by oregon_gal
Ouch ~
Well done ~
No wonder it's so hard
For relationships to get off the ground
When competing with "ghosts."
Good use of metaphor throughout. The last line seems superfluous-- the poem ends very well before it. I'm also not sure about "crumble" with "roots".
Thanks for sharing.
Fly
. . .is the most interesting poem I've read from you. The first reading made me want to read it again, more closely.
IMO, Fly's advice is excellent. I think the verb "crumble" is not the best one in that spot and should be replaced with one that jives better with "roots." Also, I think the last line is weakening to the poem as a whole and shoud be removed.
Nice reading.
Sometimes the words just "click" and they come out on their own. No need to edit. I really like it.