Erotica Brevis

what you threw is a curve ball, it broke nicely, i.e. "Thinking of you hours after", your prison, brush backs, I walked into it, didn't i, deliberately. Here you are beginning to play hard ball. It's a game, take a look around you, how many are playing underhand softball, or worse Tee-ball.

Make it interesting, never let the reader get ahead of you, the writer.

I said you had some good stuff, now you're learning to pitch it.

Thanks Angeline for your meaningful comments. Let me address them one by one, the beauty of this forum is the chance to discuss. What you are put off by are “Pornographic Buzz Words” that are too common or perhaps too vulgar and you may be right. It is like the difference between "making love and fucking"; each has its own time when its use is appropriate.

Perhaps you may not have experienced a throbbing erection or perhaps it is the word that you see as common? When a man is very excited, it does in fact throb or push back resisting a hand that suppresses it. It actually throbs as blood rushes though the penis to sustain the erection. I see the word “throbbing” as indicating movement and fullness; now is it hackneyed? Perhaps you make a good point, I will try to think of a better or less commonly used expression.

“Tight cunt” is another overused expression, and I agree, but it says so in few words. When two lovers are separated, it is not uncommon for the orifice that is penetrated to concentrate in the absence of being penetrated and stretched, i.e. becomes less easy to enter. This is most obvious in anal intercourse where the sphincter must relax to permit ease of entrance, and is also common in vaginal intercourse with ladies who are narrow and have not given birth to large children, although the episiotomy tightens what slacks in childbirth. Again I will search for a better word the conveys tightness.

Now "infused" I think is not a common word and it conveys not herbal tea here but the odor of sex that lingers on the pubic hair and is not always easy to remove without a full bathing. Having lived in Europe a good while, I don’t feel badly about "infused" here meaning perfumed by contact, but will consult a large dictionary to see if I have erred with its use in English.

I thank you again and I am pleased that you liked the ending; it is a literal transposition of the sexual experience with my darling lover when we were apart for two weeks and were finally together again. She was difficult to enter analy and vaginally but by proceeding slowly the result was pleasurable for both of us and it was she who remarked about the impossible “return of virginity.” I should list her as a co-author!

Thanks again for your kind comments and the opportunity to discuss them in detail.

Almost as if i'm a virgin reader once more --- excellent !

is difficult to write but I think you've mostly achieved it with this piece. A few phrases don't work for me: "throbbing cock" may be the most accurate description but it sounds awfully cliched to me. Same is true of "tight cunt," but maybe these phrases are appropriate: twelve plus years here at Lit has desensitized me to certain erotic phrasings. And I don't think "pubic hair infused" sounds right. I get what you mean but infused sounds like you're making tea or some such! I think there must be a more poetic (and accurate) way to say that. The ending, especially, I like. Overall good erotic writing and I 5ed it. And of course these are just my opinions: if they help good; if not, no worries. :-)

5ed.

and fyi

line breaked

Pain.

Pain...

It hurts.

It hurts her.

It shouldn't hurt her.

You know, her pussy

should be Bubble Yum by now,

Almost as good as WCW

or 1,2 and

1, 2+, 3++

and Bubble Yum

semiotically speaking

from Reservoir Dogs

and a post called "other readings"