Those Autofellatio Blues Ch. 14

But only almost. I said, "I just want to love you, Bridget," and it felt like the world kept spinning while we stood in place. I had to hold her hand tight to keep from falling over.

Bridget smiled at me. And kept smiling. And didn't stop smiling to say something like, oh, I love you too. I guess I started looking at her too long because she said, "What is it?"

I said "I love you." And Bridget said the worst two words you can hear after you say those three little ones. She said, "I know."

It was our turn and we ordered twist cones and I paid and we sat down. For a long minute I licked at my cone and tried not to cry. I guess I didn't do a good job of controlling my face because Bridget said, "I know what you want me to say. I know what I'm supposed to say."

"You not supposed to say anything," I said quickly. "You say what you feel, not what you're supposed to say."

She turned sideways and looked at me. "Danny, I do feel something for you. And I've never felt this way toward a boy before. Ever. Am I in love with you? I don't know, I really don't."

"OK." I said.

Her tongue orbited her cone. "I like you. I like talking to you. I like being with you. I didn't think I ever would like you, but I do. You make me laugh." She licked again and her eyes locked on mine. "And I am very attracted to you. Very." Her lips nipped off the tiny summit of ice cream and she said, "I like you so much, and you drive me crazy, and that scares me."

"I scare YOU? How?"

"I've never been so caught up in someone that..." she looked up at the trees for a moment. "I've hurt lots of people, Danny. Guys who liked me, girls who thought they could be my friend. I hurt them because, well, because I could. When you have power like that, it's so hard to keep yourself from using it. I know that makes me a terrible person. I know that I've been a terrible person. And in the time we've spent together, I realize that I shouldn't do that. I have to change. I'm the most popular person in school, and nobody likes me. I'm too old to want to live like that anymore. I want to have friends, real friends." She put her hand on my knee. "I want you to be my friend."

This girl was growing up right before my eyes, she was becoming a woman and it made my heart thump in my chest to see how truly beautiful and wonderful she could be. And I thought back to five minutes before when I was thinking about how delicious it would be to break her heart, and I realized that I had a long, long way to go before I could call myself a man.

She said, "I'm afraid that you might betray me in some way, and if you did it would hurt me so bad that I just couldn't bear it."

"How could I betray you?"

She shrugged like she didn't know, but she did. She said, "Like, this thing with my mother."

I tried to be nonchalant. "What about her?"

"She wants you. She loves fucking you. I mean, she LOVES it. Even if I told her to stop, she'll keep trying to seduce you. And the thought of you having sex with her, after what's happened between us..." She licked her cone and tried to smile. "If I knew you had sex with my mommy, it would destroy me. I couldn't forgive that."

Now it was my turn to try to smile. I had, of course, probably had sex with Julia this afternoon. Involuntarily, anonymously, but would Bridget excuse that? And I was sure that my mother had allowed Julia to screw me because she didn't want Bridget and I to be together. Again, the supposed adults in this mess were causing most of the problems instead of solving them.

"I promise, I won't have sex with Julia. With your mother. Ever, and I mean ever. I don't want to. I don't want to hurt you. Ever."

She bit into her cone. "You promise?"

"I promise."

We ate in silence a bit longer. I was so ashamed that I couldn't look at her, and Bridget took that as a sign that I was still hurt by her confusion. "I'm not saying that I couldn't love you," she said. "But I need some time, to figure things out a bit."

I looked at her and smiled. "You can take all the time you need. I just want to spend time with you, that'll make me happy enough."

She smiled with relief. "That'll make me happy too."

We both relaxed and I actually tasted my ice cream. Until Bridget said, "Who do you think it was?"

"Who, what?"

She lowered her voice. "You know. The man who fucked me. The woman who fucked you."

My face felt like plastic. "I don't know. Elaine has lots of swinging friends. I'm sure she could find a few willing to enjoy two nubile bodies."

She laughed. "I don't really care, I'm just curious. I trust Elaine. But when that cock slid inside me, it was such a shock. It was so big, and it felt so good, but it also felt like it was happening outside my body, like it was happening to someone else and I was just watching."

I said, "This might sound weird, but I wonder what normal, humdrum sex is like. Two people who love each other, in their bed, having sex. No toys, no restraints, no audience. The lights off and under the covers. A man and a woman, making love. I've never done that."

"Either have I. It sounds really nice."

"Yeah." We looked at each other for a long, long time. I stood up and said, "I'll walk you to your car." And I did walk her to her car, and as I held the door open she kissed me on the lips. "Say it again," she whispered.

"I love you," I whispered back.

"Say my name."

I kissed her and said, "I'm in love with you, Bridget Landau."

She fell back in her seat and looked at me in a way that gave me chills. "See you in school tomorrow?"

"Oh, yeah, school. Forget about that some days."

"More important things on your mind?"

"This girl I'm crazy about."

She started her car. "See you at school." I closed her door and watched her drive away. I felt...not better, but less crummy, if that makes sense. It probably doesn't. Nothing much made sense to me then. I was in love with Bridget, who wasn't quite in love with me. Her mother had just fucked me, and my father had just fucked her. My mother was the mastermind behind it all. I just wanted a day with Bridget all to myself, no Elaine, no mamas and papas, just me and the girl I loved.

Well, maybe the prom would be that day.

I drove home. Mom was watching TV. "Where have you been?" she asked, innocent as you please.

"Getting ice cream with Bridget."

