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Click hereI see more clearly
when sight filters through
black satin cloth
I love more dearly
knowing you’re the flame
and I'm just a moth
Your scent is stronger
coupled with
well-oiled leather
The days are longer
when I cannot
feel your tether
Tied up obscenely
and left alone,
my passion burns –
I wait more serenely
not knowing if
you will return.
I like the sentiment, and the poem is nicely done. I believe her and want to buy her.
despite the clichés about burning passion and the moth to the flame. Actually, your use of moth/flame wasn't that bad, but I wish you'd reconsider passion burns. Variants of that phrase are used repeatedly in much of the online poetry. And the reason I mention the clichés is because the rest of the poem is quite good, and I believe it can be improved. You're already getting a message across with the words you've chosen. Now is the time to push it further with your poetry and find your own unique phrases, so that any poem you write will easily be recognized as a Carillion original.
This piece really made me want more. I loved the way you had ended this but wanted a little more heat- if you know what I mean (wink)
Thanks for sharing, Dana