The Way Back Ch. 08

We settled in the living room after the meal, I in an armchair, and the two of them on the sofa. Susan put some quiet music and we rested. It was peaceful, until at length Susan broke the silence and the peace and the relaxation.

"So, Allan, how are things?" she asked, obviously fishing.

I stiffened, sensing where the conversation would lead.

"Fine."

"See much of Ann and children?"

Now I knew where it was leading.

"Susan," I must have sounded testy, "please don't go down that road."

She looked startled, "What road?"

"Don't play the innocent. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about."

Geoff was sitting up and trying to signal by a few prods to her midriff that this was forbidden territory.

I continued, "You said no talking shop. Well, for you women my relationship with Ann is shoptalk. Give me a break, please?"

"Sorry," she said, and did look repentant, "It's just that--"

"OK," I interrupted, "One statement. I'm happy for Jenny. I'm at ease with her choice. Now I'm single and I need some time to myself. I'm angry that Ann and Viv conspired to get Jenny away from me so I would go back to Ann. I resent that deeply and I hope you were not a party to it. There is no chance at all that after that treachery I would consider entering a relationship with Ann, and I'm finding evidence that my relationship with Ann before was not as perfect as I have been led to believe. Satisfied now?"

She recoiled, and Geoff looked uncomfortable.

"How's this going to affect your relationship with Jenny at work?" he asked tentatively. I sensed he was moving the conversation away from Ann.

"I think we wait and see. I love the girl, and I can't see a problem from my side, but I don't know how she'll cope."

"OK, sounds sensible," he said. The diversion was timely, and I now knew he was deflecting attention from Susan. He was being the loving, diplomatic husband. I admired him for it, took my cue from him and changed the subject.

About four, I made my move to leave, the wine having had a chance to work its way through my system. At the door, Geoff said his goodbye and disappeared, leaving me with Susan.

"Allan," she said, "I'm sorry about earlier. It was unfair of me. I knew about their plans for Jenny but said nothing to Geoff because I knew he'd tell you. I'm very sorry, please forgive me."

I held out my arms and she walked into them, hugging me and lifting her face for a kiss.

"Forgiven and forgotten," I said and kissed her lips briefly.

Being hugged and kissing such a pretty woman had its physical effect and I disengaged gently with a smile before she could feel my body's reaction. A little too late, her knowing smile betrayed her.

"Nice to know I can still have an effect on men!" she whispered.

"Come on Susan, you know you're a fox!" I said, and turned away to go to the car.

"You know you're welcome any time; come for tea sometimes," she said as I reached the car. She was standing draped beautifully against the doorjamb. I assured her I would, making it obvious I was looking her up and down lasciviously. She turned away with an 'Oh you!' gesture and a huge grin and went inside.

I left with a lighter heart, but as I drove closer to home and my meeting with Ann, those feelings evaporated, and confusion re-surfaced. I was not looking forward to it.

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FORTY-ONE

I reckoned I had about two hours before Ann arrived. I changed into tee shirt and jeans and gave the flat a good going over. I had been neglecting it, and frankly it looked a mess. However I realised I was doing it because I felt edgy and nervous. For the same reason I couldn't face anything to eat, though I put out a bowl of cashew nuts, which Susan had told me Ann liked.

I had scarcely finished when the doorbell rang.

I suddenly thought, look at me, I look a mess. Then, why am I thinking like this?

I shrugged and went to the door. When I opened it I realised why I had been so worried. Was it something I had been aware of while visiting the house, or was it a memory from before?

She was stunning. No other word for it. My immediate reaction was that it was a bargaining ploy, or an enticement? It was a cynical reaction on my part and I was aware of it as such. It was as if my every nerve ending was sensitised. I recognised the feeling, it was the same one I got as I entered negotiation with a customer.

She was wearing a light green suit, well-cut jacket and a skirt that came a couple of inches above the knee. Beneath the jacket was a light blouse in a paler green with large pink flowers over. It was open to a point just above where her bra would be. She wore no tights or stockings, and there were a pair of two-inch heel open-toe shoes. Her hair was feather-cut and shaped to her head and her make-up was understated but perfectly toned. This was power dressing to impress without appearing sexy, while emphasising that here was someone who was all woman, and of course she was and is a really beautiful woman.

