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choosing the metaphor of you

bySeattleRain©
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by Anonymous

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by twelveoone08/29/04

mystery within mystery

another twinkling odyssey though the mind of SeattleRain
I saw the word "crystal" thought to my self Oh, god...and that title. I am surprised a little by its lack of colour in this, but I can't comment.
I had to go back and count the stanzas.


Did you fall off the bulb again? I should give you a 99 for this:
suffocationm (unless you coining a new word)
You, milady, are a monster when it comes to words, I should go back and vote for this seven times, as the therm does not go high enough

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by Tathagata08/29/04

The last

stanza, about being the sunflower, is brilliant.
That alone gets a 5
as always..I see so much here that just cant be put into words.
Thank you

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by Maria239408/29/04

the last stanza

is great, but I like the first part with the prism/crystal references. I think you have possibly 2 poems in this one, I just cant figure how you went from crystal to sunflowers, although I do love the images :)

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by Miss Oatlash08/29/04

:)

I like this stanza...

"scattered and split
my arms cannot stretch the span of you
like trying to catch a sky of fireflies
in one hand, stars in the other"

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by 08/29/04

*

FabUlous writing. I like the metaphor because I have one of those globe-style crystals hanging in my kitchen window. Mine turns into a million eyes stareing back at me. I have to agree with the last stanza. It does feel like another whole poem or I'm a doof and just don't see your wiley connection you made (entirely possible that I'm just a doof).

All meaning the same thing. Great work, Seattle.

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by annaswirls08/30/04

thanks!

Thank you for the kind comments. And for the duh correct spelling lol

Maria, thank you so much for pointing out that this is two poems, you are right! This was one of those stream of consciousness things I did a few months ago, and I think I added the sunflower thing later, and then when I re-edited it down (yes, it was like 2 pages long lol) I did not even see the break. I will definately edit the flower part out and make it into another poem. Thank you Neo for your candor as well! I need this, and appreciate it very much. yeah!

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by LeBroz01/28/07

~~

Thankfully the previous comments are still here and I see I was not being overly harsh in thinking that last strophe seemed a bit out of place. Just didn't fit in with the light reflective/refractive elements of the rest of the poem. It was moving along so well and then I get to the flowers and I got the feeling I usually get when I take a wrong turn.

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