Tough Shit Max.

"Your place."

"I don't have enough in the fridge to make dinner."

She laughed and said, "You never used to be this slow Hank."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Of course. My place. We can go to my place."

When we got there Maxi headed straight to the bedroom and she was half undressed by the time I got there. Remembering the past with Maxi I had loaded up on condoms and hoped that I hadn't been unlucky on Saturday and Monday. Maxi watched me take a condom out of the bedside stand and told me:

"You wasted your money Hank. You won't need those with me."

"Oh yes I do. I seem to remember a wedding because I didn't use one."

"That was then Hank. There were complications when I had Merrily. There are no babies in my future."

I dropped the condom back in the drawer and climbed on the bed and moved between Maxi's spread legs.

++++++++++++++++

Over the next six months I spent more and more time with Maxi, but one thing never changed. Merrily would always say hello to me, but only when Maxi told her to. I mentioned it to Maxi and she told me that Merrily wasn't used to being around adult males and that eventually she would come around. I would take Maxi and Merrily out on a Saturday or Sunday, but the kid always stayed as far away from me as possible. And I never -- not once- got a smile from the kid.

One night when I was having dinner at Maxi's place she seemed down in the dumps and I commented on it.

"It's my job. I like the work, but I don't like the people I work for and I can barely stand the people I work with."

"So leave and get another job."

"It isn't that simple. If I leave I lose my health insurance."

"So? Find a new job where they have health insurance."

"I'd be without insurance while I was looking and then when I got a new job there would be a waiting period before I would be eligible to sign up for coverage. With a daughter Merrily's age you can't be without medical insurance unless you have deep pockets and I don't."

When dinner was over we played cribbage -- no hanky panky because Merrily was in the house -- and then I kissed her goodnight and headed home.

To this day I do not know why I did what I did considering that it was for a kid that didn't like me, but I called Maxi the next morning and asked her to meet me for lunch. At lunch I told her if she as willing to tell a couple of small lies I could help her out with her insurance problem.

"How can you do that?"

"We are still legally married, right?"

"Yes."

"So I can put you on my health insurance at work. All I have to do is say that we were separated and going for a divorce and that you had insurance where you worked so I had never added you to mine."

"You said a 'couple' of lies. What is the other one?"

"We have to say that Merrily is our daughter."

"Can we get away with that?"

"I don't see why not. We are married and can produce a marriage license if they ask for it. The only problem we might have is if they ask for Merrily's birth certificate."

"Why would that be a problem?"

"It will have her father's name on it."

"So?"

"It will have the name of the guy who got you pregnant down as the father."

"No it won't."

"Why not?"

"Because by the time Merrily was due to pop out he was already in the wind and I knew he wouldn't be back. I didn't want his name on the birth certificate and I wasn't going to put down 'father unknown.' I never expected to see you again so I put your name down so that her birth certificate would match the marriage license."

I just looked at her for a bit and then asked, "Were you ever going to share that with me?"

"I hadn't planned on it. I saw no need to. I didn't expect that you and I would ever be in a position where you would need to know. Why are you suggesting this?"

"It will cover you while you are looking for another job."

"I know that, but why are you doing it?"

I had to consider that for a moment before truthfully answering, "I don't know. It just seems like the thing to do."

If I had stopped to think it through the outcome was predictable. Maxi and Merrily went on my insurance; Maxi quit her job and found a better one and six months later she and Merrily were living with me.

++++++++++++++++++++

Maxi and I did much better the second time around. Maxi fell into the role of working wife and mother as if it was designed for her, but the relationship between Merrily and me remained cool. It didn't help any that the first time I had to get after her for making a mess and not cleaning it up she hit me with:

"I don't have to do what you say; you aren't my father."

Maxi quickly straightened her out, but all that did was make her resent me for getting her in trouble with her mother. Merrily and I never did bond on any level and as she got older she got a little more rebellious where I was concerned. She was openly defiant whenever Maxi wasn't around and I gave up going to Maxi about it.

