The Assistant Stage Manager

Alec could hardly believe that this was the weeping woman he had hugged to sleep last night. The defences were back in place, the armour resumed.

Alec somewhat sullenly got back to work.

As he went about his task he pondered events. For all that Rachel had resumed her shell, he could not think of her as he had done before the previous night. Last night he had felt love for her – he still felt it now – yet how could you love someone who seemed so closed off?

Their work kept them separated until they broke for lunch. They began eating in silence until Rachel suddenly broke out with, "I want to thank you for last night."

"That's okay."

"I think you stayed all night with me, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Why did you stay, you knew we had a hard day today, you needed a comfortable night's sleep."

"And you needed someone to stay with you."

"You stayed all night holding me and you didn't try to do anything to me, at least, if you did you managed it with a feather touch and buttoned and zipped me up very carefully. Besides, there was nothing inside me...you know."

"You didn't need sex, you needed comfort and love."

"Love?"

"Yes, why not?"

"Nobody can love me, I won't let them."

"You may be able to stop yourself loving, but you can't prevent others."

"I won't let you love me, Alec."

Alec had been trying to contain himself during this strange conversation, but now his patience gave way.

"What the hell are you talking about, Rachel, how can you stop me or anyone else loving you if they want to? And don't tell me your parents don't love you and that you love them, I saw that with my own eyes."

"That's different, they know and understand."

"Know and understand what, for God's sake?"

Rachel avoided the question and said, "Let's just say you caught me at a bad time, and I'm truly grateful for your lo...help. Now, shall we get back to work?"

The afternoon's work brought them closer together and Alec watched Rachel carefully. Despite the extra sleep she had had, Rachel began to flag around mid afternoon. The ravages of the previous night's emotional upheaval were still taking their toll and by four o'clock, with still a lot to be done, she was beaten.

Alec went to her and putting his hand on her drooping shoulder said, "Come on Rachel, there are times when it's sensible to give up. I'll finish up here; you go back to the motel and rest."

"I can't, I've got a job to do and..."

"And you've taught me how to do it, so let me get on with it."

"Do you think you can handle it?"

"You taught me well."

"Okay, you're right, I am beat and I'll only start to make mistakes. I'll kick a few backsides if you like and get some of the actors to come and help."

"No point, Rachel, they'll only stuff it up and I'll have to do it all over again. You go and get some rest. I'll knock on your door when I've finished and see how you are."

"If you're seen the rumours will start flying again."

"Stuff the rumours; you're more important than silly tittle tattle."

Rachel stood looking at him for a moment. Alec thought he saw a hint of tears in her eyes, but she turned away and almost dragged herself out of theatre.

It was nearly ten o'clock that night before the last of the props and scenery were ready for loading the next day. He turned out the lights, locked the door, and went wearily back to the motel.

From the motel lounge he heard the sound of the other members of the company holding a party, which they normally did on the last night in a town. "I suppose they'll be working out who is going to whose bed tonight," he thought.

He came to Rachel's door, and thinking she might be asleep, he tapped very softly. To his surprise it was opened almost immediately. "Come in and have a drink," Rachel invited.

He entered thinking she meant a drink of tea or coffee, instead she offered him an array of drinks. The motel placed in each room a range of drinks in miniature bottles – whisky, gin, vodka, brandy and so on. Alec had never seen Rachel drink alcohol even at company parties. He was a very modest drinker himself, knowing how debilitating it could be when you have to be up and active early in the morning.

"What shall it be," asked Rachel.

"Well, we have to be up early in the morning," protested Alec.

"For once, let's forget the morning," said Rachel, "let's for once enjoy tonight."

"Okay, just one; I'll have the whisky if that all right with you?"

"Yes, I'll try the vodka."

"I didn't know you drank alcohol, Rachel, you never do at the company parties."

Rachel, in the act of opening one of the bottles, turned and looked at Alec, her green eyes piercing his brown ones as if she would read his thoughts. Alec tried to look away from her gaze but failed.

Very slowly and distinctly she said, "I only drink with people I trust."

She looked at him for a few more moments, and then turned away.

Alec, not sure how to respond to her apparently flattering words, said rather weakly, "It's very nice to know you trust me."

