TGI Chronicles Pt. 2 Ch. 04

"Yes, I suppose it does."

"So?"

I looked at him, searching his face for a clue as to the best choice of Drew or Helen problem, "I don't fucking know."

"Well it's almost make your mind up time. Would a pint this evening help?"

"Probably, but I can't. I've promised Dav that we'll go to the cinema."

"What're going to see?"

"I don't fucking know that either."

"Well you are a mine of information this afternoon, aren't you." He smiled, and left.

The date with Davinia was good, the film wasn't. Afterwards we picked up a Chinese takeaway, and took it back to my place and ate it in bed. It was a bit mucky, but licking up sweet and sour sauce off her left breast made it all worthwhile. She stayed over.

In the morning she asked what had I done with her shopping bags, I told her that I'd dumped them in the living room. She padded off to find them. She didn't come back.

Eventually, I found her in the living room, sitting on the sofa, in tears, going through my porn DVD's. She looked up at me, tears running down my face, "Oh Dave, some of these are sick. Do you really like watching this stuff? It's perverted."

"Well sometimes, but some of them are a bit too much, I agree. I guess I bought those when I was drunk or something. I'm sorry if they upset you."

I took a step towards her, but she sort of froze and then stood up and walked passed me into the bedroom. I followed her, as I came through the door, she was dressing, "Get me my shopping bags, please." Her voice sounded cold.

I did as she asked, and came back carrying the two bags and dumped them on the bed, "Look, I'll put them right away if they upset you. I don't watch them that often. Please Dav…."

"Why? Why does a nice man like you allow yourself to sink to that sort of thing? Why?" She tore open a packet of pants and put a pair of pale blue ones on. She already had on her blouse from the night before, then she opened a box of tights and sat down on the bed to put them on.

"Look, come on, Dav. What do you expect of a guy my age? Of course I watch porn sometimes."

"But some of those titles, they're sick."

"Well they probably sound worse than they really are, Please Dav, don't be upset."

She was now putting on her skirt. "I'll just go straight into work. I'll have a shower there, and put on my make-up." She slipped her feet into her shoes and was gone.

I made myself some breakfast, and showered and dressed. I went into work at my usual time. I went straight to Davinia's office.

She watched me as I came through the door. "Can we talk?"

She looked at me, "Is there any point? I really don't like that sort of thing. Whenever I've seen anything like that it always seems so degrading to women. I don't think I want to go out with someone that gets turned on by degrading women."

"Well, let's at least talk. How about I take you to lunch at Not Steinbeck's? Please."

"No, I'm seeing the wardrobe team of the Regency Players at lunch time."

At that moment, Tim came through. He started to sing "Love is in the air … " but took a second look at myself and Davinia and just went into his office in silence.

I turned back to Davinia, "Well this evening then. A drink after work?"

She sighed, but then looked at me and nodded, "Alright. I'll see you then."

I went back to my desk. I'm not a pervert. I'll admit that some of the titles are a bit extreme, but it looked on the cover as if the film might have a certain something. And anyway, the pain is probably simulated, the whippings probably don't do anything more than tickle. But, I admit that it was probably a bit of a surprise to find them just before you have your Cornflakes in the morning. But, a bit of porn is normal, I bet loads of guys have some, and they hide it away. With me it's kept discretely, not obvious but not hidden, in my living room. Maddy used to think that it was a scream, not that she ever actually watched any of it. And what about Lucy, she sucked me off the other night when I was watching it. No, it's definitely Davinia that's gone over the top on this one. She'll calm down by this evening, it was just a shock, that's all.

I went back to Davinia's office at the end of the day. We hadn't spoken again since this morning. Even when she delivered a bunch of papers, she just dropped them on the desk and walked away without a word. "Shall we go over the road then?"

"No, too much chance they'll be others from this place. Let's go somewhere different."

"OK. Not Steinbeck's? The Black Swan? Or further out if you like?"

"The Black Swan, someone told me it's a lot better than it used to be. It used to have a reputation for druggies and drunks a couple of years back. Seems appropriate for the level of things we've got to talk about."

Well that was a promising start! We walked round there in near silence. Once I'd bought our drinks and we'd found a table, "Look, Dav, I'm sorry that you are so upset about them. But, I promise you, I'm not some secret pervert, masturbating away to the early hours, dribbling over some porn. And I'm sure you really don't think I am, do you?"