One day when Merrily was fourteen she sassed me over something that I can't even remember and it was the proverbial "one time to many" and I lost it and gave her an open handed slap across her mouth and told her that I was not going to put up with any more of her shit and that as long as she lived in my house she would damned well behave.

Three weeks later I caught a boy climbing into her bedroom window. Maxi had finally had enough and she committed Merrily to the Mount Airey Psychiatric Center in Denver. It was almost five months before Maxi would sign off on letting Merrily be released and only then because Merrily's case worker said she had seen major improvement in Merrily's behavior.

Three weeks after her release she ran away. It took the cops a month to find her and one month after that she was gone again. It took three months to find her that time. Personally I had hoped that they never would. Two months after her return she told Maxi that she was pregnant. By then she was over sixteen which was the age of consent where we lived. The boy she said was the father was seventeen and he owned up to it and said he was glad because "now she has to marry me." They both wanted it so Maxi let it happen and Merrily and her new husband moved in with his parents.

We found out later that Merrily wasn't pregnant. It turns out that she and the boy had made up the story so the parents would let them get married. Maxi wasn't all that happy about the way she had been played, but I could not have cared less. The troublesome little bitch was out of my house and life and that is all I cared about.

+++++++++++++++++++++

All of the shit with Merrily wasn't the only problem I had. My Uncle Ray kept asking me if I'd talked to my folks and I kept telling him no and that if they wanted to talk to me they could find me easily enough. It finally reached the point where I told him if he didn't get off of the subject I wouldn't even talk to him any more.

Another thing was that about five years after Maxi moved in with me I began to suspect that she was cheating on me. I didn't see any of the so-called obvious signs, but I still suspected. I didn't have much to go on. All I had was a feeling. She just didn't 'feel' right if you know what I mean. I mean I know what she felt like when we made love, but all of a sudden it didn't feel 'that way' anymore. It didn't 'fit' as snug or at least I didn't think it did. It felt a little bigger, as if something larger had just been there, or maybe something the same size had recently been there and she hadn't tightened back up yet. I'm probably putting it down wrong, but what it amounts to was just that I 'had a feeling.' That feeling, coupled with my knowledge of her behavior back when we had gotten married started me watching her closely to see if I could come up with anything factual to back up that feeling.

A couple of years went by and I never came up with anything. I even followed her a couple of times. I thought about hiring a private detective until I found out what it would cost. It would have been reasonable if I knew for sure Maxi was cheating and all I needed was proof I could use, but what if I was wrong? What if my 'feeling' was just me being insecure -- not that I thought I was insecure. If I was wrong the detectives could have followed her for days, weeks or even months with nothing happening except that the meter would still be running. Nope! No way could I afford that.

There was no change in Maxi's behavior toward me. She was affectionate, attentive and our love making held steady at three or four times a week. I had no complaints. All I had was that stupid 'feeling.'

++++++++++++++++++++

The years slipped by and one day I came home from work and saw Merrily's car in the drive. I debated just driving on by and going to a bar to drink beer and kill time until she left, but then decided that I could just go down in the basement and work on the book case I was making. As I pulled in and parked Merrily and Maxi came out of the house and got stuff out of Merrily's car and Merrily carried what she had into the house as Maxi walked over to me. Before I could ask her what was going on she kissed me on the cheek and told me that dinner would be a bit late.

"I'll start it as soon as I get Merrily moved back into her old room."

"Moved in to her room?"

"She caught David in bed with the next door neighbor and she left him."

"The next door neighbor? They live next door to a couple of guys."

"Yes indeed."

"Oh" I said as the light bulb came on above my head.

"Don't worry baby; it will only be until she can find a job that will pay enough for her to get a place of her own."

"Right" I thought to my self, "And just how likely is that for a twenty year old that dropped out of high school when she got married." I just shrugged, got a beer from the fridge and headed for the basement. A month went by and Merrily and I avoided each other as best we could and then one day her moving back in paid dividends.

