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He didn't remember going back to his room. He didn't remember pulling on a clean pair of boxer briefs and crawling into bed. He did however, remember the sight of Gesabel's creamy thighs and butt as she shimmied her boy shorts and jeans down her legs so she could go to the bathroom. He rolled onto his side with a groan and curled into a ball. That nauseating guilty feeling had returned. His eyes slid closed as he willed himself to sleep, trying desperately to ignore the throbbing between his legs.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 6 years agoThis wasn't the other part of the same story. Different story 2nd part. Please get it together. I would like to know what happens with Angie and Sammie and her brother
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoI do wish you would revisit this story line and continue until the finish. I happen to
like stories that build up and not just a "quickie" type where there is no thought
whatsoever. I know everyone has an opinion, but you write the way you feel it and
there will be plenty of people to read your stories.
oljeriniowaabout 12 years agoI thought that you have a nice start on something that could go on for awhile and I like those kind of stories. If I were you I wouldn't be very concerned about the negative comments as those folks didn't have the balls to login and let you know who they are and what they thought (like they just do it in the dark). You are doing fine, keep working on it. It will take some time to hone your skills. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Anonymousover 14 years agoWhat happen to the ending you should have made a better ending because this one really suck
Transverseabout 15 years agoMore substantial than the first chapter, but still coming up short. Good job on the orgasm, details are what make it believable and arousing, and you've got that part down. It's the rest of the story that's suffering. The flashback transitions are a little clumsy, and the flashback was far too long. There's very little attachment to the present in this chapter, and the flashback should, while independent, remain tethered to the present a little more solidly. Try writing the story apart from the sex, then adding the sex in. this should make it a little more clear to you what's lacking in the story and you'll be able to add it without being distracted by the love scenes.
yukonnightsabout 15 years agoOutstanding writing skills! The descriptive phrasing made me feel like I was in the house watching. And I think you captured the emotions and guilt of young Mason very well as he wrestled between his desire and his guilt. Take no heed of the negative comments about this being too short, this is a work in progress and you are doing the work of a writer in developing your characters and the setting....I have no doubt that with you skills as a wordsmith the eventual climax will be all the more delicious for the wait.
And even though your bio says you are a female - and I don't doubt it - in my opinion you described the male orgasm better than many male authors. Keep up the great work!
Anonymousabout 16 years agoThis going to go a loong way, I hope,going on the first 2 parts.
Sometimes people have NOO patience, ignore them as they like ONE page wonders.
Your setting your style and it is a Great start.
I've earmarked you to enjoy the unfoldment by a Wonderful person who write's for our enjoyment.
Thank You