Rachel did not pursue the subject and instead handed Alec one of the tiny bottles. She raised her own bottle and said, "Here's to us and the end of this tour." They clinked bottles and drank, Rachel almost choking on her vodka.

Since neither of them were frequent drinkers the effects of the small amount of alcohol began to have a distinct effect. Obviously it did not make them drunk, but brought about a pleasant relaxed feeling. Rachel sprawled on the bed while Alec sat in the only armchair in the room. They said nothing for a few minutes, each enjoying the effects of the drink.

Rachel spoke first in a sleepy voice; "Today at lunch we had a rather silly argument, Alec. I'm sorry, it was my fault."

"That's okay," muttered Alec.

"You see, it was when you talked about love I got...well...upset I suppose."

"I don't see why. I've always thought it was good to have someone love you."

"Alec, you can't love me, no one can...I...I can't let them, because they'll only end up being hurt."

"Because you reject their love?"

"Yes...but not only that...there are things...things that happened. You're a nice man. Alec; I think the nicest I've ever met, so above all I wouldn't want you to be hurt by me."

"And if I decide to take the risk?"

"I suppose I can't stop you, but I have warned you."

Alec drank the last dregs from his bottle and rose to leave.

"You're tired and we've got a heavy day tomorrow, I'd better go."

"No!...Yes, I suppose you'd better." She paused for moment then said in a faint whisper, "Before you go, would you do something for me?"

"Of course, if I can."

"Last night you hugged me to sleep, would you hug me now, just for a minute, it feels...feels so comforting."

She extended her arms to him and Alec came to lie beside her on the bed. She put her arms round him and nestled close.

Still in a low voice she said, "Alec, for what its worth you're the only man I've been with like this."

For all the talk about Rachel being a neuter Alec had never been able to give credence to the idea. He felt that at some time Rachel, for all her sternness, was too attractive not to have made love, whether the lover was male or a gay female. Hence her stating that she had never been hugged as he hugged her seemed incredible.

He felt it safest not to speak his thoughts and simply went on holding her to him. For all that they were still fully clothed he could feel her body pressed close. This time she did not smell of female sweat, instead she exuded a female fragrance that sent his senses reeling and his penis hardening.

He held her for a little longer and then said, "I must go, Rachel, its getting very late."

"Yes, I suppose you must dar...Alec. Thanks for being so...so..." She gave a wan smile and said, "Loving."

He rose and left her, his heart racing and penis erect.

For the next few days Rachel seemed to have recovered from whatever had ailed her. She was her old dominating and case hardened self.

Alec was puzzled; how could Rachel be two such seemingly different people? The one so stern and commanding, the other so soft and seeking comfort in his arms? The woman who claimed she rejected love yet so obviously needed it. What had she said? "There are things...things that happened."

"What 'things' and what had 'happened'?" Alec asked himself. Perhaps he would never know...never dare to ask; but there must have been something terrible that had happened in her life. Even now at her sternest he loved her and his heart bled for her and for him self. He was like the lovers of old, yearning for the unattainable.

The tour was coming to an end and with it his secondment to the company. He would be returning to the college and probably another secondment. For all the at times brutal harshness of life with this touring company he was dreading leaving it. This was not so much for the sake of the company, but that he would be separated from Rachel.

Despite the fact that he had been told plainly that his love for her would lead nowhere, he had that lover's eternal hope that one day the beloved would yield and together they would pass hand in hand into the Elysian Fields of love fulfilled.

Just over a week before his time with the company came to an end he expressed his regret at having to leave the company to Rachel. He did not, however, say that his regret was due to his parting from her.

Whatever Rachel felt was not expressed in words, but Alec noticed that she appeared sad and hurried away to perform some real or imagined task with what looked suspiciously like the glint of tears in her eyes.

Alec was allowed to call the show that night, still under Rachel's eagle eye. When the show was over and everyone except Rachel and Alec had gone they worked to set up for the next night. Normally this would have been left until the next morning, but they had agreed they would try and give themselves a morning off.

When they had finished and were about to leave Rachel, speaking low and quickly, as if she didn't hurry she wouldn't have the courage to say what she had to say, asked a totally unprepared Alec, "Do you still love me, Alec?"

