The Affair

"It's fine, honestly," Victoria assures him. "I've taken care of it. How's Nick?"

"He crashed. He's asleep on your bathroom floor. I was just holding him...then he just sort of went. It's what usually happens after one of these...episodes, I guess you'd call it. I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, it's okay. Come and sit down; you look beat!"

"You surprised after that?" Tim murmurs as he sits himself next to her. He's placed himself fairly close, but then Victoria is sitting somewhat in the middle. "It always takes it out of me. I think it's getting worse too. I mean -- that was one of the quieter moments. But sometimes...sometimes it just goes completely out of my control..."

Laurinder's words come back to Victoria's mind. Like it or not, there could be some validity in what the pretentious cow had said. Dare she approach the subject now with him?

"Thank you for being so understanding," he says to her, before she can gather up the courage to ask him. "Not a lot of people would be."

"As long as I can help," Victoria replies simply, "then that's all that counts." She's telling the truth. For once in this whole damn fortnight, she's finally telling the truth.

Tim takes her idle left hand from off the glossy page of the magazine and moves it up to his lips; he kisses it lightly, thankfully. A small gesture of appreciation, of friendship.

Victoria makes the move first.

When he lets go of the hand she keeps it up there, cupping his cheek, feeling the prickle of shaved stubble underneath her fingertips. He looks at her, a little confused; before he can form words in his mouth she has leaned forward and planted her lips fully on his.

It is as if time has stood still. Everything around them seems to stop. The sound of the television disappears; there are no cars driving past on the road outside; none of Victoria's neighbours chatting away on their front lawns. All that exists is this moment here and now.

Until Tim's cell goes off and the pair of them are woken back into reality. Tim stares at her for a moment, still somewhat shell shocked, before scrabbling in his jeans for the buzzing, attention seeking phone. He clears his throat as the caller ID stuns him slightly.

"Kellie...hey," he answers.

Victoria feels her heart in her mouth. Common sense is calling her but she is refusing to ignore it. He didn't back away. He didn't break it off. He followed her lead. She glances over to where her son is sitting cross legged in front of the television. His eyes aren't on the giant screen but on her. He saw that kiss. She knows he did. He's too young still for it to mean anything to him, but he saw it.

Bitter self-loathing hits her hard in the chest. She made the first move. She's the home-wrecker, she's the slut. God damn it.

Tim continues his brief conversation with Kellie before hanging up. "I've...got to go," he says slowly, his eyes still on his cell. "I promised Kellie we'd take the kids clothes shopping later. I guess I just forgot."

"Tim..."

He interrupts her. "Let's...let's not. Not just yet. I don't think I can fully grasp anything right now. Erm...yeah. Nick. Where's Nick?"

"In the bathroom," she replies quietly.

"Yeah...the bathroom. Okay. Great."

Tim rises from the sofa, still not looking at her, and goes out towards the bathroom. Victoria places her head in her hands; if she begins to cry now she might as well end it all, she feels. She brushes strands of black hair out of her face and moves to the front door, opening it as Tim, carrying a sleeping Nick, walks back into the living room. Without a word he passes her, heading out towards the driveway and his car.

Victoria watches as he carefully opens the passenger door and slides Nick onto the seat. He busies himself with safety belts before closing the door as quietly as he can. Only then does he look back up at her again. Still no words can be mustered, the reality of their situation flooding them with confusion. He moves to his door and steps into the car behind the wheel.

Victoria closes the front door and leans back on it; her head feels heavy, her heart still racing. Kyle is still watching her, a blank look on his face. Now she starts to get scared -- what if, in some innocent way, he says something about what he saw to Julian? Maybe as he's been tucked in at night, or out for a bike ride. One single sentence could destroy everything, and it's all her fault.

There is a knock at the front door. Victoria wipes the beginnings of the tears she refuses to let surface away from her eyes and opens it.

Tim steps into the house, grabs her hips and pulls her towards him. They kiss hungrily, naturally, fully. She feels the slight bulge against her body of arousal and feels the excitement build. Then he is gone, for real this time, his lips still burning on hers. Now he has made a move. Their guilt can be shared.

