The Human Condition Ch. 04

Fortunately, my schedule was so tight that I didn't have too much time to stew about it. I got off work at six, ran to the store and then slammed home to hide my dirty underwear and throw the breakfast dishes into a pan in the cupboard under the sink.

Satisfied that the place was looking as good as it needed to for a bunch of college aged guys, I hopped into the shower. When I got out, Joe was already there. He was pouring chips into a bowl and had iced down a tub and loaded it with the cheapest beer that money could buy.

"How'd you get in?"

"Lucy gave me a key."

"How thoughtful of her." I said with an edge to my voice though I knew by then that Joe was impervious to it.

"Yeah," he nodded absently. "She's really great."

I sighed and gave up and got dressed while Joe shoved my furniture around and pulled my table and chairs to the center of the room. We had both just finished when we heard the wooden steps give a groan of pure agony as their strength was tested to the limit. It was clear that Abdul had arrived.

"Hey Ab," we both said without looking as he knocked and then walked in.

"Hi Ross, Joe, how'd you guys know it was me?"

"Psychic," I grinned and Joe rolled his eyes.

"Cool."

"Aw Jesus H. Christ, Ab!" Ronny Gould had been hidden behind the human monolith but now he stepped around his friend and roommate and nodded hello to us. "They'd have to be in a fucking coma to miss you coming up those stairs. Shit, it's a miracle everytime you make it up here without breaking your goddamn neck."

Ab ignored him, as always. I was beginning to realize that anytime you time you saw one you were sure to see the other. It had to be one of the strangest friendships I'd ever run across. First, there were the physical disparities. Not just their size difference, which was well over a foot, but also you had to take into account the difference in their looks.

Abdul was black, and I don't mean just ethnically, I mean literally, he was black. When we'd been working to put in the air conditioner he'd taken his shirt off and the sight of that ebony skin had been just awesome. There had been not a variation, no patches of lighter or mottled skin, no blemishes or scars to break it up, it was all just black, a lot of black, I had never seen a chest that big.

Ronny on the other hand, was simply the whitest boy I knew. He had bright red hair and that clear milky complexion that usually went with it. It didn't help that almost all of his time was spent indoors in a gym. Even his eyes were colorless, a clear light gray. Except for the hair on his head, and I'm assuming in other places, the only color on his body came from the billion or so freckles he had covering every square inch of his skin.

You might think from this description that these two were the opposites ends of ugly but that wasn't the case at all. In there own unique ways, they were very appealing, and neither of them had any problem finding any number of ladies who agreed with that assessment.

They had been roommates now for three years. I can only think that whoever had decided to put them together had a very bizarre sense of humor. But if so, they'd been doomed to disappointment.

Although I hadn't known either of them for very long, Joe told me that they'd been friends from the minute they'd met. Nobody could explain it. By rights they should have hated each other.

See, Ronnie was a Jew, though not a very devout one. He told me later that the main reason he'd agreed to a Bar Mitzvah was it was the only way his parents were going to cough up the Atari he'd been whining for. To this day, I think his favorite meal is Virginia ham, AuGratin Potatoes, Green Beans cooked in bacon grease and pecan pie for dessert.

Abdul was a very, very devout Muslim. He didn't drink, never swore and except on the football field, he never showed an ounce of temper that I'd ever heard of.

Ronnie on the other hand, flew off the handle at a moments notice, cursed better and with more originality than anyone else I have ever met and drank like a fish except when he was in training.

Like I said, theirs was an unbelievably odd friendship, at least on the surface. But then, who was I to talk? I was an openly gay guy whose best friend hadn't gone a week without a girl since he'd been fourteen.

I pointed at the tub of beer, which Ronnie took as an invitation, and gave Abdul a glass of the tart lemonade that I'd conned Lucy into making for the party. I figured Ab would like that since he'd drunk about a gallon of it when we'd been putting in the air conditioner. It appeared I was right. He swallowed the whole glass and I wondered what Miss Manners would say if I just gave him the whole big plastic pitcher and a straw.

"So," Joe said, "you guys know where Beau is?"

"Work, he'll be here later." Ronnie said and looked around as he sat down. "Hot damn Ross, this place is the shit."

