The Coward and the Wolf Ch. 06

Ok, maybe exploded was an exaggeration. It would be more appropriate to say that the door accelerated with great haste from its designated and proper place in the doorway, and upon discovering that one of the current members of the room was obstructing its flight path, it in a great fit of rage at its long awaited dreams of flight being interrupted, flew into a great many pieces. Actually, maybe exploded was the correct term for it?

That is to say in less flowery speech that Sarah kicked the door with such force that it flew out of its frame, hit one of Steve's attackers, and 'then' shattered. Steve would like to think that the person who intercepted the door spent their last few moments congratulating themselves on surviving an attack by a wild flying door, because they certainly didn't survive the spear that flew out of the doorway moments after.

Steve had always been under the assumption that only something on the scale of say a 'ballistae' would be able to pin someone to a wall using a projectile. As it turned out, his bodyguard could comfortably say that she could throw a spear with the same force as a piece of ancient field artillery. The fact that the spear had passed through the remains of a door, a shield, armor and then somebody before embedding itself a few feet into the wall was really just so much icing on the cake.

Steve was certainly impressed. He was also wondering how Sarah planned to save his ass, when she had just imbedded her trusty spear a few feet into the wall on the other side of the room from her.

On the bright side, the open doorway provided enough illumination for him to make out the rest of his attackers. He had been expecting a crack team of elven commandos in black leather. What he was seeing was a bit more... unconventional. On the bright side, it certainly seemed a lot more multicultural, which always warms the heart.

If he had only one word that could fully describe all the women around him, with the exception of the blonde elf, it would have to be Insectoid.

If there was one defining feature he could say about all the creatures of Sapheros thus far, it was that they were humanoid.

He supposed it was because they all originated from elves that for the most part the changes to Sapherosians seemed to be superficial; things like hooves, snouts, size, fangs, eyes, wings, fur, facial structure etc. The main point though, was that at the end of the day, they were only about half as animal-esque as they were human-esque; He was pretty sure the Lizard-kin for example were still 'technically' mammals.

The people around the room from him seemed to have taken the concept of being half elven and half 'something else', and run with it. Run really far with it. The one in the corner was the most striking exmple. She had a spider's body. From the waist down. If you were to remove that one small feature, you had essentially a human body, give or take a few fangs.

Other than the spider lady in the back and blonde elf lady on the floor, the rest were all the same type of insect base, Wasps.

They had wings, a wasp's black and yellow insectile thorax sticking out their ass, black eyes and antennae; aside from those small features they looked human, as in healthy tan flesh and hair where he could see it. The skin he could see was covered in black tattoos, but still human looking for the most part. Apparently exoskeletons weren't stylish right now unless they were on your ass.

Most were wearing helmets with those stylish little plumes and the were all wearing bronze armor that reminded him distinctly of something a Greek hoplite might wear. It didn't cover the thoraxes though.

The short swords and shields certainly rounded out the image.

They were also all slightly distracted by the werewolf who had just pinned one of their number to the far wall. Steve couldn't blame them; she looked pretty pissed and pretty happy at the same time. Pissed someone had invaded her master's room. Happy she got to kill them for it. Never let it be said Sarah was an individual without depth.

One spider woman, one blonde elf with a nose bleed and seven wasp women against a dude who was still in bed and an unarmed pissed off Sarah.

Everyone decided to move at once. Steve's movement involved throwing his sheets over two of the wasp women who were on his left before grabbing the still stunned blonde elf and pressing his gun to her head in the classic hostage taking pose.

Sarah's movement apparently involved hurting someone, because he heard a wet squelch and a high pitched squeal. It was a strange sounding squeal; the voice sounded like it was two tones at once. Weird. Was that was Sapherosian's though an insect should sound like?

In retrospect, it may have just been easier for him to stay in the bed and let the situation resolve itself. He had certainly considered staying in bed, but as it stood he wasn't entirely sure Sarah would be able to kill all of her opponents and emerge unscathed.

