Taking Care of Tilly

He said, "Each baby comes from a place where it's cherished and loved with perfection. She enters the world as a gift for all of humanity. The child is an example and reminder to us. In her perfection, Georgette is helpless and vulnerable as anyone in love must be. Our duty is to receive her message and answer it with our love. She will grow callused from the harsh imperfections of our world. She will rebel against injustice and pain. But one day, if I'm lucky, I will be able to thank her as I thanked you. Georgette is our future - both of ours."

Tilly cried a little, and Papa lifted the sleeping baby off her breast. "It's my turn," he said as he clutched the swaddled infant to his heart. He rocked with tiny motions and cooed singsong shushing sounds that soothed Georgette. He whispered, "How's my little Valentine?" It sunk into Tilly's foggy mental process that it was February 14th, a good day for a little angel to bring tidings of love.

"Papa, what do you do for a living? How do you have so much time to spend with me?"

Papa took his time answering, and Tilly held her peace with practiced patience. "I'm the radar whisperer," he said. In response to her blank expression, he continued, "Radars need to be tuned occasionally. The Air Force hires lots of contractors to do it, but they keep coming back to me. I get better results."

"Does it pay well?"

"I charge ten thousand dollars every time I touch one. I do it a few times a year, so it's a living."

A nursing coach showed Tilly how to pump breast milk and store it "So daddy can feed his little girl, too." Tilly didn't bother trying to explain Papa. The three of them sat together in the room while Tilly managed to pump some colostrum. "Don't worry. Your regular milk will come in. It usually takes about three days," the counselor assured her.

When Papa brought mother and daughter home, he drove a beat up old Mercedes-Benz that already had a car seat in the back.

"What happened to the truck?" Tilly asked in surprise.

"We needed something safe for Georgette."

When Tilly stepped into her bedroom, she discovered another aspect of Papa's preparedness. The room now contained two beds separated by an old-fashioned privacy curtain on wheels. It rolled easily on the wood plank floor.

"I hope you don't mind?" Papa asked. "The couch was getting old, and this way I can comfort the baby sometimes while you sleep."

A routine developed where Tilly nursed Georgette around midnight while Papa slept. He got up at six or sometimes four to feed the baby from a bottle. Tilly joked on the phone with Megan that she was getting more sleep than she did before the baby was born. The bathroom door hardly ever closed. Tilly figured Papa had seen everything there was to see, and she didn't mind sharing. It simplified so many things.

In his never-ending quest for efficiency, Papa took Georgette into the shower with him whenever she smelled too ripe. He held her against his chest and lathered her with baby soap before rinsing her with the hand held shower massager on its lightest setting. Georgette enjoyed it so much that it usually put her to sleep. Nevertheless, Papa announced over dinner one night that he planned to build a nursery and another bathroom during the summer.

They took Georgette to meet Mama. Tilly left disappointed her mother-in-law didn't remember her and seemed indifferent to the baby. It hit home to her how disabled Mama was. On the ride home, Tilly asked, "Do you get lonely?"

Papa drove for some miles before he replied, "She's not the woman I married anymore, but I can't stop loving her. I'm not built that way."

"But what do you do for companionship? I haven't met any of your friends."

For a change, he answered right away. "You're my companion, aren't you?"

It flattered Tilly. "You've been a godsend for me," she attested.

When they got home, Tilly remembered the time Papa went dancing. "Where did you go dancing that time?"

"Hah! That was a bit of a euphemism. I'm sorry."

"What do you mean?"

"A man has to have some secrets," he said, and left it at that.

Tilly's head filled with visions of a booty call or some other tawdry liaison. She suppressed a little sadness realizing Papa hadn't gone dancing since that first time almost three months earlier. Thinking about Papa getting lucky reminded her to pity herself, too. Sometimes, she forgot George was gone. She'd roll over in bed expecting to wrap her arms around him.

Over the following months, Tilly relished having Papa close to help with Georgette, but she also looked forward to the new rooms he promised. With only a privacy screen between them, she had to be subdued when she masturbated. She used the magical shower massager on occasion, but she had inadvertently trained Papa to barge in unexpectedly. She didn't mind except when she was right on the edge and had to stop.

