The Tragedy of Cordelia Martin

Amnesia was her goddess, in alabaster, and her face a melancholy reflection of her deepest thoughts, and feelings. Feelings Cordelia could not outright decipher.

"I always come back."

Amnesia shook her head slowly, turning her back to Cordelia, leaning slightly to the open window. Her shoulder raised, and lowered in a deep sigh. "What if there was no one to come back to?"

"You would leave me?"

"No." Amnesia said, decisively. Her slender hands, and dexterous long fingers played along the window seal. "There's really nothing to leave."

Cordelia felt an icy sensation spreading from the pit of her stomach, into her chest, and she slowly crept out of the bed, still in her bra, and panties. Amnesia, as most often, was naked. Cordelia said nothing, until she had her arms wrapped around her lover's waist.

Cordelia buried her face in Amnesia's hair. It smelled like jasmine, and honey. Amnesia's perfect skin was covered in gooseflesh, the cold night air a contrast against the heat of her body.
"I'm sorry, baby." Cordelia said, and knew immediately it was an apology she had to make too often. "I did warn you."
Amnesia nodded, sliding her hands over Cordelia's. "I have no illusions about you. I am insane for you, but I know what you are."
Cordelia brushed Amnesia's hair aside with her face, planting small kisses along her neck. She whispered in between, "I am exactly what I promised I would be."

"I know."

Amnesia arched her neck, pushing it into the soft kissing. She reached back into her hair, and pulled it over her shoulder, freeing it out of her lover's way. Amnesia sank into the sensations of Cordelia's touch, turning her head, urging her lover's kiss to meet her own, only to break away for a moment. "I missed you so much."

Amnesia turned in Cordelia's arms, pressing her chest hard against her. She could feel a strong heartbeat through her, and she was sure that Cordelia could feel the same. "I am here." Amnesia said, but it came as barely audible. "I am real."

"Yes, baby. You are." Cordelia swept Amnesia into her arms, and carried her back into the bed, laying her down so that her hair was sprawled over her rough, raw cotton pillowcase. She marveled over the soft edges of Amnesia's slender jawline, kissing it all along the way, her lips brushing lightly. She tasted small hints of salt along the way, and knew there would be more penance to pay for what she was doing to this girl.
"I will never understand you." Amnesia said, as Cordelia reared up, arching her back, and removing her bra. Amnesia wrapped her hands around her lover's shoulders, massaging them lightly as she drew her close, their breasts pressed together in a new, intimate embrace.

"All I want is everything that you are." Amnesia whispered into her ear, as Cordelia traced the hairline scars over Amnesia's neck with her tongue. She followed the patterns in their intricate maze of winding, swirling lines, familiar to them each as though she had placed them there herself (and in a way, had she not?). She bit softly along Amnesia's neck, and tenderly, along her collarbone, alternating between a soft brush here, a nibble there, and a tease of the tongue in between.

Again, Amnesia drew her up, and held her tightly, crushing her lips against Cordelia's. Cordelia felt thunder in Amnesia's chest. She felt the pulse under her skin, and in her flesh, beating between them. She felt it everywhere. Amnesia's kiss bore into her, and the faint sound of babbling water echoed in the back of her mind.

There was a moment of falling, and suddenly, Amnesia was on her, eyes as blue ice, diving deeply into the well of Cordelia.

She straddled Cordelia's hips, and ground her body against hers, and Cordelia shivered.

"I waited my entire life for you." Amnesia's voice echoed through waves of sensation that crashed into Cordelia, each after the next, each as strong as the last.

Pleasure though, had become a word that lost its meaning.

How many early nights before Amnesia, had Cordelia spent double clicking the mouse to erotica she found in books, or online? Pleasure had become a word, overused, a lazy writer's way to describe a common feeling anyone could relate to. At least, anyone who had ever experienced a climax.

This was not pleasure, because pleasure was bearable. It was controllable. Pleasure came in small doses, even multiple doses. Even at its most intense, pleasure was never unbearable. This wasn't pleasure, it was torture. She hated it. She loved it.

