The Detective

"There! Done! We have an airtight case and our paperwork is pristine as usual. No shithead lawyer is gonna find anything wrong with this case. Another closed homicide to our credit due to our incredibly good work and superior understanding of the criminal mind."

I laughed out loud; pleased again that Ed was my partner. He was good for what ailed me and I needed him now more than ever. He knew all about it and kept it to himself unless I asked for his input. He would never mention anything I said to anyone, including his wife Helen. He and Helen had been together for longer than Carol and I and had three kids to prove it. Ed jr., Tommy and Alice. Ed jr. was twelve and Tommy and Alice were ten year old twins. He had a great family, almost as good as the one I thought I had. That was before Carol cheated on me.

"Good work on that confession even if they challenged it. It was clean and done by the book. Screw the DA if he can't keep it in. We have him nailed either way."

"Right. Any word from shithead? Word was he was pretty frazzled yesterday. Word was he was looking to talk to anyone who could help him. No names were mentioned."

"Got a note he called and wanted me to get back to him. Not gonna happen that way. He should know better. Thinks he can put one over on me? I'm not as stupid as my wife."

Ed just shrugged and we went on with our work. We had several open cases and we were waiting for something to break on several of them when the desk sergeant called up from downstairs.

"Hey Cross. There's a dirtbag lawyer here to see you. Wants to come up. What should I do with him?"

I looked at Ed, considered my options, and then made a snap decision. "Put him in the holding room. I'll be down directly."

He laughed once and said, "You got it!" I hung up and told Ed that I had a visitor.

He nodded, looked expectantly at me but I just shook my head. He had no need to be involved any further. I would deal with this myself from here on. I stood, grabbed my shield and weapon and went out and down the steps to the first floor where the sixteenth district uniforms had their home. I walked over to the desk sergeant and he pointed to his left. That meant dirtbag was stashed in the smallest of the three holding rooms. They were rooms where we kept the less than helpful witnesses while they sweated.

I walked over and opened the door and stood there looking at Jeff Trousdale. He was a tall man, younger than I and well built. He had a slight paunch coming from rich living and his suit and tie were probably worth more than I made in a month. He was good looking in a dark way with coal black hair worn long and to his shoulders, and dark brown eyes. The women probably went for his type. His mouth was now pursed in a tight unhappy line and his eyes were flashing with his anger. I was about to see what I could do about that.

I moved my head, signaling him to follow me as I moved back the way I had come. I stopped at the desk and asked the sergeant if I could have one of the interview rooms in the back of the building. He looked at his calendar and held up two fingers, indicating I could use Interview Two. I moved away, not bothering to see if shithead followed. It was a long walk, taking a couple of minutes to make our way back there. I had to travel through rows of desks where cops of all ranks were sitting, standing or just lounging before or after shift change. Their eyes followed Jeff Trousdale as he moved through them. There was no love in their eyes and he had to see that.

I reached the room, held open the door while he walked past me and into the room. I could smell his fear as he passed me. I shut the door behind me and twisted the lock. There was a two way glass and a microphone and camera in the room but as a cop, I knew where to disable the electronics. I did so with a glance at the two way mirror and made a signal saying " Private!" It would be honored.

"OK shithead. Speak!" I wanted it clear this was no friendly chat. I sat down and crossed my legs, my hands resting loosely on my knees. I was calm and in control.

"What the fuck is going on? I can't make a move without some damned cop giving me grief! Someone is trying to fuck me up and they're succeeding. I have half a mind to sue the city! But then I heard you were the guy to see. I don't want to sue if I don't have to. Nobody would win that battle. You must want something?"

"Don't you even recognize me shithead? My name is Pete Cross and you've been fucking my wife Carol!"

All of a sudden, his face went dead white and his eyes got huge. They were looking at me as if I suddenly sprouted horns and he was in fear for his life. Well, actually, he should feel that way. He began to stutter, his hand waving in front of him like someone was trying to grab him. I just sat there, waiting. I could see the realization sinking in and the understanding that he was in deep, deep shit.

