The Life of Michael Preston Ch. 05

Somehow, Kim's diary sitting on my table made the empty apartment even more quiet. It seems like such a simple thing. Just read it. Apparently, it's not as simple for me as it was for Kim's mother, Joan.

Kim has kept a diary or journal since she was fairly young. I remember when we moved in together after our wedding there were all of these boxes that were numbered and each one was equal in size and weight. After everything was in the small house and the trucks and people had left we were just sitting there enjoying being together in a place of our very own and I saw the boxes neatly stacked in numerical order.

"What are those numbered boxes Kim?" I asked getting her attention and pointing at the stack near the wall.

"Those are my journals." As if saying 'those are my games or 'those are my towels.'

"Your what?" I needed clarification.

"My journals. I guess they're like diaries. I've kept them since I was probably nine or ten.

I don't know what the look on my face was to her, but Kim suddenly added. "Mike, you won't read them will you?"

The thought hadn't even occurred to me. "Why would I do that?" I asked somewhat perplexed.

"I can send them back to my parent's house or put them in storage…or…"

"Kim…" I said interrupting her. "…I'm not going to read your journals. If you want them here, okay. If you want them at your parents, okay. They are your journals, put them where you want them.

The room suddenly carried an edge of tension. Not a big one but enough for me to be uncomfortable simply because it was there.

The boxes stayed where they sat for several days until one day I came home from work and they were gone. I never thought that those specific boxes were gone but just that the house was suddenly a house and not a box storage. Everything was put away and the walls decorated. I can still see the small kitchen table with the white linen table cloth and a single silver candlestick holder and candle in the middle of it. We were home.

It was not until we bought our first house that I saw the boxes again. Kim had stored them in the back of the spare bedroom closet. I was getting everything out that could be easily moved while Kim was packing loose items such as dishes and bathroom knick-knacks into boxes for transit.

"Sweetheart…" I said coming into the room red-faced and hot from humping boxes into the garage for loading. "…I think your journal boxes are in the back bedroom closet? Do you want me to move them or just leave them for you?"

Kim said that she would move the boxes herself. Okay. Apparently I couldn't be trusted moving her beloved boxes.

Through the years, the growing boxes were simply ignored. I acted as if they didn't exist. There were times that I came across the current journal in our bedroom and passed it over. I never wanted to read what was in them.

Now I had the journal that probably contained Kim's affair with Vic and whether it was her ingrained mistrust of my reading them or just knowing the sordid details of her fling, I really didn't want to read it.

With the hardbound journal still lying on the table, I arbitrarily flipped it open. I always liked Kim's handwriting. I'm sure it came from writing so much. Perfectly graceful and evenly spaced words filled the pages.

'Vic brought it up again. I don't know what to do.'

Anger filled my chest as soon as my mind processed the words on the page. I wanted to scream at her 'You fucking bitch! Call it off and call the cops!'

I slammed the book closed and then threw it across the room. It ricocheted off of the wall and hit the door. The book came to rest in an upside down 'V'. 'Upside down 'V'' I thought with a smirk. Somehow that equated in my mind to dead Vic. 'Rot in hell you fuck!' I didn't say it out loud but as it passed through my mind the feeling of contempt washed over my body.

I stepped toward the door. I was going to stomp that fucking book into the floor and kill it the way they were going to kill me. I was going to kill Kim's words. Just as I approached the door, the phone rang. I kicked the journal over and picked up the cordless from the coffee table.

"Hello?" I probably said it with anger in my voice. I couldn't tell.

"Mike?"

"Who the fuck is this?!" I said allowing my anger to rise again. I knew good and well it was Kim. My anger flared and I felt relieved at the same time.

"It's me Mike, Kim." She spoke softly and evenly.

"Okay?"

"I'm sorry to bother you Mike but I was calling about my journal."

There's a fucking surprise. "Why doesn't that surprise me Kim? Oh, because that is the one thing that you've ever really cared about."

"Did you read it?" Kim asked maintaining her soft even tone.