Before hearing aids were invented deaf people used to use a small funnel held up to their ear to help them hear better. In our house the stairwell that led down from the kitchen to the basement acted like those old funnels and as a result when you were in the basement you could hear what went on in the kitchen and I don't think that either Maxi or Merrily knew that. Usually I don't pay much attention to what goes on upstairs when I'm in the basement but I was down working on a project when I heard Maxi and Merrily come into the kitchen and they were talking as they walked in and I heard:

"....like you talking about him that way."

"I don't even know why you stay with him."

"I stay with him because I love him."

"Bullshit! If you loved him you wouldn't be such a slut."

"My personal life is none of your business young lady. Nothing that I'm doing is hurting that man and in fact when I get home I am so sex crazed I practically destroy him. I will not have him hurt Merrily and you had better understand that. And while we are on the subject you will start to show him the respect that he deserves. I do not want you upsetting him. Do you understand me?"

There was a brief period of silence and then Maxi said again, "I said do you understand me?"

"Yes mother."

"Good. Now let's get dinner started."

Well, there it was. "You wouldn't be such a slut" and "nothing I am doing is hurting that man. In fact I am so sex crazed when I get home I practically destroy him" pretty much spelled it out to me at least. I had what I needed to justify hiring a detective and I pretty much knew where to point him. I knew what Maxi's work hours were and she was always home on time so whatever she was doing had to be done on her lunch hour.

But did I really want to hire a detective? Maxi's "I stay with him because I love him" came through loud and clear and her forceful "Nothing I am doing is hurting that man" did show some concern for me. I did find it interesting that Merrily knew what Maxi was doing while I hadn't had a clue, only a feeling. Maxi was loving and affectionate to me and God knows she gave me all I could handle in the bedroom. Maybe she was one of those women who no one man could satisfy. Whatever, I had it good and I decided that what I didn't know for certain wouldn't hurt me and I let it go.

++++++++++++++++++++

Funny thing about humans; they are born with a brain that has a million little compartments that hold all kinds of things. One of those small compartments stores a thing called 'curiosity.' I was able to keep the door to that compartment closed for almost a year, but all the time curiosity was inside kicking and beating on the door demanding to be let out. It kicked so hard that the door came off its hinges and what had been stored in that compartment got out.

The PI report had it all. Dates, times, places and names. That's right, not name, but names. The names were all attached to men she worked with in her office and the times were all long lunches. Some of those lunches were pretty long and in fact some of them lasted all afternoon. I guess when your boss is one of the ones you are playing with you can get away with doing that.

If it had only been one lover things might have been different, but seven lovers was enough to make me visit a doctor. I tested clean at that moment, but the HIV results would be a while in coming back. One thing was clear to me however and that was that with seven men dipping into the well sooner or later the water was going to become contaminated and if I kept drinking from that well I was going to get sick.

During the year that curiosity had been trying to break down the door Merrily was being her usual. She would only speak to me when spoken to; she would leave the room when I walked in and in general she let me know -- silently -- that she didn't care for me the least little bit. She never found a job that would pay her enough to get a place of her own and it didn't look like she ever would. Maxi paid for Merrily's divorce and her ex was ordered to pay alimony, but he never did and he eventually left town without leaving a forwarding address. It looked like I was going to be saddled with the spiteful cunt for the rest of my life.

I sat there and read the PI report for the fifth time as I thought about what I should do. I kept trying to tell myself that I should just let things be. My life was rolling along and things were good between Maxi and I so just don't rock the boat, but even as I had those thoughts I knew that I couldn't do it. Regardless of Maxi's saying that she loved me and that nothing she was doing was hurting me it just wasn't true. It didn't hurt me when I didn't know, but that wasn't the situation anymore.

Maxi was stabbing me in the back. She was hanging horns on me and that knowledge did hurt. Even though I hadn't known it at the time she was humiliating me every time she took me with her to her company picnic, her company Christmas party or other company social functions and sat me down in the company of her lovers. She might not have thought of it that way, but it was none the less true.

