Texas Heat

And then the anger started to bubble up from a place deep inside of me. The horror of her rejection...the pain of it. I turned away from her, ignoring her as the pump filled my tank. I was angry. Very, very angry...and hurt. How could she have just disappeared like that?

She didn't say a word, just topped off my tank, ran the card at the pump (they had finally updated the machines), and handed the card back to me. Seconds later she was headed in the direction of that dingy little office where I'd first met her. I turned the key, gunned the engine and was just about to drive off when something stopped me. I don't know what it was. I guess I just felt like she owed me an explanation or something. I mean, wasn't I entitled to one? So I pulled up in front of that tiny office, slammed my car door and stormed inside. The office door closed behind me. She was already on the phone and simply glanced over at me while continuing her conversation. I waited...waited...and then proceeded to walk over to her desk and press whatever button was closest to me. It had the effect I wanted, it ended her phone call. She simply raised a brow as she replaced the receiver.

After a minute or so more of simply staring at each other, I lost it.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!"

She didn't say anything, just sat back in the chair and looked at me.

"You can't just disappear like that! I mean, were you raised in a cave? That was the rudest thing anyone has ever done to me! You didn't have the decency to call and tell me to fuck off?! Wasn't I entitled to at least that?! I mean, howdareyou!"

"Easy, Princess."

Her deep voice washed over me and as pleasant as it was her words only fueled the fire.

"Fuck you, Dee."

I spat the words...and then decided it wasn't worth it. I didn't need this drama. I was seeing a nice man, my life was back on track...forget this. I turned and left the office, pressing the button on my key chain to unlock the car door and walking around to the driver's side of my Mercedes. I opened my car door and slid behind the wheel. I had said my peace and I was done. I turned the key and pulled off. I fumed for a while and then I called Bruce back. I let him talk me into lunch on Saturday. I decided I needed the company of a sane person. Why not let the man I was dating soothe me?

My headache was back by the time I reached my house, which was just perfect. I said goodnight to Bruce, swallowed a few pills, took a long, leisurely, pampering shower, devoured two cups of yogurt and then crawled beneath my comforter. It was January and had snowed recently. The house was still chilly, considering I turned the thermostat down to 55 when I left for work in the mornings, so it felt great to be snuggled up under the goose filled comforter. I opted not to switch on the television and just closed my eyes, trying to relax. And relax I did...at least for a while. And then my thoughts betrayed me and I couldn't get her out of my mind. Her face, her voice, her body...every aspect of her had been re-imprinted on my brain in the few minutes I'd spent with her. And much to my dismay, I could now admit that I had been attracted to her, totally enthralled and aroused by her. And certainly in a way that I was not with Bruce.

But it pissed me off and I was so frustrated with myself. I was my own worse enemy. Damnit. Damnher. She couldn't just disappear and then reappear as if nothing had changed. As if I had not felt like...shit when she never called. I mean, how dare she. And yet, I could not get her off my mind. She looked great. I felt very much the same way I'd felt when I first saw her. Except now, I could also feel her lips on mine, tasting, teasing...gently demanding. There was something magnetic about the woman. But I was not going to be a fool twice when it came to her. I would have to find a new gas station now that she had returned. It was for the best.

When the doorbell rang, I was surprised. No one really visited me and the last person who had done so was selling Girl Scout cookies. I glanced at the clock beside the bed. It was after 11, no one was selling cookies at this time of night. I was tempted to just pretend I was not home. My garage did not have any windows facing the front of the house, so the person at the door could not tell if I was home or not. But what if it was someone whose car had broken down and they needed to use the phone? And what if no one else had opened their door for this person? I sighed, grabbing a robe on my way down the stairs.

When I glanced through the peephole, I was shocked. And then I wished I had stayed in bed and ignored the bell. I sighed. What the hell wasshedoing here? I thought for a moment about just going back up stairs. So what if she'd seen the lights come on. So what if she thought I was rude. I couldn't be any ruder than she'd been. I sighed again, pulling the robe tighter around me before opening the door.