***

Their moments together are brief, snatched, secretive. They have to be, as Kellie seems to be everywhere that they are now, and Victoria doesn't want to fuel any more of Kyle's curiosity. Every morning she thrills as she wakes to think that they might see each other again that day. Just a conversation between the two of them feels wonderful. All they have done is two slight pecks and one long, heated passionate embrace around a tree out in a secluded part of the park during a game of Hide and Seek.

When Julian comes home, however, Victoria feels herself on the edge. He notices that something is wrong, and asks her once or twice while they are lying together in bed what's bothering her. She just tries to smile at him and claims she isn't feeling well, going as far -- and she feels dreadful when she does this -- to claim that she's actually been to see their doctor to find out what's wrong. But it seems to satisfy Julian's curiosity.

They make love once during this time -- not that she doesn't want to, but Julian suddenly finds himself insanely busy at work. He comes home tired and lacking of energy, falling asleep occasionally at the dinner table half way through a meal, his arms folded, his chin resting on his chest. The factor of his working so hard for his family back home adds more to the guilt than ever before.

Yet she cannot stop seeing Tim, and he cannot stop seeing her. There is some kind of bond between the two of them that cannot be explained. They don't even know each other all that well, yet how can this attraction be so strong? Is it merely physical? Victoria sometimes feels a little concerned that the only reason their brief liaisons continue is because they never lead to sex, unlike seemingly every single time he kisses Kellie.

Victoria's friend has become giddy with the happiness of what seems to be a fulfilling relationship. When the two women are alone she often brags unashamedly of the closeness, the lovemaking, the possibility. Victoria listens patiently, her guilt now being counter balanced by a growing arousal as Kellie describes various dirty weekends. When she is alone she locks herself away in her bathroom and strokes herself silly to these thoughts, placing herself in Kellie's wonderful position. The re-introduction of the simple orgasm to her life fills her with new happiness and bliss; there is most definitely a change in her for the better to most people. Yet Julian never sees it, his arrival from work a shuddering wake-up call to reality.

About a week later Victoria and Tim are having coffee in Victoria's favourite café. It's her favourite because it's a completely different one to where she and Kellie often go, almost right on the other side of the city centre. The children are drinking milkshakes and colouring in some books that one of the waitresses has got out for them because, in her words, they look like such a cute family. Tim and Victoria shift uneasily at this but just smile and nod at her.

They sit quietly sipping their coffees, their legs playing a nervous game of footise under the table.

"What are we doing?" asks Victoria quietly.

The suddenness and the surprise nature of her question takes him aback. "Thought we were drinking coffee," he says jokingly.

"You know what I mean," she replies, trying to keep serious. "How many people are we hurting with this thing?"

"So far, no one..."

"So far," she echoes him. "We'll have to hurt somebody soon."

"Why?" Tim asks. "Why can't it just stay like this?"

"Because," she says, her voice lower now, "if we don't take this any further I may hurt myself."

Tim looks stunned; his leg quickly withdraws from hers. "That's a little bit of emotional blackmail, don't you think?" he asks pointedly.

"I don't mean like that," Victoria replies. She can't quite explain what it is that she's feeling. The whole month has been such a whirlwind that she seems to be trying desperately to keep up with it all. "I love Julian. Crazy as it may sound now, but it's true. We're just going through a...a patch. That's it. A patch. But what you and I have...it's not a substitute for it or anything. It's something else just as fantastic as what I have with him. I know I can't have it both ways. I'm risking everything even now, sitting here, just simply talking to you. If this is going to go anywhere, then it needs to get there. Or else...why bother? We should just stay friends. It will kill me if that happens, but...well, what else could we do?"

Tim looks down into his coffee cup, his fingers running over the handle as he takes in what she's said. "I'm in a relationship right now where I'm feeling more and more like a plaything than a potential boyfriend," he replies after a while. "Where yesterday afternoon I had to make sure that our neighbour could look after our two children just so she could tie me up and...well. Forgive me for wanting to take this -- what we have -- a little slower. It means more to me than anything In life has ever meant over the last year."

Victoria feels awful. Her impatience, her emotions are getting the better of her utterly. She rests her hand on the one playing with the cup. "I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"Victoria? Oh my god, I didn't imagine I'd find YOU here!"

