The Rant

(Author's note: I take no responsibility for the words or actions of Ben. He has overreacted to his situation and quite frankly I think he is a little unstable.)

*

"Piss off you bastard, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be in this mess. Hey you! Yah you the reader. Don't listen to a word the author says he's a lying backstabbing cocksucker."

I better start at the beginning. You might find my tale of woe a little scattered or incoherent. But really, if you went through what I have just gone through I think you would understand.

Hello, I am Ben Hiller I own a Hardware store in Toronto. Until recently my life, though not perfect, was going in the right direction. Then the author had to step on my quite happy life. Did I do something to him? No I didn't. Did I say something wrong to make him upset with me? Again, no I did not. He is just a scheming piece of shit.

Let's give you some background and see if you like how everything turned out. I graduated high school like almost everyone else. Went to college and obtained a business degree, pretty normal so far. I brought my hardware story from my father so you can say it is a family business. Everything is smooth sailing so far wouldn't you say?

My future ex-wife and I met in my store when she needed to buy a new interior door for her parents place. I helped her find all the pieces she would need to do the job and I offered to help hang her door. You have to understand, one look at her and I was hooked. I never believed in love at first sight, she sure made a believer out of me. Tammy had all the curves in all the right places. Even in heels she is shorter than me, and I am only 5' 6" so that is saying something. She has jet black hair; you know the kind that in the right light has a blue sheen. Deep green eyes, she was perfect. Well I though she was perfect, perfect for me, you've been there you know what I mean.

Well the door hang led to dinner and dinner led to dating, you can see where this is going. Right, after two years of dating we were married in a small ceremony of family and close friends. That's how Tammy wanted it, a very practical girl.

Life would continue along like this for the next few years. Tammy would organize our lives together and I would just sit back and enjoy. Never have been the controlling type and Tammy liked making decisions, she always consulted me so I was fine with the outcome.

About now you are wondering about our sex life. Well this is not a story this is my life and I don't talk about what goes on with my wife. Do you? Didn't think so. I will tell you this I never got any complaints.

The only thing missing from our lives was the sound of running little feet. Tammy wanted to wait, in Canada it is her body and she can damn well do what she wants with it. Here women have reproductive rights, men don't. Enough said. So we waited or more importantly I waited and waited... well you get the picture.

Don't get me wrong Tammy wanted children she just wanted to get established at the bank first. She said that by thirty she would be in a place where her advancement would be secure enough to take off the time to have children, as I said too you before a very practical woman.

So readers, you can see the pattern our lives had settled into. Pretty sweet if you ask me. We weren't rich but we were well off. Vacationed where and when we wanted, spent most of our free time together. And we had plenty of free time.

"Hey you! Brittease, I know it is six hours difference between here and England but I don't fall asleep reading your stories so stay awake. I'm almost at the beginning of where this all goes to shit."

All I ask for is a little of your attention. Really is that too much to ask? Where was I....?

So life was looking good and out of the blue the Author fucks it all up. How you ask? Did he make a play for my wife? No. Worse than that, he wrote us as characters in one of his shitty little stories, the fucking wanker.

So here is how it unfolded. You are not going to believe this shit.

I have just returned home from work and there is a jaguar in the driveway. Not to worry Tammy has some wealthy clients at the bank and from time to time I get to meet them. I park the car and head into the house.

"Honey I'm home, whose jag is in the driveway?" I say as I enter the living room from the foyer. Seated on the couch is man in his early forties. Salt and pepper black hair. Even sitting down I can see he is tall. He looks fit, intelligent eyes. My wife is sitting beside him with her hand in his. I am becoming upset something is wrong here.

"Ben I want you to meet Kurt Simons." My wife introduces us. Sure enough when Kurt gets up to shake my hand he towers over me. I'd say six, six maybe six seven. In addition, did I mention fit, wearing a business suit that probably cost him a week's pay? You know the type.

"Kurt would you excuse us for a moment" I don't wait for a reply and for the first time in my life I steer an unwilling person by the arm into the kitchen.

