in a lower voice, words only for her mother, “we need a new beginning, mum, we’ll be starting over when we pass through those doors.”