"No Kim I didn't read it, well except for the page where your rat fuck boyfriend was planning to kill me and you just couldn't bring yourself to break it off with him and GO TO THE COPS! But no I didn't read it, I know how the story ends without it. You fuck and suck him to the end with my life insurance policy right there and now the spineless coward is a rotting corpse."

"That's not why I called Mike. You can read it if you want to. You can read all of my journals if you want to." Kim paused and I let the silence hang.

"I didn't want you to read it because I didn't want to hurt you further. You can read it and see how everything transpired but it will only make it hurt more because the whole story is not in that journal."

"Well goddamn Kim. I'd sure like to have every thrusting detail."

"That stuff isn't in there Mike. Listen, my mom thought she was doing the right thing because she read it and saw things that she knew you were not aware of. She had no hope of getting us back together. She just wanted you to see how much I loved you in spite of what I did."

"That's a fucked up kind of love Kim. I'll just have to take your word for it."

"I really believe you loved me at least until that night at the house."

"The night you and Vic were fucking in our bed and he nearly shot a cop thinking it was me?"

"Yes, at least until then I think you loved me or you wouldn't have bothered"

"Okay?" I said hoping she would get to the point.

"I believe you loved me even though you were seeing someone else at the time."

I ignored the statement. "Okay?"

"If you loved me until then, then I would like to give you the rest of the story. No matter what you plan to do Mike, I want you to know everything."

"So what is everything?"

"In person Mike."

"What do you mean in person?"

"I want you to know everything but I need to look into your eyes and tell you in person."

"What? You want me to fly out there and sit down with you over your mom's kitchen table?"

"No. I'm coming there to get my things out of storage. I hoped we could meet somewhere quiet."

I agreed to sit down with Kim. I invited her to come to my apartment where she could say what she felt she needed to say without worrying about passers-by. Fact is. I didn't want people around when I ended up blowing up at her and yelling. Calling a woman a fucking murderous cunt in public can cause folks to be a bit weary.

Kim would be coming in two days. On Friday.

The two days that passed were longer than usual. My mind wondered around what Kim thought she had to tell me that was so important. I sat in the courtyard at lunch and was joined by Christi on one of the days. We talked about work and a little about us. She apologized for neglecting me all week but I knew that she was busy with work.

Christie's car was always in the parking garage when I got there and was still there when I left. Of course she couldn't discuss the case with me but I knew her firm was working something big.

She made me promise that when she could get away that I would relieve all of her stress with several long hard fucks over the weekend. Even as distracted as I was with Kim coming, I couldn't say no to such a request. Christi was irresistible that way. Her long legs just begged to be spread so that I could lick her body. I loved looking at her nude body stretched out on the bed.

In the elevator one day I overheard two guys talking about her when she stepped out.

'Damn.' One said. The other one said quietly chuckling. 'I'd drink her bath water.' They turned to see if I was listening. I just looked at my watch and up at the display as if I was hurrying to a meeting.

Friday came and I walked into my apartment after work. I was nervous. I was emotionally tired and not looking forward to hashing it out with Kim tonight. My thoughts moved to Christi. I hoped she would be able to get away this weekend.

I showered and changed and made myself a drink. I thought that I might need a stiff drink to quell my nerves. It appeared that the time had arrived. There was a knock at the door.

I opened it and sure enough there was Kim. She was the breathtaking angel I had known her to be in the past. A far cry from the soggy sheet wearing tramp of that fateful night she was dragged from my bed with her lover.

"Hi Mike." She said almost sadly. "Can I come in?"

"Sure. Come on in." I said stepping aside and holding my arm out as if to show her the way.

Kim stepped into the apartment and turned to see me close the door.

"You look good Mike. Are you still working out?"

"Yep. Still working out. You?"

"I didn't for a while but I started back again a few weeks ago."

"You look good. Can I get you a drink?"

"I'd like to have one of those she said looking at my glass but I better not. How about some water?"

"Water it is."

I disappeared around the corner into the kitchen and pressed one of the crystal glasses against the crushed ice dispenser on the fridge door and then filled it with water from the same.

"Here you are." I said handing her the glass.

