Things Happen For A Reason Ch. 02

The next few days would have been heaven for Sarah if she didn't sense that Luke was distracted and holding himself back from trusting her. Had he remembered something? Had she slipped up and revealed too much, made him suspicious? No, she didn't think so.

God, she hoped not, anyway. She stood a chance with her husband as long as he didn't remember what they'd gone through those last eight months together. All she needed was a little bit of time to prove to him that she loved him more than anything, or anyone, and that she was committed to being the kind of wife he deserved.

She had prayed for a miracle, for God to give her a second chance with Luke, so many times that she was almost able to convince herself she wasn't being manipulative with the situation now. But she had finally given up hope, was actually trying to move on with her life, when the Atlanta hospital had called and told her that Luke had been brought in, that he was in serious condition in the ER. Sarah had almost died of heartbreak fearing he could die from his injuries before she got there. She hadn't seen nor heard from him in so long, even though she'd tried to find Luke after he had walked on her. God, how she'd tried. She hadn't questioned how they'd gotten her number, she'd simply grabbed her coat and keys and raced the nearly fifty miles to Atlanta to be with him. She'd expected Luke to wake up and demand that she be thrown out, and she had been prepared to leave without a fight as long as she knew he was OK.

Instead, when he'd woken up and looked at her, then asked who she was, she had been too shocked to even react. As Sarah had waited for the doctor to confirm his memory loss, she had considered every option from explaining the truth to Luke right away to staying quiet and seeing where things led. Initially she'd decided to tell him the truth. She'd had to accept long ago that Luke didn't want to be found by her and she owed it to him to set him free. She'd been getting along just fine, rebuilding her life, starting over…

Then the doctor had told her that Luke's body was so badly damaged, it would take a strong mind to endure the coming weeks of treatment and physical therapy. There was some swelling on his brain, he had some bruised ribs, a punctured lung, a fractured arm; his body needed to focus on healing right now. The gentle older man had stressed to Sarah how important it would be for her to support Luke and not to bring up memories that could cause her husband any great stress. It was as if she were suddenly being given permission to do what she secretly wanted the most – not to have to remind Luke of their past together. Besides, how could she pass up any chance to again spend time with the man she had loved and lost, even if it were for only a few short days?

Sarah had fully expected Luke to regain his memories before she'd brought him home, but he hadn't. She'd been on pins and needles every day since, waiting for that moment to arrive. It hadn't. And now … if he never regained his memory – would it be so awful? At least they could start over without any emotional baggage to drag them down.

It could work, she'd reasoned in desperation. Being a teacher, she had the summer off, although she usually worked part-time at a retail store to help make ends meet. Sarah had figured her budget so she would be able to not work at all, giving her the time she would need to learn if Luke was still the same man she had loved and time to make him fall in love with her again if he was. Plus, Luke didn't have any close family remaining, no one who knew the details to spill the beans about the breakup of their marriage. When Luke had left her, Sarah had moved from their home in Atlanta to a small town near the South Carolina-Georgia border to get away from their so-called friends, those people who had taken such devilish delight in the breakup of "the golden couple" and whom she suspected had a hand in the events leading up to that breakup. She took full responsibility for her own actions as she was sure Luke would, but she also knew they would have worked things out on their own if it hadn't been for the interference of others.

The point was, no one really knew them here. Sarah still wore her ring and told anyone who asked that yes, she was married but she was going through a bit of a trial separation. If the divorce papers had ever arrived, she would have signed them, but they hadn't. Neither had she been motivated to have the papers served on Luke. She herself didn't have any close friends, no one who would question Luke's sudden re-appearance in her life. The only person who knew even part of the truth was her 80-year-old neighbor, Edna Nash, a sort of surrogate mother to Sarah, and she had agreed to go along with whatever Sarah chose, although she had advised solemnly, "It was lies and dishonesty that drove your husband away before. You told me once that if Luke were to come back to you, you'd be nothing but honest with him in the future…"

Then there was Jack, of course, but he had seemed to understand and had been easily taken care of for now.

