The Tamar Scroll

Dr. Altman shook his head at the skepticism of the new breed of scholars. He slowly undid his belt and let his pants fall to the ground. He reached into his underwear, fumbled around inside and pulled out his hand. His hand was clutching his zain with six or seven centimeters of the tip dangling from his fist. Dr. Lajeunesse gasped the same gasp of surprise as had Tamar thousands of years before.

"I remind you, Dr. Lajeunesse, that it is purely in the interest of your scientific research that I do this. There, doesn't that prove that zain of the size described in your scroll exists?"

"Take your hand away, Dr. Altman. My God! It's flaccid but it's still bigger than anything I've ever seen erect. I have to measure your winkie, um, purely as a means of gathering scientific data for your paper, of course." Francis reached for the ruler on the desk with one hand and took Avi's penis in the other. "Let's see, it's 20, no 21, no 22 centimeters. Why, Dr. Altman, I believe that you're becoming tumescent. Your moisture hasn't fled after all. Now, I will make it fully erect for the all-important measurement in the erect state."

Dr. Lajeunesse dropped to her knees and placed the tip of Dr. Altman's penis in her mouth. She felt his huge member swell within her mouth. It was impossible to move her tongue. She managed to move Dr. Altman's zain in and out of her mouth slightly, which only made it expand and harden further. Unplugging her mouth with a slight pop, Francis bent down for the ruler. The dampness in her panties gave way to a lustful tingle engulfing her pussy.

"Oh God! Oops, pardon my language, Dr. Altman, but your zain is 27 centimeters long. Yes, that's well over half a cubit and a royal cubit at that. You've proven to this scientist that such a zain does exist. Now, I need to do some more research on this magnificent specimen. Please leave your pants down, Dr. Altman. Older men should never waste an erection, especially one of such proportions. Now, I need to experience what Tamar experienced from Yehuda's zain. Please come here and pleasure me as Tamar was pleasured."

Francis Lajeunesse's hand instinctively started to lift her long dress but her "research" was interrupted by Dr. Altman's telephone ringing. Avi Altman grabbed his pants and shuffled back to his desk. "This process of gathering data is very stimulating but I really must take this telephone call. It's the Bedouin antiquities dealer, Mustafa ibn Sharmuta. The last time we talked, he hinted that his cousin found some new scrolls in the Aravah."

Francis Lajeunesse resumed her seat enveloped in a fog of amazement at the sight she had just witnessed. A scant minute ago, she had 27 cm. of circumcised, erect zain in her mouth. Avi Altman's animated bargaining in Arabic seemed to be far off in the distance. Finally, the bargaining ceased. Dr. Altman was about to rise from his seat and resume helping Dr. Lajeunesse with her research when Zalman Katan entered the office unannounced. Dr. Katan's powers of observation failed him, as usual. He neither noticed Dr. Lajeunesse's flushed cheeks nor Dr. Altman's pants around his ankles.

"Avi, Don't get up. I just wanted to remind you that there's a University Board meeting tomorrow. I'll be presenting my plan for reducing our paper clip expenses and I'll need your input. By the way, it's nice to see that you two are getting along so well. Miss Dror told me, in confidence of course, that she sensed there might be some personality conflicts. Dr. Lajeunesse, you must join me for a drink at my golf club sometime. Well, l'hitraut you two."

Dr. Katan closed the door behind him. The two scholars looked at each other. Avi Altman posed the scholarly equivalent of "Your place or mine?" "I believe that the next time we get together, your office may be a more appropriate venue for conducting this line of research, Dr. Lajeunesse."

The Doggie of Canaan

"14 And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a veil, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife. 15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face. 16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me? 17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it? 18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him. 19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood. (Genesis 38: 14-19)

Francis Lajeunesse arranged her clothes on her bed. Today was the first meeting with her mentor since she had discovered an unknown truth hidden in the Bible. Dr. Altman avoided her for the past two weeks. Had Dr. Katan noticed something strange when he interrupted their last meeting? Was Dr. Altman shy about exposing such a magnificent specimen of manhood to her view? Perhaps he just didn't like oral sex. Well, she would have it out in today's meeting.