"W...w...what?...Yes of course, you don't just turn love on and off like a water tap."

"I want to ask you something rather dreadful Alec; will you answer me honestly?"

Alec, feeling somewhat apprehensive about what was to come replied, "Yes, if I can, what is it?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

Alec felt his head reel. Very cautiously he asked, "Do want to be comforted again...want me to hug you?"

"Would you like to make love with me, Alec...I mean...have sex with me?"

I...I...I...yes...but do...?"

"I want you to Alec; if you'll be very gentle...you won't hurt me?"

She came to him and putting her arms round his neck said, "I want you to Alec, very much." She kissed him gently but without that expertise that goes with the practised lover. "You won't hurt me, will you?"

Alec, struggling to breathe, gasped out, "No Rachel, I would never hurt you, ever."

Rachel took his hand and said, "Come with me, then."

They left the theatre for her room.

When they arrived at her door Alec said, "Rachel, I'm all sweaty, I'll go and have a shower and then come back."

"Use my shower", Rachel said, "I'm not too fresh myself. I'll go first if you don't mind?"

Alec sank down into the armchair his heart pounding and his penis already erect. He wondered if it was possible she was still a virgin since she had emphasised his not hurting her. To Alec it seemed hardly possible that there would have been no one before him, and yet...?"

Rachel came out of the shower wearing a dressing gown and said, "It's free now."

When Alec finished his shower he wasn't quite sure what to do about clothing. Should he remain naked or at least put on his jeans? He opted for the jeans.

Rachel was sitting on the bed when he entered the main room. He went to her and began to remove her dressing gown. She looked up at him, her eyes no longer stern, but almost pleading."

"Alec, I've never been naked with a man before. I don't...you...suppose you don't like me."

Alec was not unfamiliar with naked females but he had never been with one who had doubted her physical charms to this extent. "This is where the gentleness starts," he thought, "right at the beginning."

"It's okay," he said soothingly, "I'm sure you're lovely; there's no need to be shy; you know I love you." He sat beside her on the bed.

"Yes, but..."

He stopped her words with a kiss. It was a very soft kiss. He was almost like a bird watcher on sighting a rare bird, and wanting get closer to it, moves very slowly and quietly for fear of startling it.

She responded to his kiss, not in the open mouthed way of his previous sex partners, but by clinging with her lips to his as if not wanting to part from them.

Alec felt an overwhelming tenderness for her. Perhaps it was the stark contrast between the fierce Rachel and this softened woman – almost a young girl she seemed – clinging to him pleading for his care of her. This desire to show his love for her mingled with his hunger for her body, making him feel deeply privileged and for the moment the stronger of the two.

He stroked her hair and then let his hand explore down her face, and then, putting his hand inside her dressing gown, he cupped a breast with his hand.

Rachel moved against him with a convulsive movement gasping, "Oh Alec, that's so beautiful."

He began again to remove her dressing gown, peeling it down her shoulders to drop to the bed but still hiding her sex organ. Rachel seemed to want to retain the gown but Alec persisted, murmuring to her, "It's all right Rachel, there's nothing to be frightened of."

Once he had exposed her breasts he moved back slightly to look at them. The skin was like ivory and the pink nipples firm with Rachel's arousal. "I knew you'd be lovely," he said, smiling at her.

"Am I?" she queried plaintively. "I've never been with a man who loves me, I didn't know."

"You're very beautiful," Alec reassured her, and cupping her breast again he bent over her to take the nipple into his mouth.

Rachel began to give out little whimpering cries of, "Alec, oh Alec, I do love you..."

Alec was taken by surprise at this declaration of love by Rachel, "And yet," he thought, "we probably wouldn't be here doing this if she did not love me. She's just not the sort to give herself without love."

Rachel's words of love spurred Alec to a bolder move. He said, "Come on Rachel; let's see what you're hiding under that dressing gown."

He raised her up and removed the gown that had still been covering her genitals, and then laid her on her back. He saw the curly pubic hair, starting at her mons and ending just above the cleft of her vulva. For all her shyness their lips looked swollen as if congested with blood. His gaze went to her legs; they were long and graceful and he bent to place a kiss on her thighs.