"I waited my entire life. For you." Amnesia's voice echoed, again. Through the crashing waves in Amnesia's ocean of madness, Cordelia found herself holding her lover's hips, pulling her closer, rather than pushing her away. Amnesia bent over her lover, pulling her into another embrace, even as she ground her hips into Cordelia. She purred. "Love me, and only me. Do this, and I will never, ever leave you alone."

Cordelia nodded, and gasped. The more she tried to speak, even only to beg for Amnesia's love, she could only whimper. Her body writhed uncontrollably, but she held fast to Amnesia hips, as she rhythmically wound a symphony of madness between them, connecting them.

"Say it." Amnesia said, pushing her hips down harder, crushing her sex against Cordelia's. It was slick, and smooth, and it was molten. It was fire. It was ice. It was everything. Amnesia was her life force.

She was her religion.

"You know," Cordelia panted. "You know I do." Her back arched reflexively, her hips bucking wildly beneath Amnesia.

Amnesia leaned in closer, and pulled Cordelia's earlobe between her teeth, flicking it with her tongue. "Say it. Give yourself to me, and I will worship you for all time."

Cordelia nodded, as Amnesia kissed, and sucked gently at her ear. She whispered, "I love you."

Amnesia sprang back, her hips still riding Cordelia, her sex still pressed against her lover's.

Cordelia watched Amnesia with vague awareness that her consciousness was fading fast.

Even as sensation flooded her, as her lovers breasts bounced pleasantly on their firm axis, even as she heard the echoes of Amnesia's climax, she felt that familiar numb silence, silence that only came in the presence of a predator.

Rush grass, and rice straw distantly filled her nostrils, but she no longer cared. Let it kill her. Let it kill them together. Let it finish what it started.

Cordelia shook uncontrollably beneath the reigns of her Amnesia, and as her climax spilled into the world an explosion of white heat, and fire, Cordelia was greeted with the distant, floating embrace of darkness.

O O O

Cordelia woke feeling good for the first time since before she could remember. Amnesia was still naked, standing by the window again, her back to Cordelia.

The shades were closed.

"I never told you goodbye." She said, without looking back.

"...because you know I will always return."

"...but you always leave."

"Maybe I can be here more often, now."

Amnesia turned, her eyes bloodshot, tears still streaming down her face. "You say that, but you have no idea what you're saying, baby."

"I know what I'm saying." Cordelia's heart sank; her Amnesia never wept.

"You have things you need to do... and I am here, alone, locked in this hell you left me in."

"Baby, stop talking like this. I'm right here. Right now. I can stay all day if you like."

"Not today." Amnesia wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You have your own demons to deal with, Cordelia."
"I don't understand. What about last night?"
Amnesia sauntered to her lover's side, and sat on the bed next to her. The bed felt stiffer to Cordelia than it had the night before. She caressed Cordelia's cheek.
"I'll always be here. Worshiping you forever, because you love me, and because I know that now."
"Baby..."
"I can never have you... and I'm okay - I'm okay - with that. I understand there are things outside your control."

Cordelia stared into Amnesia. Even crying, her eyes were still the uncharted icy blue she craved. "Are you - are we finished?"

"I'll never, ever be finished with you."

"Can I see you again soon?"

Amnesia nodded, and sniffed through her tears. "That's entirely up to you."

O O O

Cordelia spent the majority of her day in silence. She took a bus to the outskirts of town, and walk in the only area that had not been perverted by progress.
Amnesia blamed her for the inability to leave a self imposed prison. Amnesia had all but thrown away the key, and left her with the cryptic message that she could return, but it was entirely up to her.
Cordelia wandered through the meadow. In the fall morning light, the grass was golden. Nearby, she could hear a brook.
It was the place of her dream. Perhaps reality had spawned fantasy. She had come to this place a hundred times. Her nightmares had used a safe place against her.

She wandered to the brook, and sat at its edge, smiling at the eels as they swam through its currents.

In the distance, she heard sirens. It wasn't uncommon anymore, in town, to hear sirens. Someone was always getting hurt, or killed. No one even bothered trying to prevent it.

