TGI Chronicles Pt. 1 Ch. 06

They all left and I unplugged my laptop and closed down the projector. I made my way to Charlie's office. Charlie welcomed me and told me my new salary. A sixty percent pay rise and a bigger and better car. Not bad for an afternoon's work. I made my way to my desk.

Dave followed me in. "Well?"

I smiled. "Fucking ace!" he said as he punched the air.

Everything after that is a bit of a blur. Neil came and talked to the department. Everyone smiled at my appointment and there was a round of applause when I said a few stumbling words. Stella looked furious!

I called a meeting of the ITP team to tell them that I'd hold an all day session on the project tomorrow, and we went through what information they could bring to help me understand everything. I told them that I would ask Dave to join us, a couple of them exchanged glances at that, but said nothing.

Dave strolled up, still smiling. I told him that I wanted him around for tomorrow's ITP meeting. He wasn't pleased, but I told him that if I was lumbered with it, then I like to spread the pain to my closest colleagues.

Then he asked "Are you going to move into Perry's office?"

"Yes, I guess so, but there are other things to be getting on with without worrying about that."

"No, I wasn't worried about where you put your desk. I want to know what you are going to do about Stella?"

I stopped and looked at him, "Nothing"

"She hates you Tim. You can't have her as your secretary."

"No, but I know that she would never lower herself to be my secretary." I looked at my watch "I bet you she's phoning the employment bureaux as we speak. I bet she'll be having a lot of dental appointments in the next couple of weeks on days when she just happens to be dressed very smart."

"You bugger! Are you going over the road to celebrate."

"Yeah, why not.?"

And that's what we did. I bought a couple of bottles of champagne, but after I'd had two glasses I took to orange juice. I'm a manager now, I can't get pissed in the pub with the lads anymore.

I got home at about eight. I opened the fridge to see if there was anything for me to eat. There, on the bottom shelf was the bottle of champagne that Beth and myself always kept in the fridge, ready to celebrate life's little pleasures as they came along. What was the point? I've got great news and no one to share it with!

I phoned Phil. He was pleased for me, but it wasn't the same.

Then I remembered. I hadn't emailed Beth. In all honesty, in the excitement of the day, I hadn't even thought of her. It was only that champagne in the fridge that reminded me. Was that good? I had been able to get on with my work with undivided attention. Or was it a sad marker that she was drifting out of my life?

I got into the car, and went back into town to pick up a Chinese takeaway, which I took home and ate sitting at the kitchen table. It was almost ten o'clock when I sat down at the computer to send my email.

How do I start? Last time I'd said just 'Beth', should I ease that to 'Dear Beth'? Yes, I think I will, but I still can't think of putting 'With Love' on the bottom. Stop prevaricating, Tim, get on with it:

Dear Beth. First, I didn't say thank you to you on Sunday for talking to Denny and Phil. Thank you for giving me my friend back, and well done for telling Denny, I know it can't have been easy. I've thought a lot about what you said on Sunday, and I think you're right on some things. I do try to just throw what you did back in your face whenever I can. I'm sorry, it doesn't get us anywhere, and I'll try to stop doing it. I've thought a lot about my demand that you talk to your parents and are honest with them. I talked that through with Denny and Phil, and I became even more convinced that it is a good idea. So, I am not going to back down on that one. I know it will be horrible for you, and dreadful for them. But Mary and George do love you, they won't stop loving you because of what you did, anymore than I can. And maybe, having told them, you will find it easier to talk about your motivations, and your needs. So, as I say, I am not prepared to talk to you until after I know that Mary and George know the full story. However, having told them, I will back off my insistence that you give a written pledge to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I will meet you to explain some of the things that I need you to talk truthfully about. I'll meet you by myself, or with Phil and Denny around, or with this ex-counsellor Rose, whatever you prefer. Finally, I am sticking to my soft deadline of 14th July. If we aren't making good progress, and I mean really talking about what happened and what our marriage means to each of us, by then, I'll sign a lease on the flat and move out. That may not make a lot of difference, we can still meet and talk. But it will be another step on the break up of our partnership, another step to reverse. Now it is getting late and I've had an eventful day. I'm tired. I'm sorry if I've rambled a bit. Love, Tim

There I did say it!