We just stared at each other for a few moments...a few very long minutes...until she suddenly moved into me, backing me up and kicking the door close behind her. Her mouth was on mine, searing, insistent...and my blood was instantly boiling. I couldn't think. Not with her this close, her mouth doing things to me...I tried to put some space between us, but she followed me as I moved backwards until I was pressed against one of the cool walls of the house.Myhouse. And now this woman was here, invading, demanding...hungry. I wanted to refuse her, but I knew I wouldn't...I couldn't.

Her hands were all over me, untying my robe, exploring my curves. Her mouth wouldn't stop, wouldn't let me think...I was responding to her. I knew it...and I loved it. My skin itched, craving her touch, wanting more. I'm not sure when she removed my robe, I only know it was pooled at my feet and her fingers were quickly unbuttoning my top. When she bent her head to taste of my flesh, my neck, my collar bone, I just closed my eyes and relished the sensations coursing through me. They were wonderfully molten...intense. No one had made me feel this way before. Feel desperate to have her against me, within me. I wanted more...Ineededmore.

Her hands were around my waist, pulling me closer to her as her mouth found a hardened nipple. I groaned. It came from deep within me. Her mouth was doing things to me...I could barely remember to breathe. Her hands moved lower, caressing my hips, burning a path lower. Somewhere inside me I thought I should stop her when I felt my pajama bottoms being eased down. I wasn't a slut, so why was I behaving so wantonly? So desperately? But I didn't stop her. I didn't want to. She made me feel beautiful...alive...desired. I never wanted her to stop.

My bottoms were around my ankles and she was kneeling before me. With ease she hoisted one of my legs over her shoulder. She kissed my rounded tummy, lapped at my navel...and then sank into my center. I believe time did stop for a moment. I had never felt anything so...wickedly delicious. I don't think my body knew how to respond to the heat of her mouth, that clever tongue. I was tense, my shoulders hurting from anxiety and anticipation. She was good...so very good. She knew...knew my body, knew what to do. And within moments I was clinging to her shoulders, my nails digging into her flesh, as an orgasm swept through me fiercely...sweetly. She was relentless, ignoring my half-hearted protests as I softly begged her to let me catch my breath. Within moments I was in the powerful grip of another brutal orgasm...and then another.

My knees buckled then and I sank to the floor. She inched up my body, her tongue creating more havoc, delicious havoc, as she moved upward. Then she was kissing me again and I tasted myself on her, musky, womanly...nice. She pulled me close and simply ravished my mouth, teasing, tasting, nibbling. It was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

We lay there for some time, her holding me, caressing me, casually stoking the fire that still burned inside of me. But I could feel myself pulling away from her...first emotionally and then physically. I was on my feet suddenly, dressing, pulling the robe around me tightly. I had my back to her, trying to catch my breath...trying to think. I couldn't. I just couldn't with her this close. When I turned back to her, she was on her feet, leaning against a wall, waiting. She, too, seemed to have withdrawn back into her shell. I wasn't sure what I wanted from her, what I needed...but it wasn't just sex. The sex had been great...but I wanted more. And her disappearing act suggested she was incapable of giving me that.

"I have to get up early." I said finally. It was a chicken shit way out, but I still took it.

She raised a brow, knowing I was dismissing her. I wanted her to insist on staying, to demand we talk, to react in some way. Instead she made her way to the door and let herself out. I listened as the sound of her engine faded into nothingness. I wondered what I had done, why I had allowed it to happen, what I was going to say to Bruce. I wondered why she had left, why she hadn't simply taken me in her arms again and dragged me upstairs. I wondered...and wondered...and wondered. I didn't sleep a wink all night.

*

I didn't need to stop for gas in the morning, thank goodness. And my day? It passed by in a blur. I wanted to take the time to process what had happened and why I let it happen, but I really was too busy. So I gave myself permission not to think about what had happened...and I gave myself permission to avoid Bruce. What would I say to him? I had surely cheated. I mean, we weren't married, but we were clearly "seeing each other" and I doubt that included sex with other people, especially women.