"Amnesia told me I would find you here."

Cordelia was instantly on her feet, springing into the brook. The current was light against her ankles, and she felt an eel swim past her calf, its body taught, and muscular. Slick against her skin.

Slick

She shook her head. "Senpai."

"You need to come back home, Cordelia." He said. He was wearing his gi, just as she remembered it, before she found the village in ashes. There had been so much fire. So much death. The once sweet scent of rush grass, and rice straw, had become a stench to her, that still came with the presence of the Assassin.

"I am home, senpai." She said. She felt the weight of his shirasaya in her belt. She could feel water soaking up the legs of her gi. "Your village - your dojo - it's all gone."

"No kohai." He said in a gruff tone. "You are mistaken, but you need to come back home with me now."
"...but the assassin."
"There is no assassin." He said, his accent heavy in his voice. His coarse, black hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. His face, experienced, the lines telling a hundred stories.

Cordelia rubbed her face. It was hurting again... but she could see him. With both her eyes.

"I have to stop this assassin, senpai. I have to pay blood, with blood."
"It will only be yours, Kohai. Cordelia... you must come with me."
...it is a trick, Cordelia. Do not listen.
"The assassin is here, senpai. You should go."
"Do not trust it."

"I don't." She said, still rubbing her face. The pain was distant now. The sirens in the distance were louder, getting closer. Cordelia knew that she had to defeat the Assassin, or she would be haunted by her guilt forever. "I will be fine, senpai."

She watched as he passed beyond the meadow, until he was out of sight. The sirens were blaring, and she could see the distant flicker of blue, and red.
"It's only us now." She whispered, drawing her blade. The weapon felt balanced in her hands. It felt right.

...why do you fight me? I have only come to take you home.

"My home is gone, Assassin."

You were never good with your sword.

"Maybe I'll surprise you."

...your pain is fleeting. All you have to do is let go, and you can be free. All you have to do is drop your weapon. It is so heavy in your hands... and you are so tired. Let me take you home.

"Your words are lies."

...you have never heard truer words spoken. You want to go home. To be loved. To love without constraints. Without rules. I can take you there, Cordelia."

The shirasaya was heavy in her hands. Its weight had suddenly become too much to bear. Her arms trembled as she fought to hold it high.

...you have spent your life guarding yourself - your secrets - but if you come home with me, now, I promise you that you will never have to hide again. The old codes do not apply.

Cordelia's eyes were heavy. She dropped her sword in the brook, and was surprised to see only mud, and she, knee deep in it. The eels had died. The life had gone out of the meadow. "You've killed this meadow."

...no, Cordelia. You have. Your reluctance to let down your guard is pulling the color out of your world. The life, and beauty that you love is caged, because you cannot admit to even yourself, who you really are.

"I am Cordelia Martin."

...but you cannot admit who you really are.

"She is a lower caste. A courtesan. It cannot happen."

...the lies you tell yourself to justify the things you do. Do you really believe them? Swear to it that you do, and I will go, and never come back.

Cordelia struggled in the mud, dragging herself forward an excruciating step at a time. The banks were as muddy as the brook. She struggled to get out, but could not. "I don't believe them."

The mud loosened.

...let me take you out of this mire you have buried yourself in. You do not have to be afraid anymore.

Cordelia extended her hand, and the Assassin clutched it in its own, pulling her from the mud. Immediately, the fog that obscured it was clear, and she could see him clearly, for the first time. She could hear him breathe. Soft, kind features, no longer shrouded by her intense fear.

He smiled. "You will never have to run again."

O O O

"...I don't know... she came with me. We were supposed to finish class, but she left early. Her parents surprised her. Twenty-one was a "big" deal. They gave her a new car."

Senpai roared for more Kai. Above the shouts of kimei, the sound of twisting metal, and breaking glass.

Then silence. Distant alarms, became immediate alarms, just outside the dojo lot.

Amnesia broke ranks, and fled. She ran down the halls, the scent of rush grass, and rice straw heavy with sweat.

