The Motorcyclist

"Sounds like you owe this Tom guy a lot Maddy," I sighed when she stopped. "When is he due out?"

"That's the problem James. He still has several years to go, but I've just discovered that he's getting a remission for good behaviour, and will be getting out pretty soon."

"When?"

Thursday," she surprised me with. "The day after tomorrow. That's why I've been upset for the last couple of weeks."

Christ, what a mess!

I put my head in my hands and thought for a while. Maddy really owed this guy an awful lot, and dubious though I was, I knew I couldn't just ask her to abandon him after what he'd done for her. I didn't like it ---- I didn't like it one little bit, but she was my wife, I loved her, and I knew what had to be done. The poor bastard ---- While he'd been in the nick for something he hadn't even done, his mother had died and his girl had married someone else.

"I don't suppose he's got anywhere to go when he gets out has he?" I asked, praying silently that my supposition was not correct.

"Not really," she disappointed me. "His Mum's house was only rented and he's lost touch with his old friends up in Leeds."

Hang on a minute. I was missing something here.

"How do you know that Maddy," I questioned her. "How do you know so much about him if he's in prison up north somewhere?"

"He's not up North James," Maddy answered me so softly that I could hardly hear her. "He was, but he got into some fights up there and they transferred him."

"Where to?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be, before the words had left my mouth.

"Bedford," she mumbled. "Right here in Bedford prison."

"Some bloody coincidence that," I remarked sarcastically.

"Sorry James, honey. I know I should have told you long ago, but I kept avoiding it and it simply got more and more impossible to tell you. I felt trapped and didn't know how to get out of it."

"So your frequent trips into Bedford were to visit him then?"

"Not all the time, but ......" She shrugged her shoulders but didn't finish, the tears still slowly rolling down her cheek, as we stood there staring at one another, wondering what to say next.

"I moved down here to be near him James. I thought everything would work out, but I didn't reckon on meeting someone else honey. I didn't reckon on meeting you. I just didn't allow for falling in love with another man."

"What are we going to do now then Maddy?"

"I don't know James."

As I said before, I knew what had to be done. I didn't even know the guy, but Maddy owed him badly and she was my wife. Time to be magnanimous. "Look Maddy," I started. "I don't like the idea, but I suppose he could come and stay here for a few days. Long enough for him to find somewhere. Perhaps we can help him out with a few bob to get him started."

"Can't do that James."

"Why not?" I demanded, a little relieved that she didn't think it was a good idea, in truth.

"I don't think that would suit him James."

"Why the hell not," I bristled, considering that my offer had been pretty damn understanding in the circumstances.

"He doesn't know about you James!"

"He ... He .... He doesn't?"

"Tom doesn't know I'm married James. I'm so sorry honey, but I never had the guts to tell him, and he still thinks that I'm waiting for him to get out. I've made a right mess of it all haven't I?"

"Oh Shit!"

"Exactly!"

----------------------

The rest of the evening was a bit of a nightmare, the pair of us skirting round one another why we tried to work out in our own brains what to do. When we eventually got round to talking again, I tried to make it clear that she'd have to tell Tom the truth on her next visit, as the longer she left it, then the harder it would get. I was really pissed at her for being so stupid, especially when she was such an organised and forthright person normally. But --- Maddy was my wife, I loved her to pieces and of course I had our daughter Beth to think of. Yes Beth. Now there was the thing. I realised that Maddy still obviously had strong feelings for Tom, even though I hadn't pushed her on the point. But Maddy and I had Beth together, so I wasn't worried where her long time commitment lay. What I really wanted to do was to insist that she tell this Tom guy to bugger off, but deep down I knew that it would be a mistake. Maddy had to work this out of her system herself, and my job was to help her do that. The next day, the day before his release, Beth went off to visit Tom, and to tell him the truth. It wouldn't be easy but it had to be done and I took the day off to be there when she came home, knowing that she'd need my support. I waited at home my insides trying to turn themselves inside out, wondering what state she would be in when she returned.

"Hi Maddy," I greeted her at the door as she walked up our garden path. "How did it go? How did Tom take it?"

"He didn't," she answered, somewhat puzzlingly as she slid past me.

"What do you mean, he didn't?"