This appraisal happened in a split second, I held the door wide and she walked in, stopping to put a hand on my shoulder and to kiss my cheek, with a smile.

"Hi, Ann," I said, wondering if she felt as confident as she looked.

She walked into the living room. "Where shall I sit?" she asked.

I gestured to the sofa and moved to the armchair.

We sat for a moment gazing at each other.

"Well?" I asked. It wasn't aggressive, but we had to start somewhere, and she was the one power-dressing, so she could make her sales pitch.

She sat for a long moment, as if unsure how to put it, and when she did speak it was calm, and she held my eyes the whole time.

"Allan, can you guarantee that no matter how ugly our talks get, we'll keep meeting, until we reach some sort of agreed conclusion?"

I thought about it. We were joint parents, and would have to work together for the children. So continuing was essential. I said as much. She smiled faintly and her face became even more beautiful.

"Well, here goes. I loved you for many years before your disappearance, and now you're back I still love you as I did before. It is tearing me apart us living the way we are, and I want you back. I want you living with me. I want you in my bed. I want you to wake up with.

"I don't care about how you look, enough of our friends have said you worried that I would just have pity on you. It's not like that. I love you, the man. If you were totally incapacitated and I mean totally [she glanced at my crotch and I got the message], I would still want you, and want to look after you. You were always the only one for me, and now I know you're back, there'll be no one else no matter what you decide to do with your life. There, I've said it."

Then she sat back and with an expressionless face, more than that, a face at peace with herself as she waited for my response.

I felt an immediate flash of anger, no not anger, irritation. So she loved me but seemed to have a peculiar way of showing it. I restrained myself and hoped to remain cool.

"You've just protested your love for me,"

She opened her mouth to speak, but I hushed her, "I listened to you, Ann, now listen to me. You've got all night to reply."

She relaxed back into the seat and gestured to me to continue.

"First. Your behaviour with Viv in getting Jenny away from me was sneaky and underhand. I assume it was her idea for you to bring Peter along last time you came here, but you went along with it. Then there was your combined assault on Jenny herself at the office party. I believe Viv made yet another attack on the age difference and how much more suitable Peter was while your contribution was to extol the size of his cock."

At this Ann began to look guilty, and made another effort to speak. I held up my hand and she once again sank back.

"You split Jenny and me up. That was selfish and hurtful to me, and Jenny was livid when she realised she had been set up. She was all for dumping Peter for good and staying with me. You didn't realise that, did you? You could have ruined it for her and for Peter by your meddling."

This time she did interrupt. "So why are they still together?" she said indignantly.

"You see," I replied, rather sharply, "once again you make me out to be the liar. Getting to be a habit of yours.

"I convinced her that she shouldn't let Viv and your interference affect a very good relationship. I told her to go to him and to finish our relationship. Yes, he's a better match for her; yes, they're good for each other. That's why I sent her on her way.

"That doesn't absolve you. What you did was self-seeking and in my view despicable. If you think getting rid of Jenny would make me more likely to come back to you, let me tell you, after your behaviour, the opposite is the case."

Now she looked woebegone. "Allan, I'm sorry. Viv's had this campaign going since she knew about you and Jenny. I'm not trying to excuse myself, I was wrong to follow her advice. I feel a fool."

I ignored her intervention and continued.

"Second. There's your relationship with Derek. That's a big stumbling block for me. There are so many unanswered questions there I don't want to even start. Not tonight, not until I've done a little more research and a little more thinking, but at base I have no intention of getting together with the woman who entered and stayed in a relationship with the man who tried to murder me."

"But, I've finished with him completely. You know that, don't you?" she said urgently.

"I remember after you came back to the house after your all night stay with him, you said you had finished with him for good, but you were going to help and support him. That's right isn't it?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Then explain why you couldn't wait for me to leave with the children on holiday before you were back in his bed."

There was a stunned silence. I let it develop a little before continuing.

"Are you going to give me the famous line, 'It's not what you think?' because it was what I think. Especially the second night, and you did spend the night with him twice, when you did a striptease for him."