One night, while laying in her own afterglow, she wondered if and when Papa masturbated. It fired her curiosity, and she paid close attention to the sounds of the man. She challenged herself to catch him in the act. It would become a titillating game for her. She'd been living with the man for six months by then. They had seen each other naked and kept few secrets. Tilly realized they were basically a married couple in every respect but sex. The realization accompanied her yearning for male affection.

Construction proceeded slowly, but Papa insisted he'd be done before it snowed. Georgette crawled with lightning speed, requiring constant vigilance. Her first word was "Papa." Her favorite food was mashed acorn squash a la Papa. She stared out the window every day watching a one-man construction team shape and set logs. Papa read his engineering magazines to her at bed time. It usually put them both to sleep, and Tilly had to lift her growing daughter off the man to put her in the oversize bassinet by her bed.

Tilly found Georgette snuggled against Papa on his bed, and the sleeping pair looked so cute that she joined them and cuddled Papa's other side. She woke when Papa got up in the morning. He wiped bleary eyes and didn't seem to notice the conspicuous morning wood hanging out the fly of his pajama shorts. It was the first thing Tilly noticed.

She masturbated on Papa's bed while he took a long shower. His firmness caused Tilly to fantasize about sitting on a cock and riding it to the hilt. She didn't imagine Papa as her lover. Her dream remained more abstract than that. His erection merely provided the spark which ignited the lust furnace in her active mind. After she came, she kicked herself for not peeking in the bathroom first. He probably masturbated in there to get rid of the erection. She resolved to peek first and masturbate later if she ever got another opportunity.

Tilly consoled her screaming daughter as Papa maneuvered a gigantic saw used to cut a doorway from the bedroom to the new nursery. In addition to the connection to the bedroom, the nursery connected to the living room through a small bathroom containing a tiny one-person shower. As time passed, Tilly enjoyed the extra space, but she missed the comforting intimacy of sharing the big bedroom. Papa slept in the nursery, making Tilly wonder where he'd sleep when Georgette moved into there. As it was, Georgette fell asleep in there most nights already.

Even though the addition was otherwise complete, Papa didn't get around to hanging doors in the passageways to the new rooms until around Thanksgiving. It gave Tilly a chance to wean herself from Papa's company. She found it difficult to fall asleep without the sounds of his soft snoring. The lack of doors enabled her continued snooping, but she never saw anything to salve her curiosity about his masturbation habits.

Papa carved a realistic wooden baby doll as a Christmas present for Georgette. He even sewed swaddling clothes out of a ripped pair of Georgette's onesie pajamas. He gave Tilly an autographed copy of Stephen King's "Christine," saying he'd had it for years, but Tilly never saw it on the shelf. She'd been working her way through King's books since she moved there. Tilly gave her father-in-law a refurbished porcelain claw foot tub. It was the first purchase she made with the money she got from George's death benefit. The tub fit the space available in the big bathroom, and Papa confessed he always planned to install one.

Tilly smiled from ear to ear when Papa spent the day after Christmas installing the tub. He said he couldn't wait to try it. The poor guy didn't get to enjoy his first soak very long. When Georgette saw the water, she begged, "Peas! Peas!" Papa relented, calling her his precocious little blessing. Tilly lowered the squirming baby, but when Georgette settled in the warm water, she peed. Papa climbed back out and drained the tub.

Tilly wanted to stay and watch the naked man bent over the bathtub, but Georgette needed a diaper and was overtired. Tilly rocked the baby to sleep in the big bedroom. After Georgette was settled in the bassinet, Tilly crept back into the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the tub looking down at her father-in-law's lap. He gave her a brief smile. She stirred the water with her fingers and said, "Peas, peas."

Papa smiled again and said she was welcome to join him. Tilly stripped and plunged into the tub facing him. Their legs intertwined. After a while soaking in silence, Tilly turned herself in the tub and scooted to recline with her back against Papa's chest. He played with her hair, and his penis flopped against her butt crack when eddy currents disturbed it.

On the anniversary of George's death, Tilly sobbed in her bed, clutching George's urn to her breasts. Papa lay beside her and held her all night even though neither of them slept.

