The Outside Beer Party

I finally did see Abby one last time just before the divorce was final, about four months later. She had begged and pleaded for just 15 minutes alone before we signed the final settlement and divorce papers. I had finally come to a place in my life where I wanted to move on, and I thought,let her have her say, and then it'll all be over but the crying.

We met in my attorney's conference room, as agreed upon some 15 minutes before time to sign all the divorce documents. It was funny - not funny 'ha ha', but funny strange - how much physically Abby really had changed. She was noticeably thinner, but also wearing more make up than I was accustomed to seeing her wear. She and I greeted each other at least cordially, however, and then nothing was said for a few minutes.

Abby seemed interested in the paintings on the wall, and she was not meeting my eyes, as she started to speak. "Marty, first of all, thank you for agreeing to meet and talk with me, even if only for this short time."

I started to respond, but Abby looked at me and waved her hand at me, "Please let me finish. This is just so hard for me." I just sat back and let her continue.

"I just wanted to tell you again, although you said you didn't want to hear it, how very sorry, so very sorry that I am about all that happened. I just want to say that I would have done anything, hell, I still will do anything to atone for what happened. I knew how much you loved me, and believe it or not, how much I loved you – and I still do – more than anything else in this world. But I forgot that for a while. I listened to Amy, and that cost me more than I believed I could lose." She paused and took a sip of water from the glasses in front of us.

"I heard about what Amy did and said to you that night at the Lost Drop; she came home that night and confessed to me that she was always jealous of us, of me, for having you. It was like she was trying to break us up. I moved out that next weekend, and I haven't seen her since, and we have only spoken a few times, until I made it clear that she was no longer a part of my life."

Abby was crying softly now, as I just sat and thought about all that she had just said.

"Marty, can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me. I don't expect you to get back with me, I know it's too late for that. But, is there any hope at all, can I at last have that much hope, that sometime in the future, sometime later, we could at least be friends, that I could maybe be even just that much a part of your life?"

"Abby, if there's one thing I've learned, it's 'never say never'. But I have to tell you that I've moved on, and while I don't hate you anymore, I don't see how I could ever learn to trust you, or to even want to be around you in any significant way in the foreseeable future."

She was crying somewhat harder now, but trying to stifle her sobbing. "I understand, and I don't blame you, I really don't blame anyone ultimately but me. I know that I will never love anyone again like I loved you, and that is my punishment after all. So my idiotic incredible error in judgment, this stupid lapse has cost me everything that I held dear in life."

We sat quietly then, until right before our respective attorneys came into the room, when I spoke to her one more time. She was still crying about that when they came in the room, but she signed all the paperwork, and that was that. So it ended, as the poet said, not with a bang, but a whimper.

Epilogue: A funny thing happened on the way home from the airport yesterday. No, not funny "ha ha", but funny like strange. I had called home to let my wife know that I was home earlier than I had thought. She was apparently not in, so I figured she had gone out with her sister and some of their old friends who were visiting from out of town. Since I couldn't reach her, I decided to stop on the way home, and get something to eat. I live on the far north side of town, far from the airport, so I really don't know anything about the south side of town, except that it has more black and Hispanic residents than does the area where I live now.

I saw a bar-b-q place, which I had read about in theAtlanta Visitor, that supposedly served really great pork short ribs, so I stopped in. I got a table more toward the back of the place, which was more than a little dimly lit in any event, and was nursing a beer waiting for my meal, when Abby walked in the front door. It had now been more than three years since our divorce, and this was the first time I'd seen her since then. She seemed to be by herself, as she was shown to a table near the front bar area. I half expected to see Amy walk in also until I remembered what had happened. Abby looked around the room, but didn't seem to see me.

I was rather taken aback at her appearance. She was rather heavily made up, and was wearing a really tight top and skirt. The skirt stopped about six inches up from her knees, and even across the room, I could see her four inch CFM strappy sandals. Wow, again, what a surprise, she had never dressed like that to go out with me.

I decided to forgo eating there, so I called the waitress over, and asked that my meal be made to go. Just then, a very large, heavy black man walked in like he owned the place and sat down at the table with Abby. He grabbed her by the head and pulled her to him for a very obvious and sloppy open-mouth kiss.

After I got my meal to take-out, I walked toward the front on my way out, and stared at Abby as I approached. When she saw me, her face turned red, then went pale. She turned her head away as I got close to their table, but not before I saw the tears start down her cheeks. She then looked back toward me, like she was going to speak, but I shook my head 'no'.

I remembered the last words that I had ever said to her that day, just before the attorneys came in the conference room:Abby, I know you love me, I know how much, so now this is what I'll leave you with. You don't get to see me, to speak to me, to have me hold you and cuddle you, and treasure you, and love you with all my heart; you don't get any of that anymore. You've made that bed, now you can be in it alone without me there!

As I got back into my car, I tried my wife Jenny's cell phone number, and this time she answered right away.

"Marty, honey, where are you? I've missed you so much. When will you be home?"

"Jenny, sweetheart, I've missed you like crazy too, but I'm back in Atlanta. I'm on the way home now."

"Precious, that's wonderful, I'm here with Kristin atBones. Why don't you join us?"

"You know what, angel, I think I'll do just that. Better save some strength for later on tonight. I need to catch up on some of your sweet sexy loving."

"Don't you worry about that, Stud. I'll be here with rings on my fingers and nail polish on my toes, just like you want, and it'll be all here for you alone. So just get your butt over here."

God, I love this woman. Whoever said it is right: love is better the second time around.