"Ben you're hurting my arm." I let go.

"Mind explaining what is going on Tammy? I come home and there is a strange man holding hands with my wife in my house." I can't believe I am not yelling at this point. You would have to have been there to see and experience the atmosphere.

"Kurt is not a strange man Ben. He was made for me. Before you go off on a rant Ben, let me explain." She indicates that I should take a seat. I fall into the chair, understand I don't sit down; it's like the wind being taken out of your sails. I just fall.

"You know we read those stories on Literotica together?" I nod. "Well one of the authors from that site contacted me using my username. He is or was Tearsofsorrow2, but something happened and he had to start over as 1Thinkingman."

"Tearsofsorrow, 1Thinkingman there is a point in there somewhere Tammy?"

"I'm getting there Ben, just be patient. Anyway 1Tm asked me if I was happily married. And I said yes I was. Then he asked me if I lacked for anything. I said no, no more than normal; you know more money, a bigger house, keeping up with the Jones's, things like that. Things that don't matter but people think they do."

"So he made a pass at you?" It is surreal how calm you can be when you want to smash something, anything.

"No it wasn't a pass. He just asked me to describe what the perfect man for me would be. And then he would create him through his writing."

"I'm not good enough is that it?" My voice was beginning to rise, I couldn't help it.

"That's not it Ben, 1Tm created the perfect man for me. Until he did that I didn't believe there was such a person. But Ben there is now. Kurt is kind and self assured, he is strong and tall and handsome. He belongs on the cover of a romance novel. I can't help myself he was written for me. And I'm sorry but I'm leaving you to be with him."

Something snapped in me. I calmly said ok. Who does that! I'm confronted with my wife telling she is leaving me for another man and all I say is "ok". What the fuck is that! Is there something wrong with me? "Ok" of all the stupid fucked up moronic things I could choose to say, my marriage ended on "ok". By the time I came out of my funk, Tammy and Kurt and the jaguar were gone. She was nice enough to leave me a note.

Ben

As I write this you are sitting at the table just starring into space. I will file for divorce I have told Kurt I won't cheat on you and he will have to wait until I am single again. I won't be asking for anything in the divorce as Kurt has enough money and so I will not deprive you of anything, know that I still love you and always will. It wasn't you Ben always remember that. Hopefully in the future we can be friends, I'd like that.

Tammy

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this point. She says she didn't cheat on me? What do you think? Does life start at conception or at birth? She may have not physically cheated on me but she cheated. It's time for revenge. As I said in that moment something in me snapped, a little switch I didn't even know existed went from zero off to one on. Before that moment I didn't have a violent bone in my body. Now revenge was all I could think about.

Alright reader maybe you don't believe in violence, I sure didn't. But I am not going to sit here and take it up the ass like a good little boy, ain't going to happen. So if you don't like it, fuck off and stop reading. As I said earlier this is not a story it's my life.

Revenge requires two things, money and willpower. I have both in big supply, oh and anger lots and lots of anger. Do I seem anger to you? You have no idea.

Revenge requires three things, it also requires a plan. At the moment I don't have a plan but I'm going to make one don't you worry. I guess that's four things.

Now the first part of the plan was to see a lawyer about divorce. I what you are thinking she told me she wasn't going to ask for anything. Well let me tell you things change and when I get through with her, she will angry enough to ask for everything.

Schmitt, Shyster and Smith Barristers at Law, only the best for my honey. "Come in Mr. Hiller, have seat I'm Hans Schmitt I deal with Family Law how can I help you?"

"Mr. Schmitt my wife has informed me that she will be filing for divorce."

"On what grounds Mr. Hiller, I only ask to get a better perspective on your situation."

"She has no grounds." I could feel my anger rising again.

Putting up a hand, "She doesn't need grounds to divorce Mr. Hiller, all she needs to want to get out. It's the beauty of fault divorce. The court does not care. What is she asking for in the way of assets, property, and part of your business?"

At this point I handed him the note she left, I thought it would explain what she was after clearer than I could.