I grinned and started to thank him when there was a knock at the door. It was Saul and Kevin. At least, I was sure it was Saul in his signature Ralph Lauren duds. The guy next to him could have been Kevin or he could have been a refugee from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I stared, my mouth dropped in shock.

It was Kevin all right, dressed in a black leather bustier, purple tube skirt, fishnet stockings and six inch spikes that had BITCH spelled out in rhinestones on the heels. And trust me, he did not have the legs for this outfit.

I finally forced myself to look up. Did I forget to mention that Kevin stood about 6'5" in his stocking feet? Now with heels on, his face was just about even with my porch light. I stepped back involuntarily. He was wearing more makeup than a Las Vegas showgirl. I was pretty sure I was going to have nightmares that featured his lipsticked mouth. But the Shirley Temple wig was a nice touch, though I thought the tiara might be a tad too much for a college poker party.

"Aren't you going to let us in?" Kevin said in a whispy, tragic parody of Marilyn's baby doll voice.

"I don't think so," I spoke involuntarily.

He laughed and pushed past me and the noise in the room behind me died except for one loud "Fuck me!" from Ronnie. Saul looked at me with real misery in his eyes and shrugged.

"I couldn't talk him out of it," he whispered apologetically. "He kept saying they wanna see gay, I'll give 'em gay." He grimaced. "He gets a little outrageous when he's nervous."

A little outrageous? I couldn't think of anything to say so I stepped aside and motioned Saul into the room. Then I braced myself to turn and see what was happening with my guests.

It was not a Kodak moment. Abdul was staring at his hands like he'd just noticed them for the first time in his life. Ronnie, for once, was speechless, and even Joe didn't seem to be able to blow this off.

Kevin stood in the middle of the room with one hand on his hip still playing the part of a transvestite whore. But there was an air of panic surrounding him as he realized that nobody thought his little stunt was as funny as he'd hoped. Finally I cleared my throat. It sounded like a gunshot in the dead silent room.

"Uh, guys." I squeaked. "Let me make some introductions. Saul this is Ronnie, Abdul and you know Joe." Everyone nodded like robots. "And guys, this is Kevin."

"Well I didn't fucking think it was Princess Di." Ronnie muttered.

The door slammed open and Beau breezed in. "Hey guys, sorry I'm late but..." He stopped. "Hey Kevin is that you?"

I looked at Joe and raised my eyebrows. He shook his head to indicate that he had no idea how these two knew each other.

"Hi Beau," Kevin said in his normal voice but he was still stiff and uncomfortable.

I know he brought it on himself; I mean what the fuck had he been thinking? But still I had to feel sorry for the guy. He looked like I felt when I had that dream where you realize you're in church or school or the grocery store and you're stark naked...

You know the one.

Beau stared at him for a minute and then walked over and circled him, looking at him critically. We all watched, waiting for what was going to happen next. Finally he stopped in front of our own Madonna wannabe and looked at him seriously.

"Not bad, but you might want to rethink the jewelry." He reached over and took Kevin's hand and removed the small, gold signet ring he always wore. "There, that's better."

We all burst out laughing. The tension that had been palpable in the room just moments ago was gone.

"Oh fuck!" Kevin said flopping into a chair and kicking off his pumps. "My feet are killing me."

"It serves you right, asshole," I said calmly.

"You should have seen the look on your face," he laughed.

"Yeah, well you should have seen the look on yours when it didn't look like anybody got the joke," I retorted.

"So," Abdul said seriously. "You don't really dress this way normally."

Kevin just stared at him and I howled till the tears ran down my cheeks. Saul slipped out the door but returned a few minutes later with some jeans and a tee shirt for his lover. We all protested when he went into the bathroom to change, then laughed again when he came out.

"I can't get this fucking pancake shit off my face!" He protested. "Don't you have any lotion or anything?"

I thought of the assortment of lubes in my nightstand and my eyes involuntarily strayed to that location. Kevin and Saul saw me, but the expression on my face told them not to push it. They knew as well as I did, that being camp was one thing, but reminding straight boys about the realities of gay sex was quite another. Kevin went back in the bathroom and wiped off what he could of his happy hooker face and learned to live with the rest.