The loud, painfully familiar voice causes them to glance round. Laurinder Pinter, daughter Georgie in tow, has strode into the café. Her usual collection of shopping bags balance around her bare arms; she is wearing a far more pretty outfit than she had been the last time Victoria had seen her. It actually suits her for a change.

"And Tim! How nice to see you," she adds, walking towards them. Victoria feels herself begin to blush and turns away, attempting to control herself. "How are you? It's been ages!"

"I'm very well, thank you, Laurinder."

"What are you guys doing?" the unwanted guest asks the two children. "Oooh, some colouring. That looks like fun, doesn't it, Georgie? We've just been shopping, haven't we? We bought something for you and something for Mommy, didn't we?"

"Yes," replies Georgie, who looks as though she'd have much preferred colouring in as a opposed to being dragged around a vast shopping mall.

"So what the hell are you two doing in this part of the city?" Laurinder asks the grown ups, curious. "Not often I see anyone from our street down here, let alone anyone I know!"

Victoria struggles for an alibi. Fortunately, Tim has one.

"We've been to the Museum of Natural History. There's a great new dinosaur exhibit that Nick wanted to see. I mentioned it to Victoria and she asked to tag along with Kyle."

"Sounds like fun," replies Laurinder, her words easily betraying her belief that a Museum is the last place anyone could find 'fun'. "No Kellie though?"

"She's gone with Ryan to see her mother," Tim says, throwing a piece of truth in for good measure. "Apparently I'm not quite ready for that introduction yet."

"I guess so," says Laurinder.

"I was just going to buy the kids some ice cream," Tim says, changing the subject. "Would Gerogie like some?"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. Georgie, go with Tim and the boys and see what flavour you like while Victoria and I have a good gossip!" Georgie brightens up; she skips in front of the others as they head to the other side of the café and to the waitress at the counter. Victoria watches them go, her eyes on Tim as he begins to help them choose. He's a wonderful father. How could he ever doubt his abilities? .

"I know what this is," says Laurinder, not too loudly but perhaps not too quietly enough for Victoria's liking. "This is an affair."

Victoria's heart stops. "A...a what?"

"An affair, honey. You and he are fucking, aren't you?"

To hear such a word as 'fucking' come from the respectable mouth of Laurinder Pinter is almost as much of a shock as the apparent obviousness of the situation. Victoria shakes her head, stammering slightly as she tries to voice her denial.

"It's not, you've...you've got it wrong, Laurinder."

Laurinder is suddenly sitting next to her, looking around the café as she does so. "Don't get all worked up," she shushes. "I just never really saw it in you. I always saw you as Mrs McGovern, the perfect wife, the perfect mother. You've blown my estimations of you clean out of the water, that's for sure."

There's a hint of malice, of snobbish one-upmanship in her voice as she speaks in low tones. It annoys Victoria; she feels as if she's being laughed at by one of the biggest hypocrites she knows. "Tim and I are friends," she insists. "He needs a friend. Apart from his son he's got nobody."

"I thought he had your friend Kellie?" replies the bitch pointedly.

Guilt, betrayal, envy flood Victoria's emotions. Angrily she brings her voice down to a whisper. "How can you sit there and judge me? Even if something was going on...how can you of all people think you're better than me? I heard about you and the gardener. How Ash walked in on the two of you."

Laurinder smiles slightly. "Honey, you have no idea, have you? I'm not judging you in the slightest. In fact, I'm impressed. You're finally entering the best part of the 21st Century: openness, fun, desire -- all three mixed into one wonderful age."

Victoria looks confused; she is also worried that Tim could return at any moment and hear Laurinder talking. "I don't get it."

"Do you really think that was the first time Ash has caught me with another lover? It's the only way our marriage survives. Having an affair is such a rush. It's intoxicating, addictive even. And stupid husband dearest always forgets and forgives because I can so easily fuck him into submission. You and I -- hell, even Kellie, I suppose, if she ever got her act together -- we're beautiful, sexy women. We can control men so easily if we're given the chance. They'll do anything for us. Start enjoying that power. Be naughty."