I pressed the Send button, and logged off. I went to bed. I thought about Beth at first. But then I thought about a new car, and what I might have. Something with a bit of panache I thought. Something to make Beth jealous? Something to turn the heads of other girls?

---

Tuesday and Wednesday were just long hours of meeting, of writing all over white boards, of talking and reconciling different people's stories. On the Wednesday I managed to take a couple of hours out in the evening to go to the gym. I have to admit, it helped.

When I got home on Wednesday night, Phil had left a message. I phoned him back.

"Hi, Phil. You wanted me."

"Yes. Denny saw Beth on Tuesday night. I think Denny found it quite difficult."

"Why?" I asked.

I could feel that Phil was trying to pitch his answer so as to tell the truth without worrying me. "Well, Beth seems to be in a bit of a mess. All of her own making of course. But Denny felt quite sorry for her about some things."

"Well, life is shades of grey. It is rarely black and white."

"Anyway Denny's suggestion is for us three to meet over an Indian. How about Thursday night?"

"Can't. Thursday's a bit of a big day at work. How about Friday?"

"OK. How about the one down by the station. We all agree it is the best food."

"OK. What time?"

"Well, let Denny and me do our shopping. So how about nine o'clock."

"That suits me, I was planning on going to the gym at seven, so I'll have plenty of time." I confirmed.

"See you!"

By Thursday morning I knew what needed to be said to ITP and by eleven o'clock I went down to see Neil to show him what I had produced. He fussed over it, nit-picking. Changing words to others that meant the same, changing the order of my presentation and then back to where I started. He didn't like the colours I'd used, he didn't like the background slide style, although both were company standard. He was a pain in the arse! But he is also the boss, so I made the changes. Then we set out to ITP. Me with Neil in his car, Don in his own.

ITP welcomed us politely, and I was introduced all round. I even met the mysterious Greg Dickens, who turned out to be a very nice guy who I hit it off with wonderfully, and he was to be my opposite number. After Don had made a brief introduction, I made my presentation. They loved it. They asked sensible questions, all of which I could answer. They loved me.

I left ITP ten feet tall. Neil was far happier company going back in the car than he had been going. When we got back to the office it was nearly seven o'clock. Neil shook my hand in the car park and said "I owe you a drink if not dinner, Tim. But, I'm sorry you are going to have to take a rain check on that. I've got to go." And he got back in his car and was gone.

I went home, again elated, again the bottle of champagne at the bottom of the fridge stared back at me.

Friday was just a day in the office, an anti-climax. But it was the first day that I could give thought how I was going to organise and manage the department. I went to lunch with Darren and Sheila, my opposite numbers as head of banking and investment development teams. More vying for position, more politics.

I left the office in good time to spend an hour at the gym. I enjoyed it. I was beginning to realise that it really helped as a change of pace, an absorbing concentration that allowed the stress to disperse. I showered and went round to the restaurant early. Phil and Denny were already there.

I slapped Phil on the back and kissed Denny, and sat opposite them. I picked up the menu, Phil took it out of my hands "Don't bother, we've already ordered for you."

I looked at Denny, she looked anxious. I looked at Phil, he smiled reassuringly. "OK, how was she?"

Phil answered, "Denny was very worried about her. She's a bundle of nerves, and very unhappy., but I think Denny should tell you."

I turned to Denny, Phil's hand went out to hold hers, lying on the table. "Well, Tim, I don't think I can sort of report a decent structured talk. As Phil says she is a bundle of nerves, she avoids talking about some things, and doesn't always answer direct questions. So, I can only tell you what I discovered or thought, but don't ask for a verbatim account, it would be meaningless."

"OK. Where did you meet?"

"Back at Not Steinbeck's, it was an easy choice."

"OK tell me what you think, and what she told you, however you picked it up."

"Well, it's obvious that she is in a right mess mentally. But I found out that she hasn't told anyone else. As you say, she hasn't said a word to her parents, she hasn't said anything at work, she's just bottled it all up, and it's destroying her."