Hebrew University's dress code required Francis to wear long dresses and to keep her arms covered in accordance with Orthodox halacha. There was nothing in the University's dress code that required her to wear underwear. Britney Spears herself could walk the halls of the University, provided her skirt and blouse met regulations. Francis placed her panties back in the dresser drawer. Today, she would go to work "combat" style.

Avi Altman walked along the dingy corridors of the basement level. Relays noisily clicked as lights came on and timed off, illuminating Avi's way as he walked to Dr. Lajeunesse's office. He had gone from resenting Katan's choice of an assistant to enthusiasm about every aspect of Dr. Lajeunesse. He had come full circle from joy at banishing his unwanted assistant, to regret at the conditions to which he was subjecting his love, to joy that he would consummate their love in privacy.

For three weeks, Dr. Altman thought of nothing else but Dr. Lajeunesse and her "research". He seemed to his colleagues to be off in the distance and uninterested in supervising their work. On the other hand, Dr Altman no longer seemed sad and mournful. He deliberately avoided Francis Lajeunesse so that there would be no office gossip. Avi Altman was also mindful of the scandal that had enveloped the President of Israel. The Chief Scholar mustn't be accused of molesting his new assistant the way Moshe Katsav was accused of raping "Aleph". Of course, he hadn't forced Dr. Lajeunesse into oral sex. Her blowjob was as consensual as Monica Lewinsky's. Now, Dr. Lajeunesse insisted that they meet in her office to discuss the next section of the scroll. That must mean that "My place or yours" had already been resolved.

"Come in, Dr. Altman. I haven't printed out my translation yet. Could you sit beside me so we can both watch the same screen? I wish Dr. Katan would buy us more computers." Avi Altman wished no such thing at that moment as he settled in the chair beside Dr. Lajeunesse. She didn't move away as his leg touched hers. He breathed in Francis' expensive French perfume. "Proceed with your next section, Dr. Lajeunesse."

Upon the departure of Yehuda, I resided in my house upon my cushions. My servants did provide me with food and comforts, assuming that I did not arise because I was in the way of a woman. The pain of becoming a woman because of the penetration of such great manhood subsided during the time of the shearing of the sheep. My insides felt as crushed as the coarse grain that the farmers sold in our market. Despite the ravishing that Yehuda had visited upon me, I came to desire his intimacy again. Yet, I heard nothing from him nor did he honour me with his presence. Had he abandoned me again, as he had sent me away after the death of Onan?

My maidservant served me my evening meal with little joy. I asked her, "Why do you look so downcast, oh Avishag?" She replied, "My lady Tamar, do you recall the evening of the visit of your father-in-law Yehuda. Upon his taking leave of this house, you told me to bring another jar of water for your ablutions. It was late evening when I went to fetch water from the well as you asked and I found that the gate of the village had closed upon my return. I was stranded outside the wall of our town, so I sought warmth and shelter in the camp of the Habiru who were camped nearby the gate. I was comforted and sheltered by the chief herdsman of Yehuda, your father-in-law. Yes my Mistress, I have lain with him. He has pleasured me to such ecstasy every evening lo these three weeks that I have promised myself to him and to cleave to him all my life. On the morrow, they return with their herds and slaves to Timnath. I may not see him again for seven more years until he is freed from his indenture, as is the custom of the Habiru. Such is the reason for my sadness of demeanor."

I asked her why she would want to be wed to a man of the lowest class of primitive nomads, a man without wealth or culture. Her reply did not surprise me. "The Habiru men may be rough, primitive and poor but they carry their treasure between their thighs." Avishag then held her hands to describe a length of manhood almost as impressive as the member of my lord Yehuda. Had I myself not been with Yehuda and seen with mine own eyes, I might have dismissed this tale of my maidservant as exaggeration of the lower classes. I asked if she had lain with my father-in-law as well. "May the gods forbid that a woman such as I should betray her betrothed to lie with another man." I then asked if Yehuda had taken any woman to his tent, as had his herdsman. "Your father-in-law doth behave properly as befits a man who still mourns his wife."