"Oh shit! Now wait a minute Cross. I don't know what you think but I can explain. It's not what you think. It's just a misunderstanding."

Now the training kicked in. I had interviewed murders and cheaters and thieves in this room and I had broken them all. This was my turf, not his.

"Now see, Jeff? Already you're pissing me off! I took time off my busy job because I thought you wanted to talk and all you're doing is saying things to make me angry. I think maybe you should just go back to your own life and let things be. I'm sure if you just live a clean life, the police should have no reason to give you grief."

"Listen! It's not what you think. Let me explain. Please!"

"Explain what? You've been fucking my wife and we both know it. So what is it I don't understand? She came on to you? It's not your fault? You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time? Shit! I've heard them all, Jeffy, so save it! You're a slimeball lawyer and you wouldn't know the truth if it hit you in the balls!"

He slumped down in his chair and looked suddenly less like a lawyer and more like a man sentenced to life in prison. His eyes were glassy and he looked about to cry. I had no sympathy and started to stand when he said, "OK. What do you want to know? I'll tell you anything you want to know. Just ask."

"Tell me everything. When it started; why it happened, how often the two of you got together. Don't lie because at the first lie, you're out of here and I'll make it my goal to see that your life will be no better than dog shit. Understand that first. I'll make your life hell on earth! Make sure I get the truth and nothing but the truth so help your worthless life!"

He nodded, sat up straight and began. "We've been together about a month. I seduced her a month ago when we finished a successful case that we had been working on. I told her we should go have a couple of drinks to celebrate. I kept giving her doubles until she was loosened up. I took her up to a room I booked and we fucked for over an hour."

He looked at me with fright but I kept my face blank. This I could do even though my stomach was roiling and I was fighting to keep it down. I felt the pain of each word cut through me like a knife. This was going to be worse than I feared.

"After that, she tried to resist but I finally convinced her to do it again a week later. I admit I used what I knew and threatened to tell you. She was scared and finally agreed. We left the office early one afternoon and went to the Marriott and we spent three hours together doing everything I could think of. She is a fantastic piece of ass and you are a lucky man. And you should know, she never once talked you down and if I even mentioned you, she would go off like a rocket. She slapped me more than once when I said something about you or her kids. She loves you man.

"Listen. We did it maybe three or four times but it was just sex. She wasn't into it after the first time and I was getting tired of just getting myself off. But hell, she's a gorgeous woman. There's nothing more to it than that and it's over and done. She quit you know, that day was to be the last time. Hell, I threatened to tell you but she insisted it was over. I did try to make her do it with me one more time but she refused. We were going back to the room to check out. I haven't seen her since that day. She told me it was over and that she never wanted to see me again. The very next day she called in and resigned. She's never even come in to get her stuff."

I was fighting to keep myself from lashing out and killing this man. I had my gun, I could probably find a way to make it a justified shoot but I was a cop in more ways than one. I believed in the law and I had no choice in the matter. I had to let him go. He had broken no laws and he was free to go. I stood, walked over to the door, unlocked it and pointed at him.

"Get the fuck out of here and stay out of my sight! I won't make any promises but I won't make any threats either. Just stay the hell out of my sight!"

"What about the harassment? Is that going to stop now?"

"I don't know anything about that but I might try talking to some people who might know something about it. I wouldn't push it if I were you. Now isn't a good time to push me."

He must have heard me because he jumped up and almost ran out of the room. I didn't even watch him go. I sat there for what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes. I had what I wanted and needed and it was not good news. I knew now that Carol had lied to me and that told me something. I slowly got up, walked out of the room and made the long walk through the uniforms and back to the elevator. I was so sick at heart that I took the elevator up the three flights of steps to my desk.

"You look like you just lost your best friend. Bad news?" Ed was sitting at his desk and watching me. I assumed the sergeant had called him to let him know what was going down.

"Very bad; worse than I had hoped. But, now I know. And they say knowledge is a wonderful thing. Well, guess what? That's a fucking lie! Knowledge can be a real kick in the face!"

