The Way You Say My Name Ch. 09

Dillon refolded the letter, at a total loss about what to say next. Gee, Ash sorry your boyfriend took pictures of the two of you going at it like bunnies and then blackmailed your father. Somehow, that didn't seem to cover it. Dillon looked to Jamie, who seemed every bit as lost as he did. Ash was the only one of them who looked like he was still in control. He stood up and started towards the door, without ever even looking at the pictures.

Jamie stood, too. "Where are you going?"

"To take a whiz. Why, you wanna come hold it for me?"

Normally, Dillon would have laughed over such a smart-assed comment, but there was nothing funny about the flat, even tone Ash used when he said it. Dillon said, "You okay, man?"

Ash shrugged. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be? So I got fucked. So what? Won't be the last time."

Jamie reached out to him. "Ash, we'd understand if you weren't exactly okay with this. I mean--"

"Look, Walker, can this wait until I get back. Unless you want to come in there with me while I piss, it'll have to." He left before either one of them could say anything else.

Jamie collapsed back against the couch. Dillon held up his arm and Jamie scooted underneath until the two of them were pressed as tightly together as possible.

Dillon smoothed his fingers through Jamie's hair. "How you holding up?"

Jamie sighed and buried his face in Dillon's side. "I'm not crazy about the fact that my best friend was a blackmailer, or that he left me the money. God, who am I kidding? It makes me sick to my stomach." He turned his face back up to look at Dillon. "Want to know the worst part, though?"

"You know I do."

"The worst part is, it doesn't change anything. Even knowing what Ben did, I still care about him. I still see him the way he was with me. Does that make me a horrible person?"

"Nope. It makes you, you. Like I told you before, you're one of the most forgiving people I've ever met. You always see the good side of folks."

Jamie leaned back against Dillon's arm and closed his eyes. "I just hope Ash is able to move past all this. The way he looked just then scared the hell out of me." Jamie opened his eyes again and sat up. "Speaking of Ash, he's been gone a little too long to suit me. I'm gonna go check on him."

"Want me to go with you?"

"No, he'll just feel like we're ganging up on him. Where's the closest bathroom in this place?"

"Down the hall and to the left, I think."

"Gottcha." Jamie stood up, pausing just long enough to give Dillon a light peck on the lips. That Jamie was able to be affectionate in the middle of all this was a gift to Dillon. He only hoped Ash could find the same thing with someone. Someone who was actually able to love him back this time.

Jamie had been gone for less than a minute when Dillon heard him screaming. "Oh, God. Dillon, help me, please!"

Dillon was down the hall and to the bathroom in two seconds. Jamie was holding on to Ash's legs as Ash sagged like a rag doll from what looked like a belt lashed to the railing for the glass shower doors. Unfortunately, in keeping with the scale of the house, whoever designed the bathroom oversized the shower stall, making the top of the thick brass railing only about two feet shorter than the bathroom's nine foot ceiling. Jamie was doing his best to hold Ash up so he could breath, but he was staggering under Ash's weight. Dillon ran to help, taking Ash's body on himself. The stool Ash had used to stand on while he tethered the belt was still within reach. Jamie picked it up and stood on his tiptoes to unbuckle and untie the thick leather. The minute Ash was loose, Dillon lowered him to the floor and pulled the belt free of his neck. Ash was breathing, but barely. His pulse was almost nonexistent as Dillon whipped his cell phone out of his pocket and called nine-one-one. He prayed to God they got there in time.

# Brandon handed Jamie and Dillon each a cup of steaming coffee. They were the only three people in the waiting room of Chicago General's I.C.U. at the moment, and Jamie was grateful. He couldn't get the picture of Ash's limp body from his mind. He felt sick, and he felt responsible. If he hadn't given Ash that letter, none of this would have happened. His only consolation right now was that Ash was still alive, albeit barely. Well, that and the fact that Brandon wasn't questioning the story Dillon and Jamie had given him. At least, not yet anyway.