The loss of Sarah just could not be allowed to happen. She was his most useful ally. That was to say she was his only ally. It wasn't like he was particularly in danger either; his kidnappers wanted him alive after all so he was pretty much free to be a spanner in the works.

He hefted the gun at the spider woman who had stayed back from the fray. It occurred to him that she had likely climbed up the building and dropped web to allow the wasps to gain access without alerting any guards with the droning of insectile wings. She was also likely the one would have tied him up and carried him out if he hadn't woken up. So he didn't really feel guilty when he urged lightning to fly forth and roast her.

The lightning burst into existence with that familiar smell of ozone and the incredibly irritating voices in his head, which were now thankfully muffled by the anti-magic rune on his neck.

He watched it leap at the spider... and fizzle out without so much as a crackle to show for it.

So much for his 'godlike powers'. He certainly had enough witnesses to charge the weapon up, so why wasn't it bug-zapping?

Spiderwoman turned from the fight between Sarah and the wasps to face Steve, no doubt alarmed by the sudden flash of light in the dark. Steve saw his reason for the lack of splattering pretty quick. A tattoo on the spiders face was alight. It didn't take a genius to figure out that it was an anti-magic rune even if it weren't the same as the one used by him and Bridgett.

It most certainly implied a goddess had sent this little abduction party. Was it a team effort between the elves and the insects? Probably.

He thought about all this just before he flipped the safety off the gun and pulled the trigger. Tired he may have been last night, but certainly not tired enough to not bother to learn how what was probably the most powerful weapon on the planet worked.

The thing had no recoil and made no sound, so his attempts to fire it out the window during his investigation earlier had resulted in him pulling the trigger and assuming it didn't work. Then he had aimed it at the wall. No result. Then he aimed it at one of the weird bat things that were flying outside. Then it worked. Organic stuff was the only thing it harmed apparently.

The same thing that had happened to the bat earlier now occurred to the spider woman.

One second there was an armored spider hoplite looming over him, and then there was a loud popping sound and suddenly he was looking at only the bottom half of an armored spider hoplite.

Actually that wasn't true. The top half of her was still visible, just not all of it; the rest having been smeared evenly over every nearby surface. Including Steve. 'Icky' didn't even begin to describe.

Steve would like to say he felt like a badass. After all, defeating a spider monster that attacked him in the middle of the night 'sounded' badass. Alas, he really only felt like he wanted a shower and to sit somewhere quietly for five minutes. Discovering that someone's detonated nipple is lodged in one of your ears can do that to a person.

As it turned out, the detonated nipple was enough of a distraction for blondie to head-butt Steve in the nose and escape his grip. Steve managed to wipe his eyes clear of spidey's juices just in time for him to see blondie dive out of his open window.

He waited for about half a second for her to rise up on some massive flying bug, swear her revenge on him, and fly off in true beaten villain fashion. That didn't happen. Instead he heard a particularly uncomfortable sound that could best be described as 'splat'. Either her timing hadn't been quite right, or his kidnappers were hardcore about their secrets. He was really hoping for option number one. It would imply that reality was on his side on occasion, and that he wasn't being chased by suicidal nutjobs.

It also occurred to him that the sounds of battle had ended. Steve turned with no small amount of trepidation to find Sarah standing amongst a pile of bodies that were in various states of dismemberment. The scene was made significantly grizzlier by the fact that one of the swords Sarah was holding still had a tattooed arm gripping the handle.

Had she just yanked someone's arm off and beaten them to death with it? To be honest he wouldn't be surprised if she had. Werewolf battle strategy seemed to subscribe to the 'shock and awe' school of thought, as in 'be shocked your arm got torn off, and then be awed as you get beaten to death with it'. It was a very effective school of thought.

Steve took a deep breath, tried to ignore the exploded spidery bits that were clinging to him and thought about what had just transpired. So to sum up what he knew. He had been nearly kidnapped by a group of women who appeared to be of insectoid origin, as well as one elf.

The elf had decided to die rather than be taken alive, and the insectiods had fought to the death rather than surrender. Probably. It was also possible Sarah hadn't given them a choice in the matter but he would like to give her the benefit of the doubt.

