The Wild Blue Yonder

November 2009 became the best-selling issue of Hustler, although it didn't outsell the February issue of Playboy. Unfortunately, it caught the eye of the general staff of the US Air Force, who decided that they should court-martial Kat for bad conduct. The court-martial would be held in San Diego.

The court-martial was held on Friday, January 15^th, 2010. On the day of the court-martial, Kat showed up, resplendent in her Class A dress uniform. General Durban was there to testify in Kat's defense, and I was there simply as General Durban's assistant. The prosecution called up admirals and generals, all quoting portions from the Uniform Code of Military Justice about how Kat had violated military regulations left and right and given the Air Force a bad name. As each regulation was quoted, I looked them up. Almost every single one was taken out of context and had no application for this case. I made sure to write all of this down, and when they were done testifying, I passed the note to General Durban. She smiled at me, and said, "Trust me, I know. I've already planned for this."

After the prosecution's witnesses had all finished, the defense called up General Mae Durban to give a statement.

"Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury," General Durban began, "I've known Sergeant Warbington for over four years now. In all the time I've known her, I have found her to be the best non-commissioned officer I've ever had the privilege of commanding. She has never displayed any characteristics of conduct unbecoming an NCO in the United States Air Force, and has been an exemplary platoon leader.

"Furthermore, as you are all probably aware, I am a California bar-registered lawyer, having graduated from the UCLA School of Law in 1981. I have studied the Uniform Code of Military Justice rigorously, along with a team of unbiased experts from the United States Navy, Army, and Marine Corps.

"In our examination of the UCMJ, we have found that Sergeant Warbington is in violation of no regulations. She did not utilize a regulation military uniform for any of these photographs, and this photo shoot was done after she had been dismissed from active duty. All the regulations that were quoted by the general staff were taken out of context and hold no bearing in this situation. I have documented this fully, and copies of my notes are available for the jury.

"Finally, it is my intention at the conclusion of this court-martial to ask the Senate to form a sub-committee to study sexual discrimination in the United States Armed Forces. Despite the best efforts of some, there are many who have gone out of their way to block any efforts for equality in the military. If a man in the US military can walk around naked on a public beach," she said sternly, glaring at one of the admirals who had testified, "and five women get crucified for posing for one of the oldest and most respected magazine publications in the country, then there is something wrong with the military.

"Thank you for your time. I would implore you to follow the letter and the spirit of the UCMJ, for if you do, you will find that Sergeant Warbington should be acquitted on all counts."

The jury deliberated for nearly five hours. When they finally returned, Kat looked like she was about to break down. General Durban had given her countless hugs since the conclusion of her statement, and I had been on the phone to every media outlet I could think of, making sure they all knew about what was going on.

As the jury settled into their seats, the foreman, a two-star Army general, rose. The judge asked the prosecution and the defense to rise, and then, "Have you reached a verdict?" he asked.

"We have, your honor," replied the general. "The jury finds the accused, Technical Sergeant Katherine Warbington..."

"Not guilty on all counts."

Kat collapsed into her chair, tears streaming down her face, but a smile almost too big for her head spreading across her face. "Woo-HOO!" I shouted, leaping out of my seat. Streaker Admiral turned and glared at me, and I just gave him the most smart-ass smirk I could muster. General Durban simply sat in her seat, a serene smile on her face. The general staff who had testified against Kat began to file out, disgusted looks on their faces.

The media demanded Kat and General Durban's time as they left the courtroom. After almost an hour, they finally left, leaving the two women alone. "Thank you, General," said Kat. "I can never repay you for this."

"Oh, it's not me you owe," Mae Durban said. "I think it's your friend, Lieutenant Garrett. Ever since the court-martial was announced, he's been in the office twenty hours a day working on this case."

It was true. There was no way that I was going to let Kat get screwed like this by the military, and so I had busted my ass getting this ready for General Durban to present. And lo and behold, when General Durban took my work and put it with her legal expertise, it turned out to be something that not even the most crotchety old generals and admirals could defeat.

General Durban smiled, and turned to walk out the door. "Come on, Kat, I'll give you a ride up to Pasadena," I said.

As we climbed into the Explorer, Kat said, "Austin... thank you."

And then she pulled me to her and kissed me.

It's a good thing it was dark by this time, because the MPs surely would've arrested us had they walked by and seen us in the back seat of the Explorer. We made love for almost two hours before we finally stopped and started the drive up the 15 back to Pasadena.

After I dropped Kat off, I jumped on the 134 and headed over toward Sherman Oaks, to my brother's place. I had to drive up to Sacramento on Sunday, so I figured I'd spend the weekend hanging out with Jason. It would be all guy stuff, since Erin was out of town at a women's convention.

That night, we were watching the eleven o'clock news when the story came on.

"Air Force Tech Sergeant Katherine Warbington was acquitted of bad conduct charges in a military court-martial today," said the newscaster. "Following her appearance in the November 2009 issue of Hustler magazine, several members of the general staff of the United States Armed Forces called for a court-martial against her. However, a masterful defense presented by Air Force Brigadier General Mae Durban outdid the entire lineup of prosecution statements, and the jury found Sergeant Warbington not guilty on all counts.

"In response to this decision, the President has announced the formation of a Senate committee to investigate sexual discrimination in the military. This committee will be headed by California Senator Barbara Boxer, a leading voice for women's rights within the US Senate.

"The President also announced that he will be granting pardons to Army Sergeant Amy Carson, Marine Sergeant Michelle Kingsley, Navy Petty Officer Nicole McKenna, and Coast Guard Petty Officer Rachel Marxen, and restoring them to their previous ranks. This reverses the court-martial convictions that they all received in June and sets a new precedent for the US military, as no court-martial has ever been overturned in the history of the United States."

I switched the television off and looked over at Jason. "Damn skippy," I said. "Damn skippy."

Jason had a thoughtful look on his face. "You know," he said, "as a pastor, I can't necessarily agree with the fact that Kat had sex for the entire world to see, but nonetheless, I'm glad she was acquitted – she didn't deserve that."

"Yeah, well, the rest of the world hasn't had sex with her. You've seen her up close and personal," I said with a smirk.

Startled, he looked over at me. "How the hell did you find out about that?"

"She told me, dipshit," I replied. "Not that I care – after all, it WAS more than five years ago, and it WAS before you and Erin were together – if just barely."

"That's true," he mused. "And she was pretty damn good."

"Still is," I replied. "Or at least, she seemed to be in the backseat of my Explorer this afternoon..."

Jason looked up. "You bastard!" he laughed, throwing a couch cushion at me.

General Durban retired in March of 2010. Her last act as the commander of Beale AFB was to promote me, skipping me over 1^st Lieutenant to Captain. In April of 2011, Kat and I got married. My brother officiated, getting a HUGE wink from Kat as she stood in front of him at the altar. She and I have been very happily married for almost five years now. Just like any other couple, our sex life sometimes has low points, but hey, when it does get low, we at least have that old copy of Hustler that we can pull out...