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First base

bytungtied2u©
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by Anonymous

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by flyguy6901/05/05

Very clever!

I like the reduction of thought to instinct, here. The opening line seems to suggest an intellectual decision while the rest of the poem dwells on visceral response; I wonder if a structural change at that point might reinforce this change. Move from complete sentances to terse expressions. Just an idea.

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by My Erotic Tale01/05/05

Uh!

...does that mean they were HORNY? (hehehey!)
wow, passionate, erotic and riddled with
intellect. Very intrigued and damn good readin'

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by sack01/06/05

not for the squeamish....

I think this poem would read better without "it is" in the first stanza and without "more" in the second stanza. Elsewhere, it is more obvious that you deliberately wanted certain words to be connectors from one stanza to the next. the imagery is disturbing but I assume that is what you intended!

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