Understanding Proper English

Nick -- The act of stealing something.
Nick (2) -- The act of arrest by a police officer.
Nick (3) -- Refers to the condition of something i.e. in good nick.
Nick (4) -- Police station or prison
Nick (5) Australian slang -- Move quickly or furtively
Nitty-gritty -- The realities or practical details of a matter.
Not Kosher -- Illegal or something isn't as it should be
Nutcase -- A crazy or foolish person. Could be considered dangerous.
Nutter -- A crazy person. Generally considered dangerous.
Old Duffer -- Old man.
On a loosing wicket. -- In an augment that can't be won. A no-win situation.
On the game (She's on the game!) -- A female working as a prostitute
On top of the world -- Extremely happy and feeling good
Over the pond -- The other side of the Atlantic ocean (Northern Hemisphere)
Pax -- A call for a truce.
Pax (2) -- Short hand used in the travel industry to describe a number of people on a tour, aircraft etc. i.e. 40 Pax or sometimes written Pax 40 = means there are forty people in the group.
Palaver -- a prolonged or tiresome affair or business
Pear Shaped -- Something has not gone as planned, normally disastrously wrong.
Piece on the side -- Mistress or second girlfriend.
Pie-eyed -- inebriated
Pigs might fly. -- What has just been said is untrue or is highly unlikely to be true.
Pissed as a newt -- inebriated, Leg-less
Play the game -- Act in a fair manner and/or play within the rules of the game.
Pocket (in reference to automobiles) -- Compartment built into a car's door for the purpose of storing junk. Normally the wrong shape or size to fit anything of use into. But the reviewers in car magazines will go into raptures over them.
Points (in reference to automobiles and driving) -- Points are collected on driving licences for driving violations. Once you collect too many you are suspended from driving.
Poseur or Poser -- Person who has an inflated opinion of himself and/or his looks and thinks that everybody is admiring him (when actually they are usually laughing at him). Normally he drives a flash car and seems to think that the size of his penis is somehow related to the noise the cars exhaust makes. Girls who date posers have a very disappointing sex life.
Prat -- A foolish person or buttocks / arse. When used to describe someone not liked, he's being called an arsehole.
Prang -- Accident. Originally a RAF term for damaging or crashing an aircraft. Now sometimes used to refer to minor road traffic accidents
Puts out (She puts out) -- She will have sexual intercourse.
Putting it on -- Pretending to be something you are not.
Quicker than greased lightning -- something happening extremely quickly
Rag -- Normally "Rag Week", excuse for college and university students to get up to all kinds of nefarious mischief, under the guise of collecting for charity. Not quite as high profile as they used to be in my day.
Right hooker (in reference to automobiles) -- Right hand drive vehicle.
Rise and shine! -- Get out of bed quickly and look fresh!
Rocking Horse Shit -- An extremely rare commodity. Difficult, if not impossible to obtain!
Roger or rogering -- Have/having sexual intercourse with.
Rozer -- Police officer
Run for it! -- Vacate the immediate area as soon and as quickly as possible
Sally Ann -- Salvation Army
SAS -- UK armed forces, Special Air Service.
SBS -- UK armed forces, Special Boat Squadron, marine equivalent of the Special Air Service.
Scarper -- Run away as quickly as you can.
Scarpered -- Has run away or escaped
Scrubber -- A sexually promiscuous woman.
Sectioned -- Cause a person to be compulsorily committed to a psychiatric hospital in accordance with a section of the mental health act.
Shag / Shagged -- sexual intercourse, had sexual intercourse.
Shagged out -- Extremely tired, after working hard or a strenuous physical workout. Alright yes, see the entry above as well!
She who must be obeyed -- The wife
Shift your arse -- Get a move on or move to a different seat.
Silly cow -- stupid woman. Insult that can sometimes be used in jest.
Sippers -- Sip of a RN sailors Rum ration given to another sailor in return for a favour.
Slapper -- Woman of loose morals
Smeg / Smegging -- I believe a word invented by the writers of the TV series Red Dwarf. Intended - I believe - to replace the words fuck and fucking (or any similar blasphemies) that the character would most likely have used in real life. They now appear to have entered the popular vernacular. Any Scouser's who know different, I'd be glad to here from you?
Snog / Snogging -- kiss / kissing. Long unbroken kiss.
Spiv -- A man often characterised by flashy dress, who makes a living by illicit or unscrupulous dealings. Rarely used nowadays
Sprog -- a child; a baby
Squire -- For addressing another man. Shows respect but not subservience. Most often used by Taxi Cab and commercial vehicle drivers
Strides -- Trousers
Strife -- Trouble of any kind
Stroppy -- bad-tempered; awkward to deal with.
Suspension -- Woman's large breasts, as in "Look at the suspension on that!"
Sweeper -- Someone who has the job of following behind a group to make sure no one gets lost and/or that no evidence of the groups passing is noticeable. (From sweeping up.)
