The Princess and the Blacksmith

"But you are cruel and heartless." he said helplessly.

"But I told you," she said again, "Didn't you listen?"

"No!" he said sadly, "I thought you were a poor demented half witted peasant girl I could fall in love with."

"But surely you love me, with my golden hair and." she stared helplessly.

"No!" he said sadly.

"Then I'll have you whipped, Guards!" she cried, "Guards arrest this boy!"

The wind moaned in the trees and no one came, "I expect they are eating their tea," she explained."

Henning helped to dry Lilla and then he too bathed in front of the fire, "Henning," Lilla asked, "Why is your tail soft?"

"I don't know," he said, "You're a Princess you frighten me."

"Good!" Lilla exclaimed, but she was upset for her days with Henning had been the happiest of her life.

Lilla helped Henning dry himself, but nothing would make his tail stiffen so they went sadly to bed and put out the candles and there in the warmth and the darkness Henning forgot about Lilla's beauty and forgot she was a Princess and his tail stiffened all one point seven five decimetres, (7 Inches) of it.

"Oi!" he said, "Wench my tail needs soothing," he insisted.

"Oh yes sire, place it within me sire and I shall soothe it sire." Lilla agreed because though she was mean and heartless she wasn't stupid.

Soon Henning got used to Lilla having golden hair, and as her tits grew and her belly swelled he got used to her being a fat lazy cow, and nagged her to go on a diet but then suddenly one night there was a commotion and suddenly there was a baby crying in the darkness.

"Oh sod it!" Princess Lilla cried, "That's all we needed!"

"Yes our family is complete!" Henning replied.

"I was being sarcastic!" Princess Lilla cried, "Send a message to the Palace!"

Henning wasn't entirely stupid, not entirely, so he sent a message to the palace with the cess pit emptier, and when nothing happened he got Mrs Wizenbaum to sit with Lilla and the baby and he went himself.

"Oi where you going!" the guard challenged him when he tried to creep past.

"Tell the king he's a Grand dad." Henning said.

"Ah, well," said the guard, "His only daughter is not married, so if you want him told you do it!"

"Fair enough," said Henning, "Where is he, on the throne?"

"Up the stairs and seventeenth on the left," the guard said for it was a very big castle.

"Fair enough," Henning replied and he set off to find the King.

The King was sitting quietly head in hands looking at a new born baby as Henning approached.

"Sire, I have come to tell you you are a Grand father." he said, "You have a grand son.".

"Indeed, I sent for a venison sandwich not the village idiot," said the King, "First its a girl and second it is my daughter and third on your way out ask the axe man to chop your head off, goodbye!"

"But sire your daughter Lilla has had a son!" Henning replied.

"A son!" the King exclaimed, "Carmen, we don't have to get married after all Lilla has a son."

"Oh great!" Carmen exclaimed, "Wonderful, I bear you a daughter and you don't want to marry me any more!"

"I knew you didn't really want to be queen!" the King exclaimed, "Sleeping with all the footmen and well hung servants."

"I think that was because queen Camilla was a slut sire," a maid servant explained.

"Yes perhaps." the King agreed.

"Why don't we all get married, "Henning suggested, "Lilla and me and you and your bit of fluff here."

"Who exactly the hell do you think you are?" The King asked.

"Henning Grorsorf, sire!" Henning said, "The Princess Lilla and I run the Blacksmiths near Reinsburg."

"Good god man, how do you put up with her!"" the King said, "Someone said she tried to get back in a few months ago and then I heard she was living with you, didn't believe anyone would be that stupid."

"I love her sir!" Henning admitted.

"What with her foul temper?" the King asked.

"Oh I cured that sir!" Henning said, "I made her a Bronze cock."

"Bronze Cock? Poppycock!" the King insiste, "What the hell difference would a Bronze Cockerel make."

"No sire, a Cock, like my cock, but Bronze for if I can't get it up." Henning agreed.

Carmen's eyes widened. "Can I have one?" she asked.

"Ah," the King said and he thought hard for a moment, "So what exactly do you want?"

"Well a wet nurse really so the child doesn't spoil Lilla's lovely big tits." he said.

"And?" the King asked.

"Just a wet nurse." he replied, "And a washer woman to wash the shitty."

"Yes," the King replied, "I get it, and you do understand that as Lilla is under 21 that when you are married she is your responsibility?"

"Married sire? but I am a commoner, " Henning cried, "I cannot marry a princess!"

"Then I shall dub thee Lord Blacksmith!" the King cried.

"But," henning protested.

"Married or hung for treason, you choose!" the King replied.

"Can I think it over sire?" Henning asked.

"Absolutely, I own I would rather have been hung than married to her mother," the King agreed, "Ghastly woman, caught Russian clap off a diseased Russian rent boy we found stowed away on a river barge you know."

"Sire?" Henning said in confusion.

"Look lad, here's the deal," the King said kindly, "I'll look after the child, or rather Carmen will, she might just as well look after one as two, if you marry Lilla and do the occasional state visit to somewhere appalling for me."

"Sounds fair," Henning said.

"And a bronze cock for me!" Carmen pleaded.

"Yes that too," Henning agreed, "And you will take the child at once?"

"Yes!" the King agreed, "Fetch the Carriage." he cried and so they arrived at the Blacksmiths forge where King and daughter were reunited.

"You took your time!" Princess Lilla charged, as the King entered their humble abode.

"His Majesty has agreed he will look after the child for us." Henning said.

"Really! no more shitty nappies or breast feeding." Lilla exclaimed.

"No," Henning agreed.

"Oh Henning you're the best!" Lilla cried.

"But you must marry Henning, or Baron Blacksmith as he now is." the King insisted.

"A Lord?" Lilla gasped.

"All right, make it Duke of Reinsberg then." the King agreed.

"The Iron Duke!" Lilla said, "Call him the Iron Duke father," she insisted.

"Lilla," Henning cautioned, "No tail if you're not good."

"Tail got me in this mess in the first place," she complained, "Just take the kid and go."

"What's he called," the King asked.

"What ever you want, sire, he hasn't been Christened yet," Henning agreed.

"Prince Henning!" the King said, "Excellent, the other matter is the state visit to England I shall say you shall go in my place."

"Father, that really is a truly awful place," Lilla protested, "I thought we would live happily ever after."

"That is the trouble," the King explained, "Real life is nothing like a fairy tale!"

The End