More alarmingly the whole group had been rocking anti-magic. Considering 'magic' was supposed to be a secret, Steve was entirely sure this was the work of at least one goddess.

Steve asked his question as calmly as he could while trying not to stare at the dangling sword arm,

"Sarah, did you happen to leave any of our guests alive?"

Sarah snapped out of her post-fight reverie and seemed to think about the question for a second,

"Yes Divine One, I only disarmed one, so I don't think she's dead. Yet. I don't exactly remember which one though. I think she fell near the doorway."

Sarah chose to wave the arm attached to her sword for emphasis. Steve could only hope the pun was unintentional.

What could he say, being covered in internal organs didn't do wonders for his sense of humor, or his appetite.

As Sarah started picking through the corpses for the armless survivor (another pun), Steve decided to take a peek out the window and discover Blondie's fate. It was possible she had landed on an incredibly convenient patch of watermelons or garbage bags or something.

A quick glance proved that wasn't the case. She was either dead, or had an amazing talent for impersonating raspberry jam.

"So wher-", Steve started.

He was interrupted by the sound of metal hitting the floor in the hallway. He raised his gun and Sarah tensed. The moment dragged on for about a second before a half armored Saltek charged into the room with sword in hand roaring a mighty battle cry. Then she slipped on the blood. Steve was given a wonderful flashing of between her legs as she fell on her ass.

When he said 'half-armored' he meant the top half. He supposed he should be impressed that she had managed to get that much armor on in the short period of time since he had had shouted for aid. Still, it certainly showed a large flaw in Lizard-kin security if they felt themselves completely unwilling to go into battle unarmored.

That might have been why his kidnapping failed, his kidnappers hadn't been expecting the monster that was Sarah, and felt they had plenty of time before the Lizard-kin would show up after they had killed or otherwise dealt with the on duty sentries.

Either way he was certainly unimpressed by his secondary bodyguard's reaction time. He wouldn't say that of course. Insulting someone whose job it was to get between you and sharp things was never smart. He would just have to find a third bodyguard who didn't have a time delay, in case Sarah was incapacitated and he was attacked at night again.

Maybe one of those horse women? They looked big. Why he felt the need for his bodyguard to be female wasn't something he chose to ponder.

He knew he certainly didn't want another werewolf. Sarah was great and all, but outside of combat she was either cool and unflappable or trying to jump in his pants with or without his consent. He needed a bodyguard who was imaginative and flexible enough to actually warn him about threats that his ignorance of Sapherosia would leave him blind to.

First he had to explain what had happened in here to Saltek. He went over to help her up only to discover she was out cold. He resisted the urge to groan. He hadn't even known it was possible to render yourself unconscious with a helmet it on. Had Saltek been somehow sabotaged, or was she just a moron?

His thoughts on the plausibility of her having received blunt force trauma were interrupted by a yip of triumph behind him. He turned to find Sarah lifting one of the wasp women by the collar of her armor.

The wasp certainly wasn't going to be winning any beauty pageants any time soon. In addition to the right arm that was just plain shredded at the socket, she was missing an eye and a good portion of flesh from the right side of her face where Sarah had apparently clawed her. Steve couldn't believe she was still alive.

It was shame really, the untouched left side of her face was quite pretty. He had a thing for women with black hair.

Blood wasn't flowing freely from the arm, and it looked like it was already scabbing over, so she definitely had inhuman ability in that department. Maybe the magic runes she had on her included regenerative abilities? None of them were glowing, but that didn't say much, a lot of them ran all the way under her armor after all.

"Sarah, can you go alert the guards. I'll stay here and make sure Saltek doesn't choke on her own tongue... or something like that." Steve requested wearily.

Sarah grunted an affirmation before leaving, her captive dragging along behind her, for which Steve was thankful. He didn't particularly relish trying to figure out the most effective means of tying up an individual who had an unknown number of magic tricks at her disposal, even if she was missing an arm, an eye and was unconscious.