A confused look came over Mr. Schmitt's face, "This seems pretty cut and dry and decidedly in your favour. Normally the court would split everything 50/50, you don't have a prenup?"

I told him no. His confusion increased and he asked, "What is the problem then I'll look out for your interests but it just looks like a formality at this point."

"She could always change her mind Mr. Schmitt." I paid a retainer and left the lawyer's office with part of a plan implemented and most of a plan not even conceived.

That's a bit of a lie, I know what I wanted to do I just didn't know how to do it and stay out of jail.

Deal with the wife first, that's where to start. Next stop the bank, and no I did not deal with the bank my wife worked for. I closed all the joint accounts, we had three. I wasn't trying to hide assets I was trying to retain them. Therefore, I opened three new accounts, same bank, and my name only. The judge would see I tried to hide nothing. I had a better plan I was going to hide me. Cancelled my life insurance policy, I took some perverse pleasure in that one. Cancelled her auto insurance as I was, and I can't stress was enough, the one paying all the bills.

You still with me. This isn't too complicated for you, not getting bored. Don't care there is only so much you can do if you are trying to avoid a jail term or justification for the judge to give everything to your cheating wife.

I went by a realtor and put my house on the market. The housing market here in Canada isn't as depressed as it is in the states I asked for twenty five thousand less than it was worth. The realtor said it should sell quickly.

Now the business, it isn't hard to sell a prosperous business, especially when you under value it so the sharks will frenzy to get a piece. By the end of the week I was unemployed and debt free. Money from the sale of my business when it finally came in would go into a different bank account along with the money from the sale of my house. All perfectly legal I might add. Tammy was not legally entitled as they were assets prior to marriage. Her car was a different story. I sent it to auction and had them write two equal checks one for me and one for her. I used my half to buy a new car as my other one was owned by the hardware store.

I need to back up here as I forget to mention the one call I got from Tammy while I was out getting all this done.

Ring, ring, "What do you want Tammy. I don't have time for you anymore so just spill it"

"That's no way to talk to me Ben; I am still your wife. I tried to get into the house I'm there now, you changed the locks?"

"You don't live there anymore Tammy or did you forget you left me to be with Mr. Perfect."

"I need to get my clothes and personal items; can you come home so I can do that?"

"I'm sorry to here that honey but I'm busy at the moment and will be for some days. You would not believe all the things that need fixing when your wife leaves you for another man."

"Ben don't be bitter I explained it the best I could. I still love you. When can I come back and get my things?"

"Never, honey you and that asshole are never setting foot in my house again. Tell me where you are staying and I will bring them over."

So she told me her new address. Riches digs in town. I said it would take a couple of days as it wasn't high on my list things to do.

About now you are wondering why I would do anything for the bitch. Access my friend access. My revenge on Tammy requires pain. And as I couldn't inflict pain on her, well there was always Kurt.

I am not making this up when I tell you I searched for information on Kurt. Up until a few weeks ago he didn't exist. No birth records, no health records, not even a parking ticket. I spent a lot of money to find out nothing. Stupid me Tammy did say he was figment of 1Tm's imagination. I thought she was lying now I'm not so sure. A change of plans is in order.

You ever have a hobby you were never any good at? Mine was kendo. I once watched 'The Seven Samurai' and had to have my own Katana. I took kendo classes for a year got my ass kick up and down the dojo by everyone. I was the worst student in class. It wasn't because I didn't try hard, I worked my ass off. I just wasn't any good. By the end of a year I knew enough to be a danger to myself and I was the proud owner of a replica katana.

I love it, when a plan comes together. Business sold check, house sold check, new place rented in Vancouver check. All I had to do was bring Tammy her stuff. But first I had to look up 1Tm online. That fucker was not going to get away with the shit he pulled.

Literotica has a contact button for feedback on my member's page. So I entered 1Thinkingman into the member's search and found his page and pushed the button. I sent him a pointed email with a time and place we should meet.

You ever notice how curious people just can't seem to say away from dangerous places? The author is like that, I send him an email and he comes, what was he thinking? At this point I could be a serial killer and comes like a lamb to slaughter.