"I didn't tell him James," Maddy replied without looking at me. "He was so excited, like the best day in his life. I just couldn't do it James. I just couldn't break his heart when he was so happy."

"For God's sake Maddy," I started in on her angrily. "You think it's going to be any easier for him tomorrow? You think he's going to be any less upset? Grow up you silly woman."

"I'm not going to tell him tomorrow Tom," Maddy hit me with. "I've made up my mind James, and I'm sorry but I'm going to give him a few days of happiness before I destroy him. That's the least that I owe him James, whatever it costs me."

I stood there with my mouth gaping open as the implications of what my wife was saying sunk in. "A few days of happiness?" I queried anxiously.

"Yes James," she responded, at last looking up with a determined look on her face. "I've booked a hotel room in town for tomorrow night, and I fully intend to give Tom some payback for what he has done for me."

"No bloody way Maddy," I shouted at her. "If you think I'm going to stand by while another man beds my wife, then you've got another think coming. Christ woman, I know you owe him, but this is ridiculous."

"You can't stop me James," she screamed back at me. "It's my decision, my body and I'll do what I know is right. I owe him so much James, please try to understand."

"I understand OK! You're going to let another man fuck you. It isn't going to happen Maddy. It just isn't going to happen."

"I've made my mind up James."

"No bloody way Maddy!"

"I'm doing it James honey. Please why can't you understand?"

"Then I might not be here when you come home Maddy," I threatened. "You let him fuck you just once and our marriage will be down the pan."

"I was hoping you'd be more understanding James," she began to plead with me. "You know the situation I'm in and I have to do this. Please James, please try to understand."

"There's nothing to understand!" I shouted angrily.

"Then there's nothing to talk about," she screamed back. "Damn you James, why can't you understand. I'm not taking anything away from you."

"Damn you to. You do it and we're finished."

"Fuck you, you miserable bastard," she finished, and fled the room, slamming the door behind her, and leaving me standing there bewildered.

And that was it! I tried to talk to her later that evening, but when it was clear that I wasn't relenting in any way, she just shut me down. I felt like strangling the silly cow, and couldn't believe that she couldn't see what she was doing to our relationship. And what about Beth? Oh Jesus, what about poor Beth who was about to have her life torn apart.

----------------

I got up fairly early having slept in the spare bedroom, got Beth up and dressed and made her breakfast. I didn't intend to hang around to watch Maddy go off to carry out her act of adultery, and planned to take Maddy out for the day so we wouldn't be there. Another day off work, but what the hell.

"I'll see you sometime tomorrow James," Maddy mumbled to me as she kissed and fussed over Beth, as I made ready to leave.

"Maybe, maybe not," I grunted unhappily, pushing her away as she tried to give me a kiss as well.

"Please don't be like this James," she all but sobbed. "It'll all be alright honey, I promise you."

"It won't be all right Maddy. Please change your mind."

"What's up with Mummy?" Beth broke in as her mother started to cry.

"She's just being stupid Sweetheart," I answered her, whisking her up into my arms and storming out without another word.

-----------------

All considered my day with Beth wasn't too bad, starting with a trip to the Zoo at Whipsnade, and ending somewhat predictably at McDonalds. I decided that I really ought to spend more time taking my daughter out, though the prospect of perhaps doing it on my own in the future didn't exactly appeal. I tried; I really tried to see Maddy's side of the problem, and could understand how hard it was for her. However try as I may, I couldn't go along in any way with her actions. Then I tried to put myself in Tom's position, and found myself struggling there. Poor sod had gone to prison for his love of a woman and what had the cow done to him?

Bloody hell what a mess!

"When will Mummy be home Daddy?" my little daughter asked when we got home.

"She's gone away for the night sweetheart," I told her, trying to keep it light-hearted. "She'll be back soon."

"Who's she gone with Daddy?"

"Just a friend," I replied, not wishing to expand.

"Is it Tom?" She then shocked me with, never considering the possibility that my daughter would know anything about him.

"How do you know about Tom?" I asked nervously.

"Mummy and I go and visit him Daddy, when we go into Bedford. It's not very nice where he lives, but Mummy says he can't come and live with us because the men there says he has to stay where he is."