Brandon sat down across from Dillon and stretched his long legs in front of himself. "Okay, let's go through this one more time, just so I'll have it all straight in my head when I go back to the station to file my report. You say you went to see Ash because you had some papers that belonged to him and needed to give them back."

Jamie said, "Yes, sir," and felt the slight nudge from Dillon's knee. Since they were sitting side by side, Brandon didn't seem to notice it, but Jamie got the message, loud and clear. He knew Dillon wanted him to tell Brandon everything, but Jamie couldn't do it. Not until he knew what Ben was doing out on Tully Road that night. Not until he had a chance to get a few things settled in his mind.

Brandon took a sip of his coffee. "When you got there, did he seem anxious, depressed at all?"

Jamie played it off. "I don't really know Ash that well, Sheriff. Not well enough to judge his mood."

"Uh huh. And these papers you say you had of his, what were they, and how did you come to have them in your possession?" "I didn't read them, Sheriff." True enough. Dillon had read the letter out loud at Ash's request. "I'm not really sure why I ended up with them, but when I realized the papers belonged to Ash, Dillon and I took them over there."

Brandon narrowed his eyes. "So the fact that you were at Ashton Barnes's house the night he tried to off himself was just some stellar coincidence? Some cosmic mistake?"

"Oh, yeah. No doubt." Jamie wasn't lying in the least when he said that part. This whole thing was a mistake, from beginning to end. Jamie still loved Ben, loved the memory of him, but he was blown away by his first real glimpse of Ben's mercenary side. How could Ben be so loving with him, and so damned cold towards everyone else? It made no sense.

Brandon crossed his ankles. "Well, whatever the circumstances, Ashton is damned lucky you showed up when you did. What did he do, get up to go to the bathroom and then lash a belt to his neck while he was in there?"

Jamie shrugged. "I'm not sure what he was thinking." True again. He couldn't imagine what Ash must have been thinking.

"What made you decide to go back to the bathroom to check on him? Did you have a reason to be worried about him?"

Jamie was this close to coming apart under the questioning. He was grateful when Dillon stepped in. "Actually, Jamie had to pee, Sheriff. He figured Ash would be finished. Speaking of Ash, how is he?"

Brandon sighed. "I'm not sure. As soon as I got the call from the nine-one-one dispatcher about a possible attempted suicide--and found out who it was--I called my brother, Keith, who's a neurologist here on staff, and asked him to take the case. It's not unusual for me to request a specific doctor for a case, and Keith is one of the best. If anyone can put Ash back to rights, it's him."

"Wait a minute. What case? Ash hasn't committed a crime or anything."

Brandon made his voice sound as gentle as he could. "Jamie, he tried to commit suicide. That's not something to be taken lightly. If Ash does pull through, it's gonna be a while before he can go back home. He'll need to see a team of psychiatrists and counselors, and those guys will have to be satisfied that Ash won't try to kill himself again before they let him leave. Even then, he's gonna need therapy, maybe even medication."

Jamie rubbed his hands over his face. God, what a mess. Dillon leaned forward. "Here comes Keith."

Jamie looked up to see the eldest Nash brother coming down the hall. Keith Nash looked a lot like Brandon, dark haired and blue eyed, but there was no doubt which one was the doctor and which one was the sheriff. Keith just screamed bedside manner, while Brandon was the picture of a no-nonsense cop.

Brandon, Jamie, and Dillon all stood as Keith held out his hand to Jamie. "Keith Nash, brother to Megan and this lug right here, as well five assorted others."

Jamie shook his hand. "James Walker. Megan talks about you a lot."

Keith beamed. "Of course she does. I'm her favorite brother."

Brandon elbowed him in the ribs. "Quit clowning and tell us about Ash."

Keith eyed Jamie and Dillon. "Normally I'd only give this information to Ashton's next of kin." He looked to Bran. "Any luck getting in touch with his dad?"

"Not yet. I got through to the secretary at Barnes Securities, his dad's company. She said she'd try to reach him, but I have no idea when that will be."