Jack was the only possible hiccup in her whole plan. Sarah had vowed to be totally honest and tell Luke all about Jack – after all, how could she not? But she needed to gain Luke's love and trust again before she introduced him to the other man in her life. Oh yes, Jack could prove to be a problem. She would have to stay away from anyone who would wonder why Jack wasn't with her anymore and who might question Luke about him. Then Sarah would have to pray for Luke to forgive her when he did find out about Jack. Surely he would understand, she reasoned. She had been so lonely. Jack had helped her survive without Luke. She could never regret him.

Thinking of Jack made her question whether Luke had moved on and found someone else to love. Sarah knew she and Luke were still legally married, but three years was a long time. He could be living with another woman, maybe even have a child by now. She hoped not. If Luke's memory never returned, any other woman would be lost to him anyway, she reasoned. Besides, he was still her husband. She also couldn't imagine the Luke she had known living with another woman while he was still married. He just hadn't been the type.

Sarah suddenly wondered about what the doctors had warned her of when she'd brought Luke home. They'd said his personality would probably be vastly different from the man she had known. She supposed it was true in some ways. The Luke she had fallen in love with had been a prankster, always cracking witty jokes about everything, always the life of the party. The Luke living with her now was much more quiet and serious and …she supposed brooding was as good a word as any. The Luke she remembered had been borderline anal retentive – very neat and orderly, liking everything just so. The Luke of now didn't seem to care that the DVDs in their collection weren't alphabetized anymore.

In many ways, however, he was the same. Maybe if he wasn't, she would have finally, finally been able to put him past her and move on, knowing the Luke she had loved no longer existed. No, this Luke might be a little more mature and serious-minded, but he was still a good, decent person who cared, perhaps too much. The other day, for instance, he had gone next door to Sarah's neighbor because he had noticed the elderly Mrs. Nash struggling with some weeds in her front yard. He had spent the whole day over there making sure the job got done, all the while engaging Edna in easy conversation. Afterward, he had told Sarah, a bit concerned, "Maybe we should invite her over for dinner every now and then. She seems awfully lonely." Every day since, he'd made an effort to visit the woman, who had thankfully kept all of Sarah's secrets although it was obvious Edna now adored Luke herself.

Sarah knew she was falling in love with her husband all over again, and there didn't seem to be a damn thing she could do about it.

She stared at her reflection and thought, I have to tell him the truth, and I will. But first I have to show him that I have changed, that I love him and want to be the best wife to him that I can be. She even thought of telling him the truth today because the guilt was eating her up. But, no, she couldn't. Call her desperate, call her pathetic. If fighting for the man you loved using whatever hand fate dealt you was a sin, then so be it. No matter how guilty she felt for being so manipulative, she couldn't let herself cave in just yet. She just couldn't.

Pulling her hair back into a ponytail, Sarah considered her appearance in the mirror and then headed toward the kitchen to make breakfast for her husband. On the way, she couldn't help but stop at the guest room door and peek inside. Luke was sprawled out, one arm above his head, in a comfortable sleep. Sarah's eyes took in the beauty of his bare, muscled chest above the sheet. The bruises from his accident were almost gone. The cast on his arm had been removed days ago. He'd lost a lot of weight since he'd been in the hospital, she realized, but he was still bigger than she remembered. He'd always been in good shape, but he'd never been quite so…was buff the best word? If he tried wearing any of the shirts or pants she'd pulled out of storage, they might not fit him anymore. She'd have to be careful of that telling evidence.

A memory sprang to mind, seeing him like this, so sexily mussed in sleep. He'd looked so similar the morning after their wedding night. They'd had a short engagement simply because Sarah had expressed a desire to wait until they were married to sleep together, and well, they were only human. Not that she'd been a virgin, but neither had she been all that experienced. She'd lost it to her first serious boyfriend in high school, more out of curiosity than love, and had had a fumbling one night stand the first and only time she'd gotten wasted as a sophomore in college. In fact, she had never slept with a man she truly loved before Luke and had wanted their wedding night to be special. She had been scared to death she'd disappoint him, or that they wouldn't be as compatible in bed as they were everywhere else.