I looked at my little daughter in disbelief. What a bitch was my loving wife turning out to be behind my back. Not only had she deceived both Tom and me, but she had taken our daughter ---- my daughter, to see the bastard in that damn prison. I was beginning to wonder if I knew my wife at all.

"Mummy said that Tom would be getting out soon daddy," Beth carried on. "What does getting out mean?"

"It means that he won't have to live in that nasty place anymore sweetheart," I told her without thinking.

"Oh good," she replied. "He's really nice is Tom. Will he be able to come and live with us then?"

"I don't think so Beth," I responded sadly. "I just don't think that would be possible."

-----------

That evening was terrible and I simply didn't want to put my daughter to bed. One of those rare occasions when she actually had to tell me she was tired and wanted to go to sleep. In the end she fell asleep in my arms and I held her for some time before I eventually relented and took her up to her bedroom, not relishing the thought of having to spend the rest of that evening on my own.

The telephone call didn't help of course!

"Hi honey," Maddy greeted me when I reluctantly picked up the phone.

"What do you want?" I answered gruffly.

"Please don't be like that James," she pleaded. "I'm just ringing to make sure you're both OK."

"Beth's fine," I told her. "She's up in bed."

"How about you James?" Maddy croaked. "Are you OK?"

"Has he fucked you yet?" I demanded angrily, ignoring her question.

"Please James ...."

"Has he fucked you yet?" I repeated even louder, interrupting her.

"James ......"

"Answer the damn question will you?" I screamed at her.

"Yes he has," Maddy vented back at me. "He's fucked me twice already and will do again when he gets back."

"Well I hope you damn well enjoyed it you cheating bitch."

"I did," she shouted down the phone at me her temper matching mine. "What's more he's got a bigger cock than you and knows how to please a woman."

A silence followed that statement as I recoiled from what she said, and, I guess, she realised quite what she'd said to me.

"James honey," she cried out desperately after a few moments. "I didn't mean to say that honey. I swear I didn't ....."

I don't know how she finished that sentence, my ego shot to hell and back and my heart breaking into little pieces. I slowly and purposefully put the phone back down on the cradle and stood there staring at it, tears forming in my eyes. Of course it started to ring again just a few seconds later, but I grabbed the cable and ripped it from the socket. When my mobile started to beep a minute or so afterwards, I fumbled to find the off button, failed, and threw the thing with all my strength straight against the wall.

It stopped beeping as it shattered, and I stood there in silence, by then full sized tears streaming down my cheek. I stood there and sobbed. Sobbed while my wife waited for her lover to return and service her. Sobbed as the desolate loneliness engulfed me, hating the world and just about everything in it.

----------------------

I must have stood there for an hour or more, half wondering, and in all honesty half hoping that Maddy would turn up and make it all better. But that wouldn't have been possible would it, and sure enough she didn't come back. It wasn't till I thought of my little Beth that I began to galvanise myself, realising that I'd have to be brave for her. She was all I had as far as I was concerned and it gave me the will to carry on. I made myself a cup of tea, the solution to all evils, and sat there reflecting on how my life was about to change.

Would I take Maddy back? God, what a question. All my senses told me NO!, but my heart spoke otherwise, almost in a different language, and one that I could hardly understand. The only thing that I could be sure of was that I had to be strong for Beth's sake. I would fight to the ends of the earth to keep her with me, whatever Maddy tried. I found myself thinking that I'd even take Maddy back for Beth's sake, but who was I kidding. I wanted my Maddy back for my own sake whatever she'd done, but I knew it'd never be the same. It wouldn't work and it wasn't going to happen, and I started to well up again as I thought about the disruption that was about to happen to the poor little sweet girl who was sleeping soundly upstairs, unaware of the turmoil around her.

Damn you Maddy, why did you have to do this to the people who love you?

--------------------

I awoke the following morning with something stroking my face.

"Wake up Daddy," I heard through my fuddled brain. "Why didn't you go to bed last night?"

"Morning sweetheart," I greeted her sleepily. "I just fell asleep on the sofa and forgot to go to bed."

"Silly Daddy," Beth giggled at me. "Mummy will think you're silly when I tell her."