"How did you--"

"Ann, I didn't believe you, so I employed Keith's firm to watch you. I was right not to believe you, wasn't I?"

"You had me spied upon?" she was becoming angry.

"Yes, and it's saved me from believing all that crap about you loving only me. Oh, and by the way, Derek came to see me last Friday. He had a lot to say."

"He did what?" Now she was floundering.

"He told me a lot, and you said yourself that he's absolutely truthful and honest, he would never lie. He told me he wrote the letter, that letter, the one that got you into his bed. He told me a lot more. I assume you'll tell me the same things as our talks proceed?"

She was speechless. Then she shook her head.

"Why did he go to you?" she asked. She looked dazed.

"He wanted me to give you up to him, to let you go. I was keeping you under my spell because of your pity for me and because you felt guilty at being with, what was his phrase? Ah yes, 'the better man.'"

There was another silence. I broke it.

"I think that this is a good time to call a halt for tonight. You can go home and think through what I've told you. In the meantime I have other people to see, to find out if what Derek told me is true, and if it is, we're finished, not that we have ever started."

"Please, Allan," she begged, "tell me what he said!"

"No Ann. Go home and work it out. By the way, I am aware that after sleeping with him on those two nights, you did finish with him. If you want us to talk again you'll not contact him again nor allow him to contact you. However, as you said, you're a free woman; you can and have done what you wanted. It's just the consequences you have to think about."

She stared at me hard. "You hate me, don't you?"

"No, I don't. I'm puzzled by what you've done. I'm confused by you saying one thing and apparently doing another. I'm disappointed, after all everyone has been telling how honest you are. So go. I'll be in touch."

She stood, collected herself and left. I remained seated.

Well, I thought, not very successful.

I was right.

I got things ready for the next day and got ready for bed. I was reading my novel when the phone rang. It was Ann.

"Allan I'm sorry about tonight. I can see now why you can't or won't come back. Will you come for tea this week?"

"Which day?" I asked, though gently. I could hear she was upset. I didn't need to be vindictive. I had made my point.

"How about Tuesday?"

"OK, see you then."

She disconnected, as if she needed to get away from me.

Ten minutes later David rang.

"Allan," he said. "Would you do me a big favour?"

"Go on."

"Come for dinner tomorrow. I know you're not feeling well disposed to Viv, but please come as a favour to me."

"Why?"

"We need to clear the air. Viv has something to say to you. Please?"

What a sucker I was!

"OK," I said. I think the resignation in my tone went home. "Time?"

"Six. And Allan?"

"Yes."

"Viv's learned her lesson. No more tricks."

I laughed. I suspected that Ann's call and David's were linked. No more tricks. Was that a flying pig I saw?

The next morning I arrived at the office early and phoned Stephanie Fanshaw. She was at home.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea, Mr Jonsson. Water under the bridge and all that."

"Mrs Fanshaw, there are questions only you can answer. I have limited memory of events close to my disappearance and there are discrepancies between what people, including my ex-wife, are telling me. Some of my so-called friends are lying and I don't know which. I'm begging you to help me."

"Well," she was clearly thinking it through, "I suppose I can look out the stuff from the divorce. It might help. Can you come on Wednesday night, about eight? It's the only evening I have free."

I agreed.

Jenny arrived. She looked radiant and very happy. It made me feel a little better for sending her on her way. She came over to my desk and kissed me.

"Thanks" was all she said.

I knew what she meant. Peter and she had made progress and were now definitely an item, and we were easy with each other.

"Funeral go off all right?" I asked.

"Fine. Peter came with me and met my parents. They like him."

"I'm glad," I said, and I was.

The day went well. Geoff looked apprehensive until he saw us together and then relaxed. We were to go to London for a meeting with an alarm company on the Thursday. They wanted an upgrade to their existing sensors. Not a big job to research and construct, but they had a reputation for driving a hard bargain. We had enough work on to ignore their small job, so we were in a fairly strong position; what's more, we had more experience with that particular type of sensor than any other company.

That evening I arrived at David's by taxi, I was expecting, and even hoping for, peace offerings in the way of copious amounts of single malt whisky.