Instead, he'd been patient, even tender. "I've thought about you like this," he'd whispered as he softly stroked his fingers along her naked body. Sarah had half expected their first time to be quick and hard, to relieve their frustration, but Luke had been in no hurry after he'd undressed them both and had her spread out beside him on the bed.

"So beautiful," Luke had murmured, his tongue circling the tip of her breast. "Hot." His teeth had caught her nipple and tugged, drawing a needy moan from her. "And best of all, mine." This he'd said with a sweet kiss as his fingers had slid between the folds of her pussy, bringing her to her first orgasm ever.

Sighing, Sarah shook herself of the memory, closed the door and went about her morning routine. She was horny as hell, it seemed, not having made love to her husband in so long.

As she was putting the food on the table, Luke appeared, looking very handsome in a pair of tight jeans and one of the black t-shirts she'd bought him the night before she'd brought him home. Yesterday they'd gone to the mall, and he had had his hair cut. It was still longer than she was used to, but cut more fashionably than it had been in the hospital. He looked very rugged and manly, and it was all she could do to keep from throwing herself at him.

"Good morning," she said with a smile. "Sleep well?"

Luke nodded then considered the meal she'd prepared for him. He seemed uncertain about what to do next, so Sarah motioned him to take a seat. "I was trying to think of something fun we could do today. How about a movie? You used to love going to the movies, but we never seemed to have time to go together."

"Sounds like fun," Luke agreed, waiting until she took the seat across from him to dig into his food. There was a lot of tension between them, Sarah knew, but she figured it was normal given the circumstances. Please, God, please don't let it mean he knows I'm hiding things from him. Then he said, "I've been wondering something."

"Oh?"

"Was I away a lot? I mean," he shrugged, "Working in construction I must have traveled around and left you alone sometimes."

An odd question. Sarah almost held her breath as she answered, "You were away a lot, actually. Why? Have you remembered something?"

"Not really." But the look he sent her hinted that he knew something he wasn't telling her. He quickly looked away and said, "I just noticed that this house could use a lot of repairs. I wondered why I never worked on them, if I had the time and skill to do it."

Sarah swallowed, chewing extra hard on the eggs she'd just pushed into her mouth. The truth was, this house was falling down around her, but she had barely been able to afford the mortgage, let alone pay for the repairs it needed. She'd got a great deal when she bought the place, plus she had needed a place in a hurry, or so she had believed until she'd realized she should have had the house appraised first. Too late Sarah had been locked into the investment with few options. "Um, well. You always meant to get around to them, but when you were home you always had other things to do."

"Such as?"

She felt her face turn hot as she remembered Luke once saying what his favorite thing to do at home was when he wasn't working. Make love to her. They had always been very affectionate with each other, especially early in their marriage, and it was not uncommon for them to spend the day in bed together, if they could manage it. Luke might not be able to remember those times, but Sarah did. His hot, slick skin sliding against her bare, heated skin. That special way he had of caressing her inner thigh with only his fingertips. The way he felt inside her.

Luke must have guessed what she was remembering because he shifted uncomfortably and said, "Yeah, stupid question, I guess."

"Sorry. I, um…" God, she could feel her face flaming, partly in embarrassment, partly because she was horny as hell! Sarah brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and asked again, "Have you remembered anything? Anything at all? How we met, or…anything?"

He shook his head. "I was thinking though. If you wouldn't mind, that is, I would like to work on the house. Do some repairs; maybe throw on some new paint. Maybe if I don't think so hard and get back to work, things will just start coming back to me."

Sarah almost said, "I can't ask you to do that," because it felt too much like taking advantage, but she caught herself. In normal circumstances, a husband wouldn't even have to ask his wife such a thing, nor would she protest. So instead, she just smiled and said, "I don't want you to overdo it. If the doctor says it's OK, yeah, that would be great."

Sarah cleared her throat and then summoned the courage to say what she'd wanted to say since he came home. "It would be great if you moved back into our bedroom too."