"Hey buddy. Let's you and me take some lost time. I'll clear it with the LT." He disappeared and came back minutes later and grabbed me by the collar. He pulled, knowing I would come up ready to kick his ass but by the time I was up, he was already moving away and heading toward the elevator. I followed, my temper already cooling, the energy it took to remain angry being sucked dry by the news I had just learned.

Ed and I spent the next two hours talking about my options and drinking a few beers. I needed the alcohol to help me think straight. The pain was just now beginning in earnest and I was looking at the rest of my life without my wife of thirteen years. The thing that made it so hard was the kids. You can live without a wife or a husband, even if it is painful at first, but it's not the same with kids. They are born and they work their way into your heart without you even noticing. My kids were my life. Everything I did was for them and their future. I thought I was doing it with the help of my wife and my life partner, but apparently I was wrong.

We came up with a list of things I had to do. The first was to confront my wife and let her know that I knew what she did. And I should contact a lawyer of my own first to tell me how to do things. I wanted to make sure she couldn't hurt me again in court like she hurt me in our home. That was certain. Ed suggested I contact the lawyer first but I couldn't wait. I had to make my break from Carol first and then let the chips fall where they may. We parted and I decided then and there to confront her.

When I walked in that evening, Carol was surprised but looked happy to see me. I spent some time with the kids, catching up on what I had missed and promising to spend the weekend with them. The wanted to know when I was coming home but I was vague, telling them I was involved in a big project and had to keep myself available to make sure it went off OK. They bought into that when I told them it was a secret project and they had to swear to keep it to themselves. They went to their rooms to work on their computers and finish off their homework. That left Carol and I alone.

She settled down on the couch with me with our coffee. I told her again that I was having trouble with her story and asked if she would to through it again with me just to help me understand what she was trying to say. She smiled, assured me she had absolutely nothing to hide and launched into a convoluted story about a long period of attempted seduction by Trousdale but her staunch refusal to give in. The day at the hotel was a mistake but fortunately I arrived in the nick of time to save her and our marriage.

She finished her narrative with a look of triumph. She thought that she had woven a tale that I had no choice but to accept. And if I hadn't talked to Jeff earlier, I probably would have believed her. She sounded so sincere, so truthful; her story so well thought out that it was almost real. But since she had been lying to me for the past month or more, she had practice.

What hurt the worst was that she chose to lie to me; to betray me with Jeff and then to lie to me, both during the affair and now after I knew the truth. That hurt! The lies hurt the most! The sex was something we could have discussed, and I could have tried to get past, but when she lied, compounding her betrayal, that was too much. It suggested to me how little she respected me. I was left with no choice: now was the time to bring this to a conclusion.

I looked directly into her eyes and steeled myself. I had to remain calm but I had to tell her what I knew. I took a deep breath, and began.

"I talked to your lover today." I was determined to get this thing done before I lost my nerve. She was still my wife and I had been ready to let her convince me of her faithfulness but I was also a man whose pride was destroyed and whose self respect was in question. It was a fact now that she had betrayed my trust in her and she had taken my manhood away from me. For those of you who don't understand that, take a course in anthropology; the study of humans. Look up male: emotions and feelings. Primitive? You bet! But real just the same!

"What are you talking about, Pete? I told you I don't have a lover. I don't know what you're trying to say? Don't you believe me? Don't you believe that I didn't go through with it and I know that I wouldn't have?"

"Your lover told me that he first fucked you a month ago after you and he celebrated a big case. He got you drunk and he took you up to his hotel room and the two of you fucked for over an hour. A week later, you did it again, that time for three hours, and you've done it a couple of more times since then. That's what I know and I believe his story because he had an incentive to tell me the truth!"

Carol was looking at me as if she was afraid I would pull my gun and shoot her. The fear was real on her face and I wondered where that came from. Hell, after thirteen years I thought she would know me better. But then, after what she did, I doubted that she did really understand me or even know me as well as I thought. I looked back, waiting for her to make some stupid statement of denial.