I was elated at this news but my elation was short-lived. She knew the secret I had discovered when Yehuda did make me a complete woman and she knew of the visit of Yehuda. To protect my secret and the reputation of Yehuda, I said: "Avishag, I now give you your freedom to go with this man and to bear him many children. Your freedom comes to you with a price, however. I solemnly forbid you to ever speak of me in the camp of Yehuda. I adjure you that whatsoever took place before your eyes in this house shall never pass your lips. Swear to me now, Avishag." Thus, I bade her farewell and blessed her union with her man.

Upon Avishag's departure, I decided that I would not deny myself the pleasure in which my own maidservant did so many times indulge herself. A plan entered my head whereby I should lay again with my lord Yehuda. The man denied me his son as a husband but he would not deny himself to me. I knew that he had a weakness for the women of Canaan. It was the time of the year when the gods of Canaan ordained that seed should be implanted in the ground. The god Ba'al Hadad ensured a bountiful crop of grain and fruit for his worshippers by implanting his seed within the goddess Asherah. In gratitude to the god and goddess, the men of Canaan at this time of year would re-enact the coupling of Ba'al and Asherah by planting their seed in the prostitutes of the temples. I hastened to put this plan in motion since Yehuda would leave on the morrow. I searched among the garments of my maidservant and donned a common robe. It mattered not that I was garbed as a lowly maidservant and not as a temple prostitute. Avishag's clothing would suffice to mislead a simple Habiru.

On the morn, I took up a station beside the ancient sacred pillar on the path from Adullam to Timnath whence Yehuda would walk on his way to rejoin his main camp. I had only a few hours to wait until I spied Yehuda with his flocks, his herdsmen and the women. I pulled a veil over my face to disguise me from both my lord Yehuda and my maidservant, who had joined her life to the chief herdsman. My lord Yehuda preceded his flocks and servants to guard against thieves who might lie in wait for booty. But it was only I, Tamar, who lay in wait. Yea, my theft would be to steal the manhood of Yehuda.

I lowered my veil in order that my lord Yehuda could perceive that I invitingly fluttered my eyelids at him. He immediately recognized the meaning of my gestures and halted beside me. "I have not been with a woman for lo these two years since my wife died. What is the custom of the land of Canaan in this matter," he asked. The man told me a double falsehood that he had not known a woman for lo these last two years. I knew that he had lain with me within a week and Shuah had died only a year ago and I knew that he was well acquainted with the spring rites of Canaan.

Upon hearing his concealment of our coupling, I should have summarily rejected the man as unreliable but I desperately needed to access his treasure, as my maidservant had termed it. When the waters of lust flow within in a woman's loins, her loins and not her head will always rule her actions. Yea, the waters did flow within my loins and down my leg as the waters flow in the great rivers Efrat and Hidekel. I blinded myself to his deceitfulness and replied, "In order for Ba'al Hadad to bless our crops and your herds, you are required to provide me with ten shekels of silver, five for me and five for the treasury of the temple of Asherah."

Yehuda's visage became downcast. "I do not possess money as the man of Adullam, for whom I travailed, has not yet compensated me. In any case, I cannot be seen to provide for the treasury of Asherah as I follow the unseen God of my fathers." My lust did cause me to abandon all wisdom and I said, "Then, compensate me alone and not my gods. I will take only the five shekels of silver that represent my portion and a kid goat from your herds. Furthermore, if you have no money, give me some security until you do have the required amount. I must fulfill the will of the gods. What have you?" Yehuda held out his staff. "It is not enough. What else have you that may be of worth?" Yehuda did reach in his pouch and held out a gold seal. "This is all I have. This seal is the only means by which I can transact commerce with townspeople and its metal alone is worth more than ten shekels of silver. Take both staff and seal as a pledge. I implore you to give me what I ask as I must have a woman once more."

I hesitated but a moment and he reached under his robe and extracted a gold bracelet from his arm. "I now throw this bracelet into the bargain as a pledge. I swear that I will provide our agreement when my kinsman reimburses me for the wool of my herd. Only give me what I desire most from you and give it to me now."