Tacho (tachograph) -- Device fitted to all heavy goods vehicles and coaches, that records time it is in motion and its speed. To prevent the driver from exceeding his statutory permitted driving hours or the speed limit.
Taking the Mickey -- Making fun of someone
Tail end Charley -- Someone at the rear of the group of people or a convoy of vehicles.
Tail gate/ing -- Driving too close to the vehicle in front.
Terraced house -- any one of a row of houses joined by party walls.
That's a turn-up for the book! -- An unexpected occurrence. Something so rare a note should be made of it.
That's rich! -- That's ridiculous!
The Bill -- The Police
The Job -- The name police officers use to refer to their profession.
The Nick -- A police station, a prison,
The penny dropped -- The meaning of what is being said or is happening has finally been understood
The salt of the earth. -- An expression used to describe people who are reliable, but who don't necessarily appear to be.
The Scrubs -- Wormwood Scrubs Prison in West London.
The Smoke -- Refers to a large urban conurbation. Commonly Birmingham, London or Manchester by people in the surrounding areas. But I believe it is also used to refer to other large towns or cities.
The world and his wife. -- Anybody and everybody.
The Zoo -- (to a Londoner) the Zoological Gardens in Regents Park London, which claims to be the first true zoo in the world. However the sign outside says London Zoo nowadays.
Throw a Wobbly -- Have a fit of nerves or temper.
Titfer (tit for tat) -- Hat (rhyming slang)
Tits up -- A plan has gone wrong. I believe its origin come from sheep who die when they get stuck on their back when they are trying to roll.
Ton -- A ton; the ton. 100 miles per hour.
Tosspot -- Insult - Generally used to describe an incompetent idiot.
Tosser -- See tosspot
Totter -- someone collects sells usable items from refuse and around the streets as an occupation.
Totty -- Good looking females who could be looking for male company, (That night club was is always full of totty). It's not a normally considered a derogatory term. Just a general description.
Two a penny. -- Very cheap and common
Up for it -- prepared to try something, (anything!).
U.S. -- useless; no longer serviceable.
Village Bike -- woman or girl who "puts out" to anyone.
V.O.R. (in reference to road vehicles) Vehicle Of Road, un-roadworthy.
Wag -- A person who can be humorous or likes to play practical jokes.
Wakey wakey -- Wake up and get with it.
Wanker -- Insult - Man who masturbates all the time. Generally used to describe someone who is incompetent at their job or what they are trying to do.
Were you born in a barn/field? -- You've left the door open. Close it!
What the fuck? -- Expression of surprise normally querying what is happening.
Where's it too. -- Where do/can I find it. (Cornish)
Whistle (Whistle and flute) -- Gentleman's two or three piece Suit (Rhyming Slang)
Wide-boy -- originally a man skilled in dishonest practices or a spiv. But nowadays often refers to anyone who's got "the gift of the gab" and really can't (or shouldn't) be trusted. Most car salesmen and company wolves included.
Wobbly -- Illegal; unreliable.
Wonders will never cease! -- (1) Something has happened that you never thought would. (2) Someone has done something that you never expected him or her to do.
Words fail me -- You stupid idiot, I just don't know how to describe my feelings about what you have done
Working Girl -- A prostitute
Yonks -- a long time (haven't seen them for yonks).
Zonked out -- see Knackered

If it ain't listed, drop me a line and I'll try to add it.

Further notes:

Another point that can confuse some folks is how we English number the floors in buildings. Which some folk have found little difficult to understand at first sight or if you haven't visited the country (or some other country where the same system is used). Its getting confusing for us as well now, because there seems to have been a change in the way things are done in the last twenty years or so. But to specify the difference, the floors are often called "levels" in these newer buildings.

Right back to the old way of doing things. The floor at ground level has by tradition been called the ground floor. The next floor up is called the first floor and so on. Consequently a first floor flat or office is to be found on the second storey of the building. Lift (elevator) panels are often numbered G, 1, 2 etc. (Although if they are labelled L1, L2, L3 etc. Level 1 is the ground or street level floor, if you're lucky).

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I noted the other day that someone didn't understand one of the common acronyms that are in use in the UK. I'm working on adding some of those to this list the future. There are many that I've heard over the years but can't bring them to mind at the present time, I'd be please if the readers can send any they know of to me.

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I've also came across a free site that some folks might prove helpful, http://www.phrases.org.uk

This document is under permanent revision.

The Wanderer