Unfaithful Wife

I said, "Goodbye Carla, I will see you tomorrow," and I left.

I moved back the next day and got completely settled in again. Carla had moved all of her clothes and other paraphernalia into the spare room as I had told her to do. Life moved on.

Everything appeared normal in our household. I was civil to her, we talked to each other often, we ate meals together, we played with the kids together and we laughed with them when they said or did anything funny. On the surface it appeared we were just a normal family.

What you didn't see however was any hint of marital intimacy. There were no secret looks between a husband and wife like what we had before. There was no intimate banter between us. There was no warmth of feelings. I did not touch her, and I did not allow her to touch me.

Time just rolled past us like a steam roller and once in a while it rolled right over us too. I know I spent many a night laying awake thinking about what was lost to us and wishing it would all go away. I wished it was just a nightmare that would dissipate in the morning when I woke up. Not to be, it just hung there each and every day.

I also know that Carla spent many nights in torment too. Every once in a while I would hear her sobbing in her room. There was a day when her sobbing would have torn me in two. There was a day that I would have done anything to make her happy again.

Several times after I had heard her I went back to my bed and lay there thinking about how I had become a cold and unfeeling person. I knew I had changed. I knew that I had become someone that even I wasn't proud of. But, I didn't care anymore. I didn't feel her pain. Hell, I could hardly even feel my own pain anymore.

Many times over the next several months Carla would attempt to get me to talk about what she had done. She wanted us to talk it through and see if we could work out a way to be happy again. I bluntly told her that I wasn't interested in hearing any more facts about her betrayal and that there was nothing she could say to me that would make it right, nothing at all. Every time I rebuffed her she would shrink into herself and there would be nights of sobbing from her room.

Of course her body was changing all this time as her pregnancy progressed. I got the call from her on a Friday morning that she was in labor. I hurried home to take her to the hospital and three hours later she delivered a healthy baby girl. Yes, I even sat with her in the labor room and went with her to the delivery room. I even held her hand as she went through the labor pains and the work of delivering the baby.

Carla asked me what I wanted to name the baby and I told her Grace so we could call her Gracie. She looked at me very strangely because Grace was her mother's name and she knew that I wasn't too fond of her mother because of the way her parents had always treated me. She asked me if I wanted Gracie's middle name to be my mothers name which was Louise. That would have been cool wouldn't it? Gracie Lou like in the Miss Congeniality movie.

I told her that I did not want my mother's name and that she could choose any name she wanted as long as it had no connection to me or my family. The look on her face was one of shock and hurt. The new me didn't care. I just walked away. I could hear her sobs as I walked down the hallway to go home.

On Saturday I went to visit Gracie. She was as precious as they come and it only took a couple of minutes for her to have me wrapped around her tiny little finger. I fell in love with her. How could that happen? How could I fall in love with another man's baby? It had happened two times before with Steven and Lori but I didn't know they were not my babies. How could it happen again? I don't know, but it did.

On Sunday I went to the hospital to pick up Carla and Gracie to take them home. Her mother and father were in her room when I got there. Grace glared at me and asked me how come I had not visited Carla on Saturday when I came to see Gracie.

I waited for Carla to say something in my defense but nothing came. I looked at Carla and she had a tear in her eye and turned away from me when I held my gaze. I couldn't believe that she would allow her mother to attack me once again. I was totally disgusted and angry as hell.

I told Grace that what I did or didn't do was none of her business and that if she wanted more facts to just ask her daughter. She fought back and told me that I had no right to talk to her that way that she was my wife's mother and it was her business.

I turned to look at Carla again and she just turned her eyes down and hung her head. I knew I would see her head snap back up when I said, "Well, we will just see about changing that then."

I was right. Her head snapped up so hard I thought her neck would break and she finally said, "Mom and Dad, just leave it alone. I think it is time for you to leave so Don can take Gracie and I home."

Her father just had to express his own opinion before he left. He said, "Listen son, that is no way to treat your wife's parents. But, I should have expected it from the likes of you."

I replied, "Don't you ever call me son again. I have never been a son to you and I never will be. Now get out."

When we were in the car heading for home Carla said, "Don, I am so sorry about that."

I said, "Why Carla? They have never liked me. They have never shown me one speck of respect as their son in law. They have always thought their wonderful daughter married below herself. Why be sorry?

"You have also always allowed them to think as they do about me. You have never once defended me when they have derided me. Well I finally know why that is. It is because you never have shown me one speck of respect either. You started disrespecting me even before we were married and for every day since. No wonder they don't respect me."

Time went on. Oh, I did a lot of things during the next couple of months. In fact I kept myself pretty busy.

I had a DNA test done on Gracie and the report showed that she was Steve's baby too. I really didn't care about the results of the test, I knew she would be. I only wanted the results for the record. I loved that little darling as if she was my own. No father could love a child any more than I loved her. When she looked up at me and smiled it warmed my heart again. That love had been set in the first several minutes of my Saturday hospital visit and would never go away.