"He told you? He told you that? Why would he tell you that? Why would you believe him?" She was beginning to stutter and her face was now pale and pinched. Her world was coming down around her and she had no way to stop it.

"Because I have a lot of friends on the force that saw the two of you together. They know shithead and they don't like shithead. They made it a point to make his fucking life miserable and they let him know I was the one that could make it stop. He finally got up the nerve to come see me. Yeah, he told me. He told me the truth."

"Pete, you have to let me explain. It was a mistake. I made a terrible mistake and I'm so sorry. I got carried away the first time by having too much to drink. I think he gave me something that caused me to lose control. I believe that! And I was afraid he would make trouble after I refused him a couple of times after that. He threatened to tell you and I was afraid, so I let him do it a second time. I didn't cooperate and it was so bad I thought he would let me alone but he still wanted to do it. I didn't enjoy it and I made it difficult for him each time. You have to believe me."

"No, I don't. I don't believe you and I think you would have kept doing it if I hadn't caught you. I saw your face that day. It was clear you were enjoying yourself. You liked what you were doing and you wanted to continue. You had your arms around him and your face turned up for a kiss. You were smiling at him and the two of you had been up to the room earlier and had already fucked at least once that day. So, no, I don't believe you."

"Please! Oh, God, what have I done? Please Pete, don't push me away. I love you with all my heart. I screwed up and I'm sorry! I was wrong and I promise it will never happen again. Never! Please Pete, tell me you still love me. Please tell me!"

"Love has nothing to do with it Carol. Of course I still love you. How can I just stop something like that? You're the mother of my children and I've loved you since the day I met you. But I no longer trust you, and a marriage requires trust. To do my job, I have to be away from you and my children and when that happens, I trust that you will be there to protect what we have. When you are away, I know you trust me to take care of our home and our children, and I have. I've never betrayed that trust. But you have! I trusted you Carol and you betrayed that trust. So, how can I continue to live with you?"

She was now crying steadily. I hated to watch her cry and I wanted to go to her and comfort her. That need was so intense. I was a man and I couldn't stand to see a woman cry, especially one that I loved. But I had to back off, back away and let her cry.

She had betrayed me and now I was alone. She didn't even understand how painful that was to realize that someone I trusted so completely and intimately had betrayed me. That trust was lost and I felt so damned alone. She did that to me! And I hated her for that!

"I need some time to make arrangements. I want you to get yourself a good lawyer to protect yourself. I'm angry at you and I will try to hurt you so be sure to protect yourself. I'll file for divorce. I won't state any grounds. We can just split everything 50/50. You've always paid your way and I respect that. We can decide on child support but I will never stint on my kids."

Carol had stopped crying when I mentioned divorce. She was shaking her head back and forth, saying "No!" over and over. I ignored her as I continued. I wanted this done and done immediately. I couldn't stand to look at her and I had to get away. I stood; ready to walk out when she rose, pushing the chair back so violently it crashed against the wall.

"No! I'll fight you every step of the way. I'll get a good lawyer and he'll stop you. I'll not give up on our marriage. Never! I fucked up! I know it, but it meant nothing to me. Nothing! Damn you Pete. You know that! You know in your heart that I love you and you love me and that's forever! You know it but you're so mad at me you can't see that. Well, you will when you come to your senses."

She moved toward me with her hands out, beseeching me. I moved away, my own hands in my pockets. I stepped around the table, keeping it between us. I was too weak to take much more of this. I just wanted to get out; to escape!

"I know I deserve your anger and I know you're hurting. I want to die knowing I did that to you. I just want to die and never have to think of what I did again. I want to do that but I can't. You and the kids are my life and I won't let you break us apart. We belong together and that's the truth. No, Pete! I won't allow you to break us apart. I almost did it with my actions but we're still here! We're still a family and I've learned. I'll never do anything like that again. You just have to forgive me Pete. That's all it will take. Just forgive me and I'll make you know that it was the right thing to do. Just forgive me and give me another chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. As a cop, you know that!"