The children return carrying bowls heaving with scoops of different colours, sprinkles on top. Laurinder and Victoria push their conversation to one side to focus on the eating of the cold, delicious dessert. Occasionally, Victoria glances up at Tim, who is standing to one side of them, there not being enough room for three on the seat. They look at each other, knowing that they are thinking the same thing: they must be more careful.

***

Two days later, the downfall begins.

Julian rushes home from work, beaming for the first time in a long time. He finds Victoria in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for a salad for their dinner tonight. She has not seen Tim today, him making up for not seeing Kellie for a couple of days.

"Honey, you're home early," she says warmly; she meant what she said. She still feels that rush every time he comes home from work. It's what happens afterwards that adds to her guilt.

"The project fell through," he says in explanation, kissing her passionately. "It's finished. We're all finished."

She looks at him, stunned. "You mean...you've been fired?"

He nods enthusiastically. "Yup! All of us. The entire team were sacked on the spot by that bastard!"

"Julian, that's awful..."

"No," he insists, taking her in his arms, "no, it's not. It's amazing, it's fucking incredible. I never realised just how much I hated that job until the moment I lost it. I haven't felt this happy since the day we got married. It's a new start!"

"What about money? What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," he laughs. "I honestly, don't know!"

"Julian, this is serious..."

"Vic, it's fine. Honestly, babe. We've got enough money to keep us going for a while and I've already signed up at an agency to see what I can get. In the meantime...God, it's like I'm on extended vacation or something. I can spend more time with you, with Kyle. More time with my family. That's what I really care about. You guys here at home."

He takes her in his arms and kisses her again, holding her in a tight embrace after their lips part, as if he's never going to let her go.

Victoria feels a whirlwind of emotions. Her concerns about money, how they can afford to live, are overshadowed by the crushing realisation that, until Julian finds more employment, her meetings with Tim will be rare at best.

Over the next few days she plays the devoted wife; going out with her family on trips, playing soccer in the park, making love to her husband when he gets the urge. Every so often, perhaps once or twice a day, she receives a text message which she will then read then delete immediately before replying and deleting the outgoing message. The content makes her burn with a warm heat.

In the end it is Julian who pushes things forward to the next stage, completely by accident of course. They are sitting at the table finishing breakfast; he has the paper in his lap, looking for any jobs that may be advertised. So far he has had little success, but they have been realistic enough not to expect miracles. There's a recession on, after all.

"Look at this," he says suddenly, sitting up slightly. "Sechs City Zoo are doing a special weekday deal. Kids under ten get in free when accompanied by an adult. What about it, Kyle? Do you wanna go to the zoo today?"

His son looks up, excitedly.

"That sounds like fun," says Victoria, smiling. "All those animals..."

"Lions and tigers and bears," Julian says, grinning.

"Should be great."

Julian nods. "Kyle, why don't you go and brush your teeth and we'll get ready to go as soon as possible?"

Kyle jumps off his seat and runs faster than Victoria thinks she's ever seen him run before to do something he's usually very reluctant to do.

As Victoria starts to clear away the breakfast things, Julian says to her in a quieter voice, "Honey, I don't know how you feel about this, and feel free to say no, obviously, but I was wondering if maybe it could just be a guys day out? Just me and Kyle. I'd like to spend a bit more quality time with him."

Victoria continues to clear the dirty dishes away; her insides are beginning to quiver. "If you're sure," she says cautiously. "He can be a bit of a handful sometimes, you know that."

"If I don't do something like this now I think I'm gonna regret it," her husband replies, getting up and drinking the last of his coffee. "Gotta take these opportunities when you get them, right?"

Is that a sign? Is that something or someone telling her what she's been wanting to hear this whole month? She will take it as such. "Right," she replies simply, before bending towards him and kissing him on the cheek. "I love you," she adds.

"I love you too, honey."

She helps the Great Expedition get ready, packing them a light lunch in case the food at the zoo is too expensive, though knowing her husband he'll probably treat his son to a burger anyway.

As she finishes dressing Kyle, her son asks her, "Are you coming too?"

"No, sweetie, it's just you and Dad today."

"Are you going to see Uncle Tim today?"