I stopped at a different gas station on the way home, admitting that while I wanted to see her, I was terrified she might have disappeared again. The house was chilly when I arrived so I cranked up the heat, ate a frozen entrée, took a long, hot shower and then crawled into bed to watch a little TV. It was after 9 when I finally turned the television off and compelled myself not to wait for the sound of the doorbell, not to hope, not to pray. Yet, I could feel myself doing it. It was pathetic. She wouldn't be back. It was probably a one night stand for her. She was probably off to where ever she'd gone before. I was such an idiot.

So imagine my surprise when the doorbell rang. I lay there, convincing myself it was my imagination. I was so desperate I had willed the damn thing to ring. But it rang again and then again. I didn't bother with a robe this time, the long, heavy night shirt covered enough. Sure enough, when I opened the door, there she stood, leaning against the doorjamb, another wife beater, white this time, revealing her taut, flat stomach and small breasts. That rich caramel face, wide and flat, and those dark eyes, staring at me. I wanted to demand that we talk, I wanted to tell her to leave, but I didn't do either. Instead, I simply walked up to her and lifted my lips to hers for a kiss. And kiss me she did. Deeply, potently, erotically. She left my body trembling. She backed me up again, closing the door behind her as she'd done the night before. This time she took my hand and headed up to the bedroom. Once inside, she pulled me to her and kissed me again. I didn't resist. I didn't want to. She made me feel so good. I let her kiss me over and over again, pulling me closer, caressing my entire body. She seemed as hungry as I was, as insatiable. It was wonderful and my head was reeling. Her kisses and caresses lasted an eternity...and then, after my body was throbbing with the most delicious sensations, I simply let her devour me.

I didn't have to ask her to leave that night. After holding me for some time, she stood, dressed and left without a word. In fact, she hadn't said anything to me other than "easy Princess" in two days. I was confused. Well, that was putting it mildly. I was completely baffled. I wasn't sure what I was doing, why I was doing it, and what I expected. I only knew that when I was with her, I felt...well, I'm not sure what I felt. I only know I hadn't felt it before, and I certainly didn't feel it when I was with Bruce.

Bruce. Ugh. Talk about a bucket of ice-cold water thrown on me. What was I going to say to him? I wasn't even sure what to say to myself. Should I continue to see him? Was this sexual encounter enough of a reason to risk my relationship with him? He was decent and sweet and kind. She was withdrawn and strange. Was the chemistry between me and Deereallythat important?

I decided to give myself a break and try to get some sleep before morning.

*

On my way home from work the next day, Friday, I stopped at the gas station. I had to. I needed some answers. I needed help figuring out what was going on. I hadn't talked to any of my friends about it, mostly because I felt like a slut. I mean this woman disappeared after our first date, I hadn't seen her in almost four months, and she shows up at my house and I sleep with her? Twice? I mean...what kind of woman was I? And how would I explain it to my friends after they were all so supportive of me forgetting about her?

None of my morning pals were at the station, but that was not surprising. I was more annoyed that I didn't see Pasadena there either. Someone approached me, took my card and pumped the gas. I decided to walk to the tiny little office to see if I could find her.

She was there, sitting behind her desk, her feet up, on the phone. She looked annoyed when I walked in, but when she realized who it was she simply raised a brow and smiled. I mean, she really smiled. It was...transforming. It was...touching. It was...magic. I don't think I'd ever seen her smile before. A smirk, yes. A smile? Not really. And so I did the only thing I could do, I smiled back. She managed to get off the phone quickly and then stood to make her way over to me. Her lips were on mine before I could formulate a sentence. And of course the heat she generated within me erased everything I'd plan to say. I simply gave in to the kiss, enjoying the feel of her against me, the possessiveness of her hands at my waist, pulling me closer. She was so strong, so persuasive, so...worthy. I knew it at that moment. She could have me if she wanted me. I would not resist her. The question was...did she want me?

But I wasn't strong enough to ask that question just yet. So, when she ended the kiss and brushed a strand of hair from my forehead, I asked the only question that came to mind.

"Are you coming by tonight?"

She smirked a bit and nodded. I leaned in for another one of her intoxicating kisses and then I left.

I berated myself all the way home, but then decided it was not worth it. What was the point? Clearly there was something between the two of us and I obviously wanted to figure out what it was. I had no idea how much time I had with her before she got spooked again, and so I think I decided to just enjoy being with her. Something told me that by the time I figured out how I felt and what I wanted, she would be gone again anyway.

