by Anna Maria_25
"She knew that her father would never approve of the new found love between her mother and herself. He had never fully accepted the idea that Julie liked girls as much as she did boys."
Hmm, you don't think it isn't so much that she was into girls but that she was doing it with her mother? Incest is a far bigger taboo than lesbianism.
You put some effort into describing Julie's sexy outfit - I just wish you told us more about how sexy she felt...that wearing stockings and a sexy little miniskirt and high heels revealed her inner vixen. There's something so erotic and sexy and naughty about a pretty 18-year old wearing high heels - Please tell us more!!!
You spelled 'collage' wrong, its C-O-L-L-E-G-E (if you ever have seen a college, know what one is, or even paied attention in grade school, you would already know this...), and also, you should delete EVERY 'moreover' because none of them is needed. These mistakes ruine the natural flow of your story, and also provide distractions to the reader.
I also don't like how much detail went into the outfit, and how little detail went into the actual sex. For a good reference on developing a sex scene, I suggest you read an actual book called "The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy;By Anne Rice". For this book, she uses a false name, which is A.N. Roquelaure. The entire trilogy is nothing but sex. It has every kind of sex scene you can immagine (gay/lesbian/heterosexual/group/etc).
Also, the story could have been done without the mention of the sister and/or the mother, and would have been just fine, because it was primarilly focused on 'Sylvia'. The father also should not have been mentioned unless she were to have sex with him as well, because the only mention of him was to let the reader know that he would not approve of any of Julies relationships with women, including her sister and her mother.., this is pointless.
One last thing, the whole PEEING deal, that was just rediculous...I've had a lot of sex in my lifetime, my being in my mid-50's, married 4 times, 7 children, and over 30 sexual partners, and never in all my day have I EVER peed from my orgasm.., it too is an unimportant detail.
All in all, I rate this as a 1 because it truely lacks in creativity and appropreate detail, and also because it is disgusting and immoral.
You may not agree with me, or like what I have to say, but here it is, plain as day. Hopefully you take what I have to say and put it to some good use.
Please please learn to spell properly, it's very distracting to the reader if they keep spotting mistakes throughout the story. Otherwise not bad although a bit OTT.
I really liked the story, I read both of them, however the whole peeing thing turned me off. Piss is for the toilet not the bedroom. Also why put a man (her father) in a lesbian story? Change a few things but keep up the good work!
I say it was really good.The spelling errors well you'll ust have to work on that, but it didn't bother me because I train myself to correct the spelling errors that I read.Oh and to all that reviewed badly [e.x. the ones who badly commented about the mention of her father,mother,and her sister]thanyou know nothing that all I have to say. But like I said great story.
I have never had a girl pee when she has an orgasm, and who would want to lick a juicy cunt when she had just peed as well.
"You spelled 'collage' wrong, its C-O-L-L-E-G-E (if you ever have seen a college, know what one is, or even paied attention in grade school, you would already know this...), and also, you should delete EVERY 'moreover' because none of them is needed. These mistakes ruine the natural flow of your story, and also provide distractions to the reader."
To the person that wrote this: If you're going to review an author's story and complain about his or her spelling errors please make sure your review is absolutely flawless. It's "ruin" not "ruine." Also, where you say "none of them is needed," "them" and "is" do not match in quantity. "None of them are needed" would be proper. G'day!
The person who wrote the comment that you should have "paied" more attention in school for misspelling college should have "paid" more attention him or her self..
Love all the stories from this author, who cares about grammer.. you are here to read erotic stories to make you feel good and have a good time.. let your mind wander and do what it is that you wanted to do when you came to this site to read these stories. I know I am
Ok, first of all.... all of those people who are bitching and whinning about this story are just jealous they couldn't write something this good, and secondly, I love your writings. Thx!
peeing... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww gross
lots and lots of grammer mistakes.
that was ok
This story is the best ive read in a long time. a few sentence mistakes but this turned me on!
For all you females who have never peed during sex it doesn't happen voluntarily the orgasm is just so intense you can't stop it and only a woman has ever made me orgasm that hard before. Some onf the spelling errors were annoying though. i tried to read through them but some spots i couldn't understand what you were trying to write.
For those of you who are groosed out by this story, when a woman squirts during a majorly strong orgasm, it is actually female cum, not pee. I have only made one woman do this in my life & feel it very sexy. Keep working on the errors, but very nice story. I enjoyed it very much.
i was fingering myself the whole time. it was so good i want to fuck someone right now!
The story overall was okay, spelling and grammar errors aside of course, however I was confused by what she was supossed to be wearing.
Several times it was called/described as a mini skirt, other times it was called/described as a very short dress. Although both outfits are sexy the fact that it was one thing and then the other made it hard to enjoy the rest of the story.
You have alot of good ideas and quite a bit of talent to write, just watch your descriptions as sometimes they cancelled the other out and other times they simply made no sense at all.
Holy Crap!!!!! That was awesome I was rubbing myself the whole time....it was great!
To everyone who bitched at the author for her "grammer", you might want to check your spelling before you bitch at her for hers. Make sure you've "paied" attention. As for the author. Learn to spell COLLEGE! I understand we all make mistakes, but seriously college?! And FYI A girl does not pee when she comes, it's female cum, not pee. I don't know how many times I've seen it explained but no one seems to grasp that concept.
The story was good overall, but you need to focus on the passion more than that "sexy" outfit. You did not need to mention her sister, unless she was actually going to play a part in the the story, the same with the father.
Oh my god, I kept feeling my self! Ahhhh I had came A LOT! My panties are soaked this story made me so horny!
This reminds me of the time I had sex with my sisters. It was a 4some!
It was me, allie, lizzy, and jesica. We had so much lesbian fun! Sucking each others nipples making them hard, and tasting each other mmmmm making me so horny!
omg i am a 13 year old girl and this made me so horny it reminded me of the time i had with me best friend and how horny i get in the girl locker rooms i am bi and havent spilled the news yet
i just had an orgasm nd i didnt even touch myself. my moms not home so now im going to go call my boyfriend and see if hed like to have some passionte sex. im 14 now but this reminds me of two christmass ago when my two best friends and i had a 3sum
This store should continue with the mother and daughter having sex ever where. In the house out side the house, etc, etc and then brings in Sylvia at the end. This is a great store.
Thank you,
I am twelve year old I was thinking should I have lesbian sex u am very hot tall , slim brown long wavy hair clear skin big lashes and eyes VERY developed I am also a child model should I
i think alice and dad and sylvia and her and her sister should have group sex!!!!!
Am 14 and am looking for a sex affair with someonebi used to have sex with my stepsister but we moved.:/ Now am so horny it sucks:/
And am bi:))))
This writting was most likely OS'ed, so the pissing and spelling and Mother-daughter thing is mainly to corrupt (more) our country - America and Lives.
I read the 1st one and this one is even better!!! Im 12 years old, I'm Bi, I'm skinny, I have long wavy blonde hair, And I WANNA BE FUCKED HARD BY A GIRL AROUND MY AGE NOW!!!! Can someone help me live out my fantasy??? Please
Women do not pee when they orgasm. There is such a thing as female ejaculation. Learn about it.
Cummed so hard! Great story! Lesbian as long as incest is the best kind!
So sad you never continued this story. All the makings of a great story. Left with a cliffhanger.
Annmarie_25: it's unfortunate that you stop writing this in 2004 cause you got a real hit here so think about it maybe I'll come up with some ideas and keep it running . Lovely story five stars . 5🌟's 😍😍😍😍😍
I love your stories. You don't miss any details in the love making events. I feel that you have lived what you write, so you know how to explain in an accurate way. KEEP up the great writing.!!