I also spent more time with Steven and Lori. I was the best father that any child could want. I loved them more every day and never once regretted that they were my kids. Steve Wilson may have provided half of their DNA but I was their father in every other sense of the word.

Life with my children couldn't have been any better. I loved and adored them and they loved and adored me. The only thing missing was the love of my life, Carla. I frequently reflected on that love and just how much she had meant to me over those years. God, I missed my wife. I missed the woman who loved me. I cried often.

Another thing I did was to use my connections to get a phone tap on Steve Wilson's office and home telephones. Yeah, I know it was illegal for me to do that, so what?

What I discovered was exactly as I had expected. Carla just couldn't resist calling Steve to let him know that he was a father again.

"Hi Steve, this is Carla."

"What are you doing Carla? You know that you are not supposed to contact me. What if Don finds out?"

"Oh, he won't find out Steve, I am using a pay phone in the mall. There is no way he can find out that I called you. Sweetheart, I just wanted to tell you that you are a father again and she is adorable. Her name is Gracie. You make the most precious babies."

"I am happy that she is adorable Carla. When do you want to start working on the next one?" And he laughed.

"You know I can't do that right now Steve. Don and I have not had sex since he found out so there is no way I could get pregnant now."

"Wow, you must really need it bad then huh? When do you want to get together?"

"I do need it bad Steve and I would love to get together with you but I can't take the chance right now. I am still hoping that one day Don will forgive me and I will have my marriage back. After that we will have to see if we can find a way to be together once in a while. I doubt it will ever be like it was before though. Don is a lot more suspicious now than he was then."

"Okay Carla, just know that I crave that hot body of yours and will try to meet you anywhere and anytime that you can make it. Pleases stay in touch."

"I will Steve, goodbye sweetie, I love you."

If you think that phone conversation hurt me or made me furious you are wrong. After what she had done to me there was nothing left of my heart that she could destroy. I was totally cold to Carla. As far as I was concerned she was a non entity to me.

All the love I had previously had in my heart for her had been channeled to Steven, Lori and Gracie. They got it all. Nothing left for Carla. Nothing she did or could ever do would restore that.

If I hadn't had an outlet for my love things might have been totally different. I might have just withered away and died. I might have lost myself in a bottle or in my work. I might have forgiven her and attempted to rebuild my marriage.

None of that happened though because I had my children to love and to love me. I didn't need anything else or anyone else.

A few months later Steve Wilson was tragically killed in an auto accident. No one actually witnessed the accident but it appears his car swerved off the road and hit a tree. His neck apparently snapped on impact with the tree. There were a few additional injuries, but the cause of death was a broken neck.

Carla found out about his death when she called his office number and a stranger answered the phone. I kept the phone tap on for that exact reason.

"Hello, this is Jonathan Davis."

"Oh, I was trying to reach Steve Wilson."

"I am sorry, Steve Wilson doesn't work here any longer. May I ask who is calling?"

"I am just an old friend. I will try to call him at home."

"Miss, I know this might be a shock for you, but Steve was killed in an auto accident about three weeks ago. You should probably try to contact his family to get the rest of the details. I am so sorry to have to tell you that."

I heard her gasp as the shock drove the breath out of her lungs, and then the line went dead.

That night when I came home from work Carla looked at me funny. I didn't act any different than normal and she didn't say a word about it. That night I heard her sobbing again in her bedroom and for several nights after that.

Soon after, she received a letter from the insurance company with a claim form for the proceeds of Steve's insurance with the children as his beneficiary. She showed it to me and asked me how to fill it out. When it was in the mail she looked at me funny again.

She said, "You didn't look shocked when you found out Steve had died."

I said, "Carla, I have no feelings for Steve one way or another at this time. I am not shocked, nor do I care. All I care about is that his children have the money for their college funds."

She was obviously shaken by my reaction and kept on looking at me funny.

A week later a check arrived in the amount of $108,000 in payment of the policy that Steve had taken out. Carla and I took the check to the bank and deposited the funds in each of the children's college fund account. Each one had $46,000 plus some interest that was earned on the initial deposit Steve had given us. By the time Steven was ready for college he would have about $80,000 available, Lori would have about $100,000 and Gracie would have about $130,000. That would go a long way toward paying for any education they wanted.

I commented on the drive back to the house that at least the kid's college is taken care of and we won't have to wonder if the funds would come in every year.

When we arrived at home Carla asked me if we could talk. I said sure we could talk.

She asked me if I would ever forgive her and love her again.

I shook my head no.

She told me I was a cold hearted son of a bitch. I told her that I guessed she was absolutely right about that.

She asked me how I could be so cold.

I told her that I was never like that in the past and was sure it was only her actions to me that had hardened me. I told her that I never felt that hardness with my children and she acknowledged that she didn't see it in me when I was with them either.

She shocked me then when she asked me if I had had anything to do with Steve's death. I was sure she knew it from the moment she found out.

I nodded my head yes.

She asked me why.

I told her that I had put a tap on his work and home telephones and had heard her phone calls to him. I told her that I heard everything she said to him about being a daddy again and even the parts about not getting together just yet but maybe later after things had settled down. I told her it was obvious that there never was true love or respect for me and that she had only used me all these years and would continue to use me if she could get away with it.

