Tiffany

‘Why? What’s so special about Louise?’

‘The idea is that nobody’s to end up with his own partner, right? You with Joanne would put me with Pete the Perv, and I’ve come a million miles too far to do it with his sort. So I want to be otherwise engaged while he puts the moves on Joanne. They invited him. Besides… I like Joanne, but I’vebeen Louise, and Joanne doesn’t need convincing that life doesn’t begin and end with Medallion Man there, ’cause she knows. Oh, the kid’s been around, but in ever-decreasing circles if I’m any judge, kissing frogs long after the prince story has worn thin. So Louise goes from me to you, faster than pass-the-parcel.’

Back in the lounge someone had dimmed the lights to a glow, and soft music was playing. Louise seemed relieved when Tiffany joined her on the sofa, but almost spilled her drink when Tiffany’s arm went around her shoulder. She smiled shyly, though, responded to Tiffany’s little grazing kisses, and let her hand be guided to the clasp of the moss-green dress. People’s clothes just fall away in stories, and they certainly don’t have to struggle with a tube-top and tight trousers, but the girls managed well, considering.

Tiffany’s body was delicately muscled and glowing with health, while Louise’s skinny frame was all bluish or sallow undertones, thrown into greater contrast by that warm light, which had had made Tiffany as even-toned as a Gauguin. Tiffany’s breasts were no larger, but made you understand how a female astronaut must enjoy weightlessness, while Louise’s were a little limp, her nipples dark where Tiffany’s were pink. Peter, I was relieved to notice, had moved over and leant his chin on Joanne’s shoulder, and our hostess seemed happy enough.

Soon the two naked girls were writhing together, with Tiffany mostly on top. Louise seemed determined to use her fingers, the length of the middle finger up and down, up and down, in just the way I knew Tiffany would rather have kept for later. But I was not surprised to see her teach Louise that interlocking of the thighs that I thought of as hers alone. The girl’s breathing deepened, and to my surprise her face melted into a smile, nearly as radiant as one I knew. Tiffany’s head sank lower, her hair falling around Louise’s face, and her body froze for a moment, moved more slowly, then was racked with a series of shudders.

‘Was that it?’ Louise asked. ‘Oh, I wish I could…’

Tiffany rolled over on the sofa, and sat Louise astride her raised thigh, holding her by the waist and assisting the girl’s motion as I had so many times done Tiffany’s own. Tiffany beckoned, and I approached Louise from behind, cupping her hard-nippled little breasts in my hands. Louise’s breathing rose, becoming more and more vocal, until her orgasm came in a series of glorious cries. She seized one of Tiffany’s hands and held it to her breast, but it was to me that she twisted round, smiled again, and kissed me on the lips.

‘I think it’s about time we went upstairs, ‘Martin said.

Tiffany very adroitly deposited my arm around Louise’s shoulders and stared as soulfully at Martin as a labrador does at someone who is eating. But she needn’t have worried, for although Peter’s eyes had fixed upon the girls, he had never abandoned Joanne, and now their embrace became animated. There was something almost robotic about his style, and I wondered just how it was that Tiffany seemed to see into a man.

The upstairs bedroom was a large one, with twin beds and a sofa. The lighting was soft and warm of hue, and bowls of condoms were discreetly placed at the bedsides. Louise took one and opened it.

‘’Ere, let me,’ she said. I had never used condoms with Tiffany, and it was a frustrating business, for Louise scratched me in delicate places with her nails, and had to be shown that I would be more comfortable with my foreskin rolled forward. To be fair, that was something I hadn’t realised either, until recently. But it was done at last, and she embraced me, almost childlike again.

‘Be careful,’ she said. ‘It’ll probably hurt.’

‘If you’d rather we didn’t…?’ I said. I could have sworn she shivered.

‘Oh no,’ she whispered. ‘Peter expects us to. Besides, I know you want it.’

The funny thing was, although I could never have compared her skinned-rabbit looks to Tiffany’s, or attempted her without Tiffany’s approval, I did want it. Her. I rolled her backwards, but noted that shiver again, as I made to penetrate her. Reasoning that the way she had touched Tiffany was a reflection of her own need, I did as she had done. The tendons in her thighs stretched out tight as pencils, and I felt the front of her pelvis, bonier than Tiffany’s, beneath the heel of my hand. To my astonishment, I found even one finger hard to insert. But I continued, as gently as I could. It seemed to take forever, but at last her breathing started to thicken, in just the way it had with Tiffany. Twice, as her mouth opened in the silent beginnings of a cry, she pushed my hand away, dragging it back a few seconds after she subsided.

