by BeautyB52
Welcome to the neighborhood. One thing that might help in letting readers enjoy your work to the fullest is to use the right words. "Your" is possessive, such as "Your dress is nice". "You're" is a contraction of you are, such as "You're a nice girl". I know someone will follow will a mindless comment such as "Who cares about spelling and grammar, just give me something to abuse myself with", but it does matter. Give a look at the Writer's Resource section on the entrance page for more help.
Your story is a nice first effort.
Great start and great idea for a story but please get someone to proofread. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.