The Ties That Bind Ch. 03

"The 'incident' in question was Shelly's most extreme plunge into her psychosis. Her actions during that time bordered on paranoid schizophrenia. I believe though that the shock, the horror of what she had done to you finally penetrated her consciousness and brought her back to reality. You realize that I have been seeing Shelly frequently during the past weeks and I have spoken to both Lyle and Millie. Their hearts have gone out to Shelly. Think back, David. What did you find when you finally were able to free yourself? You went to her, did you find her cogent, lucid, rational? Was she still enraged,vindictive, bitter?"

I shook my head. Dr. Biscoe smiled sadly and nodded. "No, David. She was almost comatose with horror and with self-loathing. She was wrapped in a cocoon of shock with the realization of the pain she must have caused you. It took time, and will continue to take much more time, to peel away those layers of self-hatred."

Dr. Biscoe sighed and went quiet for awhile. "There's quite a bit more for us to talk about, but I'm not sure that this is now the time for that. I have to know what you intend. Lyle has indicated that you were pretty set upon divorce. I fully understand why you wish to proceed with that, and perhaps that would be wisest course of action. I must caution you though. While Shelly would probably be able to handle that now - in fact she fully expects you to go ahead with it and will now fully accept it - you must know that it will impact on her recovery. Don't misunderstand, David. She will be able to learn to deal with that. I don't want to influence your decision. If you truly want out of the marriage, then I would encourage you to do just that. Staying in this marriage out of pity is the worst thing you could do.

"Okay, David. Don't give me an answer just yet. Think about what your feelings are for your wife then let me know. We'll talk again.

*******************

I sat in my car, mulling over my next move. I knew what I had to do, or more accurately, what I wanted to do. Yet, I was still uncertain, unsure...no, perhaps just a bit fearful. I realized that it's a little difficult to be decisive when you're not the only player in the game. I started the car and began to drive.

I walked to the front door of our townhouse. I entered silently, stood still for a moment, but heard nothing. I looked around, it all seemed so empty and somewhat forlorn, or was that my mood? I walked to the kitchen, my steps muffled by the soft carpet. I saw Shelly sitting at the table, her hands clasping a cup of coffee. She visibly started when she saw me standing there. Her face paled and she lowered her eyes to the table.

I sat down opposite her, not saying anything. I saw her begin to tremble a bit, obviously agitated. "How.....how can you stand to look at me?' she said in a whisper. "I know I must disgust you, almost as much as I disgust myself."

She sat there, pale and trembling, but stoically accepting the fact that she had destroyed our marriage. There were no tears though her eyes were moist. I imagine she must have cried herself out. I became certain, at that moment, that what I wanted to do was absolutely the right thing to do. I had answered George's question. I reached over, removed the cup from Shelly's hands and enfolded them in mine, then leaned over and gently kissed her soft lips.