I had time to look at the other bed, where Peter was pumping frantically at Joanne, in short, jerky movements. Did my face become that red? At last he withdrew his darkened shaft, pulled off the condom, and after a few movements of his grasping hand, spattered Joanne’s stomach with a shower of pearly drops.

On the couch my darling was locked in a kinder embrace, with Martin on her and in her, and a question I had always asked myself was answered in the instant, for I did not feel a moment’s jealousy, as I absorbed the beauty of what was mostly mine. She was moving gently under him, matching his rhythm as that ludicrously rubber-clad organ slid out to the tip, with her fingertips stopping him from slipping away, then drove home again. How could I be jealous, when I didn’t have to wear one of those?

At that moment Louise drew my hand to her again, and a second finger slid inside her. As gently as I was able, I entered her. She grimaced and clenched her hand on mine before I was home to the hilt, but she eased slightly, and I was able to move within her. Slowly it got better and better, but it was all so different from Tiffany’s initial resistance and then that glorious, easy slide.

Then a cloud of auburn hair passed before my eyes, and I saw that Tiffany was leaning across the bed while Martin entered her from the rear, kissing Louise and whispering into her ear. I could feel Martin’s thrusts, transmitted through her body and Louise’s. Louise squeezed me three times in rapid succession, and giggled when I replied with little contractions within her, so Tiffany must have told her our Morse code joke.

Every muscle in Tiffany’s body seemed alive, and she seemed as intent as a concert pianist on making everything happen exactly right. Then she slowed, adjusted her position slightly, and seemed to search for something. It was exactly the behaviour that had always reminded me of Mr. Stubb in ‘Moby Dick’, who lanced the whale as if he were feeling for its life, like a watch that it had swallowed. Only the reverse, I supposed, with Tiffany manoeuvring to be impaled exactly right. Then she clutched my hand and kissed it as she came. For a moment Martin’s thrusts grew more vigorous, then he collapsed shuddering across Tiffany’s body.

An age seemed to pass before Louise began to cry out again, then gave a high scream and came with a vehemence which even her love-making with Tiffany had not provoked. I was already feeling the familiar buildup of tension under the root of my shaft, and in moments I convulsed as Martin had done, with Tiffany lying across Louise’s stomach and looking up at me. I saw myself in a pier-glass, and my face wasn’t that red.

‘Oh, you’re such lovely people,’ Louise murmured, gasping for breath and smiling. It came to me that she was a sadly shopworn very pretty girl, with a nice giggle.

Within a few minutes, though, Peter was making excuses to leave, and I saw him glaring angrily at Louise and I. Jealousy, in the circumstances, seemed as unlikely as it was unreasonable, so I thought it must have been about how things had happened, rather than whether. He almost turned on Louise when Joanne suggested that she stay on, and the girl hesitated. So off they went, Louise looking more cowed than ever.

The four of us talked of many things, far into the night, in a nest of quilts between the beds. But at last I slept with Joanne, and Tiffany with Martin. Joanne was uncomplicated and appreciative, though she started out badly unnerved, after an experience with Peter which she found oddly, inexplicably unsettling. In the small hours I awoke to find myself alone in the bed, and in a moment my own Tiffany slid in beside me.

‘Who’s got a lovely warm space beside him?’ she said, and I guessed that she and Joanne had planned the changeover.

‘Look, I don’t think I can manage again,’ I said.

‘Don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘I’m Tiffany.’ She was right, of course.

‘I know what was different,’ I whispered, later. ‘You were right back to your usual, just now. But with the others, you just came once, and that was it.’

‘Matthew James, don’t you realise my usual never was usual, before? Oh, a bit closer to it with the girls in the nick, and on my own of course, but with boyfriends it was just one quick tingly bit if I was lucky. And can I tell you something? Something a bit rude, I mean?’

‘I don’t see why not. After all, I know you quite well.’

‘That first day in Dumfries, it wasn’t just goose-pimply nipples I had to hide. You didn’t notice, you busy little B, that I had to use one of those lubricant sachets, just part of one, to make me all nice for Louise? But when we were taking the pictures in my flat, do you remember that I went to the bathroom twice? It was to stop my white satin showing that I was getting a lot wetter than I ever did before. ’Cause I’d sort of made a bet with myself that you’d pass the will-he-get-pushy test, but it wouldn’t be right to ask more than flesh and blood can stand, would it?’