"I don't know what to think, Dave. I thought you were a really nice, straightforward sort of guy. I couldn't understand why some girl hadn't got you to the altar years ago. I was beginning to feel lucky that I found you, wherever our relationship went. But, maybe this explains it, that you really have some pretty perverted ideas."

"No. Look I wasn't going to suggest that we go to any fetish clubs. And no, I don't want to whip you, Dav. You're far to precious for that sort of thing. I promise you that for now and into the distant future, if we're still together then, I'll never even suggest anything like that." I paused to look at her, her eyes were very dark violet. "OK, I admit that I like to see the man in charge. I'm sure you noticed there's no femdom in my collection. But that doesn't make me a rapist or a pervert. Most of those films are straightforward men and women fucking away. Sexy, suntanned people enjoying sex. Nothing more, nothing less."

"And you fantasise about that and masturbate?"

"Well, yes… but in a healthy sort of way." I tried laughing. Would humour break through this impasse?

"There is no healthy sort of way of watching that sort of pornography and letting it corrupt you. That's sick." She swallowed the last of her drink and stood up. "I'm sorry Dave, I really don't like this sort of thing." And she left.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

I finished my pint and bought myself another one. I sat there drinking it, feeling both angry and sorry for myself.

A dirty sex session was called for. I phoned Lucy.

"Oh, Hi Dave."

"How are you Lucy?"

"I'm fine. I've taken your advice. I've spoken to Pete, and he is going to come home for the weekend after next. So, I'll let you know how it goes."

"Would you like me to come up this evening?"

"No. I think you were right, Dave. Better leave it until after I've sorted myself out with Pete. It's kind of you to offer, but better not?"

"No, you're probably right. Do let me know what you decide."

"Bye, Dave."

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! And Bloody Damn. It was definitely not my evening!

I sat drinking my beer and feeling very sorry for myself. I knew I wanted Davinia back, but I didn't feel I'd really done anything wrong that I could put right. Maybe she was a prude and I'm well off out of it. I've seen too much, done too much to settle for a prude. What am I talking about, I wasn't going to settle for anyone. But I was sorry to see her go this early. I stared at my nearly empty glass.

Then I was aware of two people also staring at it, standing in front of me. I looked up and saw it was Beth and Tim.

"Hello, you two. What are you doing here?"

"Well, this may come as a surprise to you, David, but we're here for a drink." Said Tim with a smile. "We've been to the gym. And this is our local you know. More to the point is what are you doing here?"

I looked at my watch, it was still only just gone seven o'clock. The gym was open until ten. "I could go to the gym. That's not a bad idea."

"I wouldn't, not after the beer you've drunk."

"I've only had two."

"No, three."

"No, Tim. I've only drunk two, honest." What was he on about?

"But it'll be three after the one I'm about to buy you." He smiled, and wandered to the bar.

Beth sat down next to me. "You look a bit down. What's the problem? Is it having to choose between Drew and Helen, Tim told me about that?"

Before I answered, Tim returned with two pints and a white wine for Beth.

"Oh, No. I'll just have to make up my mind about that." I said as I took a sip of my new pint, "Thanks, Tim."

Tim sat down, "Make up your mind about what?"

"Choosing between Drew and Helen. I'm beginning to have an idea about that, but it's still forming in my mind. I'll come and talk to you Tim, when I know what I'm talking about."

Beth put her drink down and looked at Tim, "I was asking Dave why he was looking down."

Both of them looked at me expectantly. It was Tim who spoke, "Has this anything to do with Davinia and the atmosphere in my office this morning?"

"Might have. I came here with her for a chat."

"And she's not here now. I see." said Tim.

Beth put her hand on my arm, "Do you want to talk about it? What happened?"

"And, more to the point, does it matter?" asked Tim.

That was a good question. I looked at Tim, he looked back at me. Did it matter? Davinia wasn't the first girlfriend that had left me for some silly reason or over some silly argument. That's what girls do, they get upset for no good reason. But did it matter?

"I don't know whether it matters, Tim. I guess we would have come to an end at some time. That's what always happens. But I wish it hadn't happened like it did or when it did. I was rather enjoying things. She was a bit special. I think I might miss her."