But then the most amazing thing happened. It turned into a really great night. Beau told us that Kevin had been a TA in his Psych course last year and that's how they knew each other. Saul started talking to Ronnie about gymnastics. He'd been on a team in high school but quit when he developed chronic tendonitis in his left elbow that wouldn't respond to any treatment.

Abdul wanted to know all about working at Hershey. Seemed the boy loved chocolate and he thought a job in a town that smelled like candy just had to be heaven.

And Joe? Well, he just moved from group to group talking, laughing, acting like he was the host. Which in a way since he'd set the whole thing up, I guess he was.

Eventually the beer was gone along with the eight pizzas we'd ordered at midnight and all of Lucy's lemonade. Joe had been right; we never did get around to playing cards.

"Let's do this again." Abdul said as I walked everybody to their cars.

"Sure." I agreed.

"When?"

I thought about it. Next Friday was out because it was the day before preseason started. In fact from now on in the fall the weekends would be taken over with football.

"How about a week from Tuesday?" I finally offered.

Everybody agreed and that was that. The Tuesday game was born. None of us realized how important a decision this was going to prove.

After they left, I went back up to my apartment. I stopped surprised, at the door. All the mess was gone. The only evidence was a large black trashbag sitting in the corner and Jamal's glass and lemonade pitcher in the sink. Joe had been busy. I'd left him in the apartment while I'd walked the guys out. I didn't see him now though.

"Hey, where are you?" I yelled.

"In the john taking a leak."

Can I watch? The thought came unbidden into my head. Jesus, I had to find a boyfriend. It had been years since I'd gotten over Joe, I wasn't about to start mooning over him again.

I sat down on the couch and waited for him. What the hell was taking him so long? The bathroom door opened wide and I swung my head around. I couldn't believe it, one long leg dangled out over the doorjamb, the foot attached to it was wearing a black patent leather fuck me pump.

"Look what Kevin forgot," Joe popped his head out and grinned at me.

"They fit."

"Gee Cinderella, now you can marry the prince," I said sarcastically, then started to laugh as Joe minced out into the room his pant legs pulled up over his knees to show off the heels.

"Holy shit!" He said as he stumbled and grabbed the nearest piece of furniture for balance. "How does anybody ever walk in these things?"

"How would I know?"

"You never tried heels?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a drag queen."

Joe shrugged, and gingerly made his way to the other end of the couch. He sighed in relief as he sat and kicked off the shoes and wiggled his toes appreciatively.

"Man, I couldn't believe Kevin tonight in that get up," Joe laughed softly at the memory. "You should have seen Ab's face when he walked through the door. I thought he was going to shit himself!"

"Kevin can be a little perverse at times," I grinned back at him.

"Yeah, that's an understatement. I like him though," Joe leaned back and sighed. "What I really don't understand is how he and Saul got to be a couple. I mean, Saul seems so serious while Kevin... Well just look at tonight."

"Actually, you're off base," I disagreed mildly. "Kevin is really the more reliable of the two. He runs that program downtown, you know, for gay teenagers and he's just finished up his Masters and is going to start his Ph.D. this fall. And he's doing all this by himself. His parents kicked him out of the house when he was 16. He's been on his own ever since. That's one of the reasons he's so effective with the kids he works with. He knows exactly what they're going through."

"Jesus."

"Saul is the one who can really be a fuck up. He's the only son of a Dermatologist up in Grosse Pointe and his mom is a typical society matron. I guess they gave him everything and he had no problem taking it. He got into drugs in high school big time. He got caught by the police for that. Did some other stuff too, just kid shit I think, but he would have gone to jail if Daddy hadn't pushed his weight around. He only got in here because his folks are big time alumni with deep pockets."

"How do you know all that?"

"I met him my freshman year and you should have seen him then, talk about a wild man. He met Kevin a couple of years ago though and he helped him work through a lot of shit. I think he's gotten past most of it now. His grades are good and he and Kevin are pretty solid."

"It's nice when couples work out."

I nodded. It was after 2 and my eyes were starting to droop. Joe's next comment made them open wide.

"I want that," he sighed. "I'm beginning to realize I want that a lot."

"You trying to tell me something here?" I joked lamely.