At his startled, wary look, she rushed to add, "I am your wife, and I miss you, Luke. We don't have to have sex, but it would be nice just to sleep together again, wouldn't it? It might help us feel closer. After all, we are married…"

Luke just shifted uncomfortably and admitted, "I don't know." He must have seen the hurt that passed across her eyes because he added, "You married another man, Sarah. I don't even know you, not really. In my mind, we've never been married until now. It's just a little…awkward. No pressure, remember?"

Blushing furiously and trying not to, Sarah lifted her coffee to her lips. "Of course. Um…" Change the subject! "So, what color do you think we should paint the house?"

"What's your favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Then I think we should paint it blue."

She felt her eyes well up with emotion, thinking it was just like him to say something so nice. He truly did deserve a better wife, but dammit, she loved him and she could be that woman. She would prove it if it killed her.

"Only if the doctor says it's OK," she said with a sigh and looked at her gorgeous husband.

Even if it killed her….

***

Luke had an appointment with his doctor the next day and brought up the issue after being examined.

"Just don't strain yourself and use common sense. Your body is still healing and you don't want to do worse damage," the doc said. "Speaking of healing … have any memories come back to you since you've been home?"

"No," Luke said, a bit frustrated. "I'm starting to think they never will."

The doctor made some notes, frowning a bit, then looked at Luke point-blank and said, "Do you want the honest truth?"

"Of course I do," he answered with a nervous laugh.

"Amnesia isn't like you see in the movies. It's actually more common than you would think, but very few patients recover their lost memories. The brain being the mysterious organ that it is, I won't say that such things never happen, but they don't happen a whole hell of a lot."

"Great," Luke mumbled in frustration, rubbing the back of his suddenly tense neck with a trembling hand. He needed to regain his memories. The thought that he might not made him feel sick inside.

"I've done some studying and I found a couple of cases that might offer some hope," the doc said, pulling up a chair for himself. "One man was in a car accident and lost all of his memories, all knowledge of his family, his co-workers, everything but the faces of famous politicians. Then, about five years later, he was back on an operating table for heart surgery. When he woke up, he had regained all of his lost memories and knew everything and everyone he had previously forgotten. Who knows why?"

"So you're saying I shouldn't hold my breath?"

"I'm saying you shouldn't count on getting them back anytime soon. Better to concentrate on rebuilding relationships than remembering them," Dr. Olsen had advised. "Perhaps you and Sarah should consider counseling together, as we suggested before. Think about it."

Luke thought about it, a lot. There were a lot questions he had that he didn't think Sarah would answer without an intermediary. She acted so damn secretive sometimes. Late night phone calls he couldn't make out. The other day she'd gotten a package in the mail, turned a strange shade of white, and then tossed it without opening it into the garbage, not realizing Luke was watching from the other room. He'd planned to fish it out and have a look later, but she'd beaten him to it. It had been gone when he'd gotten around to digging it out.

It was obvious she was hiding something from him – maybe even several things – but what?

***

In the reception room, Sarah once again sat on pins and needles waiting for Luke to come out of his checkup with the doctor. She realized she was biting her nails and frowned as she pulled her hand away from her mouth and saw that most of her nails were now gone. She'd never been a biter before, not even when she and Luke had been having trouble way back when, but she'd obviously been munching away without thought for some time now. If she didn't tell Luke the truth soon, she would probably have a nervous break down, she thought and almost laughed as she imagined herself in a straight jacket, tossed in a padded room. She sighed nervously as she glanced at the door she expected Luke to walk out of any minute now.

When he did, the relief she felt was enormous, especially when he sent her a reassuring smile and Dr. Olsen stepped out behind him.

"Is everything OK?" she demanded, still a bit worried despite Luke's smile.

"He's healing fine," the doctor told her. "Sarah, do you have a second? I think Luke can check himself out just fine."

"Uh, sure. Luke?" She turned to him to make sure he didn't mind. Her husband just shrugged, sending the doctor a curious look over her shoulder. "I'll be fine," Luke said.