The Eaton's Center food court filled the taste of the world over. You want to try it you'll find it there. Right on time Mr. Author shows up. He's shorter than me by about an inch, balding in that male French pattern; you know receding with a round spot. He's dumpy looking say 230lbs with glasses. Dresses like a professor, says he is a psychologist.

The conversation is really one way, me talking him listening. I guess it is a professional thing. I explain that he has ruined my life by building the perfect man for my wife Tammy. Once I have finished telling him the outcome of his meddling he just sits there, contemplative like. "Well aren't you going to say something?"

"Mr. Hiller I don't know what to say. No one has ever spun a tale with such conviction before. Let me ask you, do you actually believe that a literary character can come to life? Yes I did email your wife and I did create a character using her description but that is as far as it goes. Figments of imagination are just that Mr. Hiller. In my professional opinion you need help. I seem to be an object in your delusion so I would be to close to help you in this matter. I can however, recommend other doctors who would be able to resolve the underlying issue you don't seem to be able to face."

This was not going as I expected, I was expecting him to gloat. Here he was thinking me a loon. Change of plans. "Mr 1Thinkingman I am not delusional my wife has left me to live with the ... how did you put it? Literary character Curt Simons, he is as real as a heart attack and I can prove it."

At that point I insisted he call my wife. I even let him use my phone. I was angry but I felt the situation comical. I suppose if it was happening to someone else I might even have started laughing while he was on the phone with Tammy. I watched as he got more and more visibly upset as the conversation went along. By the end he was admonishing her for her behaviour.

"This is the first time I have encountered a shared delusion. I could make a name for myself in the medical journals if you would allow me to sit in on your sessions?"

I saw that, he was going to have to see for himself. My wife is a creature of habit. For as long as we have been married, we would go out for dinner on Thursday nights she has this favourite Italian restaurant she likes to go to. I ask my new friend if he would indulge me and have dinner there on Thursday. He didn't see how it could hurt so he agreed to meet me there at 6.

Thursday night dinner came along in due course and my antagonist and I waited for the happy cheating couple to arrive. I paid the maitre de to give us privacy from which to observe the surroundings. Tammy and Kurt showed up within a few minutes of us getting settled. Again I had her table picked out for her so we could watch and not be observed.

"Is that not the man my wife described to you?" I asked over my Chicken Kiev. There was a grin on my face, as I felt vindicated by the expression on the doctor's face.

"You've been had Mr. Hiller, of course that man looks like the man your wife described. She must have planned for this eventuality. Quite remarkable planning in fact. Still he is a man and not some work of fiction. Your wife has pulled the wool over your eyes and your delicate psyche has chosen to believe the delusion." He shook his head and I could see genuine sadness in his eyes. Well if there was one thing I did not need, it was his pity.

We finished our dinner in silence and had to wait until Tammy and her guest left before we could leave. The doctor and I parted ways; I had to find out if the doc was correct. So far I had found out nothing about Kurt. People in business can't be that hidden there had to be something.

Sometimes when your life is falling apart, money becomes no object. I found myself in just such a situation. I had spent thousands of dollars try to find out about Curt. Here is what I found. Up until a month before Tammy's revelation he did not exist. I mean nothing, no credit cards, no licenses and no tax returns. He was not foreign so I couldn't write it off as he came from another country; no, he just appeared one day as if out of thin air. Alternatively, an author's imagination.

On Friday I called Tammy and informed her I would be by to drop off her clothing and personal items. It was time for the showdown and revenge. By Saturday I would either be in Vancouver or jail, either way I would be staring my new life.

Remember I told you about my kendo experience, well while I was packing her shit, I realized that a katana would not fit in any of the boxes. I don't know how it is where you live but people don't walk around with swords. The last one that did was shot dead by police. I fortunately have the companion sword or wakizashi. The wakizashi is a shorter more compact version of the katana. It would be perfect for my little show of defiance. Tammy was not going to get things her way.