She asked if the end would come for her too.

I nodded my head yes.

I told her it was just a matter of time.

Two months later she got tired of waiting and took her own life.

I cried.

I cried because Steven and Lori cried. Their broken little hearts broke mine too. I didn't cry for Carla. She had died to me over a year earlier when I first heard the tape and found out what a lie our marriage was. But, I cried because my babies were hurting.

She left a letter for me. She left it in a place that only I would find it.

Dear Don,

I am so sorry. I was in love with Steve, but not like I was in love with you. I loved you more than life itself. I know what I did to you destroyed your love for me and I cannot live without it. I know how badly I hurt you and I had hoped that you would eventually be able to forgive me and love me again.

I know that I turned you into a monster. When I realized you had killed Steve I knew you would never love me again and I can't deal with that. I will go to my grave knowing that I destroyed a good man.

I guess you were not the perfect husband for me after all. What I needed was a man who would overlook my selfishness in wanting to love and be loved by two men. I am not blaming you for that because it is too much to ask of any man, but that is what I needed. I wasn't strong enough to let Steve's love go. I should have but I couldn't.

I pray that my death will release you from the monster that you now are. I pray that you will one day be able to let go of the hate you hold in your heart for me and for Steve. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive yourself for what you became and what you did to Steve.

I also know that the monster is never present when you are with your children. I see the love and adoration in your eyes and it warms my heart to see it returned to you by them. When you look at the children I hope you will be able to see me in them and love them a little more for it. I hope that one day you will love me again through your love for them.

I am so sorry Don, please forgive me for this final act, I just can't bear this anymore.

I Love You,

Carla

This time I cried for real. The monster left me as she had prayed for. I cried for the friend I lost who would never laugh or cry with me again, for the lover who would never hold me or love me again, for the mother of my children who would not share in their life, in their loves, in their marriages and grandchildren, in their successes and in their failures ever again. I cried for the hole in my heart left empty when the hate left. I had put hate in there to destroy the love I had for her and now it was empty.

I cried for the life that I had dreamed of with Carla knowing it could never be replaced. And then, I cried for my soul, knowing I allowed myself to become less than human in my hate.

I destroyed the letter. I went to the bank and took all of the evidence of her cheating (except for the DNA evidence) from the safe deposit box and destroyed it. No one would ever know anything about it unless there was a future medical reason for my children to know I was not their biological father.

In my will I directed funds to be placed in a medical trust and a directive to hire a medical trustee to oversee it. The DNA results were to be turned over to the trustee in a sealed envelope to be opened only in the event of the discovery of any hereditary ailments.

I would do anything I could to keep Carla's memory alive and healthy for her children and her family. No one else need know what she had done.

I never denied Carla's mother and father access to their grandchildren. They adored them and were good to them. I know they blamed me for their daughter's death, I could see it in their eyes, but they had the good sense to let it rest. I guess they figured they better treat me well or I would not let them see their grandchildren. I would not have done that, but I was thankful that they left me alone.

Gradually the hole in my heart began to fill with the overflow of love for the kids, and with good memories of Carla. Despite everything that had happened she had made me happy for eight years and I couldn't erase that. I didn't want to erase that any longer.

Eventually I even forgave myself. It took a long time but it did happen. I had three wonderful children and they needed their father.

Epilogue:

I sat in the front row and watched Steven walk across the stage at his high school graduation. He received his diploma from the president of the school board. She smiled at him and after he had his diploma she gave him a big hug. Next in line was her daughter Jennifer. She gave her the diploma and a hug as well. Jennifer was Steven's girl friend. They had been together since his first day of high school four years earlier.

I couldn't be more proud of him and I couldn't help but think that Carla would be so proud too. I know I had tears in my eyes as they both walked off the stage hand in hand looking so mature. Steven and Jennifer were both headed off to Champaign to attend the University of Illinois in the fall and it would most certainly set that place on fire. They were madly in love. It was plain for everyone to see that they would eventually be married. I knew that Carla would have approved of Jennifer too.

After the ceremony was finished the two of them came down into the audience and gave me a huge hug. I couldn't have been more proud of them than I was. They had both finished high in scholastic standing and both were excellent athletes, their future was certainly bright.

Steven asked me if it would be okay for Jennifer and him to attend a couple of the graduation parties before they came home and I agreed that it would be okay.

Jennifer leaned in and gave me another hug and said, "Thanks daddy, we will see you and mom later."

As they walked away I reflected on what she said, calling me daddy. I had become her daddy too.

Leslie, her mother, and I met within weeks of Steven starting high school. She was the president of the school board and very active in the extra curricular activities of the school. Steven kept telling me about Jennifer and what a great mom she had and eventually we met at one of the football games. You would have thought I was sixteen again myself because I was immediately smitten.

I am sure I was falling all over myself and probably looked like and sounded like a fool.

I found out that she was a single mom. She was divorced when Jennifer was nine. The ex husband wanted nothing to do with his family and Jennifer never saw or heard from him.