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Click hereAlicia calls her parents every few days and works hard at mending that relationship. I am both relieved and surprised that they don't seem to hold any grudge against me. They even invited me to come to California for Christmas, so that is what we are planning to do. I'll get to meet Alicia's sisters and see where she grew up. Janice has called me a few times and tries to act like she is just being social, but then she always finds a way to ask, "So, how Alicia is really doing?" I can honestly answer that Alicia is doing really well.
I didn't tell her mom that we had our first fight because her work had a party with a bunch of food and Alicia got really anxious about it, thinking everyone was watching what she was eating or not eating. I was stoked to be around all that delicious free food and told Alicia she was being self-absorbed and everyone else was just thinking about themselves. She got angry and so did I. Then I realized that she gets nervous around social events associated with food, and I had better cut her some slack. On the flipside, she said I get giddy around free food -- and I really can't deny that.
Then Alicia got something in the mail from her school, asking if she was going to register for the next semester. It wouldn't be until after Christmas, but I still felt my heart get heavy. I knew I would have to support her decision whichever way it went, but I loved being able to spend time with her.
I stayed quiet about it as I watched her mood get darker and darker. I know she talked to Margaret about the school situation, but I stayed out of it and waited to hear whatever choice she made. Then one night, while we were lying side-by-side in bed she turned to me and asked, "Ray, will you still love me if I don't become a CPA?"
"What?!" I laughed, but she was looking at me all insecure and I could see she was actually serious. "Alicia, I couldn't care less about that."
"But when you met me I was a go-getter. You won't be disappointed or think of me as a slacker?"
I paused rather than answer right away. This sounded ridiculous, but I could see that it was a really serious issue for her, so I took a deep breath before answering. "I wasn't looking for a CPA. I wasn't looking for anything, really. But then you came along and changed my life. I didn't fall in love with you because you are ambitious. I fell in love with you because you are sweet and brave and shy and beautiful. I love how you are curious and enthusiastic about stuff, how you look things up. I like how you get so excited about New York, you're like a little kid, and your enthusiasm is contagious. I love how friendly and outgoing you are to everyone you meet. You make a really good impression on people; you are warm and they like you. Plus, you are really smart, and did I mention beautiful? And sexy as hell too. And I love you because you love me. At a low point in my life, you could still see that I was a good person, a worthy person, when I could no longer see it myself. I couldn't care less if you become a CPA. The main thing I want is for you to be happy and healthy, whatever that takes. I want you to be with me for life. For a long life. I'm completely in love with you."
Alicia had a tear on her cheek, so I wiped it away, finally a happy tear I could kiss away. And kiss away I did.
Epilogue:
It's almost summer here again in New York. The Klaer family is planning a big backpacking trip out in California and they want Alicia and me to come out and join them. Steve keeps asking Alicia about my experience with the great outdoors and specifically if I have ever slept outside. Alicia and I have laughed about that a lot. Yeah, I've slept outdoors in all kinds of weather. Sleeping in a tent with a sleeping bag sounds like five-star accommodations to me, so Alicia assured Steve I would be fine. I'm really looking forward to it, plus it will give me a chance to talk to Steve about something important. I have my mom's ring and I thought about asking Alicia to marry me in some beautiful setting like Yosemite. Or maybe on top of a mountain, or next to a stream or waterfall. Then I realized that I would rather wait until we get back and propose in Central Park. I want to ask Alicia to marry me in New York City. We are New Yorkers, after all, and this seems right. New York is our home.
Afterword
This is a story about love and redemption. In the beginning, it seems that Ray is the one with the problems, but the reader learns that Alicia is the one in real trouble. Part way through this writing, I was blessed with the help of an amazing editor, "Lovely Bob," who appreciated and understood what I was trying to convey. During our back-and-forth communications, he asked some background questions and, given the serious topic of the eating disorder bulimia nervosa, he felt it was worthwhile to share some of our conversation with the reader. Here is part of what we discussed behind the scenes:
Q. Donna, are you yourself bulimic?
A. No. I definitely have other issues and have been in recovery for a very long time, but I have always had a very healthy relationship with food.
Q. Are you a therapist? Do you have advanced training in the treatment of eating disorders?
A. No, not at all. After overcoming my own difficulties, I went to school to become a Health teacher. I wanted to teach teenagers about the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, about eating disorders, sex education, including STDs - you know, all the interesting topics! But I fell in love with Biology during my schooling and became a Bio teacher instead.