She stepped out of the dojo, into the parking lot. In the dimming end of daylight, the flashing blue, and red lights were overbearing.

Amnesia screamed, bolting past the parking lot, into the street as police, EMTs and fireman desperately pulled apart the wreckage.

Police had already built a perimeter around the crash site.

Cordelia's car lay on its side, folded in half over a larger truck that had hit it from the side.

From the driver's side.

"Cordelia! No, baby! No! No!! No!"

"Ma'am, you need to stay back!"
"I love her!"

They had managed to put the fire out in the wreckage. Three bodies lay nearby, covered in white sheets.

Amnesia struggled against the police officer, the details of his face, his skin, his identity blurred, obscured, as she stared down the tunnel of her own vision.

"Ma'am!" The officer's voice echoed. "Restrain yourself, or I will!"

Amnesia felt something strong pull her back, even as she struggled against it. The indomitable force held her tightly, pulling her away. She watched her classmates run past her, stopping at the perimeter line, standing in their faded black gi.

"Cordelia!" She wailed, her voice trailing off into unintelligible screams, and coughs.

Beyond the perimeter, the diligent police, EMTs, and firemen forced Cordelia's car back onto its wheels, or what was left of them.

Amnesia stared through a blur of tears, gasping as they pried the driver side door open. She could not see Cordelia over the deflated airbag. Distantly, she heard the firefighters yelling to cut the seat belt free.

"Amnesia." Her senpai's voice whispered from the back of her mind, behind the other voices yelling around her. Cordelia's parents weren't in the car. Her sister wasn't in the car.

Amnesia shook her head. The sounds all bore into a single bass.

Carefully, firefighters pulled Cordelia's body out of the wreckage. EMTs rushed in with a gurney. They placed her body onto it. Her face was cut so badly, from her scalp, to her jawline.

To Amnesia, Cordelia had never looked so beautiful in all her life. Sixteen years invested in friendship. In love. She broke out of her instructor's grasp, and charged through the police line, past the officer, and through a group of firefighters, knocking them over.

"Let her be!" Her Senpai's voice echoed behind her. "Let her be!"

Amnesia came upon Cordelia, nearly crashing into the gurney, nearly knocking her body off of it. She embraced her tightly.

Flashing lights. Tears. Weeping.

"Come back, baby." She cried into Cordelia's ear. "Come back. Please." She kissed her face, the pain too much to produce tears; the numbness too much to feel the EMTs trying to pull her away. Someone said "She's gone, Amnesia.".

She barely heard it.

Amnesia clutched to the Gurney as long as she could.

"Cordelia Martin do not leave me alone in this hell that you've locked me in."

Her fingers slipped, and they were pulling her away. "I will never be finished with you, Cordelia! Never!"

O O O

"...I don't know... she came with me. We were supposed to finish class, but she left early. Her parents surprised her. Twenty-one was a "big" deal. They gave her a new car."

Amnesia stood alone.

Cordelia Anne Martin
Daughter, Sister, and Friend
Born: August 10, 1980
Died: September 27, 2001

Her eyes were dry; there were no more tears. Overwhelming love, when met with an immovable obstacle, becomes bitter hatred. Hatred, though, was not the opposite of love. That was apathy.

Someone once said that love was friendship on fire. If love was friendship on fire, then hatred was love, amplified by vengeance.

You had to care, to hate someone. It took effort. To care that much, and put in so much effort, you had to love that person so much, you hated them.

Cordelia was gone. Amnesia accepted that, but it didn't mean she had to accept that even in death, she was diminished to Cordelia. She would do whatever it took to make her know what she had done.

"The police let me off easy for busting through, and making a scene, like I did."

Silence.

"You never could say much when the shit hit the fan. Not when we were children. Not in school. Not even as grown ass adults.

Silence.

"I accept that I'll never see your sweet face again, baby... but I swear to God, on your grave that I will make you pay for what you have done to me. I will make you care."

...you have to care.

Silence.

Amnesia knelt, and placed a single rose on Cordelia's grave.

"We were brave together. Now, I'll have to be brave alone. Goodbye, baby."