"Then tell us about it, and let's see if we can find a way of putting it right. I doubt whether it's that bad. Early break-ups are usually about something trivial, or because there was no relationship there in the first place." Beth sounded concerned.

"Do you have any idea how she feels about you?" asked Tim.

"I think she rather liked me. Her mother thinks she's still on the rebound from that Tod character, but I always felt things were great between us. But she seems to think I'm a pervert, and she's not staying. That's her choice. Obviously she doesn't think enough of me to talk things through." I just talked myself into even greater sadness.

Beth sounded brighter, "Ooh! Sexual pervert are you. Well beyond the well known fact that all men are sexual perverts, how exactly does your perversion exercise itself. Tell me more, I'm all ears."

I smiled, "No, it's a bit personal."

Tim intervened, "Oh, come on Dave. You were there when I went through Hell last year. You know a lot about mine and Beth's life. Trust us." then he put his hand on mine on the table, "Come on, talk."

I looked at him, then at Beth, then I took a long drink of beer, then I put my glass down, then I paused, then I spoke, "She found my stash of DVD's."

"And?" said Tim

"And they reflected your sexual interests, " said Beth, "they were your porn DVD's?"

"Yes."

It was Tim who asked, "And, is there a lot of perversion in them, something that Davinia could have taken exception to?"

It was weird, here I was sitting in a pub, with a pint of beer, talking about my sexual tastes with my friends with whom I had no sexual connection whatsoever. But I was also finding that talking was helping. They didn't seem particularly shocked, even Beth seemed happy to discuss pornography without getting all women's lib. "Well most of them are straight suck and fuck movies. A few, really only a few, are a bit stronger."

"So, was Davinia just shocked to find them at all? Shocked that a grown man, a bachelor would have such things. In which case, she needs to grow up. Or was it that she was shocked at the ones that were a bit stronger, as you call it? That she felt that was an insight into some part of you she really didn't like?" That was Tim, the analytical one.

Beth looked at Tim, "Don't be so hard on Davinia. If I came across a whole set of porn hidden away back at Blindside, I reckon I'd be very surprised, if not shocked. Especially as you've never given me any idea that you are really interested in porn. And I guess it would be depending on the circumstances. We've watched plenty of soft core stuff between us over the years, and some hard core. But it's been both of us, normally in bed, and it's been quite fun. Not as a way of life, but once in a while. But if I came across a lot of it hidden away, whilst I was vacuuming the carpets, I'd be a bit surprised."

"OK. I'm sorry. Davinia may have every right to be hurt and shocked. But if it's OK type stuff, then it isn't worth breaking up a promising relationship over." said Tim.

I just watched this husband and wife exchange.

Then they both turned, in unison, to look at me, "So, I think you'd better tell us the whole story, Dave." said Tim.

I took another long drink of beer. They sipped their drinks as well, just waiting for me.

So, I told them how she found them just before breakfast yesterday. That they were discretely stored on the bottom shelf of my DVD and CD collection. That there were about thirty of them. That made Beth look a bit surprised, but I reminded her that that only equated to buying three or four a year over a number of years. And that the more extreme ones were only about half a dozen, and they were male dominance, S&M and a bit of bondage type.

Neither Tim nor Beth seemed particularly shocked.

It was Beth who asked the next question, "Is S&M your thing?"

"Well, yes and no. On the whole I don't think the films I have capture what I feel, I bought them, probably on a lonely night and with a few beers inside me. I do believe in totally, one hundred percent, consensual sex. I don't have any rape fantasies, or kidnapping fantasies or anything like that. But I do like the man to be in charge, and the woman to be happy to give herself totally."

"Why?" asked Beth. Tim was sitting listening, but he was leaving the running to Beth. Which was probably a wise thing to do. It was easier to talk to Beth than to a mate about these things.

"Well, I guess I feel that it is pure fantasy. No woman does ever give herself totally. You always hold something back. And then walk out when things don't go your way."

"Like your mother?" and that was Tim.

I looked at him. "Maybe, I don't know. I just feel that in real life, it's better to not get in too deep, because you can bet your bottom dollar that she isn't in too deep. She'll just walk away when it suits her."