In the event the wasp woman woke up and was in the mood for round two he was sure Sarah was best equipped to comply with her wishes.

He waited for Sarah to move of sight before slumping down on his bed, which dutifully elicited a squelch to remind him of the fact that it was covered in about a fortnights worth of Red Cross blood donations and other assorted juices that were likely important to the continued functioning of a healthy person.

Steve sighed as he surveyed the carnage that was the guest room.

It didn't look so much like a fight had taken place as much as it looked like a group cosplay enthusiasts had been massacred by a combine harvester. A combine harvester that fired spears. It was just an absurdly unnecessary amount of carnage. The whole thing was insane. A man should not have to wake up and wonder if he should unpin one of his kidnappers corpses from her position pinned to wall.

Even the proud Saltek had been reduced to a half-naked parody of a knight by the night's proceedings. The absurdity of the scene was just too much for Steve's delicate sensibilities right now.

On the Brightside he now had a veritable treasure trove of magical runes at his disposal to learn from. A lot of them were attached to severed limbs, but that was essentially just small print.

In addition, if he played his cards right he would even have a live prisoner to experiment on...

Steve paused.

...That sounded grim even in his own head.

He had a 'volunteer' to experiment on.

Much better.

It wasn't like he was planning on killing the wasp woman. In fact by calling dibs on the surviving wasp woman he was probably going to save her life. In return all he wanted was to paint some funny symbols on her to ensure they were safe for human use and didn't cause terminal diarrhea or some other such problem.

With him being the only human on the planet he could not imagine a more important time for product safety.

Steve gradually lay back and relaxed into the sticky bed sheets. On another day he might have been grossed out by the feeling of flesh blood trickling down the back of his suit. Today he just wanted to go back to sleep.

Yesterday had been a long day. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

------------------------------------

"In other words, I nearly get kidnapped in the middle of the night, and my host can do just about nothing to punish the perpetrators." Steve said while poking at an object on his plate that he was pretty sure was some kind of fungus.

He figured that the events of yesterday allowed him a little leeway in his politeness when he spoke to Bridgett in private. In fact he was having trouble reconciling the in-control ice queen he first met in her throne room with the exacerbated looking woman in front of him. He had certainly seen a change in her yesterday during their passionate revenge sex, but hadn't given it much thought at the time. Breasts tended to make his trains of though shorter than usual.

Today she was treating him a lot more like an equal, perhaps as a result of her nearly getting him killed or because they had been intimate yesterday. It was a pleasant change, but he was still worried about the possibility of the 'sex equals marriage' trope popping up and making his life even more complicated. So he was blaming her for all his problems to keep her on the back foot. It was a mean bastard thing to do, but what could he say? He was a mean bastard.

Bridgett groaned audibly. She was beginning to learn the vast difference between reading about the thrill of adventure and court intrigue in a book, and experiencing it first-hand. Real life sucked.

She had woken up today to find that two of her guards had been murdered in the night and intruders had managed to make their way into the guest quarters of her palace. To make matters worse, the person that had saved Steve from imminent abduction was his pet werewolf, while one of her own knights had knocked herself unconscious. This was what had led to their current predicament.

"Divine One, I don't think you fully understand the situation. In case you hadn't noticed, Talia and I are in a bit of a delicate situation in regards to our political standing. I cannot allow myself to show any weakness whatsoever right now. Hell, that was probably why they chose now to attack.

If I let it become public knowledge that intruders managed to infiltrate my palace, it would tarnish my name just as surely as our actions yesterday tarnished the name of House Tek. My hands are tied in the matter." Bridgett hissed.

The two of them were in the dining hall for breakfast, while Saltek stood outside. Steve had let Saltek be his 'guardian' for the morning to soothe her wounded pride, while Sarah secured his prisoner.

It was irritating that he had to have his bodyguard guard the person who had tried to kidnap him the night before, but he was entirely sure that if Sarah wasn't watching the wasp Bridgett might have her disappear to hide the infiltration of her palace. Steve was not about to lose his test subject.