Having found some way of living with myself, I called Zeny. She had been the most understanding and the most supportive through the ordeal with Dee. But when I finished telling her what was going on, she was silent. She was silent for so long it unnerved me.

"Zeny! What?"

"Evy, are you nuts? Why would you get involved with her again? You were devastated afterone datebefore. How can you convince yourself you'll be able to handle it when she disappears again?"

"Maybe she won't this time." I felt stupid even saying it. Is that what I was hoping for?

"Evy...she lost her parents. Clearly she's got some scars. She's not safe. She could really hurt you."

"But—"

"Look, I'm all for spontaneous, happy-go-lucky sex, okay? But that's not what you're looking for. You're looking for someone to love you. I'm not sure she's that person."

"But—"

"Evy, I'm just sayin'...I think you should get out. Get out now before you can't. You have to end it with her. Call her and tell her not to come. Call Bruce and tell him what's been going on or don't, but focus your energy there. Don't do this to yourself."

"But—"

I didn't have anything to say. No counter-argument, no persuasive, brilliant come backs, nothing compelling to share...she was right. I knew she was right. I just didn't want to hear it, didn't want to deal with it. I knew Dee was going through something...had been going through something for years. Fear of relationships? Fear of getting close? Abandonment issues? Fear of love? I didn't know what it was, but she was a runner. And there was no reason to believe she was not going to run this time.

"You still there, Sweetie?"

I tuned back into the voice of reason on the phone, trying not to resent the hell out of her.

"Yea." I could hear the defeat in my own voice.

"Evy, youhaveto do this. You have to take care of yourself. She's no good for you. Not now. Maybe not ever."

I tried to swallow past the tears rising in my throat but it didn't work.

"Yea, I know. Thanks Zeny. I better go."

I hung up before she could say anything else. I hadn't wanted to hear this. I wanted support for my idiocy. I wanted someone to believe in the impossible. And yet, I had called Zeny for a reason. Maybe I called her because I knew what she would say. I needed to get hold of my hormones and set my life back on track again. I couldn't do that with Pasadena. No matter how titillatingly sexy she was and no matter how great she made me feel, she would hurt me. It was inevitable.

I didn't know what else to do besides wait for her to show up. It was almost 10 when she finally arrived. Maybe when she saw my face after I opened the door she knew, I'm not sure. But her smile faded pretty quickly and something else about her, maybe the light in her eyes I'd seen earlier that day, died. Still, she came in when I stepped back and she pulled me to her right away. She didn't kiss me this time, she just held on. Held me close. Held me tight. I could feel the tears bubbling up again and I tried really hard to hold them at bay. Some escaped and she kissed them from my cheeks.

I led the way to the bedroom this time and when she pressed her lips to mine, it was my fingers that desperately removed her clothing. I wanted to see her, wanted to taste her, wanted to enjoy her. She let me undress her, allowed me to kiss every inch of her delectably muscled flesh, smirked as I took a nipple between my lips and sucked. I'm sure she wanted me to think she was not affected by my touch, but I knew. I could feel her body tense, could hear the shift in her breathing. As I made my way down to her flat, taut stomach, I could hear the slight catch in her throat. I tugged the form-fitting jeans from her, pushing her back onto the bed and settling myself between those amazingly sculpted thighs.

She let me taste her, coaxing her body into a state of arousal for a spell. But then I felt those strong fingers digging into my upper arms as she pulled me up to lay against the length of her. Her fingers went to work, caressing, teasing, tormenting. I was writhing against her within minutes, desperate for the feel of her mouth on me. When she lowered her head to my hardened nipple, I knew I would not last much longer. Her fingers parted my engorged nether lips, delving in, creating a state of painful arousal until I exploded in her hand, biting my lip to hold back the scream that wanted to escape. She didn't stop there, licking, nibbling, driving me into a state of pure and utter sexual anguish. When she lowered her head to drink from my center, I thought I would come unglued. I'm not sure how long she kept me there, a prisoner to her lips, her fingers, her skillful tongue, I only know it seemed I would be forever changed when she finally let me settle down beside her to sleep.