Beth looked up, "I think you're wrong. I think I have given myself to Tim, totally and completely. It took my mess up last year to make me realise that that was what I needed to do. But I reckon I've burnt all my bridges, I just hope that Tim doesn't abuse the total commitment he has from me. But then I know he won't." She was looking at Tim when she finished.

After a moment's silence, and all of us having a drink , it was Tim who observed, "Well, this isn't solving Dave's little hiccup with Davinia."

Beth looked thoughtful, "Yes, you're right. But she isn't here to tell us how she feels. I bet she is wondering if she went a bit over the top. She isn't a member of some strict church or anything? You know the sort, where all sex is wrong, we must all live by some puritanical code."

"Not as far as I know." I answered.

"Well, then… has anyone got Davinia's telephone number? Let me talk to her."

"What now?" I exclaimed.

"Yes now."

Tim passed her his mobile, "She's in the directory, Davinia Cole."

"Thanks. I'm going outside to make the call. You can get me another white wine." And she stood up and walked out.

Tim looked at me, I looked at Tim. He spoke first, "Don't worry, she knows what she's doing. And she did get one thing right. We do need another round."

I went and got the round in, Tim sat at the table, waiting. When I got back, Beth still hadn't reappeared.

"Any other thoughts on the Development Forum?" I asked, as something to talk about.

And we talked work, including some good thinking (or so it seemed, with three pints inside me) on a couple of projects. We were at the end of our pints, and still Beth hadn't reappeared. I think Tim was beginning to get a bit worried. I gave him something to do, "Your turn." I said putting my empty glass in front of him.

He went and got two more pints, and just as he returned to the table, Beth reappeared.

Tim and myself looked at her, expectantly.

"Well, that's settled. Dave I want the full collection at Blindside by tomorrow evening, all of them, good ones and bad ones. And Tim, I want you out of the place for the whole evening tomorrow. You are not allowed back until well after closing time. Understand?"

Tim turned to me, "What were you doing tomorrow evening?"

"Nothing. We're both in London tomorrow, if you remember. So it was rather depending on what time I got back as to what I would do."

"Good. We can stay in London until the last train. That won't get us back until just before midnight. Is that late enough for you?" he turned to Beth.

"Yes, easily. Don't get too drunk. Now how are you going to get me the films."

"Well, I can take them into work, I suppose. What have you got planned?"

"That's a good idea. Just a moment." She picked up Tim's phone again, from the table. Soon she was hitting buttons. "Hi, Alice. It's Beth again. Are you in the office tomorrow?……. Good. Then you can pick up the films from Dave and bring them with you."

Beth looked at us both as she handed the phone back to Tim, and smiled. "Tomorrow night is hen party night at Blindside with a whole pile of blue films to watch."

Tim and myself didn't say a word as we imagined that scene, you could easily make a fantasy out of that! Beth took a sip of wine, before she explained, "Look. Either these films are really harmless, and Davinia was a little over the top for some reason. In which case, watching a few of them with girls and a glass of wine will put them into a better perspective for her. Or they really are a bit too much, in which case you are a dirty pervert, Dave. Either way, we'll find out tomorrow night."

"I'm not sure about Alice being there. I don't want my personal sexual tastes being part of the gossip at TGI." I said, mainly because I could think of no other objection.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I've already sworn her to secrecy. I doubt whether Alice wants it known that she spends evenings watching dirty films either."

And that was the way we left it. Not long after that, we finished our drinks and went out for a curry. Tim and Beth worked hard to cheer me up, and didn't mention Davinia once.

I took the films into the office in a large holdall, and handed them over to Alice first thing in the morning. That felt a bit weird, but she took them with nothing more than a straight "Thank you" and tucked them under her desk.

The London meetings with Tim seemed to go quite well. With his senior presence at one client, they gave way on all the scheduling issues that they had refused to concede to me at our last meeting. At ITP's London Office we also had a good meeting, but Greg Dickens wasn't there, which was a bit of a surprise. We were told he was on sick leave.

As we left ITP, Tim turned to me and said, "What do you fancy doing for the evening? I guess we could swing a decent meal on expenses, or we could go into Soho, grab a bite to eat and see something interesting."

"Well, actually, I've got a favour to ask of you. How about we go to the theatre? I see that the National's got The Rivals on, and I quite fancy seeing it. I'll pay."