For Georgette's first birthday, Papa made a chocolate cake with powdered sugar frosting made pink with food coloring for Valentine's Day. He baked the single layer cake in his all-purpose skillet. It came out looking like a giant's cupcake.

He showed Georgette how to sift the sugar, and the pair produced a spectacular mess. As Tilly watched the spectacle, it occurred to her that she not only loved Papa, she was in love with him. It felt right to her even though she suffered nagging doubts. Would George have wanted her to fall in love again? Would he mind that she had fallen in love with his father?

Papa caused her body to radiate sexy energy. The combination of his physical build, soft-spoken manner, and wry smiles appealed to the part of herself she thought had died with George. He could also cook French wine sauces from scratch. Maybe the route to a woman's heart is through her stomach. He listened while she talked even when she had nothing important to say. He understood her need to think aloud and dust the corners of her psyche.

She started fantasizing about sexual intercourse with the man who saved her. She purchased a realistic dildo because it reminded her of the one glimpse she ever had of Papa's erection. She made love to herself, pretending he covered her body with his long frame. She imagined he nibbled her neck. They often cuddled together with Georgette, and the warmth of his breath on her neck warmed her loins. Even with two bathrooms in the house, Tilly invited Papa to soak in the tub at least once a week. It became a routine for her to lay against him while he washed her hair. She knew he became erect a few times, but neither of them commented.

When the weather warmed again, Papa surprised Tilly by announcing his plan to go dancing later that evening. With her stomach tied in knots, Tilly said, "Stay here and dance with me." They sat in silence studying each other's faces for clues to the other's thoughts. They might have stared for hours, but Georgette demanded to be released from highchair captivity. Papa didn't go out that night, but he didn't come to Tilly, either. She lay nude under a blanket with churning emotions of longing, fear, and guilt compounded by uncertainty. Had she offended him? Did he still love her as his daughter-in-law? Could it be more?

Papa's tendency to delay speech until he had exhaustively considered his words frustrated Tilly, but she knew better than to nag for his reply. She watched him with unbridled love whenever she thought he wouldn't see. Other times, she played the calm, cool, collected daughter-in-law she assumed he expected. Summer stretched into fall, and apart from twice-weekly baths, Papa seemed distant. Even in the bath, part of his mind wandered somewhere else.

Mama started to remember Tilly on their visits. She didn't remember Georgette. Papa said it might be because Georgette grew and changed faster than Mama could form a memory. Papa kissed Mama's cheek on one of the visits, and she recoiled, slapping at him and her own face. Tilly could see Papa's heart shatter. Georgette toddled over to Papa and asked to be picked up. When Papa raised her to his face, she kissed him on the cheek. Papa turned away from Tilly to wipe a tear.

On the car ride home, Georgette said, "I'm precocious."

Papa and Tilly laughed. Tilly said, "Yes, you are."

Papa followed the words without a pause and added, "And a blessing."

"You're Papa's precocious little blessing," Tilly repeated with wistful contentment.

Late on Christmas Eve after Santa's visit, Tilly asked her father-in-law to join her in a bath. They faced each other, and she whispered, "Let me wash your hair this time."

She indicated for him to turn and lean back against her for a change. With his heavy head nestled between her breasts, she scooped water in her hands to wet his hair. She brushed a dribble away as it rolled across his chest. Papa said, "Mmmm, that's nice."

Tilly abandoned his hair and caressed his chest instead. His noises of pleasure and the stubble of his cheek against her breast enticed Tilly to squirm. She watched his penis bob and float without breaking the surface of the water. She wondered if she could call his state of arousal a "semi." When she massaged his scalp in imitation of his technique, the head of his penis broke the surface. There was no question it grew.

She kissed the top of Papa's head and said, "I love you."

After a moment, he said, "My name is Edwin."

"I love you, Edwin."

"I love you too, Matilda."

She splashed water in his face as punishment for using the proper name she never liked.

The water got cold before either moved to get out. Tilly wanted it to last forever. Edwin's throbbing erection begged for her attention, but she feared crossing some invisible line. She needed the new love of her life to proclaim his affection and desire to proceed. As they toweled dry, Edwin said, "You're twenty-three."

She replied, "You're forty-five."