‘You didn’t need any sachet with Martin,’ I said mischievously.

‘No, and he ended up well pleased, but that was only because I was watching you with Louise, see? Oh, you got me so incredibly horny… No, that’s not right. You got me really, reallyhornable. I so much wanted you to know that I was just back to ordinary with Louise, and couldn’t quite do our little muscly things with Martin. But I thought inviting you over to have a feel would only unsettle them.’

‘People can be so unreasonable.’

We had a very civilised breakfast, and the last accolade was being invited to stay and meet the Halls’ children, when Martin fetched them from their grandparents’ house. Tiffany captivated them in some subtle way which escaped me, and most especially the little girl. I could see just what sort of mother she would be, and a lot of help that was to me. The four of us liked one another and intended to repeat the experience, and agreed that we would put each other on the condom-free list. We took our time on the trip down to Dumfries, and lunched in a quiet Little Chef. Tiffany, who was slow to anger but never gave up, was quietly simmering as we sat down.

‘Doesn’t it make your blood boil, Matthew James, to see how that poor little kid could’ve blossomed? With proper friends, eating better and more exercise to balance it up, she’d be really lovely. Now you probably don’t understand what was the matter there, but it was dead simple really. That man has no use for people, except having his end away. D’you know where he got that idea of spattering all over poor Joanne? That’s what they do in porno films.’

‘I never saw one, except “Emanuelle.”’

‘You didn’t? Oh, they’re kind of fun at first, and it isn’t true that only men are interested, but for me it isn’t quite the turned-on kind of interested. It wouldn’t make me… well, you know, twiddle anything. I could get seriously addicted, I could, if they put all the same details into proper 18-rated films, where they have good actors and real characters, with real lives. Did you know that when Onan’s sin, in the Bible, was spilling his seed on the ground, it mightn’t have meant holding his own, like most people think? It could have been coitus interruptus, the Vatican way.’

‘I’ve stopped being surprised by what you know.’

‘Well, I reckon it sets every woman’s teeth on edge. I’d hate to miss you filling up my internals with that lovely, liquid feeling – and it’swarm, did you know? It must be terribly insulting for a man to see a woman rushing off to wash, as some do, like you’d done something dirty to her. ’Cause every single thing we do is clean. You know I don’t mind swallowing, and the occasional out-of-body experience is great fun once in a while, as long as we’ve got tissues handy - ’

‘You laughed when I shot some up your nose, that time. I didn’t know I could shoot it anywhere.’

‘That’s because I’ve got a lighter hand than you’ve been used to, all your life. But there’s a place for everything, and even yours would be horrid if it was drying among my dark-auburn short and curlies, or going all rubbery in the bath. And you can bet your life Peter goes with prostitutes, which is Russian bloody roulette nowadays. I tell you, I was glad to see how tight Louise was, for it makes it mighty unlikely she’s on the game. Conditions in restraint of trade, that would be.’

‘I don’t get it, though. I don’t see how Peter could be patient enough to enjoy her.’

‘Goes for her bottom, doesn’t he? Well it isn’t true, either, that women only do that to please weirdoes, ’cause just the occasional woman gets a real crashing orgasm from it, every time. But not me, and not Louise. We had a girlie kind of chat in the bathroom.’

‘What, before the meal? Before anything?’

‘We’re talking safety, Matthew James, not drawing-room conversation, and I want more than rubber, or anybody’s test certificate, between us and AIDS. I thought I knew his sort, and if I hadn’t found out the things I needed to know, I could have strangled her before I’d let her go from him to you. He’s never tried to do without a condom, and they’ve never had one burst, thank God. Nearest he ever got to kindness, she says, was offering to pay for silicon implants, and even she knows that’s a mug’s game. He uses her mainly to get him a bit of the real thing, like tonight. The other reminds him too much of his schooldays, I shouldn’t wonder.’

‘So why doesn’t she dump him?’

‘He’s her boss at work, of course. They usually are. Don’t you know that three-quarters of the girls in the nick are there ’cause they can’t keep a job? She’s convinced she’ll never get another if he stops thinking it’s worth carrying her. Now I think he’s brainwashed her, but just maybe she really is the sort you wouldn’t want to employ, ’cause last night wasn’t exactly a job interview, was it? So I mustn’t turn around and tell her to dot him on the nose and clear off, not till I know her better, which I most likely never will.’