Keith nodded. "Since these two saved Ashton's life, I'm sure his father won't mind if I bend the rules just this once. If he does, he can take it up with you." He grinned at Brandon.

Bran said, "Gee, thanks. Why don't we sit back down and then you can give us the update?"

The four of them chose their chairs, Keith and Bran facing Jamie and Dillon. Keith said, "From the E.M.T. report and your own statements, the best we can figure is that Ash was only without oxygen for two minutes, tops. That's a good thing. The M.R.I. shows no obvious signs of brain or spinal cord trauma, again, a good thing. His vital signs were faint and iffy when he came in here, but now they're steady and climbing, the third ball in our court." He shifted in his chair. "Now for the not so good. Ash is still not conscious, and we can't find an obvious cause. I'm guessing shock, but like I say, that's just speculation on my part. He's got a two-inch contusion encompassing the circumference of his neck, most noticeable in the front where the bulk of the force was exerted against his skin, and there's no doubt it'll leave a scar. A good plastic surgeon could probably decrease the appearance of the scar, but he'll always have a slight reminder of what he tried to do. That won't be his only reminder, either. Ashton's vocal cords were damaged. He'll be able to talk, but his voice will never sound the same. Even with all that, though, he's one lucky young man. Our goal now is to keep him from ever trying this again."

"I already explained to them about the observation and the counseling." Brandon stood up, stretching. "I'm gonna try one more time to light a fire under that secretary's butt, and then I'm off to the station to fill out a report." Bran clapped his brother on the back. "Keep me posted." He squeezed first Dillon and then Jamie on the shoulder. "You two call me if you need me, or if you think of anything else that might help Ash." The look he gave them let Jamie know that Brandon had no doubts they were hiding something. Thank God he wasn't pressing it. With one last goodbye to all three of them, Brandon left.

Keith stood as well, prompting Dillon and Jamie to rise to their feet. "I've got another critical patient upstairs, so I'm gonna go back up. Why don't the two of you head on home? It'll be hours before Ash wakes up, I'm guessing, and even then, you'll have to wait until he's moved out of I.C.U. before you can see him."

That sounded like a plan to Jamie. He was tired, tired of all the sickness and death, and tired of trying to reconcile his memories of Ben the friend with his knowledge of Ben the blackmailer. He felt Dillon take his hand and lead him towards the exit. Jamie was more than happy to go.

The elevator ride down to the parking garage was largely silent. It wasn't until they were halfway between floors nine and ten that Dillon said, "Are you so quiet because you're worried about Ash or because you're thinking about Ben and what he did?" Jamie grimaced. "A little of both, I guess. Well, that and I'm still trying to figure out what Ben was doing out on Tully Road when he'd promised to meet Ash at Tanner Textile."

Dillon leaned against the south wall of the elevator. "Maybe he just said that to get Ash off his back. Promising to meet somebody and then standing them up is a sure way to get that 'fuck off' vibe across to them."

Jamie shook his head. "I don't think so. Ben was way too direct for that. If he'd wanted to tell Ash to fuck off, he would have just said it. No, if Ben told Ash he was gonna meet him, he was planning on following through."

Dillon said, "Maybe," but Jamie could tell he had his doubts. After a few minutes of silence, Dillon picked back up with, "So, what's the plan?"

Jamie did his best to project the proverbial halo. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Come off it, Jamie. This is me you're talking to." The elevator doors opened to their floor just as he said it. Dillon took Jamie's hand and led him out. "I've known you too long for that to fly. You've always got some kind of plan. You're a whole lot like Megan on that score."

Jamie gave in. "All right. I'll tell you what I'm thinking, but you aren't gonna like it."

#

Just as Jamie predicted, Dillon didn't like what he was planning. Even so, Dillon was supportive and offered only minimal protest when they pulled up in front of the Reed County Jail the following Monday after school.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure. The only person who might have seen anything that night--that we know of, anyway--was Barry Sledge. He's the last person ever to see Ben, and if Ben was up to something that night, Sledge might have seen it."