When a man bargains so ineptly with a woman, he is completely in her power. I nodded in agreement, motioning for silence for his entourage had closed the distance. Yehuda's guilt was palpable on his face as he turned to his assembled servants. "Go forth for I have scouted the land and the way is safe until you reach the next well. I will meet you presently at the well of the Hittites." The servants hid their smirks as they proceeded onwards. The dust of men, women and donkeys settled as the group disappeared in the distance. When Yehuda's company was safely out of sight and hearing, I placed his staff against the tree and hid his seal and bracelet within the folds of my bosom.

Upon this sign of my agreement to price, he turned me around so quickly that I almost let the veil drop from my face. Yehuda with one hand forced me to bow and, with the other hand grabbed the hem of my robe, tossing it over my back. Before I could protest such rough treatment, Yehuda struck my buttocks with a large, hard object. I looked upon the ground to see if he had retrieved his staff to beat me in the disgusting manner of old men filled with perverted desires but his staff remained where I had left it. Yehuda had struck both my cheeks with his half-cubit member. I feared that he would force himself upon me in the manner of his sons, mistaking me for one of the male temple prostitutes. I was not to be so disappointingly ravished.

Yehuda placed his circumcised manhood upon the place where it would yield the most pleasure to me. He pushed against me and again I felt torn apart as his huge manhood parted my nakedness and began to enter my body. He pushed again but he could enter no further, despite the aid of the waters of my lust. "Thou art tiny and tight, unlike the other women of this land. I can recall only one woman who is like unto thee." Whereupon he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me towards himself. I yielded to his thrust and he came unto me, but not completely. I felt as if he had penetrated me unto the depths of my bowels but I could still see much of his member outside me. Unlike the first time that Yehuda entered me, I felt no pain this time, only the pleasurable feeling of being conjoined with a vigorous male.

Yehuda then began to withdraw his manhood from within the depths of my body. Would Yehuda expel his seed upon my back as had his offspring? My fear that this was but a fleeting moment of pleasure was quite premature. With a tug upon my hips, Yehuda reentered me again, withdrew once more and then came into me deeper than before. The man was wise concerning the body of a woman as he teased and pleasured my inner being again and again by withdrawing and thrusting again into me. I tried not to betray my own lack of experience as I praised each of the thrusts with encouraging words such as "Give it to me and rend me asunder oh thou mighty one." Each thrust provided more pleasure than the last until my inner being erupted in such spasms of gratification that I am to this very day unable to find proper words to describe the feeling. Still conjoined and thrusting within me as one of his goats mounting a she-goat, I heard Yehuda's voice screaming as if it were at a distance say "Thou art great, baby."

I fell forward on my face. Yehuda's member exited from my body with a loud sucking sound. I lay contentedly on the ground but I kept sufficient presence of mind to conceal my face. Yehuda assured himself that he had caused no great injury me and then summarily left to rejoin his company. I watched his form grow smaller and smaller in the distance but he never once looked back at me. I waited until evening so that the townspeople would not see me dressed as my maidservant and question my disguise. At home, I washed myself and returned to wearing widow's garments.

The two scholars sat in silence, mulling over what they had both read. Francis Lajeunesse felt the waters of lust flowing in her loins, to use Tamar's turn of phrase. Her leg pressed against Dr. Altman's leg in return and she knew, no, she anticipated what lay on the other side of his thigh. Francis was ready. She knew how to push Avi's button from their first encounter; appeal to his academic conceits.

"This is a very dramatic encounter and it does parallel the Biblical text. On the other hand, it adds so many extra-Biblical details that I'm wondering how to authenticate my translation. We must anticipate the objections we're sure to receive when we publish."

As if on cue, Dr. Altman stood up and assumed his classroom pose in front of the whiteboard that occupied the entire wall of Francis' tiny office. "Dr. Lajeunesse, you sound exactly like one of the early leaders of your religion, Thomas. In fact, you have two points of authenticity in this passage. The first point is that springtime was the time when sheep were sheared of their wool. Torah makes a point that Yehuda was helping his brother-in-law at the time of shearing the sheep.