"Shit," he snorted. "You know what I mean. I told you last week, the whole thing with Missy started me thinking. I'm tired of the whole dating scene. I want to find somebody I really care about, that I can talk to, commit to. Not just for sex, that's the easy part, but for the emotional attachment." His voice dropped. "I want to fall in love, get married, have a family."

It should have sounded stupid and corny, but it didn't. I swallowed hard. I knew Joe, knew him better than I'd ever known anybody else in my life. He wasn't bullshitting. He did want all those things. He believed in them. And as much as I hated the thought of losing the intimacy of our friendship, I wanted him to have all of it. He was a great guy and some girl was going to get very lucky when he fell in love.

"It'll be weird though when it finally happens." He continued, talking to himself as much as me. "I mean, imagine looking at someone and thinking, this is it, for the rest of my life, this is the only one."

Now I snorted, I couldn't help it. I realized he was absolutely serious but the sentiment was so opposite of my situation that I couldn't help showing my disbelief.

"You don't believe I'm capable of that kind of commitment?" Joe said quietly, a whisper of anger in his soft voice.

"No man," I denied quickly. "That's not it. I believe that, for you, that's the way it will go. Monogamy is a wonderful thing in its place."

"Uh huh, but not, I take it, a place you want to go to yourself?"

"Well let's face it," I said. "It isn't very likely that a house in the suburbs with the little woman and our kids is gonna be in my future."

"Maybe not, but what about a loft apartment with a partner you can't wait to get home to every night."

"It's not so easy," I finally said.

"Yeah but it's been done. The need to commit is ingrained in us. You can't tell me that just because you're gay you don't want the same things that everybody else on this planet wants, a home, family, someone to warm your feet at night, someone you trust completely."

"Look Joe," I tried to explain. "Gay relationships are very different than straight ones and I'm not just talking sexually here. When you talk about commitment what you really mean is the forsaking all others bit. Personally, I don't know any gay couple that are completely monogamous."

"I think you're exaggerating, look at Saul and Kevin."

"Bad example, dude."

"How could you know that?"

I stared at him. It took him a minute, but eventually light dawned in those clear blue eyes. He flushed as understanding sank in.

"You're shitting me," he finally said. "Saul and you?"

"Kevin."

"I can't believe it."

"It was last fall. Saul was at some family do, Kev and I went out for drinks," I shrugged. "One thing led to another..."

"Does Saul know?"

Joe actually looked worried. The boy was so straight.

"He said the next time we'd better include him." I stifled the impulse to laugh at the look on Joe's face.

"Like I said," I continued. "Different rules."

We sat there in silence. Emotions played over Joe's open face, shock, disbelief, he settled for stubborn.

"I don't buy it, Mike. Sure there are lots of people who cheat, both straight and gay, but that doesn't mean it's the way it has to be."

"You're missing the point," I shook my head slowly. "It's not cheating, not like you're thinking. I don't know why it is, maybe because there's no fear of pregnancy." I grinned. "Maybe it's just that men are dogs who'll rut anything in heat if the stabilizing presence of women aren't in the mix. Whatever the reason, guys who like guys also like variety."

"And you believe that's okay?"

"I believe that's reality."

"It sounds; sad," he gave me a long measuring look that made me want to squirm and drop my eyes. I forced my face to remain expressionless and returned his stare. Joe finally sighed and leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.

"Damn, I'm bushed," he yawned.

"You going home or you want to crash on the couch?"

"Home," he stood and stretched and walked to the door. When his hand grabbed the doorknob he stopped and still facing away from me he started to speak.

"I still think you're wrong. At least I hope you are. I think you're a great guy and I want there to be somebody out there who recognizes that. I want you to have the best that life can offer and to share it with somebody that realizes how special you are. Whether you believe it or not, you deserve that." He turned and faced me.

"I know you, Mike," his words mirroring my earlier thoughts about him. "I've told you before, I think we're a lot alike. You want what I want and you can bullshit all you want to the rest of the world, even to yourself if it makes you happy. But I know the truth."

"Joe..."

"Let me finish. Maybe you're right about what has been the norm in your world. It makes sense when you think about the closet gays have had to live in, in this society. Hiding is not conducive to relationships. But look around you Mike, things are changing, Anita Bryant and the whole fucking religious right, this God damn awful disease; people are realizing that it's time to accept others for who they are."