"I think Mummy already thinks I'm a fool," I replied sighing deeply as the situation settled down heavily again upon my overloaded shoulders. "Daddy's taken a day off work to look after you again. Where do you want to go?"

"Can we go to the zoo please Daddy," My little one cried out joyfully, clapping her hands together.

"But we went there yesterday honey bunch," I pointed out to her.

"But I want to go again Daddy," she giggled back at me. "I want to see the big elephants, and the funny monkeys, and .... And ..... And, what do they call those big ones with the long funny neck Daddy?"

"Giraffes, sweetheart," I answered her. "But you saw them all yesterday. How about we go to Old Warden and see the old aeroplanes?"

"Do they have Lions and Tigers and things there?"

"No Beth they don't," I explained to her, quite fancying a trip to the old aeroplane museum that I hadn't been to for years, if only to take my mind off things. "But they do have lots of other interesting things."

"Do they have a McDonalds there Daddy?"

I explained that they probably didn't, but that we could find one on the way home, and that about settled it. Yes ----- Half an hour later we were on our way back to the zoo!

-----------------------

It was a good day, and for several hours I was more or less able to forget my woes and revel in the enjoyment of my daughter. Perhaps she would be a vet when she grew up. It was OK right till we left Mc Donalds, full of triple something or other burgers and foamy milkshakes that the cloud began to descend yet again. How the heck could I mess this all up? How could I break up our marriage and ruin little Beth's life. Maybe Maddy and I could get over her transgression and in a few years the problems with Tom would all be a distant memory.

Maybe!

By the time we got home little Beth was ready for sleep, so we cuddled up on the sofa again and for the second night in a row, I ended up carrying her sleeping form upstairs. So far, so good, but then I had to wait on my own to see what time Maddy came back. We hadn't discussed it so I had no idea when she'd come home. Damn it, we'd done nothing but scream at one another since she'd announced her plans. I made myself promise that when she did, then I would hold my temper and try to talk sensibly. Deep down I could sort of understand why she felt she had to do what she had to do, but she had to understand my point of view. I had serious doubts whether we could get over, what I could only see as her cheating on me, but for Beth's sake I would give it my best shot. But, only if she did as well.

I waited for nine O'clock, somehow or other convinced that that was the time she'd be back by. Then I waited for ten and started to get really pissed off again. At twenty past ten the reconnected phone rang.

"Hello. James Dawson here," I answered cautiously.

"Are you in a better mood than you were last night James?" The voice on the other end demanded.

Not a lot Maddy," I replied. "When are you coming home?"

"Depends on you James," she said, instantly reminding me of that fateful day when she'd first told me she was pregnant with Beth. "If I come back in the morning, are you going to talk to me sensibly and not scream at me."

"Tomorrow morning," I shot back at her. "You're due back tonight."

"Plan's changed James," she announced. "Now are you going to be rational about this or not?"

I counted to five to control my temper before replying.

"Have you told him yet?" I asked, ignoring her question. "Does he know about us being married?"

"Yes James, he does."

"And?"

"He took it quite well all things considered," Maddy informed me as if discussing someone being told they'd been dropped from the village football team. "He took it a lot better than you did."

Oh yes?" I answered, fighting to keep from screaming at her. "And where exactly were the two of you when he took the news so well?"

No answer.

"And exactly what were the two of you doing when you gave him the news Maddy?" I carried on. "Or had you already finished?"

Still no answer.

"I'll see you when you get back home Maddy," I announced to the silent phone. "Then we'll decide whether this is still your home or not."

I heard a click, as this time Maddy put the phone down on me.

------------------

I got Beth up in the morning, prepared her favourite breakfast and took her off to the dancing lessons she went to every Saturday morning. There, I arranged for one of the other mothers to pick her up and keep her for a while if I didn't make it back on time.

"Maddy normally picks her up, but she's been away for a couple of nights," I explained, wondering how long it would be before the truth got out.

"That's Ok," the other mum told me. "Beth can stay with us all day if you want to have some catch up time with Maddy."

"Thanks," I said. I think I actually managed to smile, but I'm not sure.

Fifteen minutes later I was back at our house, my heart missing a beat as I saw Maddy's car already parked in her normal place outside. I hadn't wanted it this way, but what the hell, what difference would it make.