"Thank you."

"So where would you be most comfortable?" I asked.

"The table is good." She said.

I pulled out a chair for her and then went around the table and sat down across from her seat. The journal was sitting in the middle of the table. Kim picked it up and sat it aside as if it were insignificant and in the way.

"Thank you for seeing me Mike. I've dreaded and looked forward to this day for a long time."

I didn't say anything. I smiled politely and nodded slightly whatever that meant.

"I'm just going to jump in. We can save the chit-chat for some other time. Is that okay?"

"It's your time Kim. I'm listening.

"I was disenchanted Mike. I thought that I wanted to stay at home but after a while I felt like you were out doing business and I was stuck at home just doing your bidding and being out of touch with the world…"

"…I went back to work and I enjoyed it but we never got to see each other. You got your new job and moved up the ladder and started working even more.

I missed you at home Mike. My head played all kinds of games like that you were having an affair and that's what kept you away from home most nights.

"If you weren't having an affair then being in the powerful position you were in, someone would notice you and you would end up having an affair. Some young pretty girl would catch your eye and that would be it.

"We didn't have much of a love life. We would have sleep sex once in a while in the middle of the night or I would put on something pretty but it was all the same.

"Don't get me wrong Mike, I always liked being with you but I was bored. I wanted more excitement but you always seemed so tired. I didn't want to pressure you.

"Something in me snapped. I decided that you were cheating on me but there was no way I could catch you. I just decided that you were and I shut down.

"That was at the same time that Vic started coming on to me and I gave in with a feeling of revenge for what you had been doing to me. Even though you probably weren't.

"I cheated on you Mike. No matter what you were doing, I cheated on you. It lasted off and on for a while. The thing with Vic wasn't a daiy affair, it was whenever I wanted it.

" wanted to be wild. Vic really never was. He just talked a lot. At some point he became more interested. Where before he was always worried about his wife finding out, he suddenly didn't care so much and wanted to see me more. I found out why later when he brought up his awful scheme.

"Vic overheard me talking to one of my girlfriends at work. I was telling her about the great benefits you had with your job and I told her about the insurance policy that they provide for you.

"That's when Vic started pouring on the charm and making promises and wanting to see me every chance he could. I had naively told him about the things that made me angry with you and he tried to do just the opposite. He told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and eventually I began to fall for it.

"It made me feel good that he was willing to leave his beautiful wife for me. He said that she was a crazy spendthrift in spite of her looks and would one day put him in the poorhouse.

"I did find out later that it was the other way around.

"One day Vic commented how nice and convenient it would be if our spouses 'kicked the bucket'. I didn't take it for anything other than a lovers desire to be legitimate. I agreed that it would be convenient.

"Vic agreed and made light of all the money we would have. Your policy and the policy he had on his wife…Veronica?

I interjected at this point. "His wife's name was Victoria. He had an insurance policy on Victoria?"

"Yes. He said that he did. He had a million dollar policy on her.

"Was he planning to kill his wife too?" I asked incredulously.

Kim nodded. "He did mention it later."

"I can't believe you went along with all of this Kim."

Kim's eyes moistened. "I didn't Mike."

"So why didn't you quit seeing him and let some people know what was going on?"

Kim crossed her arms over her lap and lowered her head. "He trapped me. I was trying to figure out how to get out without getting hurt."

"What do you mean? He threatened you too?"

"Not really like that…" Kim winced before continuing. "He had pictures of me and video. I was afraid he would give them away or put them on the internet if I just broke it off and walked out. I realized pretty quick after that just how dirty he was."

"So what did you do?"

Kim continued. "I went along as everything had before. I was trying to figure out how to get out of the mess I had gotten myself into. I played along like I wanted nothing more than just to be with that scum bastard.

"He started talking more and more about 'doing it' and I tried to tell him that it was stupid. Money wasn't that important. I couldn't threaten him that I would leave, I was afraid he might just decide to kill me so that his scheme would stay a secret or try and hurry up and hurt or kill you so that I didn't have you to run back to. I didn't know what to do.