Phil interrupted "So maybe your idea, Tim, that she has to tell her parents won't be such a bad idea."

Denny looked at him, and then the waiter arrived with some beers for us all. When that interruption was over, Denny continued "You're right. Phil, but she was convinced that the only reason Tim was insisting on her talking to her parents was pure hate and revenge." she looked at me "She thought you just wanted to hurt her and ruin her relationship with her parents. When I told her your reasons, she began to see that maybe there was some logic to it. But she is so scared of the idea that I have no idea whether she will talk to them at all, or how long she might take to do it. I didn't tell her, but I think it's the best thing she could do to save her sanity, she needs to lose the burden of this dreadful secret."

"So you think I am right to force her?"

"Yes, I think you are, but as I say..."

"What else did you learn?"

"Well I started by wanting her just to confirm that it had gone on for three months. I seems so long to me. I don't think I could lie to Phil for a week let alone three months. Anyway, she said that it probably was that long, but that it had started very slowly, and really there was only a short time when there was any intensity to it. I don't think she used the word intensity, but I've forgotten how she described it."

"Go on" I prompted.

Denny looked nervously at me, then glanced at Phil, who I saw squeeze her hand "Well I asked her why she had done it, but I didn't really get an answer. She did say that the affair was almost over, she didn't think it would have lasted more than a day or two, a week at most."

"Did she say why?" I asked.

"No, I just got the impression that she didn't really like this Ken. She did say he was a selfish pig, and not a very good lover."

Phil looked at me "It makes even less sense, why would she have an affair with someone she doesn't like and thinks of as a selfish pig, let alone a poor lover? I can't see any rhyme or reason to it, and I don't think you can either, can you Denny?"

"No. But this reason 'why' is the one bit that she just seems to ignore."

"So what else did you discover?" I asked

At that point, the food turned up, and that distracted us for some time. Once we were all sorted out and eating, I asked again "So, what else, Denny?"

"Well the other things are really just observations. As I said, she is a total mess, she needs someone to talk to. She's totally bound up in guilt. At one point in the evening she was saying that she was convinced that she doesn't deserve to be forgiven. I noticed she used the word 'evil' three times at least in the course of the evening. At other times, she is desperate that you take her back, Tim. She did ask me whether I thought you would, and I told her that I didn't know."

"Is that it?" I prompted

"She got a bit easier with some alcohol inside her. I noticed that she didn't really eat, she just picked at her food. I think she's lost weight, but maybe that's just how tired and drawn she looks."

"Anything else?"

"I know, I am absolutely certain of it, that she loves you Tim. I wondered at first whether she just wanted you back as a matter of pride, or just so as to continue her lifestyle. But the way she talked about you, the way she clung to any little mention of your name, or what you'd said or what you might me thinking, that wasn't just pride. I don't know whether you want her back, but I know she will be heartbroken if you don't..... Sorry Tim, I guess that doesn't help."

"Well it's good for my ego in some ways. But it makes me feel like I'm the bad guy if I walk away."

"Not in our eyes." said Phil.

We went on talking around and around the subject of Beth for the rest of the meal, but I don't think I learnt any more or had any better idea what I was going to do. I asked if Denny was going to see Beth again. She said yes she was, tomorrow morning in fact, and again next Tuesday evening. Phil intervened to say that this would be the last time that Denny would do this sort of reporting back, she felt that she was being unfair on her friend, even if it was in her own best interests. I understood.

I went home, and sat in a chair thinking of Beth and what Denny had told me. I came to no great conclusion, except that Beth obviously needed a friend, and that wasn't me.

I got to bed at about half past eleven that night, hoping I would be tired enough to sleep. I must have dozed off, because I was wakened three quarters of an hour later by Dave phoning me.

"Yes Dave?" I could hear the noise of a party or pub in the background.

"Hi, Tim. We've all decided to hit Shades Club. I thought you might like to come along." He sounded far from drunk, but not entirely sober.

"It's a kind thought Dave, but no thank you."

"Oh go one. You're a bachelor now, it's time you got back in the saddle."

"No thanks Dave. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"Oh, don't deny the ladies. They need you."

"I'm sorry Dave, but I'm already in bed. It's just too late."