Two Ugly Kids

"What made you think that it was something at work," I snapped. "Isn't it laughable that you would assume that it has nothing to do with our marriage? Our perfect marriage."

She recoiled from my tone of voice, and surprise was written all over her face.

"What do you mean 'our marriage'?" she asked. "What's wrong with our marriage? I thought everything was perfect, that we were in love with each other. Tell me! Tell me something! What happened?"

"A perfect marriage is not based on lies," I spit at her.

If possible, she was even more surprised. She looked at me, obviously dumbfounded by my statement.

"Lies? What lies? I don't understand!" she asked.

I got up, went to the hallway, tore the picture of our kids from the wall and came back to the living room. I threw the picture frame on the coffee table in front of her. The glass in the picture frame shattered, a fitting image of our marriage.

"That lie!" I said loudly, anger erupting finally. "See these two noses, these chins? How long were you thinking to keep me in the dark? I've taken steps to find the truth, but nothing is more glaring than a nose in the center of a face."

My face got closer to hers. Like venom, my next words hit her full frontal: "I know you dirty little secret, liar!"

I suddenly saw recognition on her face. Her two hands came up to her face and she started to cry.

"Crying will get you nowhere," I said. "All these years of lying, such a tremendous deception. Do you think that your tears can wash it all away?"

"Oh, Alex!" she sobbed. "I didn't want you to find out that way. I am so sorry, I should have told you before. I nearly did many times in our 11 years together, but I never worked up the courage."

Her last words hit me hard, real hard. For the last 11 years? Since I've known her? For all our marriage? I started to shake, my legs giving way under me. I had to sit on the armchair, facing my cheating wife. I didn't know what to say anymore.

"Oh, I am so, so sorry Alex!" she said between sobs. " Please, forgive me!"

That took me out of my stupor.

"Forgive you?" I yelled. "Eleven years of falsehood, eleven years of deceit, and I am suppose to forgive you? Are you mad? Are you crazy?"

Tears running down her cheeks, she looked at me, eyes imploring: "Don't take it like that, Alex! It's nothing! It was just to help me feel better. To help me feel desired, loved. We love each other so much; it can't be all gone because of that. Please understand how I feel."

"Understand what you feel?" I yelled again, anger rising at her rationalization. "And how about understanding how I feel when I discovered your lies, when I found out that our marriage was a sham?"

Silence and sobs followed. My anger receded a bit. "I still can't believe it," I said a bit more composed. "For 11 years, nine of them as my wife, telling me over and over that you loved me, but still keeping that secret from me, being untruthful. How could you do that?"

Sonya tried to take my hand, but I pulled away from any contact with her. Hurt was plainly visible in her face.

"Don't be like that, Alex! It's really nothing. It was just a little physical something I needed. It has nothing to do with the real and strong love that we share together," she said, reigniting my anger.

"Nothing to do with our love?" I growled. "It has everything to do with our love, our marriage. When we said our vows, did 'Being true to each other' mean anything to you? Nothing, absolutely nothing can excuse your betrayal! Nothing!"

Sonya got up and went toward our bedroom. Good! She finally realized that her behavior was too much to overcome. I heard her rummaging in the closet for a while, hoping that she was getting ready to leave. But she came back in the living room, a brown envelope in her hands. She gave me the envelope.

"Take that, it will help me explain why I went to the extreme. Why I needed that solution to help me feel better about myself," she said softly.

I was a bit lost. What could be in the envelope that could alleviate the hurt I was feeling, that could explain her lies? It wasn't sealed. I opened the flap and glanced inside. What I saw had my blood boiling. They were pictures of Sonya naked. I just couldn't believe it. How could she try to make amends by showing pictures of her romps, of her cheating? Was she crazy? I threw the envelope back at her and spoke my mind.