My problem was that I was happy with my life. I was happy with Maxi. Even knowing what she had been doing I was still not wanting to end things, but I wasn't a guy who could sit and suffer in silence either. And then of course there was the "tainted well" thing. If nothing else that had to be addressed. I decided to approach the problem obliquely and see what would happen. If things could be worked out fine; if not and things cratered so be it. I put the PI report in my desk, closed up my office and went home.

That night when we went up to bed Maxi got on the bed naked which was a sure sign that she wanted to play. I smiled and went to the night stand and took out a condom and began to unwrap it.

"Why are you doing that? You know I can't get pregnant."

"Condoms have other uses besides birth control."

Maxi wasn't stupid and she understood right away what I'd just said.

"How long have you known?"

"About a year now."

"A year? You haven't used one of those during the year so why now?"

"Because I thought that you just had a lover, but now I know different. One long term lover I could take a chance on, but finding out that there are at least seven changes things. Makes me want to take precautions. I tested clean by the way and I intend to stay that way."

He didn't say anything, just lay there watching me roll on the overcoat. When I got on the bed she spread her legs wide and waited. when I pushed into her she gripped me with her legs, dug her nails in my butt cheeks and hissed:

"Fuck me lover. That's it lover, just like that; fuck your whore lover, fuck your whore."

When it was over and I was sitting on the edge of the bed tying off the rubber she said:

"If you have known for a year why haven't you done something about it?"

"Why rock the boat? Home life was fine; I had no complaints in the sexual department and you seemed to care for me so I let it be until my curiosity finally got the best of me and I hired a private detective to find out whom, when and where."

"I was so careful. How did you find out?"

"You and Merrily told me."

She looked at me blankly and so I told her abut the 'feeling' that I'd had and how she and Merrily had confirmed things with their talk in the kitchen.

"You have known for a year and you did nothing? You didn't care that I was with other men?"

"Oh I cared all right, but I convinced myself that I had a good life so why screw it up. I did my best to try and ignore it, but eventually my curiosity drove me to hire a PI and I'm glad I did. Like I said, one long term lover didn't worry me too much, but once I found out that you had at least seven I had to take steps to protect my self."

"You were safe. They all knew each other and they all knew that if one of them gave me something that I would end up giving it to all of them. They policed themselves. They are all married and didn't want to be carrying any surprises home with them."

"You don't seem overly concerned that I know."

"Of course I'm concerned Hank. I worked very hard at making sure that you would never find out what I was doing. I knew if you found out it would change things for us and I did not want that to happen. I love you and the last thing I wanted was to hurt you. But you do know now and I don't know what to do. I have no plan because it was never supposed to happen. I was so careful."

"Not careful enough. You should have remembered the last time Max. I wasn't supposed to find out then either. Last time it was an auto accident you hadn't planned for. If it hadn't have been the freakish way the stairwell acted as a noise funnel it would have been something else. It doesn't matter how hard you work at hiding something Max. Something that you have no control over or even know about will always trip you up."

"You know I don't like to be called Max."

"Tough shit Max. Why Max? Why did you do it? What did I do that made you go looking somewhere else?"

"It wasn't anything that you did baby. You are super in bed and always have been."

"Then why Max? Just tell me why."

"I was after something that you couldn't give me Hank."

"You just said I was super in the bedroom."

"That had nothing to do with it lover. The one thing I could not get from you was the God awful rush I got from cheating. The sex I got from the others didn't even come close to what I got from you, but the cheating gave me orgasms you wouldn't believe. I'd lay there and look up at whoever's turn it was and think, "That's it, fuck my married pussy. Drive that cock into my cheating cunt" and I'd have one hell of an orgasm. I'd say things like "You get off knowing you're fucking another man's wife don't you?" and when they would say "Yes you fucking slut, I do" I would cum buckets. It was the same when I ran around on you just after we got married. The rush, the charge, the high all came from knowing that I was cheating."