David welcomed me in, but there was no sign of Viv. I must have cocked an eyebrow (or at least where my eyebrow had been) because he took me into the living room and handed me a whisky. Good start!

"You'll like it," he said, "Highland malt, quite sweet on the nose and round finish. Oh, and Viv will be down in a minute."

I smiled.

"Yes," he said.

Then she arrived.

"Hi, Allan," she greeted me, coming to me for a kiss which we duly exchanged. "Am I forgiven?" she asked.

"It depends whether you have repented," I said, trying to be stern, but she had always been too kind and well meaning to resist for long.

"Allan," she took a breath, "I was so utterly wrong, both in reading the situation between you and Ann, and between you and Jenny, but I was even more wrong in interfering.

"It could have ended so much more badly than it did. That Jenny and Peter are now together at all is due to you, and that's the third thing I must apologise for, I didn't realise how altruistic you would be about her. I misjudged everything. I'm very sorry."

"Viv," I smiled, "You're forgiven, but please don't try anything else concerning myself and Ann. You know very little about what I'm hearing and learning about Ann and Derek. Please keep clear. OK?"

"I promise," she said.

I hugged her and we kissed again, and she smiled gratefully.

"I'm so relieved," she said. "I'd hate to lose you as a friend."

The meal went well, and it was after we had returned to the living room that I broached one point which I'd forgotten whether David had told me. I'd heard it from the lads at the pub, but needed it confirming.

"I've been given some information about Ann," I stated. "Remind me. When did Ann first meet Derek?"

Silence. David looked uncomfortable.

"David?" I prodded.

"Hang on Allan, I'm trying to think."

He shouted the question to Viv who was making coffee in the kitchen.

"December 1999," she said as she came in from the kitchen. "It was a Christmas party we hosted. I remember because all the talk was about the millennium bug and the crashing of all the computers. You were very dismissive about it, and you were right. You were arguing with Bill Forgisson and Ann got bored, so I introduced her to Derek. They got on very well."

"David, Viv," I said quietly, "Derek's wife divorced him for adultery with a married woman with children, whom he visited during the day when the husband was not at home. You knew that?"

"Well, yes," he mumbled, seeing the connection I was making, "but whoever the woman was, we're sure it wasn't Ann. For God's sake, Allan, anyone could see she was totally loyal to you; you were her life!"

"Allan," Viv begged, "please don't to jump to conclusions. She was always faithful to you, we're certain of that."

"Were either of you near the house at all during the day?" I asked.

"Well. No."

"Then like me, you don't know," I said doggedly. "By the way, the next door neighbour saw Derek come to the house during the day on average twice a week. Make of that what you will."

Viv returned to the kitchen.

"I haven't made up my mind," I said reflectively. "I have another person to see as you know."

"Stephanie Fanshaw." He stated.

"That's right. Perhaps she has more information than came out at the divorce. From what I think you told me, Derek paid dearly for keeping the woman's name from coming out. Stephanie Fanshaw obviously knows who it was, and that will either acquit or condemn Ann."

Viv had heard as she brought in the coffee and looked worried.

"Viv," I said sharply, "don't go worrying Ann with that information. You gave me a promise when I arrived. I expect you to keep it,"

She started, than nodded. "It's all right, Allan, from now on what you do with Ann is solely your concern."

The evening went well and I left with friendship restored and intact.

It doesn't surprise most couples with children that they don't have time to talk about much beyond practicalities. My visit the next afternoon was no exception. I could see that Ann wanted to talk but I wasn't ready. Once the children were safely tucked up I made to leave, citing the fact that I would not be at home the following evening and that I had a few days in London from the Thursday.

She looked wistful.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing," she replied, "I was just remembering I always packed for you when you went away, and now you have to do it yourself."

I had not thought of it, but I remembered then her bustling about asking me which colours I was going to wear.

I smiled. "I hadn't remembered that but now it's quite clear. I could never make my mind up which suits to take, or how many. You'd get quite touchy!"

"I did not!" she laughed. "I just urged you to decide!"

"OK." I said. Then her face clouded.

"I had hoped we would talk some more tonight," she ventured.