He slipped a finger between the lips of her vulva to feel the soft inner ones. They were warm and wet to his touch and he let a finger slip into her vaginal passage. Rachel began to mewl softly, "Alec it lovely...lovely."

Clearly someone had been here before; there was no resistance of a virginal membrane.

Alec removed his finger and lifted the little hood of flesh covering her clitoris, and with a feather touch circled the little nub of pleasure with his finger.

Rachel yelled and struggled to sit up. "What are you doing to me, Alec? Please it's...it's...Oh my God...something's happening to me...darling...no...no..."

She fell back on the bed writhing in anguish, her body juddering and hips thrusting up. She was crying out aloud in a shaking voice, "Oh dear God yes...yes...don't stop...please don't stop...oh...ah...oh...eeee."

Her hand reach down to hold his to her sex organ as if fearing he would stop the exquisite agony that now held her on its rack of torment as her cries rose to a scream and then began to subside.

When she had calmed she said, "You did that so beautifully Alec."

He smiled down at her but said nothing as he opened her legs wide and came between them and probing with the crown of his penis he found her entrance and slipped carefully in. He slowly pushed his full length into her and then stopped for a moment, looking into her eyes.

"I love you very dearly, Rachel."

"I know, darling that's why I...ah...ah...oh darling..."

He had started to move in her, slowly drawing back to almost exit from her vagina, then plunging in again.

"Deeper, darling, deeper", she pleaded as her hands tried to hold his buttocks and drag him into her.

Alec felt the first pumping of his testes and his semen shot up his length to burst into her. In the midst of his orgasm Rachel suddenly cried out, "Oh my God, it's coming again...oh....haaa....oh...aargh...."

They clung to each other desperately striving to dig in deeper. Alec felt as if he wanted to reach her heart with each spearing thrust of his manhood into her womanhood. Then the moment passed and he was at peace.

Rachel still held him to her giving little mewling cries almost like a hungry infant. Alec stayed with her, letting her complete her orgasm, but even when she had quieted she held to him.

"Don't go...don't leave me Alec...just hold me."

She was crying and Alec, afraid he might have hurt her asked, "Are you all right, did I hurt you?"

"No, no darling, you didn't hurt me, you freed me. It's the first time with love, like a first time ever".

He carefully withdrew from her wanting to be sure she was ready for his withdrawal, and she curled into him in that childlike way she had; as if wanting to feel loved and protected. Yet it was also as if something that had imprisoned her had been overcome.

They had no more sexual intercourses that night which was strange in that Alec could well have enjoyed some more coupling with her. Yet something more had come to the forefront in his thoughts and feelings. It was the same desire he felt during that first night he had stayed with her; he wanted to be not only her lover, but her protector – to cherish her as she had not cherished herself.

In the narrow bed, twined together, they finally slept in peace.

On awakening they had the morning free from work. They went to the motel restaurant for breakfast. Rachel looked as if years had dropped away from her. She seemed to glow and even when some members, looking rather hung over, started to appear she made no secret of her new found love for Alec.

Eyebrows were raised and sniggers heard as hand in hand they left the restaurant to return to Rachel's room. They made love on the carpeted floor and Alec took the risk and introduced Rachel to oral sex.

"Oh Alec, you do that so exquisitely," wept Rachel as his tongue found her clitoris and she was once more in the throes of her orgasm.

After he had ejaculated into her Alec wanted to ask her about some of the curious things she had said. Her words about it being her first sexual intercourse as an act of love puzzled him, but he dared not probe for fear of disrupting their new found sexual relationship.

"What is in the past can't be changed he thought, so let it remain in the past."

He gave no thought at that time to the possibility of the past catching up.

Later in the morning, arms round each other, they went for a walk around the town seeing little of it since they had only eyes for each other. When they began work in the afternoon they seemed to set to with new energy, enjoying being there working together.

Alec now had little time left with the company but for what time was left Rachel, who was among many other things responsible for making the motel bookings, unashamedly made a booking for a double room for her and Alec. The other members of the company were now fully aware of the relationship between them, and the two lovers didn't care.