"When you told me that you had to go out of town I knew that was my chance. Vic was trying to get me to go out of town with him and I kept making excuses why I couldn't go and you suddenly announced that you had to leave on business.

"When I told Vic he was ecstatic. I asked him to bring over all of the pictures and videos so that I could look at them with him. I wanted them back because it was all going to end that week.

"Vic pressed and pressed about 'doing it.' He wanted to kill you that weekend. I had to know that he was dead serious. He was. He had your insurance policy out and was reading the fine print. I couldn't sway him from it. I flatly refused that night and he told me 'you don't even have to be there. Just be here when I get back.'

I had to interject once again. "Kim, you were fucking him when the cops showed up. I saw video of you sucking his dick and riding him before the cops showed up."

Kim didn't even flinch. "I was Mike. I fucked him like he liked it. I needed him to be convinced that I was with him even if I didn't want to go along with it. I couldn't leave any doubt in his mind."

"Why?" I asked. What was all of this leading up to?

"I was going to kill him Mike."

"What?!" I said stunned.

"That was the only way. He couldn't be arrested unless he did something which it would have been too late. I couldn't just leave him. He would have killed me to cover it up and probably you just to spite me. That left his wife. He would have eventually killed her to collect the money, I'm sure of it.

"He was supposedly out of town so that gave me the perfect opportunity to end it that week."

"How did you plan to do it?" I asked.

"I hid a gun in the car. I was going to suggest that we take a drive after we finished having sex and once we got out of town I was going to tell him that I wanted to slide into the back seat and undress and pleasure myself some more until he wanted to stop and fuck. As soon as he stopped, put the car into gear and got out to join me I was going to blow his brains out."

"You're kidding?" I said in disbelief.

"No Michael, I'm not kidding. The police found the gun in the car and asked me about it."

"I know they found a gun in the car. So you told them that you put it there?"

Kim shrugged and shook her head. "They had him. They had him on tape conspiring to kill you. As far as I was concerned… every gun they found was his possible murder weapon."

"I just figured it was another of Vic's guns he might use to off me."

"No Michael, I put it there to kill that greedy bastard myself."

I could only nod as the whole story raced and tumbled through my mind.

"Michael, I was disenchanted. You were focused on your career and working long hours. One side of me understood because you worked so hard and were so successful… but the other side of me became suspicious.

"What if you weren't working late? Maybe you had found someone else to be with. I wondered that because you didn't come on to me."

I cut in. "I would try to be with you Kim. I would come on to you and end up just getting off while you lay there."

"I would try to play Michael but you would just push me back and 'wham bam."

I didn't agree but at the same time I couldn't dispute her.

"I'm not prying Mike but can you honestly tell me that sex with your lover is like the sex that we had or is it like nothing you've ever had before?"

I had nothing to lose. There was no doubt that Kim knew about either Christi or Victoria somehow. "It's like nothing I've ever had before Kim but it's also everything that I wanted with you."

"So why was it never that way?"

I reminisced in my mind allowing a faint smile to cross my face. "I had a one hundredth percent chance that you would go for it and a ninety nine point nine nine percent chance that you would label me a pervert, freak or disrespectful pig. Some things just aren't worth the risk… until you know what you're missing.

"I got the pig for sure… But you're right Mike, you had no way of knowing and I didn't do it either for the same reason." Kim said regretfully shaking her head. "I'm glad the one you got was good Mike, she has to be if she's with you."

I didn't comment about that. "You were right Kim. There were a lot of things I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Me too Mike."

Kim and I sat there quietly for what seemed a long time… and didn't. We were both running over what was in our minds now.

"Well, listen Mike. I'm staying at the Hilton. If you have any questions about anything just call me. I'm not sure how long I'll be here, either till tomorrow or Sunday."

"I should be around here most of the weekend so if there's anything, you know… give me a call."

It was awkward. Kim was backing away toward the door and we both knew that once she went through that door something would change. The room was thick with the feeling.

"Don't leave Kim." I said. I didn't move, I just spoke to her.

Kim stopped and turned. A subtle look of relief washed over her face.