by annaswirls
For the first time, I was speechless after reading one of your poems.
Okay.
This is raw and extremely intense in language and tone. I liked your imagery esp in the first and last stanzas.
Could have been a little shorter IMHO but thats my only criticism
p.s your poem has been mentioned on the new poems thread
Vampiredust
I too am speechless ... almost.
What vivid imagery !!! I can see and feel
it all just as you described, even smell ...
I was raised on a dairy farm, so this
is all to familiar.
AND ... Not many would just let it all
hang out, in tha face so to speak
the way you have here !!! Excellent
poetic passion ...
It's very good. Vivid, intimate, confessional—shocking to many, I suspect.
But it seems a bit, what? Disorganized? Histrionic?
A little overlong, as well, I think.
You, more than anyone else I've read around here, have the ability to vividly portray personal emotional events in a way that makes them comprehensible to someone else and integrate disparate images into a thematic whole.
This is very good. With a little more control over the writing, I think it will be fantastic.
Intense is to puyt it mildly. This is sizzling poetry. And still, somehow tasteful and anything but hyperbolic. It takes skill and talent to balance there, and you do it so well.
I have said I loved the poem... I rate it as highly as possible, but it's too raw and honest to be loved, really.
It is stunning, breathtaking, and memorable...
Well done...
Original
I don't know about the emjambment of the two lines with and at the end.
mns
maybe
I was mesmerized by the imagery generated. Sure, I could have offered some critique, but my critical faculties were suspended.
-- succubi.t