tagHumor & SatireThanksgiving Talk

Thanksgiving Talk

byDG Hear©

I received an e-mail that I thought was cute. It was, "Things That Can Only Be Said At Thanksgiving" and I thought I'd try to make a short story out of it. Hope you enjoy it. As always, thanks to LadyCibelle and Techsan for doing their part in making this a better read.

DG Hear


Things That Can Only Be Said At Thanksgiving: are marked OT.

I'm Velma and my boyfriend's name is Harry. He's kind of a funny guy but I love him anyway. Everything he hears he takes as sexual. I guess it's just the way his mind works.

Harry finally got his own apartment and is very proud of himself. He told me that the neighborhood might not be the best but he has very friendly neighbors and he says they seem to like him too.

Harry asked me what I was going to do for Thanksgiving and I told him that I was probably going to spend it at my sister's house like I usually do. His parents live in another state and he said he would be alone for Thanksgiving. I suggested he come with me to my sister's but he said he wanted to have dinner in his new apartment. He asked me if I would cook for him.

"Are you nuts?" I asked. "I'm not going to cook all day and night just for a dinner."

"Would you come if you don't have to cook?" he asked. "Our neighborhood market has a special on precooked Thanksgiving dinner. You get the turkey with all the trimmings, the mashed potatoes and everything. They even include a pie for dessert. They precook it all and you just have to warm it up. Will you have dinner with me?"

"Why don't we just go out and have dinner?" I asked Harry.

"There's no leftovers when you eat out. You go out and get stuffed and then when you get home, there's no leftovers to munch on. Please have dinner with me. I'll pay for everything, you just have to warm it up."

I agreed and went over to Harry's on Thanksgiving day afternoon. I saw the turkey and all the other food and told him there is no way the two of us could eat all that food. He told me that the smallest dinner deal the market offered was for six people and that's what he bought. I suggested he go talk to a couple of his neighbors in other apartments and invite a couple over for dinner.

He left and came back a little while later and was a nervous wreck. I asked him what happened and he proceeded to tell me.

"I went to the different apartments and I listened at the door to make sure someone was home first. All my neighbors were having some sort of sex. You call me a pervert but this apartment building is filled with sexual deviates."

"What are you talking about, Harry?"

"First I went to Mary Lou's apartment. You know, the gal with the big boobs. I got ready to knock on the door until I heard talking"

OT: "Talk about a huge breast! I'd like to nibble on that right now."

OT: "Just wait your turn, you'll get some! There's plenty of breast to go around. You can nibble on them the rest of the night."

"I was afraid to interrupt them so I went to Joe and Irene's apartment. It was worse yet."

OT: "It's a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?"

OT: "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

"I couldn't believe that Joe was tying Irene's legs together. The next time you talk to her you might want to mention the KY Jelly that we use. I'd be kind of embarrassed to mention it to her.

"I stopped by Amy's place but I think she had a black guy there."

"What's makes you think that Harry?"

"Because of what she said."

OT: "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." Then I heard her say:

OT: "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"I left and came back later and heard her still talking."

OT: "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"I hurried and left before they caught me there and went to Greg's apartment. He must have had his girlfriend there. They were getting ready to have sex."

"How do you know that, Harry? Did you see them or just hear them?" I asked.

"I just heard them, but I know what I heard."

OT: "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

OT: "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"I left and went to Roy's apartment but he had company too. He must have had a hard on."

"Why would you say that, Harry?"

"Because of what his girlfriend said."

OT: "Don't play with your meat."

"Then I overheard Roy."

OT: "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"

"She must have wanted him too. Roy replied next."

OT: "Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

OT: "How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"I went back later and heard more."

OT: "Are you ready for seconds yet?"

OT: "It's Cool Whip time!"

"I left Roy's place and thought I'd try one more apartment. I went to Sam and Gina's but I think they were getting ready for group sex or an orgy or something."

"You can't be serious. Not Sam and Gina."

"Sure sounded like it with some of the stuff I overheard."

OT: "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

OT: "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"Then I heard Gina talking."

OT: "What should I do, Sam? I've never done this before."

"I heard Sam's reply."

OT: "Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."

"On my way back to my apartment, I stopped by Joe and Irene's one more time. I can't believe what he said to her."

"Earlier, he was talking to Irene.

OT: "Irene, it smells so good I could eat it all night."

"When I went back, he was talking again."

OT: "The smell of it now makes me sick. If I eat anymore, I swear I'll vomit."

"What a change of heart. I did have to laugh at what Irene told him."

OT: "Joe, you still have a little bit on your chin."

"So I just said, 'To hell with it,' and came back to the apartment."

"So, Harry, are you ready for dinner now?" I asked.

"Hell, no, I'm all hot and bothered. Let's go in the bedroom and have sex like all the neighbors are doing."

"Alright, sex it is but no tying my legs up. After hearing all that sex talk I'm moist enough."

The End

*

It was just a little fun story.

Comment if you like

DG Hear

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by Anonymous

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by Tavadelphin05/02/14

Most excellent -

I was reading it out loud at work and someone got all upset about talking that way in the workplace ROFL

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