‘Joanne gave Louise their phone number, I know.’

‘Oh, great! I gave her mine, but she’s more likely to use one in Glasgow.’

‘Joanne told me that when Peter was close to climax, it was just like he was completely alone.’

‘That’s just what Louise told me, and it’s what an awful lot of women get to see, even married ones. He was like an animal.’

‘I understand.’

‘No James, you don’t. Not the way I mean. Did you ever see animals doing it? Even a friendly, intelligent dog acts like he was on autopilot, and it’s about the only part of his life when he doesn’t have any fun. And I tell you, people are funny about what they think’s right and wrong. Even us. Did you notice that you’ve got a bigger willie than Martin or Peter?’

‘Well, I suppose…’

‘Bigger than most people’s – not freakish or anything, just absolutely, perfectly girl-sized. For this girl anyway. Now I’ve been around, as well you know. But I couldn’t evertell you it was big, or call it the names some people do. I can only do it now as an example, like.’

‘Tiffany, you’ve spent hours telling me everything else about it.’

‘Hours altogether, maybe, not hours at once. But I could have. I tell you, if you could just invent a piece of jewellery that subtly reminds women of a… of an extremity, you’d clean up. Someday I’ll draw it, but I’d probably have to keep you a bit short of you-know-what for a while, so’s you can hold the pose long enough. So I mightn’t get around to it any time soon. But even if I truly love everything about it, telling a man he’s got a big willie is low. Maybe there are countries where they’re always complimenting perfect strangers on the size of their willies, but even lovers pretend not to notice your lovely purple vein, let alone run their tongues - ’

‘Or your truly exceptional clitoris,’ I retaliated.

‘Oh, you rotten sod! It isn’t big, just findable. God knows how many weeks of fumbling, in a lifetime, that could save you.’

‘Tiffany, we’d better stay together a long time. Give us long enough, and I might begin to understand you.’

‘Yes, that’s my point, see?’ she said, although she couldn’t disguise a quiver which puzzled me, for it wasn’t a quiver of any obvious kind. ‘What I’m trying to say is that there’s no logic to what’s low and what’s nice. You just got to observe what people feel. But Peter can’t be bothered observing, and that’s why he doesn’t know he’s a sexual proposition a lady gorilla would turn down as primitive. You can’t expect him to, not while this world’s full of Louises who’re too crushed and vulnerable to tell him. But he is. Matthew James, do you really think you could ever properly fall for a girl like Louise?’

“What? No, I couldn’t. I enjoyed being with her, and it was from seeing her benefit, rather than just physical. I don’t think that’s anything to be ashamed of. But I don’t think I could ever enjoy her conversation half as much as I did yours, right from the first day. The way you coped with life was most of what I liked about you.’

‘Well as long as that’s how you feel, I’d really like to lend you out to her once in a while, ’cause I think she’d love both of us for that, and it would really set her up for a proper man when she meets one. A woman can’t make a good man out of a rotter, and stories where they do are more corrupting than porn, in my opinion. Good men and real rotters are neither of ’em the main problem, for a girl, but Louise will have a far better chance with the real-life fair-to-middling if she learns a bit. Only I should work her up to three fingers, first, if I were you, for you really are quite a bit more than two fingers’ worth. God, you’ve got me saying it all the time now.’

‘You really wouldn’t mind?’

‘No, not so long as I’m me and you’re you. Which we are. Besides, suppose I did mind? As long as it wasn’t going to drive us mental or something, I hope I could face up to it for Louise’s sake. God, you don’t solve all the problems of life through somebody’s… somebody’s nerve-endings. But we or the Halls could give her a bit of warmth, and decent conversation. And we shouldn’t be doing it by telling her to lay off sex, in my opinion.’

‘Shouldn’t teach her that nice people don’t expect That Sort of Thing, you mean?’

‘Ah well, there’s expect and expect, don’t you see? Nice peopleappreciate it. She’s got to know she wouldn’t lose our friendship if she chose not to. But we have to make her feel valued, and that’s so obvious even social workers know it. Where they fall down is, they don’t realise people feel a whole lot better for giving than they do for taking, so why not let her give us the very nicest thing in this world? I tell you, every time I hear of a teacher getting caught bending, I wonder whether he oughtn’t to have had a medal instead, so long as it wasn’t with a little kid or somebody who was scared, and he wasn’t hounding her for it, or buying it with bent exam results.’