"Are you crazy? How would these dirty pictures help me to forgive you? Do you think I am some kind of sick bastard that could get a thrill out of your shameful behavior?" I said, getting up. "I'm outta here! I'll pack and go to a hotel tonight"

I started to walk toward the bedroom, determined to pack a suitcase and leave the house.

Sonya threw herself at me, grabbing me and stopping me in my tracks. I am not the kind of man to hit a woman, so I stood still.

"Please Alex! You are overreacting. Please, give me a few minutes to explain," she implored me, her face drenched from all the shed tears.

Seething, I thought about it for a little while, unable to disentangle myself from her grip: "Five minutes," I finally said. "You have five minutes and then I'm gone."

Without releasing her hold on me, she took a step back.

"It all started when my life was turned upside down, when my parents died in the fire that destroyed everything," she said so softly that I had to listen carefully to hear her. "Suddenly, with no close family, with no friends or boyfriend, I was totally alone to face the devastating blow that swept away everybody I ever loved. There were some acquaintances, my father's partners, that helped me a bit, but I was still mostly alone with no one to talk to. A large part of my soul died that day with my parents. My mind was buried in the ashes of our house. Right after the funeral, I was admitted to a psychiatric ward because of my severe depression. There, I got some professional help and found my way out."

She stopped for a few seconds. I still didn't know what her explanation could possibly do to heal our marriage, but she had caught my curiosity; and I listened. Sonya rarely spoke about that period of her life. Even after that many years, the pain was still very present.

"Strange to think back about events I would rather forget," she continued. "The doctor, a psychiatrist, was very helpful in guiding me to find a way to get back on my feet. My soul was lost, my mind was shattered, I was a wreck, but the answer was not of mind but of body. I had to transform myself. I had to answer the dictates of my physical needs. The next 18 months were the most exhilarating of my life. I gave away my body one piece at a time, loving every moment of discovery..."

Her eyes were not looking at me anymore. They were lost in the distance, looking at events that shaped her life forever. I could understand her need at the time to heal her mind with carnal activities. But what did it have to do with our situation? That was then, and now we were at another juncture in her life. Her five minutes were almost up, but I really wanted to hear more.

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind. Was she bull-shitting me?

"Hey wait a second!" I said interrupting the silence. "Were not you a virgin when we went to bed for the first time?"

"Of course I was," she said with simplicity. "You have been my first and only one."

What the fuck? Was she trying to deny again that something happened with her boss? What was her game?

"Oh, come on!" I growled, my anger coming back. "Are you trying to say that because you were clinically depressed when you were 20 years old that you can't be held responsible for your lies, for your behavior after we got married?"

"No, it doesn't explain why I kept my secrets. I just want to explain that somewhere there was still a shame, an embarrassment for what I went through," she said. "I never worked up the courage to show you the real me, who I really was, for fear that you would reject me."

She let go of me and emptied the contents of the envelope on the coffee table. I didn't look away in time and glimpsed the top picture of a naked woman. Not Sonya! Another woman. Oh my God! That's why she was still a virgin. She had sex with a lesbian, an ugly one at that! I looked again. Sure enough her lover was not very nice to look at, less than homely, and really not attractive with her very small breasts, her thick waist, and her fat ass. My goodness! Sonya must have been really depressed to fall for this woman.

"Well, dirty secrets are popping out from everywhere," I retorted. "That's your mistress?"

Sonya looked at me bewildered.

"Mistress?" she asked. "I don't follow you. Are you making fun of me? Because the only sex I ever had before you was all alone in my bed?"

"Yes, I was that ugly!" she yelled, and ran toward the bedroom.

Thick but not that dumb, I finally understood her secret. I sat down on the couch and started to go through the pictures. The first one was her before all the surgeries. In the next one, her face was marked with a few dotted lines made with a marker. The next one, her head was wrapped in gaze. The following picture, her beautiful face appeared, the only way I ever knew her. Finally, a last picture showed the result of a liposuction and breasts implants.

I returned to the first picture and started crying of joy.

My lovely kids are the spitting image of their mother!