"Jamie, the guy's in jail for vehicular homicide. He hasn't even been sentenced yet. What makes you think he's gonna tell you anything?" Jamie reached for the door handle. "He may not say a single word to me, but I don't have anything to lose by trying. I'm hoping that if I approach him the right way and show him that I'm not any kind of a threat, he'll open up to me. That's one of the reasons I want to go in by myself. If you come with me, he might not say anything. One on one is better."

"I understand, but just be careful. And hurry. Keith sent word through Megan that we can see Ash this afternoon."

"He's awake, then?"

"Awake and in his own room." Dillon left the car running and leaned back in the seat. "I'll wait here for you." Jamie reached for the door handle just as Dillon said, "Hey, Jamie?"

"Yeah?"

"I . . ." He trailed off, and Jamie could tell he was measuring his words. Finally, he said, "I'm here if you need me."

Jamie leaned over and gave Dillon's lips a soft brush with his own. "I know that. Why do you think I've made it through this whole mess as well as I have?" He left before Dillon could say anything else.

The Reed County Jail wasn't a place Jamie wanted to become well acquainted with. Unlike the small cluster of holding cells attached to the sheriff's office, the county jail had the look of a prison, from the gray, peeling paint on the walls to the stands of metal detectors anchored in the lobby. In essence, it was a prison, the place where the most serious offenders were held over for trial, and where those serving less than a year did their time. After signing in, Jamie was led to the visitor's area, a row of glassed-in booths with phones on either side of the glass. The officer in charge instructed Jamie to have a seat at booth seven and wait. Jamie swallowed against the butterflies in his stomach and did as he was told.

Barry Sledge came out a few minutes later. Even with the orange jumpsuit and the cuffs encircling his wrists, Sledge didn't look like a killer. Jamie did his best to remember that this man was responsible for Ben's death, but one look at Sledge's pitted face and brown, sorrow-filled eyes had Jamie feeling pity for the man. Sledge sat down and picked up the phone, motioning for Jamie to do the same. Jamie picked up in time to hear Sledge say, "There must be a mistake here. I was told I had a visitor, but I don't know you." His voice was scratchy and strained, years of alcohol abuse having made its mark.

Here goes. "Mr. Sledge, my name is James Walker, and I need to talk to you. I promise I'll make it quick." Jamie hesitated. "I'm a friend of Ben Lewis."

All the color drained from Sledge's normally ruddy face. He started to hang up the phone, but Jamie wasn't about to let that happen. "Wait, don't hang up. Please. I promise I'll make it quick, but this is important, and you're the only one I can ask."

Sledge hesitated but put the phone back to his ear, giving Jamie the window he needed to say, "I'm not here to talk about the accident, not really. I have reason to believe my friend was supposed to have been somewhere besides Tully Road that night. Since you were the last person to, uh . . . see him, I was hoping maybe you saw something--anything--that might help me figure out what he was doing out there."

Sledge looked around, making sure no one was standing behind him. Finally, he said, "Look, kid, all I can tell you is what I told the cops when they picked me up. I was driving home from Philly's Tavern when I saw this kid laying in the middle of the road. I tried to slow down, but he was wearing black and I didn't see him until it was too late. There wasn't anything I could do for him, so I split. I didn't see nothing or no one besides that."

Jamie's mind was reeling. "What do you mean Ben was 'laying in the middle of the road?'"

Sledge screwed up his face. "What are you, deaf? I meant just what I said. I was moving along Tully Road at a fair clip and all of a sudden, there was this kid, just laying there." Sledge snorted. "Not that the cops believed me. Thought I was lying just to save my own skin. That court-appointed, ass-wipe lawyer they assigned me swore up and down all the tests confirmed that kid very well could have died from the impact of my car. That's when I knew I couldn't get out of it, so I took the deal the D.A. offered and told em what they wanted to hear. Well, I got news for em: I wasn't lying. I may have hit that guy, but let me tell you something, Mr. James Walker, I didn't kill him. You want my opinion? That boy was dead before I ever came along."

{TO BE CONTINUED}