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Click here"Wow." Raven whispered.
"Yep." Zach was already nearly asleep.
"I love you, Zach."
"I love you too, Raven."
Zach and Raven fell asleep content to be with each other for the rest of their lives.
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Just wanted to say thanks to all the positive and negative comments on my other chapters, I hope you enjoyed this story.
A wonderful story of love, consideration and support! Well done! Thank you.
You need an editor . . . but other than that I loved it! You need to keep writing, you're good. Gave you 5 *'s for such creativity!! Awesome job!
NICE STORY...I just wish you could do a re-write and develop the characters and storyline a bit more. I think beta readers would help alot and tell you where you can develop it. I'd be happy to help if you ever decide to do so. It is a sweet story. I'd love to see them move to the pack and have Raven take over, etc.
I just re-read this story. I enjoy it, but it needs a re-write very badly. The plot and characters work, but there are a lot of grammatical errors. Also, the story is rushed. You might consider breaking it into two parts, with one ending when Z & R get together and the next beginning the year later when they finally get intimate.
Hey I really like this story, you are really in touch with your talent of writing. Keep going sweetie. xXx
It had such promise but was so all over the place. It was like paranormal love story on crack.
Couldn't even get through the first page. The stuff going on was ok but the characters were just itst too unable. Too bad :(
it was a good story; just alittle fast paced. you should write another one like it
It was a little fast paced throughout the story, but I really enjoyed the dynamics of all the characters. Keep up the good work with all your future stories.
I thought it was a sweet story and I loved the characters I also liked how you came up with a way for him to have the baby without making it the perspective of someone in another room like other stories do it the only thing I didn't like is that it had to end lol and maybe how close he and penny seemed to be but that's only because I've never had that close a relationship with any
Of my friends and I feel that its somthing I shoud experiance to understand
I have to agree with the other comments about needing an editor to make corrections and smooth it out. One thing that is easy to fix...when you say 'affront' you meant 'in front of'. The mistakes kinda made me trip over it a bit and slowed it down. I also agree that this could have definitely been a multi-chapter story that went a lot deeper. I think that is more of a compliment than a criticism b/c people wanted more of it. If it sucked they wouldn't have. I was actually waiting for some danger or conflict b/c of what I thought was foreshadowing when Zach told Raven that he wanted to be claimed b/c he felt something bad would happen if they weren't. I agree it felt a bit rushed at the end. The other thing is that Zach never became a wolf. Now, I'd say it was b/c he was fae already so he couldn't, but he said to Raven 'I'm not sure I want to become a wolf' so he must have known he would, in my estimation. That could have been the 'something bad' or danger they faced given he was pregnant. Anyhow, I think it was a good story overall. Zach was a bit whiny in the beginning for my taste and I thought it was funny when he was perturbed at Raven keeping something from him and then proceeds to tell Raven that he can not only get pregnant, but that he and Raven's souls would be intertwined and they'd share the same fate when it came to one or the other dying--kind of a big detail lol. Definitely keep writing.
There is so much potential here but it was a great story.