by JazzManJim
Sorry, guys, I don't intend to personally try out these techniques; but this was a fun one to read! And, just don't write a word or two; go for the whole alphabet! Great job! Good lick, um, luck in the contest!
Great how-to, albiet thoroughly explored subject matter. But how can we have too many how-to's on oral pleasure, right? :) Good luck to you!
Damn you JazzMan, *grins*
Now this How To is what I call real improvising. Well, jazz players just naturally are the creative kind, eh? Very informative and downright enjoyable.
duddle
Really funny way to help out the ones never there before and those of us who can relate. Nothing can compare to a woman’s vice like grip with those thighs. Have you ever tried a flex straw to breath through, me neither.
Thanks for the entertainment
Very cute. Needed some editing, though. There are a number of typos still in that draft.
As someone that has their PHD in Cunnilingus, I sometimes have to laugh at the thought that men don't know how to eat pussy.
Every man should know that orgasm is the goal, but you need to enjoy the trip. Fore Play is not 2 four letter words, but words to live by. Your womans whole body can be an erogonous zone. EVERY square inch...
Kissing, caressing and exploreing her body should be an appitizer for the meal. Done right, it is the best tasteing pie you will ever have, and you can have it EVERY night and its non fatting.
You made me laugh out loud, Jim. I agree with min, it could have used an edit. The mistakes were distracting, but the piece was hilarious. The advice was great. Good luck in the contest. *kiss* ~Minx
Horrible. I'm glad that you think you're funny because no one else does. I'm sure you couldnt get a woman off with your tongue if you tried every technique known to man. I really feel sorry for you and the women foolish enough to spread for you.
This is a very humorous look at the art---and what can happen adversely if not done within bounds.
I have to say this is probably the best thing a guy could read and really get what it is he is supposed to be doing! My husband thought it was the best interpertation he had ever read, and even though I think he is really good at it, after reading your story, he asked me if he could try out some new things your story had inspired. It was really fantastic!! As a lover of literature in all forms, i think you have a great style and I hope to see more of your work soon!
of laughter! Yet somehow you've managed to impart some excelelnt advice but my god, when I read about the "thigh clamp" - crap, you're making me giggle again - I always worried about snapping a man's neck like a chicken bone LOL
1) I am showing this to my husband.
2) I am much smitten and have great desire to proofread for you (two typos that I counted, about which I hardly even care except that I am just pedantic like that.)
3) I will make a point of admiring you and telling everyone about this.
Thank goodness I was reading this where nobody could hear, since this story provoked everything from chuckles to guffaws.
Thank goodness I was reading this where nobody could hear, since this story provoked everything from chuckles to guffaws.
Simply Amazing. Very well written. And with the perfect amount of humor too! Awesome job!
"Dying during cunnilingus is considered gauche in polite circles no matter how legendary it may make you inside countless frat houses."
I loved that your How To piece was peppered with lines like the above; it kept me coming back for more! Nice way to bait and reel the reader in.
The specifically outlined steps (first, second, third, etc.) clearly denotes this as a "How To" piece; well done. Not only informative, but amusing as well! I think every man should be passed a copy on reaching his 18th birthday.
Touch of brilliance along with a scattering of average.
Overall well done - amusing - good pace and interesting enough to keep me from hitting back.
I still won't offer you a chance to show rather than tell - but hey - good luck in the contest.
There are a lot of times where I felt like I was almost being yelled at, and then following that scolding, I will find some friendly dialogue. I hate to say it, but I'd rather not be told how to do something with a waving finger. There is some good use of literary techniques here, but the "scolding" style to the "intstructive and biased" information switches so often, I couldn't find a comfort zone with this piece. There was a much better way to write a how-to.
I just found your story you naughty man. This is why I adore you. Your sense of humor alone makes you a keeper but beyond that you are a deliciously talented man. Good luck in the contest.
While the clit attention is much, MUCH appreciated. Nothing beats clit attention and being fingered at the same time. It's like having someone lick your pussy and fuck you at the same time.
Loved the story! Really seriously hilariously funny! Should win prices with this one, great punch in those lines!
First comment. First printout.First time my boyfriend WILL DO THIS. Oh yes. And, brilliantly funny, thankyou :)
You good sir are a gentleman, a genius and a scholar. May your name be honorarily written in cursive on many a pussy. Thank you for your writings , your insight and of course your humor.
I adore your writing style. I was both laughing out loud and slightly turned on. Amazingly accurate ;)
I'm always glad to see something new worth thinking about. Great tips and very well delivered.
I really liked the humor, I did laugh often, but. I'm not so sure you should be the one writing a How To. No breast/ Nippledge in the foreplay or during mentioned. No fingering ANYWHERE during? I'm not sure I've ever been with a guy that did go down that didn't do at least some of that. And I certainly need it. What you had was great. The descriptions both hysterical and so well done it was easy to make a picture of it in your mind. But what you left out (and what I'm afraid your leaving out for those 10's of 1000's of women) is just tooooo much!
Great advice. You have covered a lot of my favorites. I would ask that you consider a deep hum when down there. A vibrating of the tounge as well. This is a skill that most musicians who play reed (sax, clarinet) instruments employ. Also the variation of a flat soft licking and a hard pointed licking invoke different sensations but all good.
I laughed so hard, but all the while, I was soaking through my thong! Seriously good! You can lick a woman AND make her horny with your words! Very enticing.
Enjoyed how you got straight to the point what with you were saying. As for the sarcasm, I'll give it a three. Some I didnt get or is not funny in my time. But as for general steps, and what not to do. A plus.
I enjoyed all of this, now I need a man to read this then I can give him a test run