"That sounds nice," she said, with just the faintest hint of sarcasm.

"It was. Where's Dad?"

"He's upstairs asleep."

"Asleep? It's nine o'clock."

"He was tired."

I'll bet he was, I didn't say. "I'm kind of tired too," I said. "Think I'll go to my room and read a bit before I turn in."

"OK, honey. Good night." She lifted her forehead for me to kiss and I went upstairs.

I only lasted 20 minutes before I conked out. The trauma I went through took more out of me that I expected. I woke up around 1AM with an aching asshole and a stage-4 boner. I stroked myself a bit and it felt so good I stroked it a bit more.

I started thinking about me and Bridget in Elaine's shower, how Bridget bent over and offered herself to me. I could have fucked my brains out right then and there, but I didn't. I wanted our first time, our "real" first time, to be perfect.

But at that moment, in the middle of the night, with a raging hard-on, perfection wasn't the issue. I wanted to come. I didn't even remember coming at Elaine's, with that cursed dildo making my hyperventilate. Now I wanted to come, I wanted to explode and release some of the tension of the previous day.

I slid down my bed and got into position. I locked my legs under the headboard and opened wide. I was so excited my abs were more flexible than usual, or at least I was able to push them further. My cockhead fit into my mouth and I started working myself into a frenzy. I licked the head and it made me groan with delight. I kept my mouth capped over my helmet and my tongue moving and I sank into a daze of rapture.

I thought about the shower, Bridget bent over, her golden hair spilling down to the middle of her back, the tips getting dark as they got wet. I imagined grabbing my tool and aiming it at her pussy, aiming myself between her legs, moving close behind her...

And then I imagined Bridget here, in my room, right now, and what it would be like to feel her body next to mine, and to slowly wake her with gentle nudges and kisses, until she rolled on her back and parted her legs, wide enough for me to crawl on top of her and mount her. And then slowly entering her, feeling her moisten as my cock gently pushed inside her, and then thrusting patiently in and out of my wife's vagina, thrusting in and out, as we'd done a thousand times before.

I realized that I was fantasizing about Bridget being my wife. I was fantasizing about being married to Bridget and having quiet, middle-of-the-night married sex, and it thrilled me so sharply that I immediately ejaculated into my mouth. "Ummph, umm, glug," I moaned as I spurted. It was so wonderful, it felt so good, that I didn't notice the crack of faint light coming though the door.

"What are you doing!" Mom hissed from my open door.

My legs jerked free from the headboard. "Nothing."

"NOTHING? I find you twisted like a pretzel with your penis in your mouth and you're doing nothing?"

"Don't you knock?" I hissed. "Don't I get a little privacy?"

"I heard moans, I thought you were having a bad dream or something."

"So you open the door and look inside and just stand there? How long were you watching me?"

Mom didn't say anything for a long time. Once, at her request, I had let her watch me suck myself off, because she's loved it when my father had been able to do that. "I don't do that for your entertainment, Mom. From now on you knock."

"Fine. Were you thinking about that little blonde bitch?"

"You mean Bridget? Yeah, I was. I told her I loved her today."

I could see Mom's silhouette wilt. "You what?"

"I told her I loved her. We're crazy about each other."

Her voice was tired. "You're the crazy one. I keep telling you, she's going to break your heart, she's going to hurt you so bad..."

"You know what? I don't care. Even if she does, it'll have been worth it, to feel this good."

"No, it won't, honey," Mom said. "You say that now, but..." She sighed. "I know you're happy now. And if I knew you'd always be this happy I would give my blessing in a second. But when you're a teenager and the girl of your dreams hurts you, it hurts worse than anything in the world. And I don't want to see her hurt you. That's all."

I got up. "I know, Mom. I hear you. And I appreciate it. But I'm a big boy. I know what I'm doing. Please, just stay out of it. Let me make my own mistakes, if I'm going to make them."

She sighed again. "OK, honey. I can't protect you forever. All right."

I went to hug her, but I was buck naked with a dripping erection and come on my breath, and that is no condition to approach your mother in. I went to the bathroom and washed my groin and brushed my teeth, and as I went back to my room I heard my father's voice from the bedroom saying, "Uh, baby, it's too early for this, uh, uhh, oh, that feels nice, yeaaahhh." Mom was once again fired up after watching me perform autofellatio and was taking it out on Dad. Oh well, a good orgasm helps you sleep. As it did for me that night. I got under the covers, rested my head on the pillow, and went to sleep hearing Bridget's voice in my head, "I love you, Danny, I love you." Maybe it was just a dream, but it was still wonderful to hear.

I woke up with a start around 3AM, some malevolent nocturnal imp deciding I didn't deserve a full night's sleep. I'd forgotten something, I wasn't quite out of the woods yet. I still had to witness Elaine's sexual encounter with Bridget's father. I'd said I'd do it, and I would. I remembered my promise to Bridget, that I wouldn't fuck her mother, and I had a bad feeling that Julia would be present for this show and might look at us as a possible double-feature. I had to think about that, about the best way to keep that vixen at bay. But that was for tomorrow. Well, actually, that was for a few hours from now. I closed my eyes and imagined Bridget again. But now she wouldn't say, "I love you," in my mind's eye. Now she just kept saying, "Don't fuck my mommy, don't fuck my mommy," and no matter how many times I promised her I wouldn't, she wouldn't believe me. It didn't make for a very restful night.