Edwin's gift for Georgette was a kit for a large wooden rocking horse. He spread newspaper on the living room floor and showed Georgette where to squirt the glue as they spent all morning assembling it. Georgette ignored her other presents. Tilly surprised Edwin with a filet mignon which he fried medium-rare in the all-purpose skillet. Tilly enjoyed watching him savor every bite as she and Georgette ate broccoli rice casserole and stuffed mushrooms. After dinner, Edwin wrapped a long strand of pearls twice around Tilly's neck.

"I have nowhere to wear these," she complained. He told her to buy a nice dress because they were invited to a New Year's Ball in the Officer's Club at Peterson Air Force Base.

Colorado Springs was a military town nestled on the slopes of Rocky Mountains. It had a large Army fort, three Air Force bases, and the Air Force Academy. Tilly shopped in the on-base Exchanges for low prices, but she'd never been to an Officer's Club.

At the Ball, Edwin introduced Tilly to his Air Force colleagues and their spouses. A group of women her age included her in their conversation around the punch bowl. She asked the other young women about their jobs. Tilly spared part of her attention to track Edwin's progress socializing with his colleagues.

"Look out now," one of the other women announced.

Across the room, an older woman walked up to Edwin and engaged in an animated conversation. From the young women's gossip, Tilly learned the older woman was a Lieutenant Colonel and commander of one of the radar installations that contracted with Edwin for repairs. The Air Force officer stood close enough to Edwin to make Tilly wonder what kind of relationship they shared.

She caught Edwin's eye, and he gestured for her to approach. He made polite introductions, calling her "Tilly" without specifying her relationship to him. The officer raved about Edwin's genius and extracted a promise from him to bid on an upcoming contract. Edwin seemed uncomfortable receiving the praise and used the chance to dance with Tilly as an excuse to break away.

Tilly rested her head against Edwin's chest and shoulder as they swayed without much rhythm. He kept her on the dance floor until the countdown to midnight. Her feet ached, and she kicked off her heels. Edwin looked down into her eyes and kissed her to start the new year. His warm dry lips pressed into her own in a way that wasn't quite passionate but lasted long enough to raise her pulse. When he withdrew, she placed her hands on his shoulders and stood on her toes to give him one more peck.

They drove home right after midnight to relieve the teenager babysitting Georgette. They heard the toddler bawling as soon as they stepped inside. The sitter's story came out in frantic muddled bursts. All Tilly could determine was that Georgette woke sometime during the night crying for Papa and became increasingly hysterical when Papa didn't come to her rescue. By the time Tilly returned from driving the sitter home, she found Georgette cradled in Edwin's arms while he stood in the large shower.

"She was sweaty from her tirade," Edwin whispered. "She's not quite asleep."

Tilly shook her head in disbelief. Taking a hysterical toddler into the shower was either brilliant or idiotic. She wasn't sure, but it had worked.

"Here, dry her and put her in the bassinet," Edwin said, and handed the girl to her.

The tired mother sighed. She had hoped for another kiss, but the mood passed. Tilly contented herself with a lingering glance at Edwin's bare ass.

On the anniversary of George's death, Tilly and Edwin got drunk on hard cider and watched the wedding video. Tilly sobbed, and Edwin comforted her. He hugged her close during the first dance as husband and wife. She hugged him back during the segment where she danced with the groom's father.

On Georgette's birthday, the little girl spent the afternoon with her Papa making a feast out of fudge and candy molds. She vomited twice before bedtime, and Edwin acknowledged his mistake with genuine remorse. Tilly ordered him to clean up while she comforted the traumatized child. When the adults relaxed in the bathtub later that night, Edwin tried to claim the incident was a great life lesson. "She'll know not to overdo sweets now."

"How is it you never learned the lesson?"

He returned to his usual taciturn mood. When they climbed out to dry, Edwin caressed her with a soft towel. He knelt in front of her and lingered rubbing the towel on her thighs. She spotted his penis swelling, and her heart accelerated. She closed her eyes to concentrate on the enticing touch of her gentle burly bear.

"I'm married," he said in a flat voice.

"Mama doesn't know she's married. She barely remembers you."

"I can't divorce her. I said I'd love her forsaking all others through good times and bad times."