Q. What elements of these real-world experiences made their way into the story of Alicia and Ray?
A. Tons. Too many to list. As far as Ray goes, I know what it is like to be down and out. I know what it is like to crawl out of a hole. And Alicia? Even though I have never had an eating disorder myself, I have been a mentor for several women who do. The scratched hands, the use of markers, the heart attack, the unrealistic body expectations, the over-exercising, even the puking in jars all came from real people in my life. And so did the outpatient program and the "Texas Toast" too.
Q. In your opinion, what does it take to "beat" bulimia?
A. Well, as we have discussed, I am no expert! I am a writer and this is a fictional story with a positive ending, but it easily could have gone the other way. I knew it could not be a girl-meets-boy-and-instantly-gets-better story. I believe what William said, "You can't fix this, Ray," and what Steve Klaer said, "Love doesn't fix this." But love helps! And the most important love when it comes to recovery from bulimia, is the love that comes from inside. When I started this story, I thought that Alicia would not recover and would break Ray's heart, but she proved to be more of a fighter than I had planned. I asked myself, "What would it take for Alicia to recover?" And what I came up with is the following things that I knew had to happen in the story:
Q. Do you identify with Alicia?
A. I actually identify much more with Ray than with Alicia.
Q.: What do you admire most about Ray?
A. Ray's experience at being nearly homeless matured him and he is very tolerant. I like how he evolved throughout the story. He went from being anti-social to being comfortable around a variety of people. A librarian, Alicia's parents, the therapist, soccer players, neighbors, and a homeless guy were among his friends. I appreciate that he was a reader and a learner, although not formally educated. He started out thinking he was invisible and not worthy of anybody's attention, but by the end of the story he had job skills, friends, and love. He even felt like he had something to give back. Ray climbed Maslow's pyramid. And he finally felt at home in the big city.
RAY KELLY'S RECOMMENDED READING LIST
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer
Let the Great World Spin, by Colum McCann
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon
The Catcher In the Rye, by JD Salinger
The Memory of Running, by Ron McLarty
The Buffalo Hunter, by Peter Straub
The Power of the Dog, by Thomas Savage
Evolutionary of Ray's personal development. Dismay at sunny, bubbly Alicia's blackmore of insecurity. What a cross to bear versus Ray's shame and humiliation of being a discarded outcast, both by his dad and poverty.
Excellent story and writing. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you 5 * all the way
Really loved this story. You can say I am a sucker for Romance. But hey who isn't.
I would love to see a spin off story between Tracy and William. Both seem to be interesting characters who deserve a story of their own.
If you are still reading the comments…I agree with others that this seemed to wrap up very quickly after chapters of details. Nice foray into the world of eating disorders.
So today I learned that I have unresolved anger issues too!
Great story and great writing.
Lovely story, had to consume it in one sitting. My back hurts, but my heart feels fulfilled. Thank you.
This was a great story, the ups and downs were amazingly well written. I can always tell it's a good story when I get frustrated with a character I like, I liked Ray, a lot, but he was an insensitive asshole a lot and it was so frustrating, but also really highlighted how a lot of people who don't have experience with mental Illness react to people with mental Illness.
The only downside id say after reading two of your stories, is the pacing/time skips can be a little discombobulating. Like it's Tuesday and then all of a sudden it's been 6 weeks and you don't even really realize it.
Other than that one preferential thing it's an absolute top notch romance story.
I'm not a professional writer or critic, but I know what I like & you held my interest w/ your story. To be totally honest, I don't come to this website to read 'stories', I want to read about sex & porn. You get the idea I'm sure, so for me to read all 13 chapters should tell you something. I enjoyed your characters also. Thanks for the enjoyment.
Loved the characters! Loved the story! Loved the fact it wasn't complicated by some third person. Alicia's past habits were disconcerting but I guess that must happen in real life and it has given me some base on which I can relate to people suffering from similar disorders in real life if I ever meet one. That is the true beauty of this story. I honestly had never heard about such problems. Ray's rise from near homelessness to a steady worker/supervisor was believable and neat. There were so many side characters and their arc was written superbly. Donna if you haven't written any novels/scripts then what are you doing!! Many view this website similar to a porn site. But it's not! It's where you find the future stars in the Literary and maybe Entertainment world! Writers like you make spending time on this site worth the while and much more!
Thank you for sharing this story!! ;-)
I started reading your story on a whim and nearly stopped as it seemed somewhat depressing. I am so pleased that I continued. An uplifting story but with some gritty realism. It was such a treat to read a proper story, with well rounded, interesting characters, serious issues but with enough lighthearted moments to make me invest my time. The sex was an integral part, not just tacked on to get the readers attention.
I found the writing style really easy and yet professional. A little rushed towards the end and I was expecting more. Nevertheless, very, very enjoyable, a worthy 9/10.